After the NC rule

[salatarukola]

Hello people!

 

A little background of the story: I and my ex-fiancee (both in our late 20s) were together for 7 years. After we graduated from our colleges, we started to live together in a rent apartament. We had our ups and downs, but everything was okay in general. We planned a marriage next year, but suddenly everything goes to hell. Her best friend invited my gf to her wedding and then the hell broke up. She started lying and drinking alcohol, behaved strangely. I understood that he cheated me with some guy during her trip. We started to argue and tried to fix the things, but nothing changed. One day, she told me that she wish me to leave our apartment for few weeks (because she wanted to invite her lover and she didn't want her cheating plans to be uncovered - classical example of compulsive liar).

I was devastated inside, but tried to remain calm. I said to myself "Dude, be okay with that. She deserves to learn a lesson and I you should accept this challenge. Better walk away because you cannot remain in this this s**t anymore". I packed all my things and left the apartment and stayed in my brothers house. She was furious and saying thins like "why you are not fighting for me" and the next 7 days keeped calling me, but I refused to answer. On the 10th day I decided to call her and we have calm and mature conversation, we decided after so many years together we can solve our problems. I had a business trip that very weekend and after I came back I called her, but she didn't answer. I saw a engagement ring on her Whatsapp profile and called her mother. She told me that she has very hard period of her (and that's true - her sister had a tough car accident, she was promoted and had a stressful time in her work and also she had drinking issues). Her mother also advised me to wait till things getting clear.

Meanwhile, I started a completely new life. I found a room in shared apartament and new job. Also I started to spend more time with my family and friends. I often wondered "why", but after some time I stopped bore myself with such stupid question.

4 months after our break-up (or call it whatever you like because we never said "it's over") I still have feelings for her and a lot of memories together, but her bad deeds and numerous lies bringt me a lof ot suffering, but I survived the worst and I am getting to move on. I still keep up the No contact rule (she is deleted from everywhere and I dont call her silnce the "whatsapp story").

My question is how to react, when she calls me, because I am confident she will. She was fooled by her best friend and I predicted she will dump that guy after few months, when the "romantic flame" is starting to fade. After all, all naive women has some affairs in their life to search a new passion or whatever their poor souls searching. She has no future with this guy, because he is working in a village on the other end of Europe and she is working in an office in our capital city. They even still didn't have a photos together in their social media during my stalking yesterday. One of our common friends told me accidentally that this engagement will be ruined soon because the distance between the "white doves".

I want to be prepared for this conversation, because I know I will be confused as hell. IMO, I would like the idea to get together with her after she learns her lesson, but can the trust and the relationship issues be fixed in this case? What is the best way to start over - to rekindle our relationship directly or have a dinner during the weekends for month or two?

I would like to recieve any ideas and suggestion about my case. Thank you!

 

P.S. I apologize for my grammar. I am trying to improve my English daily

[Marc878]

If you're smart you block her number so she can't call.

 

You have no future with a cheater.

 

No one in their right mind fights for someone with no moral character.

 

You just let them go.

 

Are you so codependent that you'd want this back? You'll just get more of the same. Why?

[dumbass2]

You need to start NC. You haven't been doing it. You're stalking here social media.

[Satu]

You haven't been doing NC.

 

You've been 'Waiting, Hoping, and Stalking.'

 

But if you did do NC, it would help you get over the pain of the breakup, which is what you should really be doing.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete her from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

Take care.

[PegNosePete]

My question is how to react, when she calls me, because I am confident she will.

You react by not answering that call. Or if you answer accidentally (because she blocked her number or whatever) then you hang up as soon as you hear her voice.

 

I want to be prepared for this conversation

Why do you want to have a conversation at all? She cheated and disrespected you and kicked you out to be with her affair partner, and then had the audacity to say that YOU should be fighting for her! Wtf man! No conversation is necessary. Just block her and forget about her.

[basil67]

Your English is great.

 

You've made good choices so far. Make sure you continue with those choices and keep away from her.

[salatarukola]

The reason I'm still stuck in this is because we spent a lot of time together. We had no closure and I still have nightmares and delusions. My ex has some strong daddy issues and I invest a lot of energy and resourses to fill the void in her life. She was decent and reliable girl, but suddenly something changed. Back in time, I cannot imagine she would do such a disgrace. It looks that no one is insured against betrayal. By the way, my father once told me that women are like cats, and men are like dogs, also the only woman who is not going to betray you is your own mother. I saw a lot of break-ups among my friends circle during 2016 (what a bad year for everyone, isn't it?) and nobody broke-up in a good way just because their personalities didn't match or their relationships become rusty. All the broke-ups were because of cheating or some other kind cunning behavior, unfortunately.

 

Thank you for posting in my topic. I'll do my best to follow your advices. Everytime I would miss her, I'll try to imagine she died in an accident or something like that. First month after the break-up was really devastating - I lived in a different friends with a suitcase, looking for a new job and trying to survive the emotional pain. I did that surprisingly good and now I'm way to good. As a single I have a lot of free time and I'm enjoing my friends company, watching my favourite movies and working out in the local gym.

 

All I know is that we are born alone and die alone. Nobody knows what are the God's plans, but we all should keep moving with our lifes.

[nobodyIam]

Well salad ( ), there is no "after nc", you keep nc untill you heal. If this was healthier type of relationship,it might be different,but this is just sick.

 

Turn on brkovi and dont let that kuja destroy your life any more!

[Deidre]

No, not every woman cheats ...lol

 

I think that you should go no contact and move on. Really work on your self respect and heal from this situation. Because if you take her back, you'll always be treated the same way, with no respect from her.

 

Stay true to yourself.

[BAcK]

Not everything you lose is a loss. You see, you are still hoping for her to come back. If you just re read your thread from a neutral perspective, you will find all the negative aspect of this relation.

If seven years of companionship could not restrain her from cheating on you and ditching you, then I think there is no better reason to move on.

 

Maybe she will realise her mistake and contact you, they always do, but will you be able to forget all the pain and suffering she put you through.

 

You are expecting her to learn her lesson and contact you so that you can give her another chance. But trust me, second chances are a paradox. I am not against second chances but most of the time, they are not worth it.

 

Do not dwell in the past. And go strictly NC. She will contact you and you will answer, that's a guarantee but you want to be in a state of my mind where you can rationally evaluate whether you want her back or not, whether she is a changed person or not, and maybe by that time you might have found someone else. Goodluck.