startinganew777 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 So, I got divorced about 7 years ago. I still have my ring, don't know why but I planned on trying to sell it eventually. My mom called up the other day asking about it and acting really weird saying she wanted to get it appraised but wouldn't tell me why. Said she would pay me for it. I guess I thought for some reason she wanted it to get the size or something for my current bf, or, I don't know. I don't know what I thought. She was being super secretive about it. So I said maybe. It would be nice to have extra money to put into my savings. So my dad calls this past weekend and accidently tells me she want to take the diamond out, get a new ring made and GIVE it to my brother so he can propose to his girlfriend! I got super upset. I guess it was the combination of thinking she was being secretive about it because it had something to do with my bf proposing or something and it wasn't, and the fact they just HAND everything over to my brother. He spends money like it is going out of style and owes people money, including my uncle who he owes thousands of dollars, and never saves a dime. And they just want to GIVE it to him. And pay me like $200 for a $2000 ring. And the fact that his soon to be fiancé would be wearing the diamond of my failed marriage and very agonizing and hard divorce. It is just weird. So anyways, I got really upset, told them no and that I would figure out what to do with my ring on my own and that he can figure out what to do about a ring for her on HIS own. Well they are upset with me and say I'm over reacting about the whole thing. It is a big mess now. Was I wrong? Am I being selfish? I just don't want to look at her ring all the time and think about how that was the diamond from my failed and miserable marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 No you weren't wrong. It was extremely careless and insensitive for them to even consider this. It would be a terribly bad omen for the new bride too. Your bro can buy his own ring. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 So, I got divorced about 7 years ago. I still have my ring, don't know why but I planned on trying to sell it eventually. My mom called up the other day asking about it and acting really weird saying she wanted to get it appraised but wouldn't tell me why. Said she would pay me for it. I guess I thought for some reason she wanted it to get the size or something for my current bf, or, I don't know. I don't know what I thought. She was being super secretive about it. So I said maybe. It would be nice to have extra money to put into my savings. So my dad calls this past weekend and accidently tells me she want to take the diamond out, get a new ring made and GIVE it to my brother so he can propose to his girlfriend! I got super upset. I guess it was the combination of thinking she was being secretive about it because it had something to do with my bf proposing or something and it wasn't, and the fact they just HAND everything over to my brother. He spends money like it is going out of style and owes people money, including my uncle who he owes thousands of dollars, and never saves a dime. And they just want to GIVE it to him. And pay me like $200 for a $2000 ring. And the fact that his soon to be fiancé would be wearing the diamond of my failed marriage and very agonizing and hard divorce. It is just weird. So anyways, I got really upset, told them no and that I would figure out what to do with my ring on my own and that he can figure out what to do about a ring for her on HIS own. Well they are upset with me and say I'm over reacting about the whole thing. It is a big mess now. Was I wrong? Am I being selfish? I just don't want to look at her ring all the time and think about how that was the diamond from my failed and miserable marriage. Here is the logic side of it. Your mother thinks the ring will appraise low and they can save $$$$ by the resetting of the stone. The reality is the ring will appraise at retail value and maybe even higher than it originally cost because that is what it would cost to replace it with a new ring should you insure it. No one would ever purchase the ring for any $$$ near the apprasal. Maybe 1/3-1/2 the value. So if you mom wants to buy the ring at near the appraised value, you would be getting one heck of a deal. As far a you looking at the stone later, I would laugh because the bride Is marrying your loser brother and getting a used stone as proof. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I can totally sympathize with you OP. I have siblings who get everything handed to them too. Have you ever told your parents how their unequal treatment/favouritism makes you feel? As a side note, I don't understand how your bf could feel comfortable having your parents not only buy his engagement ring but get the diamonds from you. A real man buys his own damn ring. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 I can see why you are upset. The worst part of the story was your mother being secretive with you. It's like she was trying to put one over on you, like she thought she was cleverly tricking you out of your ring. That's offensive. Even if I didn't give a damn about the ring that kind of behavior from my mother would be insulting to me. If your mother and brother were adults then instead of your mother playing some silly secrecy game with you, she would have simply told your brother that you still have your wedding ring and that you might be willing to sell it to him. Then he would have come to you and told you why he wanted your ring and then offered to buy it from you, with his own money preferably. I'm guessing that if it had gone down like that you would have been much more receptive to the idea. That's how adults behave but obviously your brother is not an adult because adults don't need their mom and dad to buy their fiance an engagement ring. Tell your mom that you will get the ring appraised yourself and then offer to sell it to her if she's willing to pay the appraisal price or something close to it. I agree with the poster who said you will never get the full value for that ring so if you can get your parents to pay you a decent price, then go for it. Then you can smile to yourself that they paid you more than anyone else ever would. I'm guessing they don't plan on being honest with the fiance in letting her know that she is getting a used stone from a ring that belonged to a marriage that ended in divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 I can totally sympathize with you OP. I have siblings who get everything handed to them too. Have you ever told your parents how their unequal treatment/favouritism makes you feel? As a side note, I don't understand how your bf could feel comfortable having your parents not only buy his engagement ring but get the diamonds from you. A real man buys his own damn ring. This has nothing to do with my boyfriend. My parents wanted the ring for my brother to give to his girlfriend. Not for my bf to give to me. Of course he wouldn't go for that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 This has nothing to do with my boyfriend. My parents wanted the ring for my brother to give to his girlfriend. Not for my bf to give to me. Of course he wouldn't go for that! Woops. That was a typo. I totally meant brother, not bf. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 This has nothing to do with my boyfriend. My parents wanted the ring for my brother to give to his girlfriend. Not for my bf to give to me. Of course he wouldn't go for that! I highly doubt his gf would appreciate knowing she'd be wearing YOUR ring. WTF. Very dumb idea by your parents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 She would absolutely flip. This girl is a princess. My brother works 3 jobs now so she can stay at home. She is in so much debt because she has to have the best of the best. Designer clothes, brand new expensive furniture and she had my brother buy her a new car recently. I don't know how because they have no money. So yeah, I'm sure she wants some big diamond on her hand because she is all show and mine isn't even close. That and it is used. She would flip her lid. Don't know what my parents were thinking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 oh.hell.no. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Madame_Noire Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 OP, I can see why you are upset. Your brother needs to man up, stand on his own two feet and pay off his debts. Good luck to his future wife on the counts that he seems so irresponsible with money and the fact that his parents are meddling in her potential proposal and lets face it, the marriage and raising of any possible children in said marriage. No disrespect to you, but why would your parents want to hand pass on a ring from a failed marriage? Were they supportive to you during the divorce? I am gobsmacked. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 If you can get a decent price, sell it to them and then tell your B's fiance that you hope she enjoys the ring as much as you did. Snerk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 No, you weren't wrong. That's your ring, not theirs. Sounds like they enable your brother quite a bit and I know that's annoying. You were totally right to tell them no on that. Now go put it in a lockbox or sell it before they steal it. Link to post Share on other sites
kmpisces Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I do not think you are being selfish. I find it almost strange they would want to use a diamond of the ring from your ex husband. I think your brother should have to buy an engagement ring on his own. He should get something new and personal for his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 So my boyfriend and I have been in talks of getting engaged soon. WE both turn 38 in Dec. and want kids so we need to start trying soon. He has some big plan to propose to me but we are pretty much engaged. Our plan was to get married Sept. 29th because we have to do it outside because we have to pay for it on our own. It is our favorite time of year, the weather is perfect then, Oct. starts getting pretty cold. Then we wanted to start trying for kids right away. We haven't really told anybody except for my two close friends. Well last week my brother get engaged. Happy for him! Yay! Then I ask when it is. Sept. Oh crap, I think. Mine is too. Then we realize his is early sept. mine is the last weekend in Sept. Now my brother and I don't get along. We never have. He is the most selfish person I have ever met. I have tried to be there for him, lent him money, blah blah and he treats me like crap. Well when I told him about my plans to get married, of course he gets upset, tells me this is his first wedding and that I shouldn't make it all about me. Ummmm.... I didn't, I just told you my date and why is it that because it is my second wedding, it doesn't matter?! What a cold thing to say. Anyways, they plan for an out of town wedding on Sept. 9th. They were already doing a family vacation that week and just decided to do it there on the beach. Ok, fine. We were getting it all planned out. So today he texts us all and says everything is too expensive the beginning of Sept so they need to move it to the last week of Sept. Awesome. So now my family is mad and expects me to move the date. Why? Whose to say he won't change the date again? And he knew the date I picked and didn't even care enough to talk to me about it. Now everyone is mad at me!!! I don't know what to do. Moving ours more out, we risk it being cold. And he will be on his honeymoon anyways he said. If we do it before, they will be pissed because basically he proposed first. So either way, I'm screwed whatever I choose to do. And he STILL doesn't have a firm date AND I have to schedule 2 weeks around him because of his honeymoon and the fact that his wedding is out of town! It is 12 hours away driving time so it isn't anywhere close to us. This just makes our whole wedding planning not fun. I'm super upset and I think because I have been married before, they are treating it like it isn't a big deal or something. I just don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Two weddings in the same month sounds pretty stressful. Since your brother announced his wedding first and you're not even engaged yet I think your brother should get priority for picking his wedding date. Remember it's not only him you're asking to change the date of the wedding. He has a fiancé and if she has her heart set on September he will want to accomadate her over you. Since there is no obvious right answer to this dilemma then I think the win just has to be given to the person who got engaged and announced their wedding first, regardless of who's selfish and who's has the most marriages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 And he knew the date I picked I get the part that you had already announced your actual date for your marriage ceremony, yet he went ahead and planned his for the exact same day. (It doesn't matter who got engaged first, only who announced the day/date first.) On the other hand, early-September still gives you the weather that you mention as your priority for why you are choosing that time of year altogether. You can go ahead and stick to your date, and he sticks to his, and you split up your family that way. Another option may be to speak with your future sister-in-law to discuss the possibility of a double wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 I get that and figure we probably have to change our date. It just sucks because they had Sept 9th planned, that was the date. They had that actual vacation, booked hotels planned since last Sept., a year out, then after I tell them my date, then they change it. Why? Why when you have been planning the first week in Sept this whole time, right after I tell you my date you change it? Anyways, we will probably have to change ours but I heard my brother was mad just because I was getting married too and it is taking attention off them and no matter what I decide, he is going to probably make it difficult. There were reasons I didn't choose Oct. It gets cold then and my wedding date from my previous marriage was in Oct. It is just weird and I really don't want to do it in Oct. If we do it before, they said my brother will be pissed because he proposed first, they should be getting married first. It just sucks because neither of us really knew what was going on and and we were planning things and had ideas in our head but just not telling anyone. And btw, even though he said they are engaged, they are keeping it secret from everyone else because she doesn't even have a ring yet. Same thing with us so we are basically all in the same boat. It just hurts he picked a date, heard my date and then changed it to the same day. Very prick move. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 they had Sept 9th planned, that was the date. They had that actual vacation, booked hotels planned since last Sept., a year out, startinganew777, Given that you already knew that there was a family wedding planned for a mere three weeks before the date you picked, I would say that was a move that might have reasonably been thought to potentially pose some problems -- logistical, financial and emotional -- for members of your family. Why not do as your brother did, and give your family a year to plan -- so that they can invest in your wedding the same time, emotions and interest and excitement? Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 (edited) startinganew777, Given that you already knew that there was a family wedding planned for a mere three weeks before the date you picked, I would say that was a move that might have reasonably been thought to potentially pose some problems -- logistical, financial and emotional -- for members of your family. Why not do as your brother did, and give your family a year to plan -- so that they can invest in your wedding the same time, emotions and interest and excitement? No, I didn't know that was their wedding date. They had the family vacation planned that far out. He just proposed last weekend and told us the family vacation is now going to be their wedding. No one had any idea about the wedding until last weekend. No one. What Im saying is I knew about the vacation for them. But they just get engaged and decided they might as well do the wedding there, on vacation, last weekend. This is all new news for everyone. He is not giving anyone anytime to plan. The vacation was booked the first week of Sept. Now everyone has to cancel their hotels and change everything around for them and book the last week of Sept. Edited February 17, 2017 by startinganew777 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 No, I didn't know that was their wedding date. <snip> I knew about the vacation for them. But they just get engaged and decided they might as well do the wedding there, on vacation, last weekend. Oh - I get it now. Sorry for my mistake and misinterpretation. But...so, I'm still confused because wasn't that vacation planned for September 9th? That is, have they changed the entire vacation to the 29th? And, if so, are the people you want at your wedding going to make the trip to attend their 'destination wedding'? If not -- if all the people that you want at your wedding are still going to be available to attend your wedding, then just go ahead with your own plans and let him do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. . If they will be attending his wedding -- which, I get all the reasons that they might want to do that -- then your only alternatives are either to change your date to early in September or to get married on September 29, knowing that some or many of your loved ones will not be able to attend. (Not saying that this was cool of your brother to do; but, he has done it...so, now you can only ensure your own inner peace and happiness around planning your own wedding.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Yes, I know it is confusing. LOL Ok, so my parents and my brother, his now fiancé and her two kids all went on vacation last year in the first week of Sept. to Florida. They decided to do it again this year so booked the same condo, the same week, first week from the 2nd until the 8th. We all knew that. They planned it last year. So then, they get engaged last weekend, he then tells us it would just be easiest to get married down on the beach and since they are already there this Sept. why not extend the vacation a couple days and get married on that Sat. the 9th. Then my brother and his fiancé would fly out on the 10th to go on a honeymoon. So he texted us yesterday and said it would be too expensive to do anything the beginning of Sept. They decided it do it the last weekend in Sept. So now my parents have to change their vacation dates at work, change the dates they stay at the condo down there, IF it is available. My brother has to cancel his stay at the condo that first week and find another place to stay too. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 So now my parents have to change their vacation dates at work, change the dates they stay at the condo down there, IF it is available. My brother has to cancel his stay at the condo that first week and find another place to stay too. Thanks for the clarification...I really think I got it, this time. . Since he has to basically re-book everything, anyway, have you considered taking him out for dinner or something equally friendly and congenial, to ask if he is willing to consider changing it to the weekend after 29 September? Failing that, there still remains only the two options that I mentioned. Unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author startinganew777 Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 I don't know. He is so stubborn and hard headed, he basically told me that him and his fiancés wedding is more important because this is their first and this would be my second and that he is going to do what is best for them and not even worry about me. That really hurt. He knew my date and didn't give a crap about me or my fiancé and changed his anyways. I really don't want to talk to him at all. His is up in the air still so now we have to wait around until he gets a firm date to even start scheduling and planning ours. In his mind, he comes first with no consideration to anyone else. He is probably the most selfish, inconsiderate person I have ever met. So probably going to have to change my date so my parents can make both of them. I may have to do it before their wedding which will probably piss them off but I don't care anymore. If I have to move my date to accomadate them, I'm going to do it when I want. He can't dictate my wedding plans or when I'm going to do it just because he thinks mine isn't as important as his. Link to post Share on other sites
Benny21 Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 This is awesome are your parents that desperate to get your brother married that they fear he will live in their basement forever if he doesn't take this once in a life time opportunity on your behalf? Haha Just jokes Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts