Girlfriends being continuously hit on by men make relationships very difficult

[Whitestar]

Women friends in relationships have told me how often they get approached by men, usually multiple times every day. They say its been this way since High School. Even averagely attractive, shy women, collect attentive and flattering male (and female) admirers waiting for an opportunity to bed them.

 

Given the practical realities of a LTR, the understandable love of women for attention and flattery and their many opportunities is there really much point in entering into a LTR from a male perspective ?

 

PS. I want to make it clear I'm not blaming woman. If I was getting hit on by multiple attractive women on a daily basis showering me with attention and flattery my perspective might be very different.

[winny]

They say its been this way since High School. Even averagely attractive, shy women, collect attentive and flattering male (and female) admirers waiting for an opportunity to bed them.

 

It is actually very disappointing and upsetting... and you have to constantly work on getting rid of such guys.

[Whitestar]

Thanks for responding.

You are confirming my women friends sentiments. They are all clever, bookish, nice women and find the attention upsetting especially since telling these men that they are in a relationship doesn't stop them usually. In fact it usually emboldens them.

Edited January 9, 2017 by Whitestar

[Whitestar]

Women in love would find other men hitting on them upsetting.

 

The trouble is in a LTR there are usually plenty of rough patches when she may feel miserable and when she may be appreciate a little ego massage from another male. Since these males almost always just want to **** them the probability of disaster is high.

 

This is not the fault of the women entirely. They are simply presented with abundant temptation. If men were getting hit on daily by attractive women most would probably do the same thing.

 

Regardless, reality is what it is. While not entirely blaming women for seeking the attention of men who only want to **** them, it makes LTR's a problematic choice for men I think. Marriage certainly seems to be a very bad idea for men.

Edited January 9, 2017 by Whitestar

[umirano]

Let's see if I can put my thought into words.

 

Women get attention a lot more than men, and as far as I understand it has to do with biology and genetics, the "mating market", if you like. Not a problem by itself, I try not to get upset at how the world is in general.

 

It only becomes a problem in an LTR when women deal with this fact about the world incorrectly.

 

Case 1

 

1. You're a woman
   
2. You are in a LTR
   
3. You get hit on
   
4. You are not interested
   

 

Shoot it down. Keep it to yourself

 

Case 2

 

1. You're a woman
   
2. You're in a LTR
   
3. You get hit on
   
4. You are interested
   

 

Leave LTR and find a better partner, as the current one isn't keeping you interested.

 

If in case 2 you stay instead, and possibly blurt out to your BF how you get hit on all the time, obviously he's going to doubt you, the RS and eventually himself. Bad.

 

If in case 1 you blurt out / brag / complain to your BF how you get hit on all the time, again, he will not know what's up with you. The problem with "complaining" is that sometimes it's rather brag-complaining than actual complaining.

 

If you have no interest

 

1. Shoot it down
   
2. Keep it to yourself
   

 

save your LTR a whole lot of trouble.

[stillafool]

OP, you can always enter a relationship with a hideously ugly woman and she won't get hit on.

[Whitestar]

I agree that the healthy thing from a woman to do if she notices herself becoming interested in an admirers flattery is for her to leave the relationship.

 

BUT

 

Wont ALL women experience periods like that in ALL LTR at some point due to the practical difficulties of life ? Money is scarce and the man has to work two jobs and rarely sees the woman and she feels lonely and neglected. A woman is working towards her graduate degree and feels constantly stressed and has no time for her man. All while a woman is being flattered and complimented by other men looking for sex on a daily basis. Logically LTR seem to be doomed to fail in most cases.

 

I stress this is not about blaming anyone but simply facing the realities of the world as it is. If LTR are likely to fail why engage in them? Why not simply avoid all that likely unpleasantness by not getting married or moving in together and keeping things casual? Does this make sense or am I missing something important here?

[Whitestar]

OP, you can always enter a relationship with a hideously ugly woman and she won't get hit on.

 

Actually I have considered this since looks are not very important to me. Companionship and fidelity are much more important.

[smackie9]

All people, male and female during the course of their life will "crush" on someone ie: coworker, but will never act on it because they see it for what it is...a crush. You can't help it, woman or man, if someone pays you a compliment or some kind of flattery to feel good about it. Sure you could have a attraction, but it doesn't mean it's going to make you drop out of your relationship or cheat. Just because you are committed doesn't mean you are dead and should not have those feelings. It happens naturally, and most of us can control our urges. People are allowed to have fantasies, whatever happens in you mind is nobody's business to know or to control.

[heyyourself]

Let's see if I can put my thought into words.

 

Women get attention a lot more than men, and as far as I understand it has to do with biology and genetics, the "mating market", if you like. Not a problem by itself, I try not to get upset at how the world is in general.

 

It only becomes a problem in an LTR when women deal with this fact about the world incorrectly.

 

Case 1

 

1. You're a woman
   
2. You are in a LTR
   
3. You get hit on
   
4. You are not interested
   

Shoot it down. Keep it to yourself

 

Case 2

 

1. You're a woman
   
2. You're in a LTR
   
3. You get hit on
   
4. You are interested
   

Leave LTR and find a better partner, as the current one isn't keeping you interested.

 

If in case 2 you stay instead, and possibly blurt out to your BF how you get hit on all the time, obviously he's going to doubt you, the RS and eventually himself. Bad.

 

If in case 1 you blurt out / brag / complain to your BF how you get hit on all the time, again, he will not know what's up with you. The problem with "complaining" is that sometimes it's rather brag-complaining than actual complaining.

 

If you have no interest

 

1. Shoot it down
   
2. Keep it to yourself
   

save your LTR a whole lot of trouble.

 

 

Well there is another way women behave:

 

Case 3

 

1. You're a woman
   
2. You're in a LTR
   
3. You get hit on
   
4. You keep the people who hit on you as 'just friends' and tell your bf there is no harm in innocent friendships.
   

Then you monkey branch whenever things are not great.

[umirano]

Theoretically everything I said applies to men too, it's just that in practice few men constantly get hit on. I guess saying players shouldn't play while pretending to be in a LTR would be somewhat equivalent, but that's already common knowledge. The monkey branching/keeping orbiters seems to be less frowned upon in comparison.

[road]

Men/women will always find women/men attractive.

 

 

So the best way to handle it is that there is no need to brag or complain that you are being hit on to your better half. Just shoot the man/woman down and no need to tell your current man woman.

 

 

People always make the simplest things hard.