Redhead14 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 So I had texted him last night, something like Have a good weekend or something like that right before going to bed at 4am. Havent heard back from him today, not that it requires a response. Because he did not get what he was after, safe to assume that he doesn't reach out again? Don't assume anything . . . just sit back and observe. Forget the analyzing, projecting. Be busy with your life and see what happens. Don't reach out to him again!!! If he takes days to reach out to you, so be it. You decide then whether that behavior sits well with you and whether you will answer or not. If he calls you tonight, great. Don't throw out breadcrumbs like empty texts at 4 a.m. anymore. All that tells him is that you are really thinking about and "waiting" for him which sets you up as a back burner girl. A girl who is hung up on him and will accept inconsistent communication, etc. Let him come to you if he's going to. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Normally I really like the opinions of Gaeta and smackie but I think they are reading too much into this guy. First, am I missing where you offered a date and he declined? I don't see that. Also, why is it such a big deal that he had a case of wondering hands after a bunch of make out sessions, chemistry, and bantering til 3am? Big deal. He's a red blooded guy. The point is he didn't pressure her and respectfully stopped when she indicated no more. He made sure she got home safely and doesn't show any signs of ghosting even though she's put the brakes on. In fact he did say he wants to see her again. And about working long hours - give the guy a break! He's trying to pass his licensing exam while working full time! He's a hard worker! At 30 you have to work your can off so your aren't a pathetic loser by middle age. I thought this was a plus with women. Gads, guys can't win for losin'! Is there still a possibility he's a creep? Well, yes. You don't know him well yet. But I think there are enough positives at this point to keep an open mind. I think gaeta and smackie see you as a young, starry eyed women and don't want you to get taken. So it is worth considering what they say. But Gaeta, you know i really like your posts here at LS, but you sound a little like her mom - a little over cautious! Of course, it's all up to you OP. Mine is just another opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) Ok, well so I asked him casually while at his place, are are you doing Sunday? and he was like sorry, yeah Im gonna be home studying all weekend (for some finance license), until next week bc I just need to get this test over with. he had been telling me about this test from when we first met so I dont he is lying about that. His work hours are like wake up at 4:30/5am and get home at 7pm Edited January 7, 2017 by Red2016 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Urgh. I met plenty of those. Actually, just recently went out with a 30 year old guy who spent most of his 20s in committed relationships and working like crazy. Now he is just trying to bang everything thats not up on the tree by three (sorry, a German saying). I think this guy is not looking for a long term girlfriend in you. Something also tells me you are not the only one he's seeing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I think gaeta and smackie see you as a young, starry eyed women and don't want you to get taken. So it is worth considering what they say. But Gaeta, you know i really like your posts here at LS, but you sound a little like her mom - a little over cautious! There is just something about this guy..... Sometimes I am all about giving the guy a break and other times the little details are just accumulating and it's too much for just being normal dating faux-pas. I also have a lot of online dating experience. I met over 200 men over the past 3-4 years. I have seen everything, I was played, ghosted, faded on, lied to, I was even kidnapped lol. So yes I may focus more on the red flags than the green ones. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Ok, well so I asked him casually while at his place, are are you doing Sunday? and he was like sorry, yeah Im gonna be home studying all weekend (for some finance license), until next week bc I just need to get this test over with. he had been telling me about this test from when we first met so I dont he is lying about that. His work hours are like wake up at 4:30/5am and get home at 7pm I think it's a huge plus he has ambition and goals. And he should put his exam first at this point. Good on him for doing that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I think it's a huge plus he has ambition and goals. And he should put his exam first at this point. Good on him for doing that. And he could and should have said he can't Sunday but the following weekend the exam will be out of the way and they can plan a date. No? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I always find it strange when someone says they don't have time for dating, and yet, they are going out on dates . . . 11 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Red, you flip flop a lot on this guy... You talk to him/have a good date and then you really like him... And then when he doesn't respond promptly to a text, you go into your head and convince yourself that it's not going to work. It's good to be cautious, but just let it play out a little... Try not to overanalyze things... Sit back and see what he does. You are in the drivers seat right now... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Hi all, I posted a thread earlier about meeting this guy who had suggested a dinner and movie at his place for a third date. My gut reaction (was OK, this guy must be looking for a hookup), given how a lot of guys on online dating apps seem to go this route (dating = hookups/casual FWB etc), which Im not interested in. My previous experiences have made me very cynical. So we met at a nice Italian restaurant, where we shared a bottle of wine, etc. Lots of talking and chatter as usual. We do have GREAT banter game/chemistry. Time flew by, we were there for about 3.5 hrs. At one point he asks what Im looking for and bottom line, I said, Im sick of ppl looking for hookups/casual dating etc. When asked, he said he feels that above all, companionship/having a great time is most important, that two people enjoy each other's company, and I believe he was also against the idea of hookups. He said he has no time for dating etc and so hasn't been dating much given his crazy work schedule which is...intense. he is very career oriented. His last long term rel was 1 year ago. During the date he mentioned places that he wanted to go to and places that I can take him next (he said I can plan and pay for the next meal After dinner, we casually walk around and go to HIS PLACE! That's right. He said he initially suggested indoors bc it was cold etc. Anyhow, we go and we just sit and talk for hours. Laughing all the way, 90% teasing each other and bantering, listening to music on the couch. He is very chill and seems easygoing but I do believe he doesn't show emotions easily. But there was a moment when he stopped and said: You know, you're funny. Anyhow, we talked while having intermittent make-out sessions as well haha! and as it was getting late (past 3am), I started to leave and I could tell he was ready to take things to the next step;) At which point I told him hehehe... I just met you. Took his hands away from where they didn't belong. He seemed to take it well. I called a cab and went home (nearby). He texted to see if I got home safe and then said: Good thing you live nearby! I had fun as well! Let's do it again soon. So... thoughts? His job is like in high finance and I am wary of these types. So either he is SUPER SMOOTH and knows EXACTLY what to say... or else. BTW, Im 23 and he is 30. He and I were joking about our age differences a lot (in a fun, teasing way) and idk if this makes him think that there is no potential for anything serious bc I'm a lot younger than him. Would appreciate any insight! You post guy invites me to dinner and movie at his pad third date. You say your not comfortable and tell him you want to do something else. So you go to dinner and then walk to his place. So much for boundaries. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 And he could and should have said he can't Sunday but the following weekend the exam will be out of the way and they can plan a date. No? In reference to your previous post, you could be very well be right, Gaeta since you have more online dating experience and it's good to be cautious. I'm willing to cut him some slack right now with this exam. I'm assuming it's a huge deal piled on top of his full time job. I admire his work ethic and at this point in his life he needs to really put in the effort. I also admire he recognizes the importance of making time for other things. I mean, he has this exam coming up and he made time for the OP til 3 am! And didn't get pissed when she put on the brakes! He might be a keeper. We will see. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm willing to cut him some slack right now with this exam. I'm assuming it's a huge deal piled on top of his full time job. I admire his work ethic and at this point in his life he needs to really put in the effort. I also admire he recognizes the importance of making time for other things. I mean, he has this exam coming up and he made time for the OP til 3 am! And didn't get pissed when she put on the brakes! He might be a keeper. We will see. Just for the pleasure of arguing here. If this guy is so oriented toward building a career, if he is super busy with studying for a license, if he admits straight out to OP that he has no time for dating.....then why do you think he is on a dating app? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Just for the pleasure of arguing here. If this guy is so oriented toward building a career, if he is super busy with studying for a license, if he admits straight out to OP that he has no time for dating.....then why do you think he is on a dating app? Well, and even a bigger question, if he has no time for dating, why was he on a date with the OP til 3 am? OP, what's your take on this? Did he mean he just doesn't have a lot of time for dating? The OP did say that she thinks he is telling the truth about the exam. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 (edited) He basically made it clear that I was the only person he was seeing at this time. he also asked if I was the type to be dating serially and like what was the max number of guys I dated at once (and he included, I wont judge you I promise! He just said he doesnt have much time for dating a lot Flash back to when he went to the movies with me the night before he had to wake up at 4am the following morning, he also mentioned at the time.. I must really like you if Im spending all this time with you right? Edited January 7, 2017 by Red2016 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Well, and even a bigger question, if he has no time for dating, why was he on a date with the OP til 3 am? Hoping it would lead to a hook-up. A guy knows that if he tells women Hey I'm real busy but I have time to hook-up once in a while it ain't gonna work with most women so he plays the dating game and says things like I must really like you to be up this late. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 He basically made it clear that I was the only person he was seeing at this time. he also asked if I was the type to be dating serially and like what was the max number of guys I dated at once (and he included, I wont judge you I promise! He just said he doesnt have much time for dating a lot Flash back to when he went to the movies with me the night before he had to wake up at 4am the following morning, he also mentioned at the time.. I must really like you if Im spending all this time with you right? All good signs. I'm back to my original feeling about this. I think it's worth keeping an open mind about him to see where it leads. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Hoping it would lead to a hook-up. A guy knows that if he tells women Hey I'm real busy but I have time to hook-up once in a while it ain't gonna work with most women so he plays the dating game and says things like I must really like you to be up this late. I am totally open to the possibility that he could just be looking for a hookup. For sure. More than likely. But the way he talks to me for HOURS with no awkward silences, no bumps, just straight chatter, inside jokes, and banter and awesome chemistry, can someone who is looking for a hookup fake all of that? Because aside from his lack of communication between dates, and my preconceived assumption of putting this guy in a finance box and saying that he is looking for just a casual thing, based on his WORDS, and (Im not just talking about one or two things that he said to charm or impress), it would seem like he does genuinely enjoy my company. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 He basically made it clear that I was the only person he was seeing at this time. he also asked if I was the type to be dating serially and like what was the max number of guys I dated at once (and he included, I wont judge you I promise! He just said he doesnt have much time for dating a lot Flash back to when he went to the movies with me the night before he had to wake up at 4am the following morning, he also mentioned at the time.. I must really like you if Im spending all this time with you right? Here was my rule when I was online dating. Talk is cheap, do not believe one word coming out of a man's mouth until he offers you exclusivity. This guy could be seeing 4 women at the same time you don't know, and all the sweet things about I must really like you is just air out of his mouth ok. If I had a dollar each time a man told me I was the most amazing woman he had ever met I'd be rich! yet it still took me 3,5 years to find a good man that was serious about getting to know me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Well he's not overly flirty. Not does he send vulgar texts or anything like that. Just smileys here and there but actually remmebers things ive told him etc. Netflix and chill. If it were me I would play no games and I wouldn't be coy. I would say, "I'm not comfortable yet with the my place-your place thing, how about doing (X) instead?" If that pizzes him off, well, obviously we are not a match...I don't sleep with guys because otherwise they might be mad at me. He either slows down a bit to my pace or, oh well, we are not a match; plenty of other fish in the sea for both of us and no nard feelings. It has only been two dates; you can't be all that attached. So you're not risking much. Just be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I am totally open to the possibility that he could just be looking for a hookup. For sure. More than likely. But the way he talks to me for HOURS with no awkward silences, no bumps, just straight chatter, inside jokes, and banter and awesome chemistry, can someone who is looking for a hookup fake all of that? YES IBecause aside from his lack of communication between dates, and my preconceived assumption of putting this guy in a finance box and saying that he is looking for just a casual thing, based on his WORDS, and (Im not just talking about one or two things that he said to charm or impress), it would seem like he does genuinely enjoy my company. So you consciously will ignore the red flags and assume he means well. Hope you've got a tough skin because online dating will eat you alive. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red2016 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Okay yeah and so for the movie date we went to see La La Land (a musical) on Monday and he was telling me yesterday how he told his co-workers about seeing the movie and how much S*** they gave him for going to see a musical haha. I dont know if he told them he was on a date, but I just thought it was funny lol Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 They may very well enjoy a woman's company, be attracted, have a great personality that clicks with yours, etc. but still have no intentions of dating seriously. At this point, you just don't know what his intentions are. So let him show you. And, even if he doesn't want serious dating, it doesn't mean he's a bad guy -- he just may not want the same scenario you do. We don't know if he's a bad guy. So far he's not doing anything wrong necessarily. So far, he's not communicating the way you'd like him too. That's not the sign of a bad guy, just one who either is very busy and/or just not that interested perhaps. But it's too soon to even be thinking about it. Not reaching out for ONE day means nothing. A week, on the other hand, would be telling. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I am totally open to the possibility that he could just be looking for a hookup. For sure. More than likely. But the way he talks to me for HOURS with no awkward silences, no bumps, just straight chatter, inside jokes, and banter and awesome chemistry, can someone who is looking for a hookup fake all of that? Because aside from his lack of communication between dates, and my preconceived assumption of putting this guy in a finance box and saying that he is looking for just a casual thing, based on his WORDS, and (Im not just talking about one or two things that he said to charm or impress), it would seem like he does genuinely enjoy my company. The only way you will find the answer is to keep dating him, let him take the lead and take the time to get to know him... take things slow. Establish firm boundaries and KEEP THEM! DON'T jump into his bed any time soon. It's only with time that his true intentions will be revealed... You should be cautious and safe but don't necessarily assume the worst... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I think what happens, especially with OLD, is people get very cautious, and that's good. But keep in mind, with him being in finance, he's going to be extra cautious about gold diggers. He's no dummy with money. He knows how much money he'd be out if his future marriage ends in divorce. And his position kind of reminds me of myself in my early 30s. I was very career oriented because I had to be. And I also used OLD because it was the only way to meet anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Okay yeah and so for the movie date we went to see La La Land (a musical) on Monday and he was telling me yesterday how he told his co-workers about seeing the movie and how much S*** they gave him for going to see a musical haha. I dont know if he told them he was on a date, but I just thought it was funny lol Ok new info. Your 2nd date was on a week day. Was your 1st date on a week day too? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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