ShatteredLady Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Let's look at it another way..... If a woman your age came here saying that her husband was great BUT he promised children in her 30's & is now saying "Never! No chance. Not discussing it!" I'd be advising her to think about leaving him. If a woman came here saying that her husband had cheated & want sorry? Divorce! If a woman said "I was 21 & his wife was 30...now I'm 30 & he's after a 20 year old...." Divorce! If a woman said "He gets me drunk. Makes me strip for photos & he publishes them against my wishes...." Divorce! Exactly how many reasons do you need? The ONLY thing going for your marriage is history. The ONLY reason you have not to leave is fear. Please be brave! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 another "omg" for your sake, Mrs. R. I don't have the right to speak for Mrs. JA but I am 100% confident she would not want you to read her 'over and out' exit as saying you're stupid! Maybe she's just hurting too much for you or outraged at your husband, but I'm sure it's not offense. I think we're just all appalled at the sheer depravity and cruelty your H has shown and want to help you get reality back on your side. I don't think she is stupid...and i am not offended nor am i hurting. I have nothing more to share..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I don't think she is stupid...and i am not offended nor am i hurting. I have nothing more to share..... We ALL choose if we wish to participate in a story or not AND we can drop-out at any time. That should be respected. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 We ALL choose if we wish to participate in a story or not AND we can drop-out at any time. That should be respected. I am sorry for any offense. Of course, I have no right to interpret anyone and, yes, we are all adults and take responsibility for handling information for ourselves. No excuses. So MrsR, I should have just said you're not stupid and focused my concern on your reaction. It reflected a long-term pattern of verbal abuse that you so easily blame yourself. [You know, this forum really amazes me. The fact is that it deals with just about the most volatile topics on the planet, and we keep coming back. The rules and the mods (or at least the reminder of them) are essential, but ultimately we can object or drop out for a spell. It's all learning. For me in the past, I've reacted to posts that hit a very sensitive area where I simply had not gained perspective or detachment. Even when the other person explained, maybe even apologized, it still hurt (or offended or whatever). Sometimes we overreact. Sometimes we let the other person know how we felt. It's better when we understand each other. ] 3 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Hi MrsR, Sorry for the diversion. Have you gotten courage and conviction from the responses to your opening post? I think everyone concurs that you've been beaten down emotionally and need help pulling yourself out of this situation. Is there family that can support you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 I know I've been stupid and I accept that. Ditto for working so hard at this. At least we help each other. Another over and out. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 MrsR, Let him keep his money. You work full time and will be fine. You'll get something if you divorce. He's the type that's always after the next young thing. He just uses you for his sexual pleasure and will begin to treat you worse and worse, until you don't recognise yourself anymore. Please don't let that happen. He's not remorseful and will never be true to you. He'll always be a cheater. It's a blessing you don't have kids with him, because you can make a clean break. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kvolm2016 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 I am so sorry for this painful situation you are dealing with. This kind of hurt is so difficult to overcome. You have received lots of support and good advice so far which is the great thing about these forums. I was wondering if you would consider some professional counseling as well? I think you could benefit from this kind of support to help you determine where to go from here in your marriage and in your personal life. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsR1981 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Hi MrsR, Sorry for the diversion. Have you gotten courage and conviction from the responses to your opening post? I think everyone concurs that you've been beaten down emotionally and need help pulling yourself out of this situation. Is there family that can support you? Hi, Apologies for the delay to everyone's comments; I dibbed out for a few days to really think about things and then realised what courage, support and strength you guys have given me over the last week - really, I couldn't see the wood for the trees last week, now I am starting to make some plans in every regard, and I have been to see a solicitor... Unfortunately my family live back in my home town (sister and her kids), I don't see my dad, and mum passed away last year. I've just started a new job so still getting to know people here. I have a friend in the area who I have been confiding in but she's tailed off in the last few weeks...I think she's fed up of me and not doing anything about my situation...which I completely understand Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsR1981 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Well, Sunday evening he sat me down and said he'd 'bumped' into OW outside a shop in her local village a few weeks ago, I quizzed him firstly as to why he was there and secondly what was said, I had the usual answer of "I can't really remember, but she's back in the pub working behind the bar but we didn't have a conversation...but I can't remember what was said...maybe something about this and something about that..." I've heard this BS so many times in the past he must think I came down in the last shower! It hit me then, this was the night he came home saying we should consider going back in the pub...I kept calm, made it perfectly clear I knew what he was up to and that he is pathetic, but, I will be honest, I haven't told him to leave yet, he's walking round on eggshells being over nice to me, this time though I feel strangely weird about it all, like I look at him and see someone I don't know, or particularly like. I made it perfectly clear months ago that he is to keep NOTHING from me, the fact he didn't tell me about this just says he's not in to make this marriage work, he's lied so much in the past and he's still doing it now... I have so much to think about but I just wanted to let you guys know all of your advice and support last week has really helped me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 MrsR. I'm sorry for you & GLAD that you are starting to see this... "....this time though I feel strangely weird about it all, like I look at him and see someone I don't know, or particularly like." ...that's your head starting to overrule your heart. They say "Love is blind". That's a good thing when you've put on a bit of weight or chew your finger nails. It's disastrous when you're not being respected & treated with love & compassion. A few more posts & you will be able to send & receive private messages from members. I've found it very therapeutic to read & comment on others stories here & on the OW/OM forum. Reading very similar pain & anguish repeated gives me strength & understanding. I've returned to England after living in Texas for 18 years. Blimey it's cold!! Hahaha! Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Well, Sunday evening he sat me down and said he'd 'bumped' into OW outside a shop in her local village a few weeks ago, I quizzed him firstly as to why he was there and secondly what was said, I had the usual answer of "I can't really remember, but she's back in the pub working behind the bar but we didn't have a conversation...but I can't remember what was said...maybe something about this and something about that..." I've heard this BS so many times in the past he must think I came down in the last shower! It hit me then, this was the night he came home saying we should consider going back in the pub...I kept calm, made it perfectly clear I knew what he was up to and that he is pathetic, but, I will be honest, I haven't told him to leave yet, he's walking round on eggshells being over nice to me, this time though I feel strangely weird about it all, like I look at him and see someone I don't know, or particularly like. I made it perfectly clear months ago that he is to keep NOTHING from me, the fact he didn't tell me about this just says he's not in to make this marriage work, he's lied so much in the past and he's still doing it now... I have so much to think about but I just wanted to let you guys know all of your advice and support last week has really helped me. Your spouse is supposed to be your partner for all things in life. You're supposed to be a team. It's the two of you as partners against the world. If your partner has no problem lying straight to your face, what kind of partner is that? And why would you want him to be your partner? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsR1981 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 MrsR. I'm sorry for you & GLAD that you are starting to see this... "....this time though I feel strangely weird about it all, like I look at him and see someone I don't know, or particularly like." ...that's your head starting to overrule your heart. They say "Love is blind". That's a good thing when you've put on a bit of weight or chew your finger nails. It's disastrous when you're not being respected & treated with love & compassion. A few more posts & you will be able to send & receive private messages from members. I've found it very therapeutic to read & comment on others stories here & on the OW/OM forum. Reading very similar pain & anguish repeated gives me strength & understanding. I've returned to England after living in Texas for 18 years. Blimey it's cold!! Hahaha! Hi SL, I wanted to PM you last week to thank you for your advice but as a newbie I can't just yet, I hope that will be lifted soon... Do you miss Texas? Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Stay the course. He'll slip up. And remember when I said, he'll be on his knees begging for forgiveness? It will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsR1981 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Stay the course. He'll slip up. And remember when I said, he'll be on his knees begging for forgiveness? It will happen. I will BuddyX, I have a new determination - albeit small but it is there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrsR1981 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 I am sorry for any offense. Of course, I have no right to interpret anyone and, yes, we are all adults and take responsibility for handling information for ourselves. No excuses. So MrsR, I should have just said you're not stupid and focused my concern on your reaction. It reflected a long-term pattern of verbal abuse that you so easily blame yourself. [You know, this forum really amazes me. The fact is that it deals with just about the most volatile topics on the planet, and we keep coming back. The rules and the mods (or at least the reminder of them) are essential, but ultimately we can object or drop out for a spell. It's all learning. For me in the past, I've reacted to posts that hit a very sensitive area where I simply had not gained perspective or detachment. Even when the other person explained, maybe even apologized, it still hurt (or offended or whatever). Sometimes we overreact. Sometimes we let the other person know how we felt. It's better when we understand each other. ] I wasn't offended one bit merrmeade and appreciated your advice 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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