Oh no. For third date, guy suggests movie and dinner at HIS place

[bachdude]

You did the right thing Red.

 

 

Personally, unless you've known a guy for a while, I think going to a his house after 2 or 3 dates - a complete stranger no less - is highly unwise.

 

 

And it doesn't matter if people have had it turn out well for them and they met the love of their life.

 

 

I believe most guys are basically decent fellas. Nonetheless, it is a position of vulnerability for a female to be alone in a strange man's house. Why put yourself in that position?

 

 

Maybe I am cautious because I know a woman that was drugged. It happens. And you can't tell who is who on a date or two.

Edited January 5, 2017 by bachdude

[Red2016]

The thing is this. Based on the posts Ive made, it probably wasnt all to clear.

I should say that while this guy doesnt really text all that much, he does seem like a good guy. I have been on dates before where the guy was clearly looking for a hookup (no emotional connection, fake smiles, drinking like fish, stiff posture etc).

This guy is different however. On the date, he doesnt push for anything and pays attention to things I say etc. For that reason I would have felt safe going to his place.

The reason why I started this thread is becuase I was alarmed he would suggest his place as a date since we hadnt even gone to a proper dinner date.

Compounding this, he works in finance. Ive come to realize most guys in finance etc are not looking for anything serious. This is why my perspective is totally biased at this point.

Now, given his last text "yeah, not a problem at all," I am not sure what to think after all of this (plus this thread). Also possible he could try after the dinner or on the next date...Im just skeptical now after my past dates haha

Edited January 5, 2017 by Red2016

[bachdude]

You don't have to make any decision yet. Just go out, have a good time, and see how you feel. All you can take is one step at a time.

[strawberryshortstack]

The thing is this. Based on the posts Ive made, it probably wasnt all to clear.

I should say that while this guy doesnt really text all that much, he does seem like a good guy. I have been on dates before where the guy was clearly looking for a hookup (no emotional connection, fake smiles, drinking like fish, stiff posture etc).

This guy is different however. On the date, he doesnt push for anything and pays attention to things I say etc. For that reason I would have felt safe going to his place.

The reason why I started this thread is becuase I was alarmed he would suggest his place as a date since we hadnt even gone to a proper dinner date.

Compounding this, he works in finance. Ive come to realize most guys in finance etc are not looking for anything serious. This is why my perspective is totally biased at this point.

Now, given his last text "yeah, not a problem at all," I am not sure what to think after all of this (plus this thread). Also possible he could try after the dinner or on the next date...Im just skeptical now after my past dates haha

 

You've already changed the date. Go with the new plan and see how things go.

[Simple Logic]

Lol... interesting. I find this thread interesting. You have been on three dates with this guy. Sounds like your not interested in the guy... but you do enjoy going on these dates.

 

1st question who is paying for the dates and are you going dutch?

 

2. No matter what... a guy who kisses a girl is usually going to want to have sex with you after 3 or 4 dates. He doesnt have to ask you for dinner at his house. I think the average normal guy will have this urge and different guys go about it different ways. Many guys set the tone different.

 

What happen to setting up a dinner and good old movie to set a romantic tone... wth?

 

Now if the guy seems like a player thats a whole other story.

 

If you dont like this guy i suggest you stop going on dates...

 

After 4-5 dates if we dont have sexual energy.. a kiss or something. Im done.. we can be friends.. if you kiss me on the first date within hours of meeting me... i might not respect you and you may be too easy.

 

Can you imagine if a guy does 3 dates with 5 different women and he is entertaining and paying at say a cost of $60 per date..

 

I dont think women see it... in a guys perspective.

I

 

The are a heck of a lot of romantic dates you can do very inexpensively with a little research and women will appreciate you more than inviting them to your house.

Edited January 5, 2017 by Simple Logic

[Sweetfish]

The thing is this. Based on the posts Ive made, it probably wasnt all to clear.

I should say that while this guy doesnt really text all that much, he does seem like a good guy. I have been on dates before where the guy was clearly looking for a hookup (no emotional connection, fake smiles, drinking like fish, stiff posture etc).

This guy is different however. On the date, he doesnt push for anything and pays attention to things I say etc. For that reason I would have felt safe going to his place.

The reason why I started this thread is becuase I was alarmed he would suggest his place as a date since we hadnt even gone to a proper dinner date.

Compounding this, he works in finance. Ive come to realize most guys in finance etc are not looking for anything serious. This is why my perspective is totally biased at this point.

Now, given his last text "yeah, not a problem at all," I am not sure what to think after all of this (plus this thread). Also possible he could try after the dinner or on the next date...Im just skeptical now after my past dates haha

 

 

No you dont have to go to his house... but how its gonna look if you ask him for dinner before you go to his house?

You cant assume, but at the same time dont put your self in danger.

 

But cooking a lady a dinner is a lot better than the same ole go to a movie and dinner.

Edited January 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
unproductive commentary ~T

[trolloperative]

The thing is this. Based on the posts Ive made, it probably wasnt all to clear.

I should say that while this guy doesnt really text all that much, he does seem like a good guy. I have been on dates before where the guy was clearly looking for a hookup (no emotional connection, fake smiles, drinking like fish, stiff posture etc).

This guy is different however. On the date, he doesnt push for anything and pays attention to things I say etc. For that reason I would have felt safe going to his place.

The reason why I started this thread is becuase I was alarmed he would suggest his place as a date since we hadnt even gone to a proper dinner date.

Compounding this, he works in finance. Ive come to realize most guys in finance etc are not looking for anything serious. This is why my perspective is totally biased at this point.

Now, given his last text "yeah, not a problem at all," I am not sure what to think after all of this (plus this thread). Also possible he could try after the dinner or on the next date...Im just skeptical now after my past dates haha

 

In general going to a guy's place or he to yours equals sex.

 

If you are serious about him, tell him you'd like to take time to get to know him before sex. Honesty/straight-forwardness is best. And most likely he will try which is good, right?? You want him to be interested (and it sounds like he is)

[Survivor12]

So you know that he's a nice guy when he's getting to know you, but how well does he handle rejection?

 

I once went on a date (many years ago) with a really "nice" guy and ended up walking home. No, he didn't attempt to rape me but when he drove to his place without asking me & I objected, he began yelling at me & told me to get out of his car.

 

Since then, I never get into a man's car or go to his home until I have had time to get to know him. First impressions can be deceiving.

 

Be smart. Be aware. Be safe.

[Iva0201]

Redhead, your guys sounds exactly as my guy few weeks ago (I had to tell him it wasn't working for me anymore). And my guy was in finance too. He also, was a good guy, we had long conversations and dates. But he barely texted between dates (sew my thread fwb?) On the third date, he asked me over to his place. Now, if it is not the same guy, then they follow the same pattern. I went over to his place because I knew it wouldnt change anything. We had sex that night. He kept in touch with me after that and scheduled new dates (in public and at his place) but the no communication in between the dates continued and I had to let him go.

At this point, I think he was looking not for sex or one night stand, but something casual, and for someone to spend time with. If he was serious, he would have kept in touch more. But, I wish I waited longer to see how the things would turn out.

My point is wait and see. Even if you go over eventually to his place and sleep with him and he still keeps in touch, it doesn't mean anything until he shows you he really cares.

[andie1969]

Funny, when I met my bf I suggested the 3rd date be at his house. We had been to a wine bar & restaurant for 1st & 2nd, and I feel it's easier to talk to someone and get to know them better with fewer distractions. I suggested his house because my daughter was home or I'd have invited him over to mine. Next month will be 2 years since we've been together!

[Red2016]

Hi all, I posted a thread earlier about meeting this guy who had suggested a dinner and movie at his place for a third date. My gut reaction (was OK, this guy must be looking for a hookup), given how a lot of guys on online dating apps seem to go this route (dating = hookups/casual FWB etc), which Im not interested in. My previous experiences have made me very cynical.

 

So we met at a nice Italian restaurant, where we shared a bottle of wine, etc. Lots of talking and chatter as usual. We do have GREAT banter game/chemistry. Time flew by, we were there for about 3.5 hrs. At one point he asks what Im looking for and bottom line, I said, Im sick of ppl looking for hookups/casual dating etc. When asked, he said he feels that above all, companionship/having a great time is most important, that two people enjoy each other's company, and I believe he was also against the idea of hookups. He said he has no time for dating etc and so hasn't been dating much given his crazy work schedule which is...intense. he is very career oriented. His last long term rel was 1 year ago. During the date he mentioned places that he wanted to go to and places that I can take him next (he said I can plan and pay for the next meal

 

After dinner, we casually walk around and go to HIS PLACE! That's right. He said he initially suggested indoors bc it was cold etc. Anyhow, we go and we just sit and talk for hours. Laughing all the way, 90% teasing each other and bantering, listening to music on the couch. He is very chill and seems easygoing but I do believe he doesn't show emotions easily. But there was a moment when he stopped and said: You know, you're funny. Anyhow, we talked while having intermittent make-out sessions as well haha! and as it was getting late (past 3am), I started to leave and I could tell he was ready to take things to the next step;) At which point I told him hehehe... I just met you. Took his hands away from where they didn't belong. He seemed to take it well. I called a cab and went home (nearby). He texted to see if I got home safe and then said: Good thing you live nearby! I had fun as well! Let's do it again soon.

 

 

So... thoughts?

His job is like in high finance and I am wary of these types. So either he is SUPER SMOOTH and knows EXACTLY what to say... or else.

BTW, Im 23 and he is 30. He and I were joking about our age differences a lot (in a fun, teasing way) and idk if this makes him think that there is no potential for anything serious bc I'm a lot younger than him.

 

Would appreciate any insight!

[Gaeta]

It confirms he was expecting sex.

 

Now wait and see if he pursues you still. It's too soon to judge the situation.

 

He said he has no time for dating because is he too career oriented. Why would YOU pursue this?

[Redhead14]

Hi all, I posted a thread earlier about meeting this guy who had suggested a dinner and movie at his place for a third date. My gut reaction (was OK, this guy must be looking for a hookup), given how a lot of guys on online dating apps seem to go this route (dating = hookups/casual FWB etc), which Im not interested in. My previous experiences have made me very cynical.

 

So we met at a nice Italian restaurant, where we shared a bottle of wine, etc. Lots of talking and chatter as usual. We do have GREAT banter game/chemistry. Time flew by, we were there for about 3.5 hrs. At one point he asks what Im looking for and bottom line, I said, Im sick of ppl looking for hookups/casual dating etc. When asked, he said he feels that above all, companionship/having a great time is most important, that two people enjoy each other's company, and I believe he was also against the idea of hookups. He said he has no time for dating etc and so hasn't been dating much given his crazy work schedule which is...intense. he is very career oriented. His last long term rel was 1 year ago. During the date he mentioned places that he wanted to go to and places that I can take him next (he said I can plan and pay for the next meal

 

After dinner, we casually walk around and go to HIS PLACE! That's right. He said he initially suggested indoors bc it was cold etc. Anyhow, we go and we just sit and talk for hours. Laughing all the way, 90% teasing each other and bantering, listening to music on the couch. He is very chill and seems easygoing but I do believe he doesn't show emotions easily. But there was a moment when he stopped and said: You know, you're funny. Anyhow, we talked while having intermittent make-out sessions as well haha! and as it was getting late (past 3am), I started to leave and I could tell he was ready to take things to the next step;) At which point I told him hehehe... I just met you. Took his hands away from where they didn't belong. He seemed to take it well. I called a cab and went home (nearby). He texted to see if I got home safe and then said: Good thing you live nearby! I had fun as well! Let's do it again soon.

 

 

So... thoughts?

His job is like in high finance and I am wary of these types. So either he is SUPER SMOOTH and knows EXACTLY what to say... or else.

BTW, Im 23 and he is 30. He and I were joking about our age differences a lot (in a fun, teasing way) and idk if this makes him think that there is no potential for anything serious bc I'm a lot younger than him.

 

Would appreciate any insight!

 

He said he has no time for dating etc and so hasn't been dating much given his crazy work schedule which is...intense. he is very career oriented

-- Unless he sees this situation changing any time soon, you will find yourself feeling left out and anxious because he says he's busy when you want to see him . . . or don't hear from him as often as you'd like, etc.

 

Don't reach out to him first now. Sit back and observe. Generally, I would say after a 3rd date, you could start initiating some, however, given the statement above, let's just see how much time he makes for you and whether or not he keeps in touch after not having the sex he was trying to initiate. If he continues regular contact and scheduling dates, great. But, just see how this plays out now.

[GemmaUK]

In your other thread you did say that you asked to go out instead of be at his place but you said somewhere 'nearby' so I figured he would want to take you back to his place.

 

This all depends on whether you'd be happy with a date or two per week or you want to go full on/want more than that.

 

I have a very busy work schedule also so his would likely fit with me plus I cannot and will not spend my day texting back and forth - it's boring, a headache and feels like an obligation so is a turn off for me.

 

What is your schedule like?

What do you want and how soon would you want the relationship to progress?

What are your expectations of a relationship basically?

[BaileyB]

Call me crazy, but I think that sounds like a great date! Good advice though to let him initiate the next date...

 

I would be a little cautious about the age difference (only in the way that he probably has more experience with relationships than you and he may be at a different stage of life - which will be revealed when you eventually talk about what you want from a relationship/future life plans). And, you are obviously concerned about his commitment to work. But otherwise, it sounds good to me.

 

Dating is about discovery... take things one step at a time, be observant as you learn more about this man, but don't forget to have fun. Try not to overanalyze things too much!

Edited January 7, 2017 by BaileyB

[Red2016]

Never mind the part about him not having time for dates. I guess what he was also saying was that he was new to dating apps as well which explains why he asked me out right away on the app (he said he doesnt know thrse texting rules etc).

Now, idk about him and work. Honestly that seems like more of a next step. I am more concerned about his intentions and if its even worth pursuing.

I suggested something for this weekend but he said he will be studying for the next week or so for a licensing exam. Have yet to hear from today but i guess only time will tell!

[Iva0201]

Ok, I know it is stupid but it really seems like my guy. 30 years old, high position in finance, listening to music on his couch, long dates.... tell me your guy is not originally from NYC or Boston....

[Red2016]

Edited from previous

Never mind the part about him not having time for dates. I guess what he was also saying was that he was new to dating apps as well which explains why he asked me out right away on the app (he said he doesnt know thrse texting rules etc). He also said that even once a week is a lot right now (me). Lol and while at his place and we were joking around he casually mentioned that bc of his work during the week, I was "literally the best highlight of his weekend. No pressure! ;)" He is older but can be quite silly as well and isnt one of those arrogant finance-y guys that feels that their job is allll too important. This guy has also mentioned that work life balance is really important and him seeig his bosses struggle with that makes him aware of how important work life bal is.

Now, idk about him and work. Honestly that seems like more of a next step. I am more concerned about his intentions and if its even worth pursuing.

I suggested something for this weekend but he said he will be studying for the next week or so for a licensing exam. Have yet to hear from today but i guess only time will tell!

 

Iva0201: He is originallt from Europe. Moved to the US about 8 yrs ago

[Gaeta]

BTW, Im 23 and he is 30.

 

I sense a cool cat in action here.

 

* Initial date was suppose to be at his home when you barely spent time together on 2 first dates.

 

* Even though you change the date to an outing he still was able to attract you to his home

 

* He escalated the make-outs till you said no more. Usually a man that is serious will wait for the woman to give him an OK to escalate the make-out to more.

 

* He warns you he has no time to date - preparing you for the very little time and commitment he'll show you.

 

* Finally when you offer a date he declines pretexting he's busy studying but offers no alternative date.

 

* While you may think it's cool to date an older man at 23 the real reason this man goes after much younger women is that they are easier to fool. How do you think a woman of 30 would have handle this. I can tell you her update would have been much different than yours.

[sid3]

Surely not the opinion you want to hear, but here it is. He just wants to get in your pants. I'm not so sure he's smooth, patient may be more accurate. I'm not suggesting you're not fun to be around, smart etc. Guys only care about one thing. Add to that he's thirty and you're twenty three.

[Redhead14]

Edited from previous

Never mind the part about him not having time for dates. I guess what he was also saying was that he was new to dating apps as well which explains why he asked me out right away on the app (he said he doesnt know thrse texting rules etc). He also said that even once a week is a lot right now (me). Lol and while at his place and we were joking around he casually mentioned that bc of his work during the week, I was "literally the best highlight of his weekend. No pressure! ;)" He is older but can be quite silly as well and isnt one of those arrogant finance-y guys that feels that their job is allll too important. This guy has also mentioned that work life balance is really important and him seeig his bosses struggle with that makes him aware of how important work life bal is.

Now, idk about him and work. Honestly that seems like more of a next step. I am more concerned about his intentions and if its even worth pursuing.

I suggested something for this weekend but he said he will be studying for the next week or so for a licensing exam. Have yet to hear from today but i guess only time will tell!

 

Iva0201: He is originallt from Europe. Moved to the US about 8 yrs ago

 

He also said that even once a week is a lot right now -- No, don't forget about the part him not having time for dating . . . he doesn't . . .

 

I am more concerned about his intentions and if its even worth pursuing. -- Let him do the pursuing. You aren't in pursuit. You are in observation and evaluation, receptivity mode now. And, the next time you do see him, open a conversation about dating goals. You tell him what you're looking for and let him tell you what he's looking for right now and straight up and even though his schedule is tight, is he willing to make time for dating more seriously. You touched on that subject before but you said "you THINK he's more serious". However, he did say pretty specifically that he doesn't have time for dating. At least your words were pretty specific here. His actions toward you will tell the tale . . .

[smackie9]

This guy is dancing around the commitment subject in a very cool and calculating way.....don't let your emotions cloud your vision. He is being pretty slick, which is part of what he does for a living.....

[smackie9]

I sense a cool cat in action here.

 

 

* While you may think it's cool to date an older man at 23 the real reason this man goes after much younger women is that they are easier to fool. How do you think a woman of 30 would have handle this. I can tell you her update would have been much different than yours.

This is definitely his game plan, and how he rolls.

[Timshel]

After dinner, we casually walk around and go to HIS PLACE! That's right.

 

You two had a great date. However, you have lost me at casually walking around to his place.

 

For myself, if I was not ready for sex, the date would end before magically landing at his place. There is a difference between being discerning and being a tease.

 

If you want to have sex with this guy, have sex. If you want to get to know him better and him you, then don't be led. Know what you want.

 

Being in finance or any particular occupation has little to do with any potential relationship you are establishing. He is a dude, man, guy.

 

Either you two will hit it off for short term or have compatibility for the long haul. A few dates in will not determine this, neither will drawing out long foreplay.

 

Look at him, what he says, how he handles himself. Don't be with him and think about what he wants (be yourself.) Listen to his words and body language and think about if he is what you want.

[Red2016]

So I had texted him last night, something like Have a good weekend or something like that right before going to bed at 4am. Havent heard back from him today, not that it requires a response.

Because he did not get what he was after, safe to assume that he doesn't reach out again?