purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 (edited) Pros? I cannot possible think of one pro. You willingly uprooted your whole life for him and helped tear his family apart. I cannot believe you stayed as long as you did. Zero sympathy for you and if this man knows better, he will tell his wife everything and tell you to go away and never contact him again. Blackmail is against the law and if he ahs half a brain he will take any hints of blackmail to the police. Now you have a house in shambles, no job, and you will never get this guy back. hjow bad do you want to make things for yourself? I doubt this guy is an idiot. Seems pretty brilliant. Strung you along, had his cake and was eating it too, now decides he wants his family back. I don't blame him. Move on to someone not married. Geesh. Your story is just sad. I feel sorry for his kids. Edited January 9, 2017 by purrrfectlyflawed Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I'm all for revenge, but you've got to protect yourself. Avoid blackmail. Are you able to talk to him? How smart is he? I had an ex-boyfriend who owed me money. I "tricked" him into paying me back years after we had broken up and calling him. He had always promised to pay me back, blah blah blah. I suggested filing a small claims lawsuit just so "the judge can decide what is fair for you to pay each month." Well, that scared him. He knew the judge would attach penalties and interest. What he didn't know was that he owed me around $3500. He ended up paying me back $4800. So, I got interest. He was pretty stupid and a drunk, so he didn't remember how much he had borrowed or what I had paid for, etc. So, I would talk to a lawyer, then talk to him. If you have no legal standing, then I'd talk to his minister and ask for help. Affair or not, if he contracted verbally to something, he needs to be encouraged to do the right thing by you. You're learning a painful lesson. As women, we just can't put ourselves in such tenuous positions to be destroyed. There's trusting your partner/spouse, but then there's also self-preservation. I'm not sure why or how you were convinced to put yourself in the precarious position of both a career change AND a house refurbishing. I think the world of "my" former MM. I really do. Yet, I never crossed the line of loving him and I'm quite confident even if his wife had passed away, we wouldn't have gotten together. I believe he loves her....yet he was able to cheat on her and risk so much. Not loving him was my way of self preservation. Not planning our life together was how I kept on track with my future goals. There are people out there who are master manipulators and really don't have our best interests at heart. Yet, they don't come with huge warning labels. Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 It takes two to tAngo. If you feel you were at the short end of it, you could make other plans to make him pay. Your plan here can get YOU into trouble more than him. Play clever and give him a last blow in some other way and close it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Get a job. Priority one. Whatever you do you NEED money. I guess the house is still liveable in ie it it is wind and water tight and you have light, heat, water and drainage so make the best of it . Live in one room if it really is "that" bad. Formulate a plan as to how you are going to fix it. Take very small steps as the whole will be overwhelming and you will feel paralysed. Identify a task and just do it. One small thing accomplished every day will make you feel a lot better. Anger and revenge is stopping you from thinking clearly, but you need to get into survival mode and stop letting all this eat you up. Choose sanity not insanity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Because he hadn't before. He was always very upfront and honest WITH ME in that he would not leave. She may be ok with getting lied to. I am not. He needs to pay a price for what he has done to me. Maybe this is the price you will have to pay for what was done to her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Poe77 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 As I said, I was fine with the affair as long as he wasn't lying to me. As far as legality, I doubt it will ever come to that. His biggest fear is exposure. He would never subject himself to the legal system. I dont understand how one human can sit back and be ok with destroying anothers world and life yet be pissed when that karma rolls back onto them or some how shocked when the person who was lieing to their legal wife then turns and throws them under the bus.. Also remember she is still his legal wife no? so she might have some say in those "legalities" you think they wont peruse..not to mention it will prob just serve to pull them closer as he lies to her some more and makes you out to be some crazy jaded fling..*shrugs* doesn't sound very productive for you after all.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I Also remember she is still his legal wife no? so she might have some say in those "legalities" you think they wont peruse..not to mention it will prob just serve to pull them closer as he lies to her some more and makes you out to be some crazy jaded fling..*shrugs* doesn't sound very productive for you after all.. This is actually what happens a lot of the time. This type of action usually brings the couple closer. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 As far as legality, I doubt it will ever come to that. His biggest fear is exposure. He would never subject himself to the legal system. in this situation - YOU have a lot more to lose than he does. he can go through the legal system & turn you in for blackmail + harrassment before you even get the chance to expose him. in other words - you'll get to expose a tiny little bit until you're sued PLUS you'll end up behind bars because you won't have the money to pay for a lawyer OR your way out. he might fear exposure - but he probably fears wasting his & his family's money on you more. i suggest you find another way to get yourself out of this mess, for example - getting a job. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 (edited) Heh, hope you have the funds for a good lawyer. Blackmail is a serious crime, and "Other Women" have been convicted of it. Last week it was in the news about some Instagram model who had an affair with a wealthy man, and tried to blackmail him - and it landed her a$$ in court. Here is another example: https://www.google.com/amp/www.sun-sentinel.com/local/broward/fl-ashley-madison-extortion-sentencing-20150619-story,amp.html You choose to have an affair. You choose to stay. You choose to leave your good job. Didn't you make these choices? Think your life is a mess now? Keep making these sorts of poor choices that landed you in this mess in the first place, and it will only get worse. Why can't you get a new job? Edited January 11, 2017 by RecentChange 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 I don't mind taking responsibility for my wasted time. But he has culpability in this also. He helped me dig the grave with his lies and he needs to help me out of it. As I said, I was fine with the affair as long as he wasn't lying to me. As far as legality, I doubt it will ever come to that. His biggest fear is exposure. He would never subject himself to the legal system. His biggest fear would be explaining the loss of a load of money to his wife. Don't do this. Aside from being illegal, it will demonstrate what he's probably already told his wife .... you're crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
beautifulinside2 Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 Have you tried just outright asking him for the money as a parting gift, and slyly convince him that you gave up everything to be with him and the least he could do is to try and make it right on your end. I would say and then I will leave you alone forever and disappear.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 Have you tried just outright asking him for the money as a parting gift, and slyly convince him that you gave up everything to be with him and the least he could do is to try and make it right on your end. I would say and then I will leave you alone forever and disappear.. Best advice yet-I don't see how you have any other options- Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 Trying to blackmail the CMM would just be shooting yourself in the foot for about the fifth time....after the affair and all the associated bad decisions. Please don't do it, for your own sake. Instead, see a lawyer with all the facts about your interactions and see if there is any valid legal claim. A big part of recovery for you will be taking ownership of your choices and deciding to take a better path, starting now. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ice3784 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I confronted the wife once. I didnt meant to hurt her. But she keep bugging me so instead of hiding i decided to face her. Then she decided to separate with my MM. The affair continues and full bloom in her absent. He brings me to met his parents and family. Fast forward 1 and a half year. The wife wanted a divorce. He panicked. He find his way and manged to lied to her. Telling her that he has left me and choose to return back to the family. Im left abandon. We still stays together. So me and the wife are both duped. I feels like i want to tell her that she is being cheated again. Cos im still around !! And he told me he still love me and are cheating her back for the sake of the children ! Should i blow things out to the wife ? I need justice too cos at this moment im the recognized wife by all the friends and family... Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I confronted the wife once. I didnt meant to hurt her. But she keep bugging me so instead of hiding i decided to face her. Then she decided to separate with my MM. The affair continues and full bloom in her absent. He brings me to met his parents and family. Fast forward 1 and a half year. The wife wanted a divorce. He panicked. He find his way and manged to lied to her. Telling her that he has left me and choose to return back to the family. Im left abandon. We still stays together. So me and the wife are both duped. I feels like i want to tell her that she is being cheated again. Cos im still around !! And he told me he still love me and are cheating her back for the sake of the children ! Should i blow things out to the wife ? I need justice too cos at this moment im the recognized wife by all the friends and family... The only one being duped is his wife. She separated from her husband, not your MM. He was separated for a year and a half, didn't want a divorce. Why don't you have more respect for yourself? Don't you deserve more than being an unwilling sidepiece? Sure, tell her. Even if she kicks him out, nothing about his past behavior says he will marry you. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Can you people be any more naive? Seriously, take it from an ex WH. MEN DO NOT LEAVE THEIR WIVES. Second, even if they separate, until the ink on the divorce if final. MEN ALWAYS GO BACK. You quit a job, and moved in with him. Where are your street smarts and common sense? I wrote this a few years ago, read and memorize. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/424537-married-man-s-playbook-affairs Link to post Share on other sites
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