My affair is saving my boring marriage

[AmandaWilliams56]

I am absolutely in a committed marriage and at this stage, I can’t imagine ever leaving this marriage. One of the major reasons I am able to stay in it is my old boyfriend is still in my life. My husband lectures all over the world and has basically been on the road for 15 years. When he is at home, he is buried in papers and phone calls. I knew that his career would be demanding going into this relationship, but I didn’t imagine in the excitement of courtship that my marriage would turn out to be so lonely. In the summer of 2007, I slept with 5 men, 4 of whom were not my husband. I am not proud of this, but those are the facts. Here I was, alone in rural Indiana, a housewife with a toddler. I think I would have ended up in an institution without these lifelines. As the years went on and my daughter started school, I continued to have male visitors. I have the good fortune of living in a town where a lot of my old classmates still live, including two of my high school boyfriends. One is married, the other is not, and they both were happy to keep me company. My husband just turned 45 and still travels more than ever, so I am free to have whatever, any time I want. My friendship with my college boyfriend I honestly can say has saved my marriage. His name is Ben. I was a virgin when I got married. Ben was the first guy I really kissed in a meaningful way, the first guy I let touch my breasts, and his was the first penis I ever touched. A girl never forgets those passionate firsts. I know my behavior is really bad, but I have always been a person who likes to break rules. And this thing with Ben is really a turn-on. It's like we are young again. We meet once, sometimes 2 times a month and have make out sessions but we also reminisce. He is unlike my husband, he is not as well-mannered, but he is rough around the edges. I like both my husband and Ben, just in different ways. To be honest with you, even if my husband wasn't as busy as he is, I would still be having this affair as it makes me feel liberated and for the lack of a better term- a badass. I do enjoy every aspect of this- the lying, the cheating, the secrecy, the sex even though we only have oral sex apart from our make out sessions and that happens very seldom as we don't have the proper environment to conduct this type of sexual activities. I hope I'm not startling you with my secrets and I hope you don't mind me getting personal. I'm a middle aged woman (48) who dresses and acts very conservative, to the point where my husband could never believe I'm capable of taking lovers on the side but that's the beauty of it. In my opinion,if you avoid getting caught, a little affair can perk up a marriage. Now, I am going to openly talk about the last time I cheated. I think back to the experience on a daily basis and it is safe to say it has been the most sexual and naughtiest experience of my life so far. Do I regret it?No.Do I feel guilty?Yes,very much so.Would I do it again?Yea. I experienced and did something I never did to my husband because I never wanted to for some reason and he never made me feel like doing it.He never put me in that mood. My husband is a well-mannered man and he expects me to be as classy as him so I never thought in my wildest dreams I'd do what I did. I spent a good amount of time on my knees blowing Ben, playing with his penis, insulting my husband by calling him boring and such just to spice things up and turn Ben on even more. I was acting just like a whore. The role model, the homemaker, the ordinary housewife was gone at that moment. It felt liberating and so taboo to do all of these things my husband never thought I was capable of. I even swallowed every drop of Ben's sperm except for the stray amounts which landed on my shoulders, on my cheeks, on my back and a good amount went in my hair. He bathed me in his sperm which is something I'd find degrading if I were to do it with my husband or any other man but I found it so sexy with Ben. I felt more appreciated by Ben at that time than I'd ever felt by my husband. My wedding ring adding another element of excitement. At one point Ben told me to take it off because it was rubbing against his penis while I was stroking it just like one time and in hindsight I should have taken it off but I was so caught up in the moment I merely replied with something along the lines of: "I'm a good wife,I only take it off when I do dishes" and I giggled in my excitement. I followed up with a bunch of other phrases of this kind which turned both of us on even more as I was tossing his penis back and forth in my mouth and was enjoying it as if I were a little girl playing with her toy. I felt like a whore and enjoyed it thoroughly. I'm painting the whole picture as it was. I apologize for my language. This sexual experience, to me, goes to show that I like sex with both of these men, just in different ways. I honestly, enjoy having sex with Ben better but either way I'm not ashamed to share my story with the right people. After this experience, my conscience kicked in and I immediately felt guilty but for some reason I did not proceed to take a shower nor did I wash my face or brush my teeth. I cuddled up to my unsuspecting husband and pretended like I was interested in his stories about work while thinking about Ben but I was extremely satisfied and happy so I listened to all of his long stories without feeling bored or despondent. We didn't argue at all this time.I never thought in my wildest dreams I'd do such things because I'm sure I wouldn't have done them in my early teens. It sure felt good doing this. Being a lonely housewife in Indiana, raising children, living up to my husband's expectations to be the perfect wife, homemaker and mother has been my responsibility for such a long time but being a lover, a bad girl, a slut is fun and in a way, I'm glad I got to experience this. I do realize that from a moral standpoint I'm a terrible wife and a terrible human being but would you agree that having an affair can save your marriage? Because of this affair I was able to experience and learn so many things about my sexuality and I was able to get to know myself better which gave me purpose and hope and certainly made me a happier wife.

[Popsicle]

lol

 

I have a friend who is a minister and is super duper religious and is having an affair with another minister. She, too, says her affair, which is still ongoing and her husband doesn't know about, has "saved her marriage!". What hogwash.

[ShatteredLady]

When I was a young teenager my cousin & I used to 'borrow' my grandfathers 'naughty magazines' & read the bored housewives stories to each other. This reminded me of that!

 

I'm sure there are going to be many serious posts raising the issues of morality, deception, husband, STI's etc but at the moment I'm just giggling to myself remembering some of the sordid things we read....

 

One story described a mans penis as a "babies arm", we both froze, looked at each other, estimated the size, crossed our legs & vowed never to let such a thing near us!!! Hahaha! :lmao:

 

We're in our 40's now. I'll have to remind her....what a laugh!