Saracena Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Guys can get overwhelmed, become afraid too. Of what exactly? And in what circumstances? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Guys can get overwhelmed, become afraid too. I can appreciate that. However, a decent person would communicate this to the person they are dating. Perhaps by asking for some space or to slow down if things are moving too fast. To ignore someone completely, leaving them to worry and feel confused is cruel. It shows no consideration or compassion for the other person's feelings which is selfish and unkind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) Update: I heard from him. I texted and just said I don't know if you are mad at me, or want to end things or something bad happened to you, but I'm concerned, so just let me know what's up. I texted this about 2 hours ago, the text didn't go through (this is the problem I told you guys about, texts don't go through to his phone,which is why we sometimes use tinder), and it just went through a few minutes ago! He responded right away. He said he definitely didn't ghost me, he had started a text yesterday but then got distracted at work as he worked both jobs Fri and Sat and then 2 shifts yesterday and is at work now plus got stuck during his commute walking in the snow mess we had here without boots and is just burnt out from being exhausted and working extra shifts all weekend. So, I don't know what to think. Glad he's not hurt, maybe he can't handle work overload and was mad at me for the other day and just decided to get some space for a few days. If he was truly ghosting he wouldn't be responding right away. I'm still upset because I don't know how to respond. Is he still interested and just mad at me, is he not interested. I just don't know. I asked if this was just because of work, or if he was mad at the other day, he said 'definitely not mad, I should have texted much, much sooner...you were being totally reasonable' Edited January 10, 2017 by bulldog9 More to add 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Even if he was going to text you yesterday (come on, who doesn't have time to finish one text?), isn't that still three or four days where he wasn't so much as trying to text you? He feels guilty AND was tired of you repeatedly texting him, and he answered with something flimsy. Honey, you keep talking about how "perfect" and over-the-top some of your times were. Isn't that your tipoff? That wasn't really him. It was his very very unsustainable "this is me at my best" persona. You're not losing a great guy, you're avoiding a guy who can fake overly wonderful times, then falls back in exhaustion to extremely, EXTREMELY sub-par behavior. You have lost nothing...except two months. I know for sure how much this hurts, but move on. Hint for the next time, and please...please, please take this to heart: if it seems "too good to be true," it probably is. Some people hide who they really are and put on this Prince or Princess Charming thing. Then when they just can't sustain it (because who can? It's not reality) the person they've been "performing" for spends the rest of his/her days crying and begging for that "perfect" version of the person to come back, thinking it was something they did. It wasn't! Gosh, I feel like the bearer of bad news and tough love all over the place tonight but I keep seeing women IGNORING the obvious signs and clinging to the most unrealistic, unsustainable and/or self-imagined scenarios. It hurts to read because such scenarios can only end in terrible pain the longer they drag on. Open your eyes! Move on. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Oh. As far as how to respond... 1. You don't have to at all, if you don't feel like it. You'll notice he doesn't do what he feels like doing either, even if it makes a person cry, serial post, and worry that he might be lying dead somewhere. So, you do what you want, and DON'T do what you don't feel like doing. Don't feel like answering that text? Cool. Forget about it and blow it off. That's probably what I'd do (yeah, I know, I'm a B...whatever.) or... 2. Respond with something like "Well, glad to know you're not hurt or in trouble. With that said, I want to wish you all the best going forward. I really need to find my own way from here on out. It was good to get to know you." And then, radio silence. Because. Eff. THIS. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Okay so his phone was fine and he was just "busy". I would be very careful. Did he apologize? Was the text affectionate? Any mention about when he will be free and see you again? Wait n watch his actions. Once I was seeing a guy and his excuses about being busy increased with time n then he was gone. In fact I was joking to a friend that I must be a really unlucky person since it seems the worst things happen to guys as soon as they start dating me.. They never want to ghost... Life just gets so tough... All of a sudden 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Did he eat during these 4 days? If he did that then what was he doing when the food was cooking or he was waiting for it to be served? He didnt check his phone then? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 I'm glad for your sake that you finally heard from him, but it doesn't really help you figure out where you stand with him. The only advice I can give is to back off for now. Not to keep him interested, but in order to keep a clear head and monitor his behavior and see if he is actually going to be good long term boyfriend material. I have my doubts, but that is up to you to decide. Proceed with caution. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 WOW!! Just wow !! I am speechless. Californiagirl answer #2 is in order here. What a loser !! I am soooo sorry bulldog, you worried sick about him and cried your heart out while he would not take 2 seconds out of his 'busy' time to answer you!! Girl listen there is no such a thing as being too busy. We all look at our phones first thing in the morning and last thing at night. This guy is feeding you a big load of poo !! and remember, when someone puts a lot of details in his explanation that's because it's a creation. The truth is always simple. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 My answer is slightly different, in that I'd at least think about extending the benefit of the doubt in this situation, but I don't think I'd respond to a message like that. He behavior would've put me off. He's lost all credibility and trust. If he wants to earn it back, he's going to have to work for it. Sit on your heels and see what he does. Come to think of it, this happened to me once a couple of years ago. Went out a few times with a guy I really liked. He disappeared for a bit, and when I texted to see if he wanted to go out again, he agreed. I was relieved, because I thought we were back on. Well, we went out one more time, and then I never heard from him again. Just ... proceed with caution, and start emotionally detaching from this dude. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Oh. As far as how to respond... 1. You don't have to at all, if you don't feel like it. You'll notice he doesn't do what he feels like doing either, even if it makes a person cry, serial post, and worry that he might be lying dead somewhere. So, you do what you want, and DON'T do what you don't feel like doing. Don't feel like answering that text? Cool. Forget about it and blow it off. That's probably what I'd do (yeah, I know, I'm a B...whatever.) or... 2. Respond with something like "Well, glad to know you're not hurt or in trouble. With that said, I want to wish you all the best going forward. I really need to find my own way from here on out. It was good to get to know you." And then, radio silence. Because. Eff. THIS. WOW!! Just wow !! I am speechless. Californiagirl answer #2 is in order here. What a loser !! I am soooo sorry bulldog, you worried sick about him and cried your heart out while he would not take 2 seconds out of his 'busy' time to answer you!! Girl listen there is no such a thing as being too busy. We all look at our phones first thing in the morning and last thing at night. This guy is feeding you a big load of poo !! and remember, when someone puts a lot of details in his explanation that's because it's a creation. The truth is always simple. Yes and yassss!!! Please bull, dont accept his lame/half a$$ text as an out for what he did He's giving you a clear message that he's not who you thought he was and that really, he doesnt give a f*** Girl please dont wait around, or pull back.....get rid of him now!!! You've seen his true colors...if you dont next him now, you'll be getting a repeat performance in the future, I can guarantee you that Whether you send a text telling him you're done....or by saying nothing at all (I would go with the latter) End this now girl *Silence is always golden* 3 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Yes silence is the best answer. Did he even ask - how are you? Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Not cool. Not cool at all. Be careful about making this about *you*. ie., YOU must have something to make him act like a jerk. This is about him, what he values and what he considers baseline acceptable behaviour. Right now, evidence is that whatever that is, you are not at the top of that list. Personally, I'd make him work, HARD, for the privilege to spend any time with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 I would be done with him. He knew you were worried and he was too "busy" to respond? Yeah, sure. OP, this isn't someone you can rely on. Instead of just being up front with you and letting you know he'd be insanely busy...he said nothing. Think about why he chose that course of action. Nobody is that busy, sorry. I think you're being fed a line. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) This behavior he pulled is what's to come in the future again! The next time it'll be longer or permanent. A repeat performance. Two months is the perfect honeymoon phase. Everything is supposed to come together just flawless. My two cents... Edited January 10, 2017 by Tressugar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aesc Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) Of what exactly? And in what circumstances? Men have feeling too and we don't always know how to react to them, what to do with them. Maybe he had a Deja vu moment. He may have been pissed and decided to let his anger cool down a bit before proceeding to say anything that he might regret. Or the intensity of the new relationship mixed in with his myriad of other responsibilities has him completely overwhelmed. Maybe he decided to test her out by keeping her on hold. Maybe he just got drunk and didn't give a damn until he sobered up. Edited January 10, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed rude remark Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 You are certain of NOTHING You've known him for 2 months Spouses of 20 years are certain of nothing in some cases Yep, all the way through reading this thread I was thinking to myself I know married couples who don't think they know their spouses as well as the OP thinks she knows this guy after only two months. OP everything you tell us you know about this guy is just regurgitating whatever he has told you which doesn't make it true. How convenient that he was able to text you back on Monday yet didn't have two seconds to spare over the entire weekend. My guess is that he spent his weekend with someone else or he saw his ex. Be wary of guys who say they "despise their ex". That shows lingering feelings. Players who are smart don't have a Facebook page or they don't use Facebook very much because they do not want their conquests seeing into their life through social media. I was casually dating a guy a few years ago. We were not exclusive and I was aware that he was dating others. I always knew when he had a date because he would stop talking to me for a day or two. He didn't have to avoid me because we already agreed that we weren't exclusive and could see others but for some reason he always wanted to put some space between us when he knew he was going to see someone else. My hunch is that the guy you're seeing went out with someone else over the weekend. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Guys can get overwhelmed, become afraid too. They do! There's a whole lot of people out there dating who aren't really ready to date. It's a minefield. Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 OP, I'm glad to hear you've had some (albeit very unsatisfactory) response. As someone else mentioned, did he apologise at all? Personally, I wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't respond at all. His next moves (or not) should tell you more. Meanwhile, I'd definitely move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Update: I heard from him. I texted and just said I don't know if you are mad at me, or want to end things or something bad happened to you, but I'm concerned, so just let me know what's up. I texted this about 2 hours ago, the text didn't go through (this is the problem I told you guys about, texts don't go through to his phone,which is why we sometimes use tinder), and it just went through a few minutes ago! He responded right away. He said he definitely didn't ghost me, he had started a text yesterday but then got distracted at work as he worked both jobs Fri and Sat and then 2 shifts yesterday and is at work now plus got stuck during his commute walking in the snow mess we had here without boots and is just burnt out from being exhausted and working extra shifts all weekend. So, I don't know what to think. Glad he's not hurt, maybe he can't handle work overload and was mad at me for the other day and just decided to get some space for a few days. If he was truly ghosting he wouldn't be responding right away. I'm still upset because I don't know how to respond. Is he still interested and just mad at me, is he not interested. I just don't know. I asked if this was just because of work, or if he was mad at the other day, he said 'definitely not mad, I should have texted much, much sooner...you were being totally reasonable' See. Lazy. He's never going to act like he's into you again but will still be there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 How you're doing bulldog? I am so sorry he was a complete disappointment. It happens a lot when we're actively dating. Don't let it discourage you there are good guys out there with their heart in the right place. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Wow.. how lame of him. I kept hoping he was in hospital!! (ok, not really, but you get it) Did he bring up "ghosting" first or did you? Interesting choice of words there. He might not be ghosting, but he's certainly fading. Drop him like a hot potato, what a loser. And I agree, DEFINITELY not your fault in any way. He probably got a bit carried away, discovered things were getting too serious and decided that wasn't something he wanted. Don't stick around to be a booty call, just move on. No reply necessary! Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Yes, the next stop on this route is Booty call. Dont wait to be that. Any other updates today? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bulldog9 Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 Sorry for not breaking this up into individual replies, in a time crunch right now.... So we texted a few times but it was late at night and I fell asleep. I asked him if he was mad at me the other day and he said I was being totally reasonable. He said he's just overwhelmed with his work hours and the last few days really got to him. I didn't want to go at it too much or argue via text, since it was really late and he was at work, and I'd rather do that verbally on the phone or in person. I don't feel like he was trying to ghost because he would've just not responded to me at all. As someone mentioned, maybe it's the slow fade. The way his texts were it seemed more like he has just really been in a funk, and possibly mad at me even though he said he wasn't, maybe he can't balance work and dating. Maybe its PMS. He just seemed really fed up with his whole work situation and felt bad about how he's been to me, and yes, he did say he was sorry. I still wasn't clear on what his deal is, I then said 'are we cool' and he said yes. We couldn't continue talking because he was eventually in the subway and I fell asleep. While I did fall asleep, I certainly didn't sleep much at all and feel even more stressed because I don't know what's up! (and he's training for a few hours today so I can't find out more until that's done) Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Sorry for not breaking this up into individual replies, in a time crunch right now.... So we texted a few times but it was late at night and I fell asleep. I asked him if he was mad at me the other day and he said I was being totally reasonable. He said he's just overwhelmed with his work hours and the last few days really got to him. I didn't want to go at it too much or argue via text, since it was really late and he was at work, and I'd rather do that verbally on the phone or in person. I don't feel like he was trying to ghost because he would've just not responded to me at all. As someone mentioned, maybe it's the slow fade. The way his texts were it seemed more like he has just really been in a funk, and possibly mad at me even though he said he wasn't, maybe he can't balance work and dating. Maybe its PMS. He just seemed really fed up with his whole work situation and felt bad about how he's been to me, and yes, he did say he was sorry. I still wasn't clear on what his deal is, I then said 'are we cool' and he said yes. We couldn't continue talking because he was eventually in the subway and I fell asleep. While I did fall asleep, I certainly didn't sleep much at all and feel even more stressed because I don't know what's up! (and he's training for a few hours today so I can't find out more until that's done) Girl, you are giving him all your power. He is being lame. Why are you accepting this? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
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