Any dumpers on here miss their ex?

[abc0001]

I dumped my ex 6 months ago and I am starting to miss him quite a bit...anyone else on here that miss/missed one of their exes? All I see are people who got dumped and maybe 1-2 stories of the ex trying to come back. I've been running a lot of "polls" with family, friends, and strangers. I ask them if they have ever been dumped, if so did their ex want them back later on (6 months +) I'm getting pretty surprising numbers so far. If you're a dumper and miss your ex, please share. Give the dumpees a little something.

[ExpatInItaly]

I can honestly say no, haven't missed the guys I've dumped.

 

Sure, I have some find memories of our time together but I haven't looked back and wished we could be together again.

 

I ended those relationships after a lot of thought, and as such, know even today that I made the right choice.

[jorgeg3d]

Some people just know, some like to give second chances. In the end, if you truly loved someone you wouldn't have let them go in the first place.

[Emmafive]

Some people just know, some like to give second chances. In the end, if you truly loved someone you wouldn't have let them go in the first place.

 

 

 

 

Not true. I loved my ex more than anything but things weren't working between us so I had to break it off. We had been trying and exhausting ourselves for years to the point where we started to resent each other.

 

 

Another person I was dating I was going through a life crisis if you will. Lost my job, had to find a new place to live- just wasn't where I wanted to be in life at all. I broke things off with the guy, not because I didn't love him but because I needed to get my life together asap. I knew I wasn't going to be able to devote the time needed to make us work. If my personal life was in shambles how would I be a good partner to him? Timing unfortunately was incredibly off. If we had met later in life I would have loved to have spent the rest of my life with him.

 

I don't think loving someone, and I mean truly loving someone automatically means staying with them. Feelings aren't black and white and can't be put into nice boxes labeled with corresponding actions.

 

Love does not a relationship make. It takes a whole heck of a lot more than just truly loving someone to make a relationship work.

Edited January 11, 2017 by Emmafive

[keiji]

Not true. I loved my ex more than anything but things weren't working between us so I had to break it off. We had been trying and exhausting ourselves for years to the point where we started to resent each other.

 

 

Another person I was dating I was going through a life crisis if you will. Lost my job, had to find a new place to live- just wasn't where I wanted to be in life at all. I broke things off with the guy, not because I didn't love him but because I needed to get my life together asap. I knew I wasn't going to be able to devote the time needed to make us work. If my personal life was in shambles how would I be a good partner to him? Timing unfortunately was incredibly off. If we had met later in life I would have loved to have spent the rest of my life with him.

 

I don't think loving someone, and I mean truly loving someone automatically means staying with them. Feelings aren't black and white and can't be put into nice boxes labeled with corresponding actions.

 

Love does not a relationship make. It takes a whole heck of a lot more than just truly loving someone to make a relationship work.

 

Totally agreed. I think of most of my ex-g's from time to time and still miss some of them even today. That doesn't mean I want us to get back together, but I loved them in the past (perhaps I still do in some way) and we lived wonderful things together. I broke up with someone last October and sometimes I think it might work and I'm tempted to reach out, but I'm realistic. It didn't work for a reason.

 

Others I barely even remember. So there are no rules whatsoever.

[jamili]

I broke up with someone last October and sometimes I think it might work and I'm tempted to reach out, but I'm realistic. It didn't work for a reason.

 

Maybe she changed since then, after the breakup. Being dumped can drastically change someone, forever. She might have identified all the problems she caused in the relationship, and won't make the same mistakes again.

 

I dont quite agree with the "didnt work for a reason" theory, because the timing just might jave been off.

[jorgeg3d]

Not true. I loved my ex more than anything but things weren't working between us so I had to break it off. We had been trying and exhausting ourselves for years to the point where we started to resent each other.

 

 

Another person I was dating I was going through a life crisis if you will. Lost my job, had to find a new place to live- just wasn't where I wanted to be in life at all. I broke things off with the guy, not because I didn't love him but because I needed to get my life together asap. I knew I wasn't going to be able to devote the time needed to make us work. If my personal life was in shambles how would I be a good partner to him? Timing unfortunately was incredibly off. If we had met later in life I would have loved to have spent the rest of my life with him.

 

I don't think loving someone, and I mean truly loving someone automatically means staying with them. Feelings aren't black and white and can't be put into nice boxes labeled with corresponding actions.

 

Love does not a relationship make. It takes a whole heck of a lot more than just truly loving someone to make a relationship work.

 

 

You see, if you love someone and vise versa, you and your partner should be willing to have each others sides. To help and support each other. Its not just about rainbows and butterflies and the good times. You learn to fight adversity together, not apart. Thats the meaning of "growing" together. Now, if there's factors stopping you from doing that within the relationship then that's a different story.

 

Life happens and if you have someone willing to be by your side and helping each other along the way, that's what its all about. You will never be completely perfectly aligned with all the things going right in your life. Having each others back is the best part of a good relationship.

 

its like family, family wouldn't dump you when your down would they? No, they'd help you anyway they can.

[Emmafive]

Maybe she changed since then, after the breakup. Being dumped can drastically change someone, forever. She might have identified all the problems she caused in the relationship, and won't make the same mistakes again.

 

I dont quite agree with the "didnt work for a reason" theory, because the timing just might jave been off.

 

 

 

I don't agree with it either. In fact I hate it when people say that lol (no offense OP). Just because something didn't work out before doesn't mean it won't work out in the future. I think with enough time apart and communication it could work. You never know until you try

 

I say one of the worst things in life is a missed opportunity.

[Emmafive]

You see, if you love someone and vise versa, you and your partner should be willing to have each others sides. To help and support each other. Its not just about rainbows and butterflies and the good times. You learn to fight adversity together, not apart. Thats the meaning of "growing" together. Now, if there's factors stopping you from doing that within the relationship then that's a different story.

 

Life happens and if you have someone willing to be by your side and helping each other along the way, that's what its all about. You will never be completely perfectly aligned with all the things going right in your life. Having each others back is the best part of a good relationship.

 

its like family, family wouldn't dump you when your down would they? No, they'd help you anyway they can.

 

 

 

That all sounds nice, but I think that's unrealistic. Logically what you're saying makes sense, but unfortunately people can be dumb. Again, feelings aren't logical and most times you can't apply logic when it comes to the heart.

 

Ex., a man gets a great new job in a different country so he asks his girlfriend to uproot her life to go with him, but she doesn't want to. They eventually break it off.

 

He can argue if she loves me enough she'll go with me. She on the other hand if he loved me enough he wouldn't ask me to do that. Both extremely logical points but does it mean that they didn't really love each other? No.

 

Logically they should've worked things out and support each other like you said but sometimes it just doesn't work that way despite still truly loving each other.

 

I find that most people battle with head v. heart and most people choose head (logic). It's always easier to say it's time to end a relationship than to go into the unknown and potentially have it become a disaster (heart). The love is very much there but the heart loses. Perfect example, Keiji. He just posted how he genuinely loved his ex, still thinks about reaching out to her, but because they didn't work he is choosing to not go back. The heart is still their but the head won.

 

 

Oh and family is extremely different than someone that you're dating. You're born into a secure relationship. With dating you're choosing the risk of having someone drop you at the drop of hat. Family is forever so of course you're always going to be there for them. Someone you're dating is not.

Edited January 11, 2017 by Emmafive

[jorgeg3d]

That all sounds nice, but I think that's unrealistic. Logically what you're saying makes sense, but unfortunately people can be dumb. Again, feelings aren't logical and most times you can't apply logic when it comes to the heart.

 

Ex., a man gets a great new job in a different country so he asks his girlfriend to uproot her life to go with him, but she doesn't want to. They eventually break it off.

 

He can argue if she loves me enough she'll go with me. She on the other hand if he loved me enough he wouldn't ask me to do that. Both extremely logical points but does it mean that they didn't really love each other? No.

 

Logically they should've worked things out and support each other like you said but sometimes it just doesn't work that way despite still truly loving each other.

 

I find that most people battle with head v. heart and most people choose head (logic). It's always easier to say it's time to end a relationship than to go into the unknown and potentially have it become a disaster (heart). The love is very much there but the heart loses. Perfect example, Keiji. He just posted how he genuinely loved his ex, still thinks about reaching out to her, but because they didn't work he is choosing to not go back. The heart is still their but the head won.

 

 

Oh and family is extremely different than someone that you're dating. You're born into a secure relationship. With dating you're choosing the risk of having someone drop you at the drop of hat. Family is forever so of course you're always going to be there for them. Someone you're dating is not.

 

 

When you'd do anything for someone, that's when you're truly in love. Sometimes you do the unexpected for love. The perspective of a happy relationship goes like this, you both go into the unknown together as a team. It might not be the most ideal situation that you have to deal with but you hope for the best and being in a good relationship with a positive mindset, that is what you expect to happen.

 

Life is about taking chances. If you go into a relationship with a negative mindset then of course it won't work. The point I'm getting at is, a good lasting relationship is like family. You're not expecting to end it someday, you're expecting to grow and stick together through thick and thin.

 

This is partially why relationships don't work, because people are only in it for themselves.

Edited January 11, 2017 by jorgeg3d

[Emmafive]

When you'd do anything for someone, that's when you're truly in love. Sometimes you do the unexpected for love. The perspective of a happy relationship goes like this, you both go into the unknown together as a team. It might not be the most ideal situation that you have to deal with but you hope for the best and being in a good relationship with a positive mindset, that is what you expect to happen.

 

Life is about taking chances. If you go into a relationship with a negative mindset then of course it won't work. The point I'm getting at is, a good lasting relationship is like family. You're not expecting to end it someday, you're expecting to grow and stick together through thick and thin.

 

This is partially why relationships don't work, because people are only in it for themselves.

 

 

 

That's generalizing. Not everyone is a risk taker. You have to factor in your partner's personality. I am not a risk taker in any way shape or form. The thought of failing trumps the potential for something positive. A lot of people are like that-a lot of people aren't like that. Then you have to factor in age, maturity, previous experiences, etc., that all shapes a person. To say someone truly in love would do anything for their partner is not true.

 

 

This is partially why relationships don't work, because people are only in it for themselves.

 

This I agree with. Remember when I said people were dumb? Case in point. I don't think people are truly ever really selfless either hence why you can't say if you'll do anything for your partner. I just think it all boils down to who you are and who your partner is. No two people are the same so you can't make general statements about love and behavior in absolutes. What you would do for your partner another may not do for theirs.

 

My mother and father broke up so many times. They met in college and they fought like cats and dogs so she broke up with him quite often. One day he just came and got his stuff and "ghosted" her. He resurfaced a few moths later and they dated again for a good while. He proposed to her and then rescinded the engagement a week later. She went on to be engaged to another man. A year later my father came back into the picture and they've been married the last 40 years. One could easily argue that he never truly loved her because he left her twice and in such a cold manner. Obviously this wasn't true though. My mother is as stubborn as a mule and wouldn't do anything for my dad, but she really does love him.

 

My grandparents got married when they were 21. Before this my grandmother got angry with him over something small, she gave him back the engagement ring, and were apart for over a year. They were married for over 60 years.

 

Love/behavior does not come in absolutes. Love/behavior doesn't come in one size fits all.

 

Just because someone leaves doesn't mean they didn't truly love you. Equally true just because someone stays with you doesn't mean they are really in love with you.

[jorgeg3d]

That's generalizing. Not everyone is a risk taker. You have to factor in your partner's personality. I am not a risk taker in any way shape or form. The thought of failing trumps the potential for something positive. A lot of people are like that-a lot of people aren't like that. Then you have to factor in age, maturity, previous experiences, etc., that all shapes a person. To say someone truly in love would do anything for their partner is not true.

 

Fear of failing will stop you from getting where you want to get to in life, and who you want to be with. You have to take chances in life. Whats life if you can't take chances? Best way to look at things is to go with the flow weigh your options etc.

 

I had similar discussions with my ex. Its hard to explain your perspective to people who can't see it any other way than their own.

Edited January 11, 2017 by jorgeg3d

[Popsicle]

Fear of failing will stop you from getting where you want to get to in life, and who you want to be with. You have to take chances in life. Whats life if you can't take chances? Best way to look at things is to go with the flow weigh your options etc.

 

I had similar discussions with my ex. Its hard to explain your perspective to people who can't see it any other way than their own.

 

I hope to find a guy like you.

 

Regardless, this is a very interesting discussion.

[PLT]

Fear of failing will stop you from getting where you want to get to in life, and who you want to be with. You have to take chances in life. Whats life if you can't take chances? Best way to look at things is to go with the flow weigh your options etc.

 

I had similar discussions with my ex. Its hard to explain your perspective to people who can't see it any other way than their own.

 

Isn't it just. I would call myself a risk taker in life. My ex hated that. She got risk taking and recklessness confused. I don't think I'm reckless. As I once tried to explain to her, it's more about looking back when i'm old(er) and grey(er) and not thinking "I could have done x,y,z if I wasn't scared of failing".

 

I started a degree age 44. Do I fear failing it? Of course. Will anything stop me from giving it 100%? Nope. So to me, that is me taking a risk, but it certainly isn't reckless. The ex doesn't have the same view and in my opinion will look back when she is 70 or 80 or whatever and have a ton of regrets. I won't. Her loss.

 

But to the OP's question. I'm going to concur with those saying there is no hard and fast rule. Some exs (regardless of whether I was the dumper or dumpee) I think about and have fond memories of, others I couldn't give a damn about. The only pattern is that the ones I don't give a damn about are the ones that totally shafted me and it was a messy breakup. The ones I remember fondly didn't play games or throw insults, and went about the breakup in a more "adult", rational way.

[Sweetfish]

I can honestly say no, haven't missed the guys I've dumped.

 

Sure, I have some find memories of our time together but I haven't looked back and wished we could be together again.

 

I ended those relationships after a lot of thought, and as such, know even today that I made the right choice.

 

 

That's because the question is lacking something. You as an individual probably only dumped someone after careful consideration and thinking. I believe the OP is saying if you dumped someone irrationally. This irrational thinking doesn't warrant a justified reason for a break-up.

 

I hardly believe anyone (stable person) who broke up with someone because they lack communication, unwilling to compromise, or picking up really bad habits is looking to go back LMAO

[jorgeg3d]

Isn't it just. I would call myself a risk taker in life. My ex hated that. She got risk taking and recklessness confused. I don't think I'm reckless. As I once tried to explain to her, it's more about looking back when i'm old(er) and grey(er) and not thinking "I could have done x,y,z if I wasn't scared of failing".

 

I started a degree age 44. Do I fear failing it? Of course. Will anything stop me from giving it 100%? Nope. So to me, that is me taking a risk, but it certainly isn't reckless. The ex doesn't have the same view and in my opinion will look back when she is 70 or 80 or whatever and have a ton of regrets. I won't. Her loss.

 

But to the OP's question. I'm going to concur with those saying there is no hard and fast rule. Some exs (regardless of whether I was the dumper or dumpee) I think about and have fond memories of, others I couldn't give a damn about. The only pattern is that the ones I don't give a damn about are the ones that totally shafted me and it was a messy breakup. The ones I remember fondly didn't play games or throw insults, and went about the breakup in a more "adult", rational way.

 

Exactly! Having a negative outlook on life is one of the most toxic ways of thinking. It destroys your happiness and your ability to live life to the fullest. Failing is a part of life, I'd rather fail and say I gave it my all than not try at all.

 

And to Popsicle, I am available lol =D

[Pugwash]

I've been thinking about my ex all day and I'm extremely annoyed over it

 

I'm still in love with her, I reckon I always will love her too "but" I broke up with her 2 months ago because she didn't make me feel that she genuinely does love me like she said she did.

 

Everything I did, that wasn't on her terms she got angry or sulked for long periods like a spoiled brat, this girl is 29 years old

 

When I broke up with her for the first month I was fine until I found out she had a new boyfriend........I had my say about it there and then and hadn't spoken to her since, she then rang me Sunday night and now I feel lost because I know deep down she isn't right for me no matter how much I love her but I still love her!!!

 

I guess the old romantic in me would have given up everything for her to be "the one" but in truth, she put me through so much **** that I know in my heart no matter how much I still want her that my life would be spent running around trying to please her at all costs and what sort of life would that be?