husband cheated and I need to trust again

[carla24]

A couple of days ago I caught my husband in a bathroom with his cousins wife. She was hiding behind the shower curtain and thought that I wouldn't notice. Well was she wrong! They were both sweaty and flushed.

 

My husband denies that anything happened. But things just didn't feel right that day. They went for beer together. Got drunk together.

And everytime one of them went to the bathroom it seemed like the other had to go too.

 

This is a family member that I have been around a lot and had no reason to feel suspicious of before. But I can no longer feel this way.

 

I don't know how to gain my husbands trust back. And I don't know how to get through this.

[Debster]

Your husband denies that anything happened but he got caught in the can with another woman!!

I'd be saying - then what was she doing in there?

The fact that they always seem to need to go at the same time is a huge blinking red light.

Don't fall for his lies.

And you don't need to earn his trust back, he needs to earn YOUR trust back.

IMO, he doesn't deserve to be trusted.

Good luck.

[wanting to heal]

I would tell you to look at all the probs in your marriage.

 

You need to talk with a MC together. You need honesty from him, but that is seldom what you get. Saying that nothing happened is likely the first lie.

 

She has to be out of the picture as well. You have to decide if you can trust your H, and if he is worth trusting.

[dresden]

Carla, I feel for you. I caught my husband with OW this morning. Lies Lies Lies!!!

I know how you feel.

 

I think there has to be no contact with this woman at all.

 

I'm in too much pain to say more, but I know how you feel. Good luck.

[SoleMate]

"...husband cheated and I need to trust again..."

I would have worded it like this: "...husband cheated and he needs to earn my trust again..."

 

DON'T give your trust away! Only place it where it is earned. Please google for "marriage builders" and read about Plan A and Plan B. Time to activate. Sweaty and flushed in the shower, all day long at a family event!!??*&%#!!?? That's a new low!

[jmargel]

You don't need to trust him again, you need to kick him out. He's lying and until he comes clean it'll only get worse.

[passing by]

Sorry you're in this very hurtful place.

 

Trust your gut. What do you think they were doing in the bathroom? OF COURSE something happened. Even if they didn't go all the way, it was still inappropriate what they did, and why the heck do you think she was hiding? People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

I wouldn't believe a word of what he said and I would not be able to rest until he told me EXACTLY what went on in that bathroom. He may have been drunk, but he wasn't unconscious so don't let him lie and say he can't remember. I would also confront her and tell her husband. He should know about it also. He might actually have some things to tell you as well, you never know.

 

The p.o.s. bone scrumping skankarella in my case was also invited to my home. She ate food I cooked, drank my ice tea, gave me nice clothes for my kids that didn't fit her kids anymore, then proceeded to screw my husband for months (probably years) behind my back. I wish he had left me for her. It would have been all that he deserved to have a skank like her for a wife.

[carla24]

Thanks to everyone who has tried to help me so far!

 

 

I have tried to talk to my husband about what is going on. And his only reply is "NOTHING HAPPENED". I told him that I do not trust him and that I don't think I ever will. ( It's not that I don't want to, it's just too hard right now.) I feel in my gut that he is not telling the truth. I don't know how to get him to come clean. I mentioned telling this girls husband about them and my husband replied "Why would you want to do that and break up another couple?" Is this not a giveaway that something DID happen? Or am I just stupid.

 

 

And to try and fix things my husband thinks that we need a weekend away from our kids (we have 4, 1 his, 1 mine, 2 ours.) He thinks we need this time to reconnect. I am thinking about doing it but I don't want it to be a kiss and make up thing. I am really upset about what he did and no matter what he does to try and make me forget it, I never will. I tried to make him understand that if I go that I am not saying that everything is ok. And he says that he understands. But does he really?

 

I feel that if I forgive him or go on a weekend getaway that he will think I'm over his cheating and that he can go and do it all over again. Know what I mean?

 

I am just hurting bad right now and I do love him but I can't help but think he's doing something behind my back when he walks out the door everyday. I want to be happy, I want my kids to be happy I even want him to be happy. But I don't know if I should try and make it work or not. I think if he cheated before, not only with me but he cheated on his 1st wife, that he always will.

 

 

I am sooo lost on what to do. I need more advice.

[ThumbingMyWay]

Originally posted by carla24

And his only reply is "NOTHING HAPPENED".

 

I mentioned telling this girls husband about them and my husband replied "Why would you want to do that and break up another couple?" Is this not a giveaway that something DID happen? Or am I just stupid.

 

your not stupid....that to me is a dead give away...I mean how stupid does that sound....nothing happen, wel if nothing happened, why would a that break up another couple....

 

 

try and fix things my husband thinks that we need a weekend away from our kids

 

He thinks we need this time to reconnect. I am thinking about doing it but I don't want it to be a kiss and make up thing. I am really upset about what he did and no matter what he does to try and make me forget it, I never will. I tried to make him understand that if I go that I am not saying that everything is ok. And he says that he understands. But does he really?

 

his hopeing he can smooze you....dont stand for it...MAKE HIM COME CLEAN....

 

personally, i would go to the other woman and ask her whats going on....list all the things you said that happened in your first post.....I mean, why would they be in the bathroom togher....come on...thats BS....I would ask for the full truth and then threaten to tell her husband.....

 

DONT BE A PUSH OVER....I smell something here......get to the bottem of it.....FAST...dont wait on him....

[passing by]

Great. You get a weekend trip, I got a trip to Mexico. But then it wasn't his only infraction so I guess he had to give me a whole week and not just a weekend. What simpletons they can be to think they can just whisk you away and sweet talk you and everything will be okay again.

 

I know you love him but you have to stand your ground here. If you let him get away with this, he will do it again and maybe next time you won't be around to catch him. I never used to listen when people would say some people will do as much as you let them get away with. I have learned it is absolutely true. If you want respect and better treatment you have to feel you are worthy of it. Put your foot down on this one. He needs to get the message loud and clear that you will not tolerate being cheated on.

 

And about your messing up some other couples, marriage, well that is just horsesh*t. You weren't the one in the bathroom with someone else's spouse. You should tell the skank you'd like to talk to her. Be respectful even though she doesn't deserve it. Act like a lady and ask her cordially to speak with you. If she refuses, then tell her fine, then perhaps me, my husband and your husband all need to get together and talk. I promise she will start flapping her gums like no one's business. Besides, wouldn't YOU want to know if the whole disgusting thing had happened in his cousin's house? Wouldn't you want him to tell you?

 

You deserve the truth. It is a personal choice though, and a tough one to make. I wish you the best.