Is he telling the truth or just hiding it?

[Heavenlyflower9]

My H cheated on me several years and confessed to it. Well, we went on and had counseling.

It helped, at least i thought it did. I believe he cheated again, but not with the same OW.

And i have proof! I came across a few emails from her and some from him. I somehow got

a hold of her per IM and on the phone. Unforunately, we live overseas now so i can't confront

her personally. OW said H does'nt love me anymore and told her the total opposite of who i was.

OW said she's was being honest with me and she understood if i did'nt believe her.

 

I confronted him about everything! He DENIES it. H says" she's pyscho... she just wants to

ruins other marriages because hers failed." Asked H about emails. H said she's some kind of computer

freak and can tap into anything. What am I suppose to think? He did cheat before. Like they say.

"Once a cheater always a cheater."

 

I told H not to lie! I just want the truth. H says that "if he did'nt love me anymore, then he would'nt have moved

overseas with me?" Well, maybe he knew i would eventually find out. H also said he would tell me

if he ever did do something. i don't know!

 

I really want our marriage to work. But i don't want it based on lies! What should i do? I can't ignore

it. Just knowing.... that there might have been something. The first time H cheated i forgave, but i

can never forget. I can't stop thinking! It seems like H is trying hard to make it work for us here in a

different country. He's improving in certain areas of our relationship.

 

What should i do? Is he telling the truth? Should i just make the best of it. Get on with our lives?

I'm still confused!

 

 

Heavenlyflower

[smile95]

how did he meet her? All cheating H's seem to tell the W and OW the other one is crazy. They lie to them both and tell them what they want to hear.

 

How did he cheat with her if you are overseas?

 

If you have proof, then you do. I am sorry you are going thru this. I do not belive once a cheater always a cheater....in some cases, yes. But I have guy friends that were really hurt after they cheated and would never do it again.

 

I told H not to lie! I just want the truth. H says that "if he did'nt love me anymore, then he would'nt have moved

overseas with me?" Well, maybe he knew i would eventually find out. H also said he would tell me

if he ever did do something. i don't know!

 

Of course he will deny it. And of course he would "say" he would tell you. Is he going to say "No, honey, I would never tell you."

Sometimes(as I recently find out) someone can say they "love" you and it may not have the same meaning as you. Just be careful. The way I see it...you have two choices. Accept that he did this again and stay. Or accept that he did this again and realize you deserve so much more and go.

 

Just pleeeeeease open your eyes. It is all up to you. You sayyou have proof so now it is just a matter of what your heart believes. It should not be a matter of "oh he cannot cheat with her becasue she is overseas" It should be a matter of"why in the HE** is he even having a relationship/conversation with this woman?"

 

Good luck. I know it is hard. People forgive others for this everyday. You have to decide for yourself what you will accept. If it has happened 2x, it will prob happen again. How can he deny it? You have proof? What is your guy saying?

[loony]

Ok, let's be realistic. Do you believe that some weird guy would start stalking you over the internet and try to ruin your marriage? To how many people did this really happen and do you believe you could be the "lucky winner" in this case? And also, how many female computer nerds are here? Not too many I think and most are more balanced than the guys (meaning being more social and normal). I don't believe your husband at all, in fact I think he must believe you're stupid (sorry to say this) for telling you such a bogus. "Tapping into anything"? That sounds like such a bogus. And he was not freaking out at the thought of being the object of desire for such a cunning person? What about his bank account? - Now, that would get me worried....

 

I don't think that moving overseas with you shows a great devotion to his marriage, why should it? I wouldn't rely on this argument too much.

 

Some people suggested background checks on their future mates, maybe you could do a background check on this woman and see what she's doing. Or if you want to do some research on your own, google her name. Try to find out where she works. You have her phone number and she seems to be willing to talk with you. Ask her for details, ask where she works and then try to verify her information. Check out how reliable she is.

 

I urge you not to let yourself be fooled by your husband.

[Heavenlyflower9]

The OW said it went on while we were still in the states, before we moved overseas. But they wanted

to keep in touch still as friends.

[loony]

Well, I still don't really think that it doesn't mean that he had not cheated on you. He might have been able to move without a lot of regret, because he just wasn't that much interested in her, but it doesn't make it less an affair.

[Heavenlyflower9]

Thank you Beth and Looney for yalls input!

 

I'm going to get through this strong!

 

Not sure what will happen.

 

I'll keep you updated!

 

Heavenlyflower

[jmargel]

H said she's some kind of computer

freak and can tap into anything.

 

As an Information Technology Director no one can just 'tap' into anything. Those emails were from him. He was just grasping at straws. He has a past of cheating and it seems to have happened again. This cheating is in his personality which is dangerous for you. Get checked for STDs. Unless you want to live with sharing him with other women, then I believe you know what you have to do. Him moving overseas with you doesn't mean anything. It only takes a few hours to fly back across the ocean.