Tayla Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 May I ask if you directly spoke with the Horses mouth to determine what she did say? Perhaps she does have strong opinions on this family dynamic. Stand up , confront the issues directly or request a meeting with her and the principal. Get it on record. Then decide if some room for civility can be mustered. In what ways would you consider an amicable resolution? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 To be honest, if I knew you in real life and had a child in your class, I would have feelings of sympathy mixed with "well, this is the path she chose". I would not be supporting you in having a class teacher removed. I don't condone affairs but I don't feel that way at all. I'm a softy when it comes to kids and this is not the path a 5yr old little girl chose. She just wanted to talk about her family and the teacher told her she's not allowed to talk about her dad or her dad's side of the family, probably made her feel like she did something wrong or like there is something wrong with her, poor little thing. But OP, that being said, I just read your first post again and realized that you this teacher never said anything directly to you, she said it to the principle, which means we don't know what she really said. We don't even know what she really said to your daughter, because you went directly to the principal instead of talking to her first. That was your first mistake. You always go to the person you have a problem with first, like an adult. I agree with Basil that the principle also never should have repeated what the teacher said to him, to you of all people. Something is really wrong with that. It almost sounds like he was feeling you out to see if maybe you would be into another affair, like maybe with him. Or perhaps he is judging you too and so he was happy to pass along the condescending words of the teacher. It's amazing to me that you have never discussed your concerns directly with the teacher. I was totally on your side and I still am for the sake of your child but here you are in all of this drama all based on the heresay of a 5yr old and the principal because you never had a conversation with the teacher yourself. That was just wrong and immature. The teacher should have been the first person you spoke to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted January 14, 2017 Author Share Posted January 14, 2017 But OP, that being said, I just read your first post again and realized that you this teacher never said anything directly to you, she said it to the principle, which means we don't know what she really said. We don't even know what she really said to your daughter, because you went directly to the principal instead of talking to her first. That was your first mistake. You always go to the person you have a problem with first, like an adult. I agree with Basil that the principle also never should have repeated what the teacher said to him, to you of all people. Something is really wrong with that. It almost sounds like he was feeling you out to see if maybe you would be into another affair, like maybe with him. Or perhaps he is judging you too and so he was happy to pass along the condescending words of the teacher. It's amazing to me that you have never discussed your concerns directly with the teacher. I was totally on your side and I still am for the sake of your child but here you are in all of this drama all based on the heresay of a 5yr old and the principal because you never had a conversation with the teacher yourself. That was just wrong and immature. The teacher should have been the first person you spoke to. I honestly did not get any sinister vibe from the principal or that he was feeling me out for an affair. I guess it's hard to describe body language and the overall tone of our conversation, but I'm pretty good when it comes to reading social cues and the principal sounded very apologetic and like he also doesn't condone what the teacher said. I'm not sure why he himself did not take action against the teacher, maybe he just doesn't want to shake things up until he sees how I will react and what I'll do. Anyway, I told DD's dad about this yesterday and he is pretty outraged. He won't be able to attend the meeting on Monday because his son has a soccer game, but he and his wife will be writing a letter to the principal which he wants me to give to him. He also says that his wife and him don't know the teacher, which I kind of knew anyway. Anyone who knows his wife would not treat my daughter that way or say that to her because they would know that his wife cares for her and doesn't want her negatively affected in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 (edited) In her opening post the OP stated that her child shouldn't have to change classes - instead the whole class should get a new teacher. In her most recent posts, the OP has talked about parents supporting each other. Sounds a lot like she wants other parents to support her quest to have the teacher removed. Noelle, I agree with basil, that seeking to have the teacher removed isn't the best course. For some reason, this teacher has a bee in her bonnet. The things she said to the principal were unacceptable and should have been handled, as other posters have said. A request for a conference with the principal, teacher and parents (you & ex) are appropriate and I read you are doing this albeit with a letter. Please let us know how this pans out. I think that all of us agree with you that this teacher has been out of line in a creepy, inappropriate way. Edited January 15, 2017 by Timshel Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 (edited) So, I went to a meeting with the teacher and the principle alone yesterday. I ended up not taking my dad cause I know him and he would be threating legal action for sure lol I gave them the letter from xMM and his wife and I explained to them that I felt that the teacher's actions were not in the best interest of my child and that I feel like she let her personal feelings interfere with her work. At first I didn't even mention all of the stuff she said about me. The principal apologized on behalf of the school and the teacher, but she refused to do so and said once again that she stands by what she did based on her own ''moral and ethical values''. I explained to her that my child broke no moral or ethical rules, she doesn't have to like me but she does have to treat my child with respect and not shame her. She said that she doesn't want that situation around other children and therefore can't allow my daughter to talk about it (?!). This is where I stopped playing nice, told her that she really shouldn't be a teacher if she is willing to scold a kindergartner for simply talking about her family. I said that I know all the things she called me, but my child has two parents who love her and care for her and no one has the right to tell her she can't talk about them. I told the principal that I will have an attorney write an official complaint to the board if he doesn't take action here. A couple of hours after the meeting ended he called me and said that he will take disciplinary action against the teacher and he'll let me know by the end of the week what that will entail, most likely a suspension. I'm pretty satisfied with that, if a suspension happens then the class will get a new teacher and this one will be assigned a new class upon returning. Edited January 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 3 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 you did good, Noelle. you handled it well, i do hope the teacher gets sacked. her behavior is absolutely astonishing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 It's bizarre that this teachers 'moral and ethical values' do not lead her to benevolence toward all children. Something is off with this woman that she is unable to separate her job and your innocent child from some deep seeded rage. You have taken the proper steps. If she will not choose professionalism, tact and common sense....perhaps she should not teach. If this woman only knew the shenanigans (read different from her personal standard) of every parent's household, what child would she not ostracize? How does this judgey woman feel about juice, bedtime, agnostics, organic food and breastfeeding...lol. Without neglect or abuse, it is not her place to judge the second she enters her classroom. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 (edited) What a sicko. I've tried to fight city hall before in this regard. It's a losing battle. The director and/or principal will stand behind "their employee" and the rest of the year will be hell for your daughter while it's all sorted out. Even if somehow you could get her fired for this, chances being next to zero, it wouldn't be until your daughter was gone anyway. Wait out the year OR if the teacher BLATANTLY says things in front of your child, see if you can get some sort of backup and take things above the teacher's head...if you're ready to have the teacher passive-aggressively just barely not cross the line for the remainder of the year, effectively making your daughter's year terrible. Otherwise, wait it out...OR see if you can change classrooms, but again, IME anyway, even this can be met with stubborn opposition, refusal, and your child being caught in the middle. Try try try to sit on your hands and accept that there are bigots in the world (you're promiscuous and so on? Really...?) and that you won't change that, and that unless the teacher is DIRECTLY stating these things TO your child then your child herself probably isn't noticing what's going on...just hang in there until the end of the year. Ugh, I'd like to slap that nosy biddy right on the chin for ya. What a total jerk. I don't think the principal is behind her crazy comments, he actually seems nice, was apologetic and understanding. I want to point out that we don't live in a rural/conservative area, this is a progressive, private school in one of the most liberal states. It's very strange the way she is behaving. The school and the environment is great and definitely not toxic, other than this particular teacher. In my opinion, she is the problem so why should my daughter be the one to leave? He's straddling the fence. He wants to appease you and quiet you down. Edited January 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Something is off with this woman... i agree. she comes off creepy as hell. talking about not wanting Noelle's daughter to talk about her family because she doesn't want "that kind of situation around other kids..." - WHAT?! what does that even mean?! LOL, it's like she came straight out of a parody. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I think this is an excellent outcome. Shame you had to threaten legal action to get the principal to make a move - I still strongly suspect that the principal is part of the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 i agree. she comes off creepy as hell. talking about not wanting Noelle's daughter to talk about her family because she doesn't want "that kind of situation around other kids..." - WHAT?! what does that even mean?! LOL, it's like she came straight out of a parody. Exactly. This teacher belongs in the preschools who remove books about same sex families from the bookshelves because they don't want that stuff around kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 OP what will you do if this teacher isn't suspended? Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 i agree. she comes off creepy as hell. talking about not wanting Noelle's daughter to talk about her family because she doesn't want "that kind of situation around other kids..." - WHAT?! what does that even mean?! LOL, it's like she came straight out of a parody. You wouldn't believe! At one point she said that I gave my daughter a ''sexy nickname''?! Her name is Savannah, we call her Ava! WTF? She honestly didn't seem as nuts as she is when the school started! OP what will you do if this teacher isn't suspended? Have my dad write an official letter of complaint to the board for both the teacher and the principal. I have enough grounds and the principal knows it, which is why he called me about it just hours later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Have my dad write an official letter of complaint to the board for both the teacher and the principal. I have enough grounds and the principal knows it, which is why he called me about it just hours later. I thought it was private school? Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 I thought it was private school? It is. They have a board of directors/trustees. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Oh, ok. I thought you meant school board... Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 If you were to try and get all the other parents on board, you know you'd have to tell them the full story. Do you honestly think you'd get broad sympathy from all the other parents? I'd be laying money that a fair percentage would be of the "surely Noelle knew this would be her future when she made the decision to do what she did" type of approach and not agree to disrupt their kids because of it. I'd be laying money that a fair percentage of the other parents would be people who have experience with infidelity in their own marriages, and, regardless of what they said in public, would either be thinking "there but for the grace of God go I" or "I'm too much of a coward to speak up but I sure hope she wins this one." Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 You wouldn't believe! At one point she said that I gave my daughter a ''sexy nickname''?! Her name is Savannah, we call her Ava! WTF? She honestly didn't seem as nuts as she is when the school started! DO make sure you write everything down that she's said. WTF, there is something very wrong with this teacher, she has severe issues or has tons of emotional baggage that's affecting her ability to be professional. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 You wouldn't believe! At one point she said that I gave my daughter a ''sexy nickname''?! Her name is Savannah, we call her Ava! WTF? She honestly didn't seem as nuts as she is when the school started! Uh, whoah. This kind of behavior/speech/assumption is...just not normal. I'd put money down that you're not the first parent to complain...and that for every parent who has had the guts to say something, there are 5 others who don't speak up but wish they had the nerve to. Because people don't "just" come out with saying children have sexy nicknames and stuff even though otherwise they're usually rational, calm and so on. That's...just wow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 Uh, whoah. This kind of behavior/speech/assumption is...just not normal. I'd put money down that you're not the first parent to complain...and that for every parent who has had the guts to say something, there are 5 others who don't speak up but wish they had the nerve to. Because people don't "just" come out with saying children have sexy nicknames and stuff even though otherwise they're usually rational, calm and so on. That's...just wow. I know, she's got way more issues than I originally thought. At first I thought she was just a judgmental b****, but she's downright disturbed. It's weird cause I was talking to the other moms at the school who are pretty horrified as well, and we were looking back from the beginning of the year and did notice a few subtle red flags. She has only been at the school a couple of years so it's possible that they didn't notice her craziness until now. Link to post Share on other sites
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