eddpad Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 What are some of the things you did to try and get that person back? Or did you just let time pass and work itself out? How long did you two go out for and how long were you seperated? My gf of 4 yrs just broke up with me a month and half ago on grounds that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. She is young(19) and I have a feeling she wants to see what else is out there. I've been her only bf and even though she says I'm a great guy and has feelings for me, I can udnerstand why she would want to be free and have some independence.
Kat Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Never wanted anyone back. However only you can say when you have tried hard enough to get the person you love back. Some people need to know that they tried everything and some people need to know that they tried enough, but not that much that they hate you
Naive Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 This sounds similar to my story with my bf. We got together when we were only 15 years old so by the time we were 18 I wanted to see what else was out there. He did not treat my like before and that made me want to see what else was out there, so I did. I broke up with him and started seeing some guy that treated me like a princess. I broke up with that guy 4 or 5 months later and just dated a bit. In total I was separated from my bf for 1 exact year. When my b-day came around he called me and one thing led to another and we started to see each other again and even got married though we did not live together (Long story). We then had another break up but for other reasons and now we are together again and super happy.
Author eddpad Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 Hmm, that's interesting. The new guy treated you like the best thing but you left him anyway? Was he TOO nice ? Or was it more of a rebound thing and eventually appreciated your ex alot more? How long have you guys been together for now?
Zaira Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I tried to get a boyfriend back once, however I was the one who dumped him. If she wants a break, give it to her. If it's meant to be, she'll be back. Just be patient and in the meantime just enjoy having some time for yourself to explore what makes you happy.
Kat Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ I tried to get a boyfriend back once, however I was the one who dumped him. If she wants a break, give it to her. If it's meant to be, she'll be back. Just be patient and in the meantime just enjoy having some time for yourself to explore what makes you happy. Are you the poster child for being alone and 'happy within yourself'? Because that is the only advice you give
Zaira Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Kat Are you the poster child for being alone and 'happy within yourself'? Because that is the only advice you give It's not the only advice I give, but it is the BEST advice. If someone can't be happy within themselves, then they'll never really be truly happy, even with someone. Looking after yourself and finding things you enjoy is better than sitting there dwelling over what could have been. AND that same advice WILL work with everyone IF they allow it
Naive Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by eddpad Hmm, that's interesting. The new guy treated you like the best thing but you left him anyway? Was he TOO nice ? Or was it more of a rebound thing and eventually appreciated your ex alot more? How long have you guys been together for now? The new guy and I cared for each other but it was just not the right time and in the long run I ended up missing my ex a lot and everything we had together.
Kat Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ It's not the only advice I give, but it is the BEST advice. If someone can't be happy within themselves, then they'll never really be truly happy, even with someone. Or maybe you just haven't found the right person who you can be happy with as well as within yourself Not all people in relationships, NEED to be in a relationship and just because someone has come out of a relationship it doesn't mean that they NEED to stay single and be happy alone. If it works for you, then great. But realising that you don't need a relationship to make you happy is the biggest step. It doesn't matter how much inner searching you do.....being alone, still means you are alone, doesn't matter how funny your jokes are in the mirror Humans are social creatures BUT... it is your advice to give and I shouldn't be telling you that it is wrong. I was more trying to get across the amount you give that advice and how it just seems to be your standard reply to everything.
Zaira Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Kat But realising that you don't need a relationship to make you happy is the biggest step. Er... that is exactly what I'm saying.
Zaira Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by Kat I was more trying to get across the amount you give that advice and how it just seems to be your standard reply to everything. Yes it is a part of most of the advice I give, because as I said before if a person can stop thinking about a failed relationship constantly and do what is good for THEMSELVES then it helps the healing process.
Kat Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ Er... that is exactly what I'm saying. That is maybe what you think you are saying, but it can be read differently by different people reading it! Don't worry. The advice people give is usually in line with the personal stages they are at in their life
Zaira Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ just enjoy having some time for yourself to explore what makes you happy. I don't know how that could have been read any other way Besides, it doesn't matter at what personal stage you are at, everyone should find something to make them happy, and that doesn't necessarily mean a partner. I am sure we are saying the SAME thing here.
glitter_bug Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 In my experiance, they usually come back once you have realised that you don't want them anymore
game-addict Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 What's hard, at least in my case, is that really everything we did was that much better *together*. It's so hard to find something to make me happy without ending up thinking 'what's she doing?' 'she would like this..' etc. Gah. It's so frustrating that I can't find a single thing I can do to make it better, and I'm pretty much only left with the advice that comes around here -- Let it go and see if it comes back, and if it does take it from there (in so many words). Seems like that's the advice because all else is doomed to fail. :/
backspn Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 No...and No. They usually dont come back and why would you want them after they dumped you? I'm not ready for a relationship means that they dont want to have one with you. I've been there 3 times before. The first time I waited cause I was in love with her (she is now a really good friend) but the last two I just blew off as their loss....bye bye. Don't waste your time waiting around and move on. If they do eventually come back.....it wont be for a few years...and by then you wont want them anymore.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 I've never gotten back with an ex, although almost all of them have wanted this at some point. Several people close to me have done this though, with generally good results. The trick is to allow time and space for the dumper to reconsider. Often this involves dating someone else (Naive's story seems to be the most common pattern). The other trick is to work out what went wrong the first time, and resolve it before it becomes an issue again.
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