When / how to pursue a co-worker

[TJM1978]

After being unemployed for several months, I took a job far away from home and moved out to the west coast about 6 months ago. I am now a bean counter for a large company on the west coast!

 

I was at my new job for a few weeks and I noticed this woman. Its strange really. She is not my type at all, but I don't think I have ever been so attracted to someone. We exchanged glances and said hi. I didn't pursue anything because I was so new and didn't want to be trying to pick up women at my new job. Since then I have learned she is pretty high up in the company. Much higher than a lowly bean counter.

 

I'm trying to decide what to do. If I thought she was interested, I might move forward, but I am having trouble reading her. Around other people she seems confident and outgoing. But around me she is kinda quiet, shy and uneasy. She makes eye contact but seems to get nervous and then she looks away. Sometimes when she talks to me she can't get her words out. She has caught me staring at her unfortunately . I thought I may have creeped her out when she caught me staring, but she doesn't seem to avoid me and I have since caught her staring at me on occasion. The few times she has approached me to talk she got nervous and didn't chat with me long.

 

I tried to crawl out a little on a limb. I offered to help her carry stuff to her car once and she declined. Another time a group of us where leaving to go to a happy hour and on the way out she caught up with us. I asked her if she wanted to join us, and she said she would but was too busy. Everyone kinda looked at me funny and one person said I probably shouldn't have invited her. I didn't ask again and decided not to approach her at company functions for fear of embarrassing myself.

 

Guess I need advice from some love experts with reading her and how to proceed. Usually it is easier to read women. I mean if it was a club or bar or something, they would be flirty or i could approach them and gauge their interest. But I don't really expect someone like her to go around the office giggling at me and twirling her hair, and I'm not going to ask her out at work.

 

I figure either I did something and she thinks I'm a weirdo and that's why she is nervous or maybe she is attracted to me but doesn't want to date a pee on or she is in a relationship. Don't really know much about her relationship status other than she isn't married.

 

My mind tells me to just be nice and polite with her and find someone else, but part of me wants to see where it goes.

 

What do you guys think?

[preraph]

She's noticed your attention and staring and is trying to avoid you and has declined your niceties. She is not interested. But since you work in the same place, it is part of her job to be friendly and professional, which you are making it hard for her to do. She's acting as subtly as possible not to rock the boat and make you mad and have a work problem with a coworker. Just back totally off and leave her alone except if you have to work together on something, at which point, keep it short and professional. Yes, you creeped her out. She is outgoing, and that tells me she'd have no problem letting you know if she had interest. So she doesn't.

[TJM1978]

You make me feel like a psycho stalker for looking at and being nice to someone I was attracted to but I appreciate your input. You are probably right. I'll back off. I'd hate to think I was causing the poor woman any grief or aggravation in her life.

 

Probably best to meet people outside of work anyway...

 

Thanks

[Mysterio]

Don't bother trying to date women at work. If you do. Make sure its not in the same department.

 

Just join recreational activities that you don't have to be locked into. Like you are at work. To be honest if a woman likes you. She makes it easier.

 

Things you need to find out before you pursue a woman is single status, and If they have kids.

 

I also think its best to take a detached approach to dating. Nothing over the top. Just low key and chill. Not a fancy dinning place where you are spending big bucks.

[TJM1978]

So I over heard her talking to a coworker about her going on a trip with her husband and two kids... Didn't know. She never mentioned anything to me during our conversations and she doesnt wear a ring. I would have thought that would have come up sooner if she wasnt interested. Oh well. Guess thats the end of that!