vanilatwilight Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Hi I posted this about a month ago http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/606349-does-he-want-sex-relationship#post7156927 So I genuinely thought he wasn't progressing too fast and a week after the date I feel as if he did go quite blunt with me for a while, but recently he's started to chat to me a lot more and we have planned to meet up again next week so if he doesn't cancel I will assume he does like me but for now I am really confused So I know that he definetly wants to have sex with me and we have discussed it and he has said to me that he would wait until I am ready and ive told him that I'm not interested in a one time thing I don't want that and he said to me he wants a relationship with me eventually but right now it's too early to be official so he wants to see how it goes but he thinks it will go great see he could be lying to me so I have sex but ive even spoke to his friends and they all say that he really really likes me and talks about me a lot so I don't know, I'm just confused. We text each other sexually sometimes and sometimes it's normal and I feel as if he is starting to go blunt with me again after we just started talking normally again and planning things and I am really confused, we texted for 6 hours today and I don't know if he just wants a break or not, we usually text all day like the conversation doesn't end and it's always been like that ever since we started talking and I don't know if he would waste his time doing that if he just wanted sex I mean he could literally just grab any girl and have a one night stand surely if he wanted to do that why would he do it to me when he knows I like him that's cruel. I just don't know where I stand with him and I have asked he keeps telling me he wants a relationship but he won't ask me to be his girlfriend (yet) I just don't know if I believe him or not because of the sexual nature ? Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Maybe you should walk away from this one... I did notice in your post that he doesn't consider you guys "official" yet? So, what is he waiting on for you two to be "official"? What is "official" to him? Look, I just went through this with recent dude. I was trying to ask him stuff and tell him stuff about me to see what was looking for (i.e. a woman to have more kids with and marry, just someone to pass time with, someone to see on the side) ; and, I don't know, I felt like he was trying to mold his answers to meet what he thought I was looking for (i.e. when I talked about not wanting to mess with his RL, he said that he didn't wanna see two people at the same time) - when really, I could've gone either way (as his side gal or be his gf). So, when a guy isn't speaking up - be careful. Dude threw me under the bus and one of the red flags I should've noticed is what I just told you about him - that he didn't seem to be honest and open with me about he felt about me and what he was trying to do with my friendliness towards him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Do you get the feeling he likes chatting with you as long as you are talking sexually but cools off if you start talking about more ordinary things and a relationship? If so, what does this tell you? A guy who is interested in you, will be spending a lot of time communicating with you and will want to see you regardless. If he is really keen, he won't avoid the idea of a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanilatwilight Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Maybe you should walk away from this one... I did notice in your post that he doesn't consider you guys "official" yet? So, what is he waiting on for you two to be "official"? What is "official" to him? Look, I just went through this with recent dude. I was trying to ask him stuff and tell him stuff about me to see what was looking for (i.e. a woman to have more kids with and marry, just someone to pass time with, someone to see on the side) ; and, I don't know, I felt like he was trying to mold his answers to meet what he thought I was looking for (i.e. when I talked about not wanting to mess with his RL, he said that he didn't wanna see two people at the same time) - when really, I could've gone either way (as his side gal or be his gf). So, when a guy isn't speaking up - be careful. Dude threw me under the bus and one of the red flags I should've noticed is what I just told you about him - that he didn't seem to be honest and open with me about he felt about me and what he was trying to do with my friendliness towards him. Official to me would be him actually being my boyfriend I have been in too much of the situations where I'm kinda talking to someone kinda dating them and then that's it it stops me from talking to other people even though it may not actually work out and it's annoying He spoke up and told me he wanted a relationship but idk I don't believe him I think he is out of my league, what annoys me is we work in the same place and see each other for like one second each day cause we don't work in the same department but he won't speak to me and I genuinely hope he is just shy. I don't know tbh, I know he's never been in a relationship etc and sometimes he'l act as if he wants to be my boyfriend with the things he says such as 'I can't believe how much I like you' etc then he'l act as if he only wants sex and then he'l act like he doesn't want to know me and it's confusing and annoying and either way no matter what happens I'm gonna be really upset because of how into me he acted Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanilatwilight Posted January 13, 2017 Author Share Posted January 13, 2017 Do you get the feeling he likes chatting with you as long as you are talking sexually but cools off if you start talking about more ordinary things and a relationship? If so, what does this tell you? A guy who is interested in you, will be spending a lot of time communicating with you and will want to see you regardless. If he is really keen, he won't avoid the idea of a relationship. I genuinely don't know because sometimes he will engage in both sex and relationship talk and other times he will be blunt with me about anything even sex so I'm really confused Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Official to me would be him actually being my boyfriend I have been in too much of the situations where I'm kinda talking to someone kinda dating them and then that's it it stops me from talking to other people even though it may not actually work out and it's annoying He spoke up and told me he wanted a relationship but idk I don't believe him I think he is out of my league, what annoys me is we work in the same place and see each other for like one second each day cause we don't work in the same department but he won't speak to me and I genuinely hope he is just shy. I don't know tbh, I know he's never been in a relationship etc and sometimes he'l act as if he wants to be my boyfriend with the things he says such as 'I can't believe how much I like you' etc then he'l act as if he only wants sex and then he'l act like he doesn't want to know me and it's confusing and annoying and either way no matter what happens I'm gonna be really upset because of how into me he acted I'm confused. Has he ever told anyone/introduce you as his gf? Do you all do bf/gf stuff (i.e. dates, spending quality time together) I say you have a blunt, one time last chance talk with him. Let him know of the inconsistencies. Then decide if you wanna stay in this. Oh, and he's also a coworker (well works in the same building? ) Nah, too much negs here. I'm leaning towards walking away. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Official to me would be him actually being my boyfriend I have been in too much of the situations where I'm kinda talking to someone kinda dating them and then that's it it stops me from talking to other people even though it may not actually work out and it's annoying He spoke up and told me he wanted a relationship but idk I don't believe him I think he is out of my league, what annoys me is we work in the same place and see each other for like one second each day cause we don't work in the same department but he won't speak to me and I genuinely hope he is just shy. I don't know tbh, I know he's never been in a relationship etc and sometimes he'l act as if he wants to be my boyfriend with the things he says such as 'I can't believe how much I like you' etc then he'l act as if he only wants sex and then he'l act like he doesn't want to know me and it's confusing and annoying and either way no matter what happens I'm gonna be really upset because of how into me he acted I'm confused. Has he ever told anyone/introduce you as his gf? Do you all do bf/gf stuff (i.e. dates, spending quality time together) I say you have a blunt, one time last chance talk with him. Let him know of the inconsistencies. Then decide if you wanna stay in this. Oh, and he's also a coworker (well works in the same building? ) Nah, too much negs here. I'm leaning towards walking away. I mean how many times are you two gonna "talk" about this and he goes back to being contradictory? Some people tell tall tales and will never come clean so you gotta decide if you wanna stick around and waste time listening to their tales or move on. Dude before this one? He would do x, y, z...I asked "are you seeing other people?" And he'd say no, but his actions never matched his words so I stopped asking and moved on. Was talking to him the other day and yep, still saying he's not seeing anyone. Really? Since we stopped seeing each you've gone months w/o even talking to another woman? Ok, whatever Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Sorry, double post. Link to post Share on other sites
iope Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 More negatives than positives here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanilatwilight Posted January 14, 2017 Author Share Posted January 14, 2017 I'm confused. Has he ever told anyone/introduce you as his gf? Do you all do bf/gf stuff (i.e. dates, spending quality time together) I say you have a blunt, one time last chance talk with him. Let him know of the inconsistencies. Then decide if you wanna stay in this. Oh, and he's also a coworker (well works in the same building? ) Nah, too much negs here. I'm leaning towards walking away. I mean how many times are you two gonna "talk" about this and he goes back to being contradictory? Some people tell tall tales and will never come clean so you gotta decide if you wanna stick around and waste time listening to their tales or move on. Dude before this one? He would do x, y, z...I asked "are you seeing other people?" And he'd say no, but his actions never matched his words so I stopped asking and moved on. Was talking to him the other day and yep, still saying he's not seeing anyone. Really? Since we stopped seeing each you've gone months w/o even talking to another woman? Ok, whatever Ive never spoken to him and his friends at the same time but last weekend I was in a club and so were his friends and one of them said to the other one 'there's his girlfriend' I thought if he's telling his friends about me then that has to be a good thing We are going out tonight for food but because he doesn't speak to me at work then I'm worried he won't speak to me in person but I speak to his old instructor and she said to me don't worry if he isn't speaking to you at work it's not a bad thing because he is really shy lol I'm pretty sure he isn't seeing anyone else because I speak to his sister she's my best friend so I'm sure she would tell me she knows how much I like him and she's certain he likes me just as much It's just confusing sometimes he acts like a boyfriend sometimes like he just wants sex and sometimes like he just doesn't care and I'm not sure why? Like I know he is inexperienced but that's not the point lol Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 Ive never spoken to him and his friends at the same time but last weekend I was in a club and so were his friends and one of them said to the other one 'there's his girlfriend' I thought if he's telling his friends about me then that has to be a good thing We are going out tonight for food but because he doesn't speak to me at work then I'm worried he won't speak to me in person but I speak to his old instructor and she said to me don't worry if he isn't speaking to you at work it's not a bad thing because he is really shy lol I'm pretty sure he isn't seeing anyone else because I speak to his sister she's my best friend so I'm sure she would tell me she knows how much I like him and she's certain he likes me just as much It's just confusing sometimes he acts like a boyfriend sometimes like he just wants sex and sometimes like he just doesn't care and I'm not sure why? Like I know he is inexperienced but that's not the point lol I don't know, people referring to you as his gf, IMO, could simply be people making snide remarks and/or insinuating that you're his gf (although they may not know for sure) cuz they see you/him together. I'd feel better if it came from his lips - especially in front of other people. Well, it brings me back to what I posted before you responded - which is, if his actions aren't matching his words and/or vice versa, then I guess that prodding him to tell you what's up isn't gonna work and that you're gonna have to maybe walk away from this one cuz you're never gonna get the truth from him. I was thinking about dude today (yes, I think about him on the regular) and I resolved to have to leave it up to him to resolve what I'm wondering. I wonder if what I saw this week shows he still wants me, but can't speak to me cuz either me or both of us have been ordered not to speak to each other. I wonder if he wants me, then "how"? Does he want me to be his side chick, does he still wanna just get to know me before deep sixing his SO, does he just wanna be friends again? I'll probably never get answers to this if he's gonna keep on doing what he does (i.e. just past by me now/then w/o saying a thing). If I try to speak to him, I'm gonna get in trouble and I still don't know if it's him that doesn't wanna speak to me - so I can't speak to him to find out what's going on with him. I think he still has my contact info and if he really wants more and this isn't some sick game then he'll come to me:love:. My last FWB was married and he got a burner cel and we communicated via e-mail and it worked fine. So, if dude wants more than just to stare at me from a distance - he'll make "a/an" move (whether it's now or in the future). By now he should know that I'm not playing him and from day one - even after him getting me in trouble, I still haven't lost feelings for him. So, like me - you'll probably never get a straight answer from this guy and may have to step away from him so that either he can step up or step away. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanilatwilight Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 I don't know, people referring to you as his gf, IMO, could simply be people making snide remarks and/or insinuating that you're his gf (although they may not know for sure) cuz they see you/him together. I'd feel better if it came from his lips - especially in front of other people. Well, it brings me back to what I posted before you responded - which is, if his actions aren't matching his words and/or vice versa, then I guess that prodding him to tell you what's up isn't gonna work and that you're gonna have to maybe walk away from this one cuz you're never gonna get the truth from him. I was thinking about dude today (yes, I think about him on the regular) and I resolved to have to leave it up to him to resolve what I'm wondering. I wonder if what I saw this week shows he still wants me, but can't speak to me cuz either me or both of us have been ordered not to speak to each other. I wonder if he wants me, then "how"? Does he want me to be his side chick, does he still wanna just get to know me before deep sixing his SO, does he just wanna be friends again? I'll probably never get answers to this if he's gonna keep on doing what he does (i.e. just past by me now/then w/o saying a thing). If I try to speak to him, I'm gonna get in trouble and I still don't know if it's him that doesn't wanna speak to me - so I can't speak to him to find out what's going on with him. I think he still has my contact info and if he really wants more and this isn't some sick game then he'll come to me:love:. My last FWB was married and he got a burner cel and we communicated via e-mail and it worked fine. So, if dude wants more than just to stare at me from a distance - he'll make "a/an" move (whether it's now or in the future). By now he should know that I'm not playing him and from day one - even after him getting me in trouble, I still haven't lost feelings for him. So, like me - you'll probably never get a straight answer from this guy and may have to step away from him so that either he can step up or step away. Sorry. Yesterday we went on a date and I didn't feel awkward or anything and after it his friends and my friends all met up and he asked me to be his girlfriend I was shocked tbh I had no idea he even liked me that much I think he was just genuinely shy, we were both kinda tipsy with drinking when he said it but he said to me you better no forget this in the morning and I was like I won't lol Maybe you should leave this guy if he is going to get you in trouble, it may not be worth it if all he wants is you to be his side chick Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 (edited) Yesterday we went on a date and I didn't feel awkward or anything and after it his friends and my friends all met up and he asked me to be his girlfriend I was shocked tbh I had no idea he even liked me that much I think he was just genuinely shy, we were both kinda tipsy with drinking when he said it but he said to me you better no forget this in the morning and I was like I won't lol Maybe you should leave this guy if he is going to get you in trouble, it may not be worth it if all he wants is you to be his side chick Well, did he say to them that you're his gf? Just curious... About my situation? What kills me is like you - I don't know if he just wants a side chick or what. But yes, it's not worth all this trouble for a guy who can't even make the effort to verbalize to me what he wants and/or what kind of "friendship" he's cool with (i.e. no touching - period). To me it's so simple. I mean, like one day I told him that I didn't like coming by him cuz I didn't want people thinking I'm the one interested and he wasn't. The next day, he "somehow" ends up on my floor as I was going to the restroom on my break.. So, what does that mean? Again, before I started talking to him, not ever once did we cross paths. So, what does the orbiting mean? I wish he would just say so. Or maybe he already said it, but I'm not hearing it . I mean, he did say that even though he was seeing someone that he liked talking to me...but, IMO, guys don't just have "friendships" with women w/o having romantic desires (whether now or down the road). I mean, I tried to just be friendly and see where he takes it - but I guess I got impatient. I don't know how to navigate him/this Edited January 15, 2017 by Gloria25 Link to post Share on other sites
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