Is my DD's teacher being creepy?

[anika99]

I get that. However, nobody ever apologized or returned anything. Student of the month is fine for encouraging good behavior - but in this case I think an apology would've been in order. What did it teach my nephew? It taught him that stealing will be rewarded with no consequences. Not ok. My sister never said anything to anybody. She just told my nephew to not bring things to school if he doesn't want to "lose" them.

 

I get the concept of student of the month, though. It should be given to those who need it the most. In this case, though, it was misplaced, and more a "parent of the month" award.

 

I agree. Most people don't realize how political some schools can be. One pretty much has to be on the receiving end of poor treatment for it to be obvious. The parents of my kid's bullies were also more affluent. Dads worked while moms busied themselves with school activities. As they were able to volunteer and be at the school often they became somewhat friends with the school faculty giving them an unfair advantage over me who had to work at least 1 full time job and sometimes a part time job too just to pay the rent and feed my kids. No way were they going to stick up for my kid if it meant offending some of their star parents.

[Miss Clavel]

It's not necessarily that she knows me, but it's possible that there are mutual acquaintances or something so she knows about the situation. I have no idea, it's just my guess. I don't even care, I just think she is nuts and has obvious boundary issues that a teacher should not have.

 

 

 

I know, it'd be easier if it was me being screwed over, but I feel like my daughter would be and that's what I'm having a hard time accepting.

 

I'm going to set up a meeting with them, clear the air, see what this lady's issue is and if they don't resolve it I'm going to take it up with the board.

 

take your daughter's father with you and his wife, if she will go.

 

the three of you look her in her nasty judgemental face and ask her what recommendations she has on how your daughter's "family tree" should be represented. just pretend you want her to tell you how to handle the subject of "family" in the future. put the ball firmly in her court and do whatever she recommends until the year is over.

 

if she doesn't change, you will have to have your daughter change to another class. and just explain to your daughter that the teacher had "to many kids to look after". otherwise, she might repeat what you tell her.

 

personally, i'd go online and put her **** all over the internet on any professional/school/teacher review websites. be careful to poast only the truth without any identifying hints about it being you or your daughter.

 

and i'd get all my family members to log on anonymously and do the same thing. as in, "don't get miss ahole judgemental for a teacher, she's hostile to unwed mothers".

 

there is always going to be one teacher that doesn't care for you or your child. sorry, it's true. mine was so surprised when her kindergarten teacher didn't love her, everyone else did. i just told her it can't always be her turn. life's not fair, do your best and don't do anything to attract her attention.

[ElizabethIII]

Honestly, it's a private school that you choose - and you could choose to take your money elsewhere.

 

Quite. You cant have it all your own way right now. All the other parents are paying for the school and why should their children be disrupted for the sake of one child.

 

You have been offered an alternative, changing class. Take the solution offered or take your money elsewhere.

[ElizabethIII]

personally, i'd go online and put her **** all over the internet on any professional/school/teacher review websites. be careful to poast only the truth without any identifying hints about it being you or your daughter.

 

What a childish way to solve a problem. Behave as badly as the teacher.

 

They will know it was the OP given what has happened lately and the slanderous comments will likely get the OPs daughter excluded from the school and rightly so. it is a private school, they have much lower tolerance and a much lower threshold for expelling a pupil.

[Timshel]

It sounds as though all parents involved are successfully and proactively co-parenting.

 

I would set up a meeting with all the parents involved and identify as a unified front for your daughter's sake.

 

Nip this in the bud, now.

 

This^^United front. Start now. Calm, cool and collected....two parents, three people, one cause.

 

Make it so.

[noelle303]

Quite. You cant have it all your own way right now. All the other parents are paying for the school and why should their children be disrupted for the sake of one child.

 

You have been offered an alternative, changing class. Take the solution offered or take your money elsewhere.

 

I respectfully disagree. I feel like every child is equally important and I know that if the teacher was doing this to another child I would still want her to be switched. Like the stories that the other posters have already said about their children being bullied in school and the teachers not preventing it. If my child was in that classroom I would stand by their decision to complain, even though it's not my child who is being bullied.

 

What I'm saying is, today it's my child, tomorrow someone else's.

 

I set up a meeting on Monday. Contemplating having my lawyer dad there, he's pretty pissed about this too.

[basil67]

I respectfully disagree. I feel like every child is equally important and I know that if the teacher was doing this to another child I would still want her to be switched.

 

Sure. But the other parents are not you and some will make different decisions to you. We can't expect everyone else to make the same decisions as us.

[Patrice]

redress from the principal, kick it up to the Superintendent. Totally weird and and intrusive. If the Superintendent does nothing, contact a member of the school board.

[GunslingerRoland]

This has very little to do with the treatment of your child and is mostly about the treatment of you though.

 

Which is still important, but it's not the same.

 

Why are you bring a lawyer? Are you threatening legal action? Because that sounds over the top.

 

Is her being fired the only outcome you'll take?

 

And personally if someone had a personal vendetta against me, I'd want to understand the background of why, but that is just me...

[Patrice]

come with facts. Private message me, if you wish. I am well versed with Education Law.

[basil67]

Regarding having the whole class change teacher:

 

As you go further through schooling, you will find that in almost every class, there will be a parent or two who feels that it's the wrong teacher for their child and the child isn't being treated fairly.

 

If all the parents stand together as you suggest, you may get a new teacher. But then someone else will be unhappy with the new teacher and want a change. And this is going on in every classroom. If we were all to get up in arms when someone felt their child was disadvantaged by being in a certain class, our kids would be teacherless.

 

You will also find that some parents are never happy and that you just need to avoid them because you don't want to hear about the complaints. Parents all banding together is totally unrealistic.

 

I was in a class once where a parent tried to get all the parents to band together and have the class teacher removed. Granted, the teacher was struggling and the class was a handful, but I refused to take part in the group. Instead, I forwarded the parent's email to the principal so she could nip it in the bud.

[Timshel]

I agree basil67, but I don't see where the OP indicated she would have all the parents band together to out the teacher?

 

Noelle, if you and your daughter's dad are able to have conference with the teacher and principle to show that the two of you are equally invested in the well being of your child....would speak volumes.

 

Is this possible? Have you talked to your ex about this situation?

[basil67]

I agree basil67, but I don't see where the OP indicated she would have all the parents band together to out the teacher?

 

In her opening post the OP stated that her child shouldn't have to change classes - instead the whole class should get a new teacher. In her most recent posts, the OP has talked about parents supporting each other.

 

Sounds a lot like she wants other parents to support her quest to have the teacher removed.

[noelle303]

This has very little to do with the treatment of your child and is mostly about the treatment of you though.

 

Which is still important, but it's not the same.

 

Why are you bring a lawyer? Are you threatening legal action? Because that sounds over the top.

 

Is her being fired the only outcome you'll take?

 

And personally if someone had a personal vendetta against me, I'd want to understand the background of why, but that is just me...

 

It's not about me. She can privately think whatever she wants about my life choices. Trust me, my skin couldn't be thicker at this point. However, she should have the common sense to keep it away from her work and my child.

 

I shouldn't have to uproot my child over her issues, that's not fair to her.

 

As far as the lawyer thing, it's just my dad and it wouldn't hurt to have someone back me up just so they can see how serious I am. I wouldn't actually take legal action, I don't have time for that.

 

As far as understanding where she's coming from, I honestly don't care and can't see how it matters to me personally. She's wrong no matter why she's doing it or how she found out.

 

Regarding having the whole class change teacher:

 

As you go further through schooling, you will find that in almost every class, there will be a parent or two who feels that it's the wrong teacher for their child and the child isn't being treated fairly.

 

If all the parents stand together as you suggest, you may get a new teacher. But then someone else will be unhappy with the new teacher and want a change. And this is going on in every classroom. If we were all to get up in arms when someone felt their child was disadvantaged by being in a certain class, our kids would be teacherless.

 

You will also find that some parents are never happy and that you just need to avoid them because you don't want to hear about the complaints. Parents all banding together is totally unrealistic.

 

I was in a class once where a parent tried to get all the parents to band together and have the class teacher removed. Granted, the teacher was struggling and the class was a handful, but I refused to take part in the group. Instead, I forwarded the parent's email to the principal so she could nip it in the bud.

 

I know that, but this isn't simply an issue of not liking the teacher or her not suiting my style. This is pretty serious, with her creepy involvement in my personal life, telling a six year old that her family is ''wrong'' and her derogatory comments towards me? She is being openly hostile and insulting towards a parent, that's a pretty thick line to cross.

 

I seriously don't think that any of the other kids would be harmed in getting a different teacher, but I will obviously discuss this a little bit with some of my mom friends from the school.

[noelle303]

I agree basil67, but I don't see where the OP indicated she would have all the parents band together to out the teacher?

 

Noelle, if you and your daughter's dad are able to have conference with the teacher and principle to show that the two of you are equally invested in the well being of your child....would speak volumes.

 

Is this possible? Have you talked to your ex about this situation?

 

Yes, it's possible. I haven't talked to him yet, but I plan to tonight when I drop her off (it's his weekend). Of course, if he wants and is able to come to the meeting with the principle and the teacher he is welcome.

[basil67]

I know that, but this isn't simply an issue of not liking the teacher or her not suiting my style. This is pretty serious, with her creepy involvement in my personal life, telling a six year old that her family is ''wrong'' and her derogatory comments towards me? She is being openly hostile and insulting towards a parent, that's a pretty thick line to cross.

 

I seriously don't think that any of the other kids would be harmed in getting a different teacher, but I will obviously discuss this a little bit with some of my mom friends from the school.

 

If you were to try and get all the other parents on board, you know you'd have to tell them the full story. Do you honestly think you'd get broad sympathy from all the other parents?

 

I'd be laying money that a fair percentage would be of the "surely Noelle knew this would be her future when she made the decision to do what she did" type of approach and not agree to disrupt their kids because of it.

[noelle303]

If you were to try and get all the other parents on board, you know you'd have to tell them the full story. Do you honestly think you'd get broad sympathy from all the other parents?

 

I'd be laying money that a fair percentage would be of the "surely Noelle knew this would be her future when she made the decision to do what she did" type of approach and not agree to disrupt their kids because of it.

 

The moms at the school with whom I'm friends with know and I'm pretty sure all the others do to (that kind of thing travels fast). We are very well accepted, my daughter gets invited to all the birthday parties and playdates, so no inconveniences due to this.

[basil67]

To be honest, if I knew you in real life and had a child in your class, I would have feelings of sympathy mixed with "well, this is the path she chose".

 

I would not be supporting you in having a class teacher removed.

[basil67]

The moms at the school with whom I'm friends with know and I'm pretty sure all the others do to (that kind of thing travels fast). We are very well accepted, my daughter gets invited to all the birthday parties and playdates, so no inconveniences due to this.

 

I am glad to hear you have social acceptance. Very important for your daughter.

[mrs rubble]

Taking your dad to the meeting is a great idea, make sure that you let them know that he is a lawyer, so that they are aware that you could sue them for defamation and slander if you wanted to.

 

 

I had a terrible time with my son at high school, the principal didn't want him there and refused to enrol him at first- anyway long story short- he was picked on relentlessly by the principal and senior staff members and he was threatened with being expelled, my dad rang and said we would be bringing our lawyer to the expulsion meeting. They immediately backed down and decided not to expel him but suspend him until the end of the school year (which was only a week away) We sent him to a different school the next year.

[noelle303]

To be honest, if I knew you in real life and had a child in your class, I would have feelings of sympathy mixed with "well, this is the path she chose".

 

I would not be supporting you in having a class teacher removed.

 

Well, I guess we simply see things differently then. I personally would not want my child taught by a teacher who thinks personal attacks on anyone are acceptable, therefore I would support the removal of one who did so even if it wasn't done to me or my child.

[basil67]

Well, I guess we simply see things differently then. I personally would not want my child taught by a teacher who thinks personal attacks on anyone are acceptable, therefore I would support the removal of one who did so even if it wasn't done to me or my child.

 

Remember how I said that in every class you get a couple of parents who are really unhappy about the teacher? Most of them will have stories which they believe represent abhorrent teaching/personal attacks/unfair singling out.

 

It's just not feasible to change a class teacher every time a parent complains about such thing happening.

 

For what it's worth, while you were certainly attacked personally, I don't believe your child was. Was the teacher out of line in telling your child how to speak about her family situation? Certainly. But it wasn't a personal attack.

 

If she'd called your daughter a bastard to her face or "you are a child of sin"...now THAT would be a personal attack.

[ElizabethIII]

Well, I guess we simply see things differently then. I personally would not want my child taught by a teacher who thinks personal attacks on anyone are acceptable, therefore I would support the removal of one who did so even if it wasn't done to me or my child.

 

You have been given a viable alternative. You do not want your daughter taught by this woman. The principal has offered to change her class but that is not good enough, you want her fired and the class teacher changed. You cant force the school to fire her. You know that right?

 

You want everything your own way right now which is why you ended up in your family situation with a child by a married man. You got what you wanted there I trust.

[MissG]

Basil: with all due respect - How's that any different from the teacher correcting the child who was telling the class about her family? She told he child to skip a certain part of her family story and - according to the principal - talked in a derogatory way about the mother. That's not any better than calling anybody a bastard. The teacher basically called the mother a slut and told the child to NOT mention her entire family situation. In kindergarten!!! Excuse me? That teacher shouldn't be a teacher .......

[basil67]

Basil: with all due respect - How's that any different from the teacher correcting the child who was telling the class about her family? She told he child to skip a certain part of her family story and - according to the principal - talked in a derogatory way about the mother. That's not any better than calling anybody a bastard. The teacher basically called the mother a slut and told the child to NOT mention her entire family situation. In kindergarten!!! Excuse me? That teacher shouldn't be a teacher .......

 

I am not defending the teacher. And yes, not all teachers should be teaching. I agree with those who suspect the teacher may know the BS and has much sympathy - though she should keep those opinions outside the school gate.

 

I do want to redirect back to my earlier thoughts about this bigger than the teacher and a reflection of a toxic school environment.

 

When this incident reached the principal, he should have gone straight into damage control. He should have apologised to the parent and probably asked the teacher to apologise too. He should have given the teacher a warning.

 

Those things the teacher said about the OP were said to the principal in confidence. The principal should have again reprimanded the teacher and talked about not judging - but instead, the principal TOLD the OP what was said. The principal actively chose to fuel the fires.

 

A school environment is under the control of the principal. I've seen schools be transformed (for better and for worse) when a new principal comes along. The behaviour of a teacher is the responsibility of the principal.