Mrs. John Adams Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Agreed, Mrs. JA, and nicely put. But you also have to allow your feelings and not bury, hide or ignore them. If it's too much for your husband to be around, you could have a signal when a big one's coming on and you think it's better you have some privacy for this one. I guess that's what the closet serves, but I hate for us to have to crawl around to find some place to cry and vent. But a tad demeaning - seems to me. No hiding feelings that's why I said we have to be honest and patient with each other. It's a learning process almost like being newlyweds only with great pain and sadness We have to learn all over again what to say and what to do ... our betrayed want us wayward spouse to give them peace and healing and assurance And believe it or not us wayward spouse want the same thing We are not so different from each other We all are sad and disappointed and crushed and scared... And we all want the same thing For it never to have happened in the first place 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I think it's really important to find two things in a marriage counselor: 1. Someone who specializes in infidelity. 2. Someone who is invested in healing your marriage Individual counseling should focus on you (and h in his own IC). Marriage counseling should be helping you work through together and stay together. The Affair Recovery website and you tube videos have been of great help to me and my h (almost 5 mos into recovery). The counselors there have been through infidelity themselves and have come out the other side. Unlike probably most MC in your town. They focus on real issues that recovering from an affair can cause...I can't tell you how valuable a resource they have been to both me and H. They have helped H understand how I feel and me understand how H feels. I still trigger all the time. And H has a lot of triggers too. We had a really good time over the holidays because he was off work for more than a week due to vacations and illness. This week is his first week back and it's put a strain on us because as he says "it's back into the hornets nest". His whole ride to work and being at work is a huge trigger for him. Which puts him in a bad mood and makes me feel shut out. Then I have my own triggers to deal with. Like how upsetting it is to me that he is even triggered by thoughts of her. Like why can't he just forget her already ? But he's here and he's trying and I'm trying and we are committed and that's what matters. Even if it takes us 5 years to recover, it's five years out of the 30 we will have been together by then. You'll get through this. It won't be easy. It's ok to hide in the closet and cry. The bathroom is my spot. You're strong.. hugs 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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