Weezy1973 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Not really on point but when women put the Marilyn Monroe quote you have in their profiles, that profile will always be a pass for me. Screams high maintenance... But anyways, OP what I would do is pay attention to what elements in a man's profile you find attractive and what things make you want to meet a man. If you keep track of these things you'll be able to see if there's a pattern. Your sample size is pretty small, but I would say these are three disasters. When I was dating, even though most were not matches, I still enjoyed myself! And also, are these men you messaged first? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyana76 Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 Not really on point but when women put the Marilyn Monroe quote you have in their profiles, that profile will always be a pass for me. Screams high maintenance... But anyways, OP what I would do is pay attention to what elements in a man's profile you find attractive and what things make you want to meet a man. If you keep track of these things you'll be able to see if there's a pattern. Your sample size is pretty small, but I would say these are three disasters. When I was dating, even though most were not matches, I still enjoyed myself! And also, are these men you messaged first? Yes, they have all messaged me first, I get a lot of messages a day, I weed out the ones I won't respond to. (I.E. those looking for a hookup, those I wouldn't have anything in common with ect.) And respond to the ones that interest me. I have not started a conversation with a gentleman myself, maybe I should try that. Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Don't you feel by some of these "small" judgments you could be passing up meeting someone great? Good point... I do understand that you could be correct, having said that I’ve stated here before… I have NEVER had a bad date or dating experience. While things may have not worked out or it was discovered that we were not compatible the women I have ever met on OLD were basically good people and pretty much appeared as anticipated. The only thing is it is a matter of opinion of what a “small” judgement would be. A few examples, for me: *Education Level *Indication of financial security *Clearly visible tattoos (This is not specifically a judgement on Tats but if they were to come to my place of work for some VIP event/function and they can wear a formal dress that is an issue with ME. *Clearly old outdated photos *Few profile photos without others/friends in the photos *ONLY face shots. *Typing in ALL caps *Clearly man hating I want a positive/secure/confident person. That MUST come across That is just me, can’t speak to anyone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
venusishername Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 What is your experience with Bumble? I have my first Bumble date tonight. I've done OKC, Tinder, Match, all of the above when I was single before. Been on a million first dates. Not one relationship developed out of OLD for me. Only meeting in person. Giving it a shot.......again........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyana76 Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 I've never even heard of Bumble. I'm currently on OKCupid. It's probably just like the rest of them. Good luck and have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyana76 Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 Good point... I do understand that you could be correct, having said that I’ve stated here before… I have NEVER had a bad date or dating experience. While things may have not worked out or it was discovered that we were not compatible the women I have ever met on OLD were basically good people and pretty much appeared as anticipated. The only thing is it is a matter of opinion of what a “small” judgement would be. A few examples, for me: *Education Level *Indication of financial security *Clearly visible tattoos (This is not specifically a judgement on Tats but if they were to come to my place of work for some VIP event/function and they can wear a formal dress that is an issue with ME. *Clearly old outdated photos *Few profile photos without others/friends in the photos *ONLY face shots. *Typing in ALL caps *Clearly man hating I want a positive/secure/confident person. That MUST come across That is just me, can’t speak to anyone else. About the photos thing, I guess for me, I only post pictures of myself. The reason being, I don't want my kids' pictures all over the place (its a momma bear thing). The other reason is, the pictures with my friends, I wouldn't want to post their pictures all over a dating site, it's a respect to their privacy. I Love tattoos so for me thats a non issue As long as a man has finished high school and is currently supporting himself, I'm not worried about education either. Maybe I'm not picky enough? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Meeting 3 guys in just 2 weeks, seems like you're doing pretty good. (Even thought it didn't work out yet) Some people can barely get a reply being active 2 weeks on a dating site. At this rate I bet it won't take long to find someone you like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pill Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I don't understand why when OLD doesn't work for some instead of stop using it people just dig deeper into other apps. OLD is a convenient and non personal way of meeting people. There are other ways of going about it, like going out and socializing or cold approaching. There seems to be a mentality of blaming everyone in the OLD universe for not being what one person needs opposed to analyzing the motivation for trying to pick potential partners like shopping for tvs online in the first place. Nothing wrong with OLD but if it's the only resource you're using the issue is internal. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Almost all my online meets were reasonable. No real horror story. Success stories were mostly short term involvements (< 3 months) but I did find a couple of longer term relationships including my current one through OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 About the photos thing, I guess for me, I only post pictures of myself. The reason being, I don't want my kids' pictures all over the place (its a momma bear thing). The other reason is, the pictures with my friends, I wouldn't want to post their pictures all over a dating site, it's a respect to their privacy. I Love tattoos so for me thats a non issue As long as a man has finished high school and is currently supporting himself, I'm not worried about education either. Maybe I'm not picky enough? Lol Lil: This is where the science and social theory of OLD comes in. Now also figure this varies to everything from age, whether or not someone was raised by a single parent, income (family background), race, country of origin, education, religion, and politics ect. I’m a 53 year old man, person of color, was raised in an upper middle class family but for most of my childhood was raised around mostly upper middle class whites. My parents were college educated, most of my family was college educated. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I’m educated and former military. So let’s take the tattoo issue I grew up where tats had a negative connotation very few people I ever hung out with growing up had them. For me someone close to my age “generally” got the tattoos later in life and the reason why they got them was to mark a significant change in their lives. Please don’t write thinking I mean all women more in very general terms. People “generally” who are less educated are not going to be “career” oriented. I personally look for people who have “careers” rather than “jobs” because if you are educated then you are more likely (than not) to be doing something you feel worthwhile. Most stable financially, better with money. Someone open to racial diversity... I date mostly white women so if they either grew up in a racially or socially restrictive home or environment or have never associated with someone of color I'm not going to pursue that person. While I like to go out, I’m not a partier. If I see a profile pic of women holding drinks, and all sorts of wild looking stuff that is not something or someone I would gravitate towards. If I read a profile that says “my kids are my life” well for someone who does not mind kids or would be more open to a “blended family” both having kids cool. But I look for women who are done with raising kids. The point to all of this is we all have a mental checklist of things we look for. Someone had a thread where they were upset that their GF spent way too much time on her building her career. That is something you would have known pretty much from conversation #1. Kids, work, school, drinking habits, relationship habits, communication style, cheating, been cheated on, longest relationship, serial dater, pets, baby daddy issues, financial trouble, sloppy, messy divorce, dumb, rude, racist, religious zealot, too busy, insecure, drug user (illegal legal), mental health issues, social media obsession, homebody. All of this stuff will almost always come out in the wash. You just need to ask better questions. If you are meeting “bad” people and having bad dates you are NOT asking the right and pertinent questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyana76 Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 I guess I'm not asking too many important questions right off the bat. Really not asking too many at all, I figure that kind of stuff comes at the initial meet to give us something to talk about. I'm going to continue to try. We'll see what this weekend brings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Old can be a crap shoot, but you can also meet some really nice people. People you might not otherwise come across. My GF - who I met on OLD 7 months ago. on OKStupid actually - was the 4th person I met from there. The other three women were very nice, but, we didn't hit it off well. My field was/is limited because I am a motorcycle rider, and wan't to date someone who rides, and I don't drink. I don't care if my date drinks, but, saying you don't drink in your profile seems to put a lot of folk off. They think you are a dud or something. Hopefully you meet someone, and the conversation will just flow so naturally you'll wonder how it is you've not known this person already. That's what happened for me, and that's been as I said, 7 mos. now. Good luck, and until you meet that person you want to see again, have fun with it. I know I did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Old can be a crap shoot, but you can also meet some really nice people. People you might not otherwise come across. BA: I can say virtually every single women I have ever met via OLD (talking 60 or so I have met face to face) there is NO WAY I would have ever met any of them IRL. When you factor things like where you live, where you work, social circles, income range, education where your family and friends reside HOW you meet someone is determined by these factors. I’m someone (almost) totally dependent on OLD to meet and discover the type of woman I’m generally compatible with AND interested in. If I lived on either coast where virtually all my family, oldest and closest friends my social circle would be far greater. I have no close old friends or family living near me. Varies with the individual. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 I'm 52 so I may be able to relate to your lack of interest in OLD more than the younger set who has always lived in a world where OLD was the norm. I may be old-school, but I really believe that the best way to meet legitimate candidates is through your friends, family, social circles and shared interests and activities. If a trusted friend of yours that knows you and cares about you tells you that she knows a good guy that she thinks will be a good match for you - that counts for a lot more than a dozen profile pictures and walls of text saying how they like puppies and walks on the beach and don't like negative people. Birds of a feather do flock together and throughout human history and across all cultures, people being introduced by mutual friends and family etc has been the norm and highest degree of success. Cold meeting strangers to find a mate is a western society phenomenon that has only been occurring for the last couple decades. Yes, we all know a few people that have hit one out of the ballpark and found a great match. But being introduced by friends family and getting to know people through shared interest and activities has been producing couples for 10s of thousands of years. I'm married, a little older than you, but I still meet some really interesting single/divorced/widowed women when I go out to happy hours. Of course, I can't/won't follow up, but maybe the difference is that I feel no pressure to meet someone. In my experience, there are tons of perfectly nice women out there. Of course, also in my experience, the shine wears off of all of us once we get to know each other a little. OP, are you a woman? If so, I can imagine that you feel like prey in today's dating world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lilyana76 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 I'm married, a little older than you, but I still meet some really interesting single/divorced/widowed women when I go out to happy hours. Of course, I can't/won't follow up, but maybe the difference is that I feel no pressure to meet someone. In my experience, there are tons of perfectly nice women out there. Of course, also in my experience, the shine wears off of all of us once we get to know each other a little. OP, are you a woman? If so, I can imagine that you feel like prey in today's dating world. Yes, I am female. I am finding that I have to be rather selective. If I start getting bad vibes right away, then they go off the potential meet list of course. It's pretty easy to weed out the not so good choices. Most of the time... Link to post Share on other sites
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