bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 duplicate oops Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Because he did not get what he was after, safe to assume that he doesn't reach out again? Umm, as a guy that isn't how it works. Why would he give up at this point? He hasn't had to put in that much effort. He knows that likely the next time he gets you over his place he will be able to escalate to sex. I suggest not going back to his place next time if you aren't read to escalate things physically. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 First date was a Thursday night. Second (he gave me a choice between Sunday or Monday): Monday Third: Friday This all happened in the span of about a week, given the NYE holiday season. Work was light for both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) I think what happens, especially with OLD, is people get very cautious, and that's good. But keep in mind, with him being in finance, he's going to be extra cautious about gold diggers. He's no dummy with money. He knows how much money he'd be out if his future marriage ends in divorce. And his position kind of reminds me of myself in my early 30s. I was very career oriented because I had to be. And I also used OLD because it was the only way to meet anyone. Yes, so I googled him recently lol and he just also bought his apt last year. He tells me he doesn't have much and I would think that it's because they are wary of golddiggers. Lots of them in my city. Also probably why he seemed surprised when I offered to pay for the popcorn/drinks at the movies and he accepted with Thank You:) Im quite okay with offering to pay for my own things and so he also called me (FWIW), Miss Independent Woman. haha Edited January 7, 2017 by Red2016 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 They may very well enjoy a woman's company, be attracted, have a great personality that clicks with yours, etc. but still have no intentions of dating seriously. At this point, you just don't know what his intentions are. So let him show you. And, even if he doesn't want serious dating, it doesn't mean he's a bad guy -- he just may not want the same scenario you do. We don't know if he's a bad guy. So far he's not doing anything wrong necessarily. So far, he's not communicating the way you'd like him too. That's not the sign of a bad guy, just one who either is very busy and/or just not that interested perhaps. But it's too soon to even be thinking about it. Not reaching out for ONE day means nothing. A week, on the other hand, would be telling. Exactly. There are a lot of guys who are charming enough to have good chemistry with a lot of girls. I used to date more actively in the past and have been on quite a few dates with guys where we had amazing chemistry, but then I still didn't meet them again for a second date. Why? Because - it's not like we only have chemistry and good feelings with THE ONE, if there is such a thing (personally, I don't believe in it), but we can really feel this way with so many people. What matters is that you find each other at the right time and with the right mindset, where you really want the same things. otherwise it's not going to work. And he just seems too preoccupied with his work, to be honest. It's almost like he is in a different place than you, emotionally. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 OP, I think you'd be wise to just stop thinking about this for a while. We all can have our suspicions, but the truth is, we don't know this guy's intentions. But more than that, it'd behoove you to figure out if YOU like HIM. Stop ruminating on whether or not he likes you or what his intentions are. What are YOUR intentions? I personally don't think a 30 year old man dates a 23 year old woman for the mental stimulation and that it's unlikely he's looking for anything serious. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I personally don't think a 30 year old man dates a 23 year old woman for the mental stimulation and that it's unlikely he's looking for anything serious. Are you saying the OP is dumb? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Are you saying the OP is dumb? Lol, didnt see that implied anywhere in los's post I think what shes saying is theres a reason why 30yr old men date 23yr old women.... Kind of an obvious reason.... And maybe the OP needs to keep her wits about her 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Thanks everyone for all of your advice and thoughts!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Lol... interesting. I find this thread interesting. You have been on three dates with this guy. Sounds like your not interested in the guy... but you do enjoy going on these dates. 1st question who is paying for the dates and are you going dutch? 2. No matter what... a guy who kisses a girl is usually going to want to have sex with you after 3 or 4 dates. He doesnt have to ask you for dinner at his house. I think the average normal guy will have this urge and different guys go about it different ways. Many guys set the tone different. What happen to setting up a dinner and good old movie to set a romantic tone... wth? Now if the guy seems like a player thats a whole other story. If you dont like this guy i suggest you stop going on dates... After 4-5 dates if we dont have sexual energy.. a kiss or something. Im done.. we can be friends.. if you kiss me on the first date within hours of meeting me... i might not respect you and you may be too easy. Can you imagine if a guy does 3 dates with 5 different women and he is entertaining and paying at say a cost of $60 per date.. I dont think women see it... in a guys perspective. I And I don't think you see stuff like this ^ from a woman's perspective, which is that it comes off as: "I'm spending all this money...ONE of you five women I'm simultaneously juggling owes me sex!" Geez, just hire a prostitute. She won't argue with this logic. But honestly, if you're going to make sexual grabs for five women at a time just to ensure "it" gets wet from one of them, who cares which, and one BETTER come across since this is all costing you money, well, don't expect panties to be dropping based on this mindset, Romeo. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Lol, didnt see that implied anywhere in los's post I think what shes saying is theres a reason why 30yr old men date 23yr old women.... Kind of an obvious reason.... And maybe the OP needs to keep her wits about her It was said tongue in cheek. Haha 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 He's "too busy to date" yet he's actively pursuing women on a dating app? I'm so glad I'm not 23 anymore. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 It was said tongue in cheek. Haha Lol I get it now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyLove Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 He's "too busy to date" yet he's actively pursuing women on a dating app? I'm so glad I'm not 23 anymore. This. I have met many men online who say they are too busy to date yet they were on a dating site AND on it for hours every night!! I think its just something to say so they can have their cake and eat it too in the moment. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Lol, didnt see that implied anywhere in los's post I think what shes saying is theres a reason why 30yr old men date 23yr old women.... Kind of an obvious reason.... And maybe the OP needs to keep her wits about her But, what is the reason a 23 yr old woman bothers with a 30 yr old man if she thinks all he wants is sex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 This. I have met many men online who say they are too busy to date yet they were on a dating site AND on it for hours every night!! I think its just something to say so they can have their cake and eat it too in the moment. yeah, women do this also. But what they want is a texting buddy to pay attention to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveFiend Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Last night I had a first date with a guy from online/app. We met at a bar and when I walked in he hugged me and we had great convo. Lots of talking, laughter, banter, some self deprecating humor on his part haha etc. No BS about the weather or anything like that. Had two drinks each and some appetizers. The date lasted for 4 hours. As we walked out of the bar he conplimented my coat and we walked toward my bus stop. He hugged me goodbye and asked something about next week but no specific plans and NO text after the date last night. It's currently really early morning. What does this mean? Will I not hear from him again I think your really overanalyzing the situation and trying to think what he is thinking which from my own personal experience can cause problems in relationships. Sometimes it is best just to say to yourself "I don't know what that person is thinking I am not a mind reader". Your not and trying to be a mind reader can cause a lot of harm in relationships from my own experiences in life. You want answers how he feels best way is to communicate with him. Your not going to know anything for sure if you don't open the communication channels. So as others said you need to send him text messages and get some information from him and stop trying to over-analyze the date. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 But, what is the reason a 23 yr old woman bothers with a 30 yr old man if she thinks all he wants is sex? She doesnt know better He talks a good game, she romantizes him, he 'sweeps her off her feet' etc etc...then thump and dump 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 yeah, women do this also. But what they want is a texting buddy to pay attention to them. I dont doubt this is true either Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 (edited) So an update: After dinner and hanging out at his place, he followed up via text and texted me first the next day to see how my studies were going. The following day, I texted him to see how his work was etc. So he has this big finance license exam coming up in about 1.5 weeks and over dinner he suggested places we can go to (he said I can find the venue for the next date), he HASNT set up another date yet, presumably because he is occupied by this test prep. I know he isnt lying about this bc he mentioned this from day 1 when I met him that this would be over in a bout 2-3 weeks. In one of his messages he said... "one more annoying weekend, and then after that, freedom!" So maybe Ill see him after that? It seems like a while away but I know this is exam is important to his career. Idk maybe he'll forget about me after 1.5 weeks haha The other thing is that, when I text him he replies in about 5 mins MAX, and is very flirty as well and asks about my job etc, but does not take much initiative to text me first. So far it's been more like 50/50. Is it too soon for regular text chats? Only 3 dates in. FYI: I am one of those ppl attached to their phone at the hip. Should I schedule the next date? Questions about his intentions are not too clear but does not seem 100% bad either. Edited January 9, 2017 by Red2016 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Should I schedule the next date? Questions about his intentions are not too clear but does not seem 100% bad either. You said this in your last update on Jan 7th: During the date he mentioned places that he wanted to go to and places that I can take him next (he said I can plan and pay for the next meal Sounds like he is expecting you to take the initiative to plan and pay for the next date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 My friends are telling me I should let him pursue me for now and wait for him to ask me out again (especially to see if his intentions are in the right place and if he is really interested)... But since he has asked me out for the past three dates, the fourth would be fair game without coming across clingy or too eager, right? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 You could always take a passive-aggressive approach... Ask him how the prep is going, tell him you are looking forward to dinner and ask if it will need to wait until after the exam... A celebratory dinner that it is over? I don't know if it's reasonable for him to meet before the exam... Maybe it is, and if that's what he's thinking he will let you know. Just an idea... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 (edited) . Thanks everyone! Edited January 10, 2017 by Red2016 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 As a guy I appreciate when a girl takes initiative after a few dates but I would wait until after his exam is done to make plans with him. As you have implied that you will get the "next" date maybe you should make a suggestion but maybe just wait until he is done his exam. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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