IfonlyIknew Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I wouldn't. As a woman I feel like he should have sent a message or called to connect yesterday as part of the "courting process"... but that's just me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sara1989 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 What was contact like BEFORE the second date and how long did it take him to ask you out the second time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 What was contact like BEFORE the second date and how long did it take him to ask you out the second time? After the first date, I followed up with a thank you and he replied right away, said we should do it again next week. Then when I replied back, sure! etc.. he didn't say anything for a day or two until midnight for New Year's. When I ask him something or we text, he is talkative but he isn't really a big texter. On New year's day (3 days after the first date), he asked me out for Monday Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Tuesday: Nothing from him! Wednesday/today: I'm not sure if I should text him today (I also texted him first on Monday), although it's been more like 50%, given that we've only known each other for a week. He has a busy job with long hours so it could be that... but if I texted him first this afternoon, would that make him less interested or etc? Do you want a boyfriend or you want to play text-tag? Text him. If he is interested he will reciprocate, if he doesn't than you have your answer and you can move to next. A man that is interested will NOT be turned off because you text him after 2 days. And men ALSO need a green light from us once in a while, just read on here. Men are often afraid to text too much and be a turn off. Stop this over analyzing and text him. You should also be the one offering a 3rd date. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Call him after work since he doesn't like texting. If he's been inviting/paying for the 2 previous dates you should set something up next. You'll know whether or not he's interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Call him after work since he doesn't like texting. If he's been inviting/paying for the 2 previous dates you should set something up next. You'll know whether or not he's interested. But we've never actually called each other before. I much prefer texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Pill Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I wouldn't. As a woman I feel like he should have sent a message or called to connect yesterday as part of the "courting process"... but that's just me. Do you think you're entitled to a" courting process" because it's relevant in 2017 or because it makes you feel good? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Just text him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 But we've never actually called each other before. I much prefer texting. Are you uncomfortable talking to him? You said he prefers speaking over texts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Are you uncomfortable talking to him? You said he prefers speaking over texts. I just meant that he isn't one to text all the time. He does seem to show a lot of interest on the date but he's not one to just send a "hi how are you?" text etc during the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I just meant that he isn't one to text all the time. He does seem to show a lot of interest on the date but he's not one to just send a "hi how are you?" text etc during the day. Text him and ask him out for this coming weekend. It's your turn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 OKay, should I text him today after work, or tomorrow? and what should I say Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I know my guy works a lot during the week so i usually dont hear from him until he goes to bed. but i wouldnt waste time waiting. just ask him!!! text him tomorrow around dinner time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Ok!!! But if I havent heard from him by tomorrow evening (day 3 after second date) wouldnt that basixally mean he's not that interested? Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Ok!!! But if I havent heard from him by tomorrow evening (day 3 after second date) wouldnt that basixally mean he's not that interested? You're over thinking! I hate casual texts also and usually ignore. Text him tonight, invite him somewhere. If he doesn't respond then you know he's not interested and can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 stop torturing yourself with worrying, text him dinner time, I agree with that Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Ok!!! But if I havent heard from him by tomorrow evening (day 3 after second date) wouldnt that basixally mean he's not that interested? What if he's thinking that way too???? By the third or fourth date, at least, the woman should so some initiating so that the guy doesn't feel like he's doing all the work, so to speak. Give him a call on the telephone. Forget the friggin texting all the time. If he doesn't answer, leave a message and then the ball is in his court and you wait it out -- for as a long as it takes. If he answers and accepts an invite from you, great. Be specific as to what, where and when. If he can't make it then and doesn't offer an alternate idea/day, etc., you drop it and move on. Reaching out once as a show of interest doesn't come across as needy, desperate, clingy -- 10 calls/texts does. The guy took as much of a chance to make the first step as you are taking a step too. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Ok!!! But if I havent heard from him by tomorrow evening (day 3 after second date) wouldnt that basixally mean he's not that interested? It means YOU are not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 It means YOU are not interested. Ah lol gotcha. I think I'll maybe text him tonight after work around 8pm or so... and say: Hey! Do you want to do something later this week if you're free? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Even if he declines or whatever, thanks all for your kind and thoughtful advice! I really appreciate it:) Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Ah lol gotcha. I think I'll maybe text him tonight after work around 8pm or so... and say: Hey! Do you want to do something later this week if you're free? No, not "do you want to do something later this week if you're free"? Hey, I've had a nice time with you Xtimes. I am free on Xday, at Xtime and I'd like to take you to Xplace, my treat". Does that work for you?". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Ok so the thing is I kind of want to feel chased by the guy and if Im so direct now, I dont want to affect that dynamic. One if my guy friends was saying that if I ask him out for the third, it might signal to the guy that he doesnt have to take the lead. So in that case, should i just send him a casual text or what??? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Ok so the thing is I kind of want to feel chased by the guy and if Im so direct now, I dont want to affect that dynamic. One if my guy friends was saying that if I ask him out for the third, it might signal to the guy that he doesnt have to take the lead. So in that case, should i just send him a casual text or what??? Non sense. We did not tell you to set all of the dates from now on, we told you to set the next date. If you don't show your interest by the 3rd date the guy is going to think you are not interested. If all it takes is an invite from you to turn him off than he was not into you from the start. So, do you want a boyfriend OR do you want to play chasing? Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 A casual text might just annoy him. I agree with redhead be more specific.. did you guys talk about activities you like? Ask him if he'd like to do X this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Ok so the thing is I kind of want to feel chased by the guy One word - Immaturity. No one should ever make anyone feel that they have to chase something. Link to post Share on other sites
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