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long distance love


skipper

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i have been with my girlfriend for almost four months now... i met her over christmas break and have been dating her while i attend college at a nearby school.... now all the sudden it seems hard to keep a hold on our relationship and even harder to communicate because 50% of our relationship is over the phone...... she is the most special girl i have ever been with and would go crazy if i lost her..... i keep getting this feeling she is distancing herself more and more from me even though she says everytthing is alright....... i don't know if it's stress from finals or true intuition of things to come..... we had our first big fight and i feel like things are going downhill no matter what i do...... now i think i am trying too hard to make things better and it just seems worse every day........ i need some advice on how to keep a woman deeply in love with me even though i don't get to see her as much as i would like.....

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Unless you have a long history that contained a lot of personal contact with someone, it is very difficult if not impossible to sustain a relationship. You don't have that.

 

Give her some time to concentrate on exams. After the term is over, if she's still weirding out on you, have a face to face talk with her and tell her how you feel...and ask her just what she's feeling. Respect her feelings and don't resist if she wants to move on.

 

If you can't spend more quality, in person time with her I think you ought to let her go. A woman needs that. Healthy humans want a good balance of phone, computer and IN PERSON interaction with people they care about, with the greatest percentage of time spent in the latter category.

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thank you for your response tony...... i think there is something deeper that i can't find yet.... i come home from college almost every weekend to see her and i even come in the middle of the week to surprise her at times..... i know she still loves me i just need to figure out how to re kindle the spark ....... i sit and try to think of "whats the most romantic thing i could do for her?" and i do it and some times it really doesn't seem like its enough.... i know she still wants to be with me but i get the overwhelming feeling she is waiting for me to SAY or DO something and i have NO IDEA on what it is......... please help

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The only thing you can do is talk to her. It seems you are doing enough. If you have to struggle to keep a relationship going, it simply isn't worth it...because one day you will collapse from exhaustion.

 

Many younger women are fickle and/or need more sensory stimulation to keep their interest. But who knows if this is the case. You are going to have to talk to her.

 

Another serious problem you have is you are too wrapped up in this thing. You're going bonkers when you should be just a little bit more aloof. My guess is that she senses your concern and she knows you care too much and that may make her uncomfortable. Young women like guys who are MEN, who are cool, and who care...but not too much. They don't want to feel they are in total control of the situation and right now she is in TOTAL control.

 

So chill out a little bit. This may end up hurting a bit but it's not the end of the world. You'll get a lot more out of life if you don't get so caught up in it. Enjoy the ride now because one day you'll be forced to get off of it.

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