Author Ethereal Posted March 4, 2017 Author Share Posted March 4, 2017 I have question for you? Did your BF make constant loving and sweet statements like these to you while he was dating his Ex? Well we were platonic friends for a while at first but in the last month of their relationship he started realising he got feelings for me and he said stuff like I was awesome and adorable but things didn't go beyond that until they broke up. Now he says that I'm the one and perfect for him and that he loves me etc. Also darkmoon, I believe she's already started seeing a therapist. If I was my BF I'd feel relieved she's got someone to talk to and it would take the pressure off feeling I had to. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I agree with 4 x 4 and I think the ex knows what she is doing, so do not argue with your guy but ask him to refer her to a counsellor to help with her loneliness, and mean it BUT If it was her reaching out to him, I wouldn't really care, it is him who has been initiating contact with her. The ex can see as many therapists as she needs for her "loneliness" but that doesn't solve the OPs problem, as her bf is the one who is reaching out to the ex all the time. He is the one who is loading the ex with compliments and telling her how much he misses her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Also darkmoon, I believe she's already started seeing a therapist. If I was my BF I'd feel relieved she's got someone to talk to and it would take the pressure off feeling I had to. Do we need to remind you that she is not running toward your bf for support, she is not putting any pressure on him. Your boyfriend is the one doing all the contacting. Maybe your boyfriend is the one needing a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) Hi guys, something has happened. I saw more texts and he told her he knows he'd want them to be together if it wasn't for the fact that after what happened between them (I assume he means leaving her and being with me) he'd never be able to forgive himself and said she deserves better. She said she just wants him to be happy. He then told her he is happy with me (I can't help but hold on to him saying this) but said it wasn't that simple (what does he mean by not being simple?) So yeah, I know it's bad I'm still snooping but after the worries about his contact with her I've felt I've had to. He doesn't know I've seen. Is it weird that I feel positive from this conversation he had with her? Don't get me wrong, I'm a bit worried he said he'd want them to be together, but it's clear he doesn't care enough to try from his 'you deserve better' comment. And he told her he's happy with me so that shows I've got nothing to worry about right? I'm not sure what he meant about 'it not being that simple' though. It seems vague and I'm a bit confused by it all tbh. Edited March 20, 2017 by Ethereal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 Anyone? I felt okay last night but now I'm not feeling so good... I think I'm in a state of denial and shock 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Hey girl Sorry I'm late to this thread As for your last 2 posts, I'm so sorry That had to hurt I dont know where to start with everything he said. But it was not good Him saying "its not simple" means he wants to be with her but is tied up (chained) to you. Thats my take on it He told her she deserves better??? So....what does that say about what he thinks you deserve? Again not good Girl I know you're holding onto this guy but this is a big mess. I guarantee you that if he had the chance (and things were simple) he'd get back with her because thats what he really wants You're also running the risk of him cheating with her if he hasnt already Time to release yourself from this awful situation Because.....YOU deserve better! Xoxo Hang in there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EZNona Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Hey girl Sorry I'm late to this thread As for your last 2 posts, I'm so sorry That had to hurt I dont know where to start with everything he said. But it was not good Him saying "its not simple" means he wants to be with her but is tied up (chained) to you. Thats my take on it He told her she deserves better??? So....what does that say about what he thinks you deserve? Again not good Girl I know you're holding onto this guy but this is a big mess. I guarantee you that if he had the chance (and things were simple) he'd get back with her because thats what he really wants You're also running the risk of him cheating with her if he hasnt already Time to release yourself from this awful situation Because.....YOU deserve better! Xoxo Hang in there Preach it to the choir!!! Your 'supposed' man is texting his Ex that he'd want for him and her to be together if it wasn't for the crap he pulled of leaving her for another woman. He knows that it looks bad leaving one girl for the another, then trying to jump back to the old girl. I feel like he was fishing her. Trying to see how she would respond and if she would encourage them two to be together. I think if the Ex entertained his comments and said she wanted to be with him still, you would see a world of even more hurt in those texts. I have to commend the Ex. She is not leading him on or encouraging him to be with her. She is being very neutral and he responds to that by being more and more pushy. And when he tells her, 'He's happy with you, but it isn't that simple'. That means while he likes you and enjoys you, he still has some lingering feelings for the Ex. The ONLY reason why this conversation hasn't gone completely sideways is because the Ex is not biting his line hard enough. She's keeping somewhat of a distance and not pushing for anything. She's actually your saving grace here. This man can not be trusted. He blurs relationship and emotional boundaries too much and too far. I hope you took a picture of that latest exchange for evidence later because you're going to need. I would be balls to the wall mad if I saw texts like that from my guy...and you're over there happy with these texts?? Nah, the denial is strong here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 (edited) Is it weird that I feel positive from this conversation he had with her? Don't get me wrong, I'm a bit worried he said he'd want them to be together, but it's clear he doesn't care enough to try from his 'you deserve better' comment. And he told her he's happy with me so that shows I've got nothing to worry about right? I'm not sure what he meant about 'it not being that simple' though. It seems vague and I'm a bit confused by it all tbh. The only reason you should feel positive about that text (and that was what I was thinking you meant, as I was going into this sentence), is that it confirms he still has feelings for her. Giving him the benefit of the doubt in that you so strongly seem to be of the opinion that he's a good and kind man, then at least he is currently very torn in his feelings and that's not good news for you. What he should have said is that he is happy with you and how ever much affection and friendship he has for his ex, he knows that they are not right for each other. Instead, he insinuated that they in fact are right for each other and he wishes they could end up together, except that he screwed things up when he chose you.. eesh! This is not acceptable. It sounds like he's having second thoughts, honestly. But he feels like he already pulled the plug on her when he dumped her, so he's trying to make it work with you. He's settling. You deserve better. Edited March 21, 2017 by Empyrea Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Hi guys, something has happened. I saw more texts and he told her he knows he'd want them to be together if it wasn't for the fact that after what happened between them (I assume he means leaving her and being with me) he'd never be able to forgive himself and said she deserves better. She said she just wants him to be happy. He then told her he is happy with me (I can't help but hold on to him saying this) but said it wasn't that simple (what does he mean by not being simple?) So yeah, I know it's bad I'm still snooping but after the worries about his contact with her I've felt I've had to. He doesn't know I've seen. Is it weird that I feel positive from this conversation he had with her? Don't get me wrong, I'm a bit worried he said he'd want them to be together, but it's clear he doesn't care enough to try from his 'you deserve better' comment. And he told her he's happy with me so that shows I've got nothing to worry about right? I'm not sure what he meant about 'it not being that simple' though. It seems vague and I'm a bit confused by it all tbh. There is nothing positive in this conversation. He told her he'd rather be with her than you. How is that positive in your mind? and he added but it's not that simple which means he is happy but he's not totally happy with you and he is not where he wants to be, he wants to be with her. How is that positive? When he told her if he had a choice he'd be with her he was fishing for a reaction from her. She did not confirm she feels the same and wants to be with him. If she had said yes she also wants to be with him he'd be out of your life in a heartbeat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I guess he did emotionally cheat, but we didn't do anything physically until after he ended it. There is no guessing about it. You did engage in the emotional affair and that, as you can see right now, can be just as damaging as a sexual affair because you can't climb up in his head and traffic control his thoughts. I agree that him needed to process the break up is to be expected considering we got together so quickly. I'm happy to accept that and let him work through his emotions. he's not going to work through his emotions because he's not done with her. He wants to get back with her and all of what he's saying indicates that. Do you think that's all this could be, barcode88? Him simply processing the break up? No. He's actively seeking to remain connected to her. You process a break up BY YOUR SELF--ALONE, not by distracting yourself with someone new who isn't panning out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Want to know how to get to the bottom of all of this? Get all 3 of you in a room together and ask him who he wants to be with. You will find out in short order where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ethereal Posted March 23, 2017 Author Share Posted March 23, 2017 Thank you all for your comments. You're all so right. It's clear he still loves her after saying that to her. There is no other way to interpret what he said as anything else is there? We're still together but I've been distancing myself emotionally since these last texts. Although I'm distant, he's still affectionate and attentive and wants to spend heaps of time with me. Can someone explain why he'd want to put so much effort into me when he still wishes he was with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Mountaingirl83 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Thank you all for your comments. You're all so right. It's clear he still loves her after saying that to her. There is no other way to interpret what he said as anything else is there? We're still together but I've been distancing myself emotionally since these last texts. Although I'm distant, he's still affectionate and attentive and wants to spend heaps of time with me. Can someone explain why he'd want to put so much effort into me when he still wishes he was with her? Because he keeps fishing for a green light from her that she also wants to get back together, but he hasn't gotten one. You are a place filler and are better than being alone. He may genuinely enjoy your company but you are a second choice . He probably also feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt you by telling you that he made a mistake in leaving her for you. He knows he made a mess of things and hurt one girl and now doesn't want to hurt a second. He wants to be with her. She is who he wants. But, as he said, it's not that simple anymore. So now he is with you wishing you were her. Wishing all that affection and love he is heaping on you was being spent on her instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Mountaingirl83 Posted March 23, 2017 Share Posted March 23, 2017 Why are you settling for this? Do you not love yourself enough to be someones first choice? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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