Going after the not so looker? Online dating

[Chris2016]

I hear average Joe's have a hard time in online dating, where they don't get messages back, though they sent out several messages.

 

I haven't done online dating, but just checking out photos/profiles. Does messaging the not so lookers work? For some of them, they present better in their other photos, versus the profile pic. It's just the profile pic, that you would pass up, if you had not look at their other photos or profile.

[Tread Carefully]

I look at everything instead of just the profile picture. I know that some people just aren't very photogenic. I also try to answer all the messages I get even if it's just to say that I'm flattered in their interest but I don't think we'd make a good match. The messages that get the most of my attention are the ones that show that they've read my profile and include something about it in the message they send me. That tells me that their interest is higher than the 50 other ones that just say "Hi". I have included a whole bunch of conversation starters in my profile. It also helps to weed out who reads about me vs just looks at my pictures.

 

As far as checking out the guys. Since I read their profiles, if they have something that shows their humor or something unique to themselves, it really seperates them from the generic profiles. Especially the ones that just say "If you want to know just ask". Ugghh. Those don't ever get my attention. I took the time to create a unique profile representative of myself, I'd like the same from them.

[Simple Logic]

I hear average Joe's have a hard time in online dating, where they don't get messages back, though they sent out several messages.

 

I haven't done online dating, but just checking out photos/profiles. Does messaging the not so lookers work? For some of them, they present better in their other photos, versus the profile pic. It's just the profile pic, that you would pass up, if you had not look at their other photos or profile.

 

Everyone OLDing is looking for an underware model, but honestly, would you need OLD if you were an underware model?

[JuneJulySeptember]

From my experiences on Match.com...

 

The hot and cuter women (say ~20%) probably it's really hard to get a response since they get so many messages. I rarely messaged any of them. If they were my race, I think I did a couple. No responses...

 

~1% of women will fall into the 'starkly unattractive' category. Women who are either very obese (double their BMI), have unfortunate facial disfigurements or exaggerated features, look like men, completely don't take care of themselves or a combination.

 

After that, literally 75-79% of women fall into the 'average category'. So, while you may not be attracted to them, a decent amount of guys are. For instance, you might not be attracted to most black women, but a lot of guys are.

 

In any case, I did what you mention at a point because I was getting frustrated. I messaged women that I was less attracted to. The problem is most of those women fall into the average category, have options, and probably are not attracted to you either.

 

So ... I would recommend messaging women in the average range that you are attracted to, and a smattering of others that have something you like. Going for 'low-hanging fruit' as Loveshack likes to say is probably not effective. It might get you a few more dates, but no closer to a relationship.

Edited January 10, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

[normal person]

If you date someone you aren't attracted to, you won't be happy and you'll just be wasting her time. Please consider that.

[Jj66]

Why would anyone go on a date with someone he or she isn't attracted to? Attraction comes first. If you aren't attracted, it doesn't matter how many fine qualities your prospect may have, it won't work as anything more than friends.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Why would anyone go on a date with someone he or she isn't attracted to? Attraction comes first. If you aren't attracted, it doesn't matter how many fine qualities your prospect may have, it won't work as anything more than friends.

 

There's a number of reasons, but the foremost I can think of is that you favor a personality match over looks and that you expand your search in order to find that.

 

And I'll be honest with you, I've thought of doing it just to buck the trend. Looks are pretty petty if you really think about it. What if you were born blind? Would looks matter to you then? Or what if you were badly disfigured? Then would anybody be attracted to you? Would you still hold hard on your stance knowing that you would likely die alone and without love because the condition of your face means that much to the world?

 

Anyway, things to consider...

[LookAtThisPOst]

Funny thing, and probably the reason I rarely get responses from women online, is the fact that every woman that actually had an interest in me and was attracted to me...ALL of them didn't care about the physical. I'm being dead serious here.

 

Some outright admitted to me, "I don't care about looks whatsoever" and were quite adamant about that.

 

The last woman I went out with said she actually had an aversion to pretty boys. Basically, the more attractive they looked, the more unattractive they appeared....to her.

 

I guess there's a population out there that think some people are so attractive, they look fake.

[carhill]

I hear average Joe's have a hard time in online dating, where they don't get messages back, though they sent out several messages.

I've read that's how it goes now but I never had any significant issues doing OLD in the past and average to invisible is my middle name.

 

I haven't done online dating, but just checking out photos/profiles. Does messaging the not so lookers work?

People vary but they can certainly like pretty men no matter their own appearance, just like in real life.

For some of them, they present better in their other photos, versus the profile pic. It's just the profile pic, that you would pass up, if you had not look at their other photos or profile.

Some people aren't photogenic. I happened to marry one who was. IMO, if one is going to live their life in pictures, pretty pictures are nice. Real life, OTOH, is a mixed bag. People want what they want. If you're focusing in on pictures, that's apparently what you want. Pick the most flattering photo, see if it moves you and, if it does, contact them. Gotta start somewhere.

[Shining One]

Does messaging the not so lookers work?

According to some OKCupid data, yes. However, if you're among the most attractive male senders, you will have a lower success rate with the least attractive women.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Funny thing, and probably the reason I rarely get responses from women online, is the fact that every woman that actually had an interest in me and was attracted to me...ALL of them didn't care about the physical. I'm being dead serious here.

 

Some outright admitted to me, "I don't care about looks whatsoever" and were quite adamant about that.

 

The last woman I went out with said she actually had an aversion to pretty boys. Basically, the more attractive they looked, the more unattractive they appeared....to her.

 

I guess there's a population out there that think some people are so attractive, they look fake.

 

That's pretty much been the case with me too, and I'm not disfigured or obese. Been in pretty tip top shape during most of my dating years.

 

It is my belief that it is more important to match up with someone who cares about looks as much as you do, in spite of what you both actually look like.

 

For example, there are some pretty/cute women who get attention, but really aren't that focused on their looks, the looks of their partner and most importantly, how looks factor in people's place in life.

 

OTOH, a less attractive woman could be obsessed with her own looks, how they define her place in society, and how her looks compare to her partner and how that defines the equality.

 

It goes without saying I'm looking for the first type...

 

And I have found in a sense that mentality is somewhat independent of actual natural looks.

[Lilyana76]

I am meeting up with some men from the OLD scene soon. Are they underwear models? no, not even close. and if they were I wouldn't be interested in them at all.

 

They are average guys, with great personalities that I can tell so far.

 

I care more about...

 

1. do they have a job?

 

2. Are they looking for a companion or are they looking for someone to take care of them?

 

3. Do they have their own place, and car? I don't want to be providing a home and rides everywhere.

 

4. do we have anything in common?

 

5. Can they hold a conversation?

 

There are things that are way more important than looks. Why not read the profiles and see if you have things in common instead of relying on what a picture says to you?

 

besides... photoshop... everyone can be a model lol

[SwordofFlame]

OP, I think this depends on your age. Often men in their 20s have to "date down" so to speak cause women in the same age range have so many options with online dating. However, it starts to reverse as you get older.

[niji]

For example, there are some pretty/cute women who get attention, but really aren't that focused on their looks, the looks of their partner and most importantly, how looks factor in people's place in life.

 

OTOH, a less attractive woman could be obsessed with her own looks, how they define her place in society, and how her looks compare to her partner and how that defines the equality.

 

And I have found in a sense that mentality is somewhat independent of actual natural looks.

 

This is such a brilliant observation; all of a sudden it dawned on me why there are those couples where one partner is significantly more attractive than the other, yet are still blissfully together as ever. Among those that I know, the attractive partner is, I'm sure, aware of their physical qualities, but is not hung up on it and doesn't let it define them - they treat everyone, regardless of how they look, with kindness. Now it makes so much sense why it works.

 

That is not to say that attractiveness isn't hard work, it is. It takes effort to eat healthy and be active to maintain a good shape, yet there are those who put in the effort to keep up their appearance but aren't hung up on it. These are the people to go for, IMO.

[ZA Dater]

Why would anyone go on a date with someone he or she isn't attracted to? Attraction comes first. If you aren't attracted, it doesn't matter how many fine qualities your prospect may have, it won't work as anything more than friends.

 

Because quite often one might not be able to go on dates with people one finds attractive.

[Miss Peach]

This will work different for men versus women.

 

When talking to men on OLD I hardly look at the picture. It's actually the last thing I look at. It only keeps me from responding if it's a huge lack attraction since I can can find something I find attractive in guys I like and have chemistry with. And I can't access that online; it needs to be done in person.

 

Talking with women I am more looks driven but there are still a wide range of looks I like.

 

The thing that stops me from messaging back is usually a lack of being able to figure out what we can talk about and basic conversation skills. I get messages from guys with hardly anything obvious in common, barely any questions, etc. What men don't realize is that when we have an inbox full of messages, they need to stand out from the crowd somehow. I like men who seem to be a really good match on paper such as commonalities or we're looking for things very different.

[Shining One]

What men don't realize is that when we have an inbox full of messages, they need to stand out from the crowd somehow.

This actually supports the OP's theory of going after less attractive women. Less attractive women receive less messages, thus it's easier for a man to stand out.

[normal person]

Because quite often one might not be able to go on dates with people one finds attractive.

 

But seemingly the only reason you'd want to date someone in the first place is because you found them attractive. If not, what's the point? Why not just be friends? Sexual attraction is what distinguishes romantic relationships from platonic ones. I don't see much sense in trying to force romance and sexual attraction when you don't feel any. It's just a waste of peoples' time. That's why I can never wrap my head around the suggestions for people to go out with people they aren't attracted to. It doesn't work like that.

[JuneJulySeptember]

But seemingly the only reason you'd want to date someone in the first place is because you found them attractive. If not, what's the point? Why not just be friends? Sexual attraction is what distinguishes romantic relationships from platonic ones. I don't see much sense in trying to force romance and sexual attraction when you don't feel any. It's just a waste of peoples' time. That's why I can never wrap my head around the suggestions for people to go out with people they aren't attracted to. It doesn't work like that.

 

Life is different for all persons.

 

I have wanted to have sex with most if not ALL of my female friends.

 

And most of the time in relationships I like to spend like I would with a friend. Drinking beer, watching TV/movies, travelling doing fun stuff. I don't like the cuddling, intimacy, etc. Sex is OK, but masturbation is just as good.

 

So, I would argue there is a very gray line between romance and friendship. Theoretically, a man and a woman could be friends and function like a couple does 95% of the time. They just wouldn't kiss/f@ck. If they didn't want kids...