Why do I feel this way?

[Logo]

1. I have mixed feelings toward my ex. I hate what she did to me. I feel strong resentment. But, I miss what we had. I also feel scared, almost traumatized, of the person she became, the person that unveiled herself at the very end. Who was that person? It scares me that I was with her for a long time.

 

 

2. I feel like I want to be in a relationship, but I also feel a serious lack of excitement. I talk to women, not that many. I meet some women, not that many. But, I feel meh. I don't feel a strong pull. It's as though I still have lingering feelings for my ex.

 

3. I feel hollowed out. Imagine a pumpkin filled with proverbial feelings and then you go and hollow it out, leaving it with nothing but the outside skin, no feelings, no strong emotions. I feel like my ups and downs are just the same. I feel like I'm like a car in neutral rolling down a hill.

Why do I feel that way?

 

4. I went on a few dates about a month ago, but when the holidays rolled in, I hit a dry spell, so to speak. I'm starting to feel like I won't meet anyone for a long time. It scares me.

 

5. I miss her. I long to be with what she used to be, the way we used to be. I realize I can't bring that back, but just when I felt like I can see myself getting to know someone else, I feel like it's going to be hard for me to find someone who will replace her and the feelings I had for her.

 

6. The more time passes, the more I understand what went wrong in the relationship. My experiences since the breakup, coupled with time, have taught me to better evaluate the relationship. It has given me a better understanding of what happened, how much of it was my responsibility and how much of it was hers. In the end, she wanted to have her cake and **** it, too. And she wasn't mature enough for a healthy relationship.

Edited January 8, 2017 by Logo

[Logo]

That I thought it would never end, was wishful and hopelessly romantic.

 

The very last time I saw her, the last time I made eye contact with her, I never thought that the end was going to have such an effect on me.

 

I am filled with emotions, I feel like I want to pour them onto these pages; but I'm drowning in them.

 

I don't want to ever see you again. I hope to never see you again. That you proclaimed love so many times and then did your deeds, it takes an especially ruthless person to do that. What did I ever do to you to deserve that?

Edited January 8, 2017 by Logo

[PLT]

I think what you are describing is a normal part of the process. I've had similar thought and feelings. For myself, I just know that it means I'm not over her yet, so I'm not ready to even casually date yet. Only when these feelings of never finding another "like her" subside, will I know that perhaps I'm ready to throw myself into the dating pool again.

 

It's taken me a good year to come to this realisation. BU was in August, but it had been on the rocks for a year previous to that.

 

Being single does not HAVE to be a sad and lonely experience. I've started turning it into a positive. Yes, I've had the longest "dry spell" of my life, but really, sex is not happiness, even though your hormones will try to tell you that it is. Better to not be having any, but be generally happy, than getting loads but also being miserable because of all the grief being with the wrong person brings with it.

[Kelley]

I had the same feelings too, it's natural. I also felt hollow when I wasn't ready to date. When I was happy being single I was more open to dating. Guess what? I found someone else, it's different and it's a good different. You will heal, you will meet someone new when the time is right, not one minute before.

Edited January 8, 2017 by Kelley

[Logo]

I was doing well until the holidays. Then I started regressing. I don't know why. Emotions that I have set aside and buried a few weeks after the breakup started resurfacing again.

 

I feel as though I'm going through wave 2 of the grieving process.

 

Just when I thought I was getting better, I'm back to ruminating, reminiscing, resenting, and self-criticizing.

 

I don't want this. I feel like I'm stuck. I feel that sadness again, that sadness of rehashing things over and over to try and figure out exactly when it all went wrong.

 

But to what end? What would be the point? I can't bring back time. So why am I doing this to myself?

 

I can't sit still. My thoughts are racing. I can't believe she turned out to be the exact opposite of who I thought she was.

 

But who am I fooling? The red flags were all there and I chose to ignore them all because I was in love. I thought she would change. I wanted to believe that we all have our quirks.

 

It's all a mystery why she did the things she did, the cheating, the lying, the manipulation. At some point it was insulting to think that she thought I was falling for some of those lies.

 

A month ago I was fine and content with the relationship having been over. Now I'm having a hard time grasping that fact.

 

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.

[Satu]

You need to be single for a while.

 

You need to be single until you've fully recovered from this breakup/loss.

 

 

From my journal:

 

 

"Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.

 

Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.

 

By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.

 

The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb.

 

'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do."

 

Take care.

[Logo]

After the breakup I went through a few experiences that have helped me realize that I could have done things differently when I was in a relationship with her. I looked at those experiences and thought, "If I knew then what I know now, how different would our relationship be?"

 

I miss her so so much, the she before things deteriorated. Maybe in another lifetime. So long.

Edited January 9, 2017 by Logo

[PLT]

What you are doing is bargaining. We all do it. It's part of the grief process.

 

If only...

What if I had done...

What if I hadn't said...

 

You are doing fine. Keep going.