Setback after running into her

[kel224]

I'm around 2.5 months past the end of a 3-year living together relationship. She quite literally replaced me overnight with a guy she'd been growing closer to before she broke-up with me. I'm feeling much better than in those early days, and the folks on this forum helped me get through the worst of it all. I'm generally healthier inside and out than I was before she left me, but I still have some really difficult feelings and still struggle to let go completely. The whole ordeal still consumes a lot of my mental bandwidth.

 

We're grad students that work in the same building, so I know we'll undoubtedly encounter each other occasionally until one of us gets out with our PhD. I've been no contact for 2 months, basically since the day I finished moving out of the apartment we had just moved into. I stayed strong over the holidays not to contact her. Very tempting-we spent last year's holidays together with her family.

 

The very first day back from holiday break, we walked past each other in the hallway at work as I was leaving for the gym. Made my heart skip . I've toned up a lot-I look much better. Wearing new clothes, manly leather boots, and a new haircut. So at least she got to see that I've got myself together. I look better than I did when we were dating. Trouble is, she looked great too. Also better than she did when we were together:o.

 

I'm glad to see that she's taking care of herself, but I also can't help but think about her new life with him. About how she used to make an effort to look nice for me. Still hurts a lot that she could just forget about me like that. From the little info I have, it's pretty clear they got serious rather quickly. I've not asked or peeked around for information, but I'm not naive to the situation and don't think he's simply a rebound. I see him driving her to work in her car in the mornings. Driving home together in the evenings. She's very serious about marrying. She was engaged before at 19, and despite only being 25 now she has a lot of anxiety about not being married yet. Last time I checked her facebook several weeks ago (I defriended on day 1, but she keeps her page public), I saw a bunch of his stuff in her apartment, which we used to live in together. That was the last time I'll ever look at her facebook. Just not worth it.

 

Anyhow, this whole 10-second ordeal that consisted of nothing more than a second or two of awkward and curious eye contact really set me back a bit. Dribbled a few tears on my way to the gym. I still have lots of questions about it all, and just don't think I'll ever understand how someone can just wipe the slate clean like that after 3 serious years together. Even if she had checked out already. Just seems messed up.

 

Some people's kids!

[Logo]

 

Some people's kids!

 

 

Yup. Makes you wonder.

[kel224]

Yea, I had some discussion both on here and with her good friend about the cheating thing. She waited exactly one night to get physical with him, but I think everyone would agree that there was obviously some heavy emotional cheating going on.

 

Perhaps I was raised to be too good to other people. Just frustrating how fickle and crappy people can be.

[TimmyC]

Been in your shoes bro, I'm glad to hear your doing better. I'll tell you what helped me, think about it. You know how she moved on to the other guy? That's actually a gain on your part...why you ask? Well because while you didn't miss out on anything that dude she is with quite literally just financed a cheater. I owned an RX8 a couple years back beautiful car, I ended up financing a different car because it started to have the famous hot start issues, I was so heartbroken I loved the car. The high rpms, the unique sound, but some days it just wouldn't start. I was so sick when I had to let her go, but then I saw someone else driving around in it, but deep down I knew it was only a matter of time before they experienced what I did. Fast forward to now, i own an Audi TT and love the thing.

 

Moral of the story, while it may feel like you lost someone you fancied, instead of feeling hurt or jelouse, feel bad for the guy and take it as you got out lucky which you did. If she's done it to you, believe she will do it to him if she hasn't already.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Been in your shoes bro, I'm glad to hear your doing better. I'll tell you what helped me, think about it. You know how she moved on to the other guy? That's actually a gain on your part...why you ask? Well because while you didn't miss out on anything that dude she is with quite literally just financed a cheater. I owned an RX8 a couple years back beautiful car, I ended up financing a different car because it started to have the famous hot start issues, I was so heartbroken I loved the car. The high rpms, the unique sound, but some days it just wouldn't start. I was so sick when I had to let her go, but then I saw someone else driving around in it, but deep down I knew it was only a matter of time before they experienced what I did. Fast forward to now, i own an Audi TT and love the thing.

 

Moral of the story, while it may feel like you lost someone you fancied, instead of feeling hurt or jelouse, feel bad for the guy and take it as you got out lucky which you did. If she's done it to you, believe she will do it to him if she hasn't already.

 

Oh my god. This. So much this! That analogy just blew my mind and was exactly what I needed to see right now. Well said, Timmy!

 

And yeah OP, she showed her true colours and they're effing ugly. Who wants someone who can just jump from one person to the next faster than blinking? It shows a real lack of depth of character and fickleness of emotion on her part and having it over now instead of later on say after marriage I think is good luck rather than bad, even though I know it hurts right now. At least this way you get a little closure I hope. I feel your pain, man. My ex was physically and emotionally cheating the entire time we were together I recently found out and even though it tore my heart out and spit on it it put to rest all of my lingering doubts and the what-ifs. People like this are never happy with what they have and I'm certain she'll do the same to this guy too in time.

[loveiswar101]

You did nothing at the time of passing so NC was not broke, 2 months NC is great and this is just a little hiccup, nothing more bro...your doing fine, stay strong and keep moving forward.

 

Gotta say love the TimmyC analogy too!

[kel224]

Been in your shoes bro, I'm glad to hear your doing better. I'll tell you what helped me, think about it. You know how she moved on to the other guy? That's actually a gain on your part...why you ask? Well because while you didn't miss out on anything that dude she is with quite literally just financed a cheater. I owned an RX8 a couple years back beautiful car, I ended up financing a different car because it started to have the famous hot start issues, I was so heartbroken I loved the car. The high rpms, the unique sound, but some days it just wouldn't start. I was so sick when I had to let her go, but then I saw someone else driving around in it, but deep down I knew it was only a matter of time before they experienced what I did. Fast forward to now, i own an Audi TT and love the thing.

 

Moral of the story, while it may feel like you lost someone you fancied, instead of feeling hurt or jelouse, feel bad for the guy and take it as you got out lucky which you did. If she's done it to you, believe she will do it to him if she hasn't already.

 

 

Timmy, I'll second others that this was a pretty legit reply! When I first posted a couple of months ago, another awesome person broke things down into a car analogy that was really helpful. Men, broken hearts and car analogies. Harmonious.

 

I think about all of her lies, and how selfish and disrespectful she was. This new guy looks nice. To be honest, every time me or my friends have seen them together, they both looked kind of miserable. Wouldn't be surprised for him to be on these boards in a couple of years.

[Marc878]

You aren't seeing her for who she really is yet.

 

In time you'll be grateful once your heart syncs up with your mind.

 

You lost nothing here but will gain a lot of wisdom and insight.

 

Stay completely dark. There really is nothing there.

 

Yep, this started long before the breakup.

 

Read up on "Not Just Friends"

 

This happens a lot. Many will bury their heads in the sand but......

[kel224]

Yea, after spending some time on these boards I realized it's a pretty common and weak move that she pulled. I'm not the least bit delusional about when things started with them. Didn't elaborate much in this post, but believe me it is very clear what she did and looking back see some pretty obvious red flags.

 

It was hard seeing her the other day, and I think I just needed to vent on here. Had a lapse of strength. Really, she did show how rotten she is on the inside through all of this. Didn't elaborate a ton here, but she really even went out of her way to rub the whole thing in my face. It's really just the ghost of a person I miss. And having a relationship. Just have to keep reminding myself of this.

 

Thanks for that book recommendation Marc. Looks interesting, and I could probably do for a browse through it. I'm confident I'll eventually be able to trust the right woman when the time comes, but not without some more work and healing.