Jealousy Creates Psychosis

[Foreverever421]

Hi all,

 

It has been a while since my last post and i have had plenty of time to clear my head. A brief summary about my situation:

 

So my wife decided to file for divorce last March. And there has been minimal contact since then. The events that led up to her decision were as follows.... A high school friend told a mutual friend of theirs that he thought he had a shot with my STBXW, she told him off but remained besties with him, then came the anonymous Valentine's day message for her in the local paper, gifts and daily texts.

 

I wasn't comfortable with it and asked her to stop replying him. She wouldn't hear anything of it. I even tried to hack into her FB to see what their exchanges were about, no such luck though. Despite of all her reassurances, i still couldn't shake off my suspicious and jealousy. Things just spiralled downhill from then on.

 

I have been reading a lot during our separation on psychology and relationships. I learned that jealousy can actually create psychosis, and that my behavior, trying to hack into her FB and find out if there was anything going on between them is considered emotionally abusive.

 

Anyway, i just got word the a-hole is leaving town. So i really made a fool out of myself a year ago. She's still going ahead with the divorce. So here i am, blaming myself for this disaster, though not as harshly now. A few friends have suggested that i move on, i'm not so sure how that can be done. I still have feelings for her, not as intense, but i know they are there regardless. She has made it very clear that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore and that she hates me. So i guess i better learn to get on with my life.

 

To those who have given your input months ago, thank you for your time. I appreciate it. I guess i better learn to work on my trust issues.

 

To those in committed relationships, stay within boundaries. A lot of pain and heartache could be avoided that way.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you probably weren't wrong to be suspicious if your wife was replying to a man making advances toward her.

 

Where were her boundaries in all of this?

[road]

You did nothing wrong.

Your WW was cheating on you.

Find a new wife that will not cheat.

[Foreverever421]

Debilitating jealousy, opposite sex friendship that is too close for comfort, emotional affair, physical affair or freedom to choose one's friends? Take your pick... all i know is that i was depressed and engulfed by darkness, i allowed my emotions to overpower me. Perhaps you should hear her side of the story before condemning her. It will always be her word against mine, no?

 

Funny thing was that her friends thought my paranoia was the projection of my own guilt...... Relationships make no sense to me anymore.

[Poutrew]

Yes, it is all your fault. NOT! Where was your wife in all this? Texting another man. Soaking up his attention like a tampon. Did she give a damn about you or your feelings, nope. She put your needs and feelings to the curb and continued to bask in the OMs attention. Make no mistake - your wife was engaged in an affair. Now, her poison friends are saying that you were jealous because it was YOU who was having the affair - brother, if this were my 'wife', I'd be wondering why the divorce was taking so long. I'd be getting ready to bask in the glory of being single again! When you are, don't be so hasty to get into another relationship - at least until you can figure out why you picked such a bit*h the first time around, so you don't make the same mistake again.

[fireflywy]

Oh B.S. to those articles. Sure excessive jealousy without reason is a problem, yes but that's not the case here. Reread your post on what was happening and trust your instincts. Maybe you were a little rattled and louder than usual which can be fixed but your weren't wrong.

 

I would be wary of some of the online articles you read as they may be written by people who make hasty generalizations without taking things on a case by case basis. I've read and heard my share of b.s. over the years from self serving people who present absolutes or from empowerment articles who blame everyone else but thems elves when they want their cake and eat too.

 

Don't fall into the absolute category and label yourself as something you're not. She was acting shady, she got caught, she probably shamed you, and because now she's gone you're blaming yourself and putting her on a pedestal for whatever reason (I'm guessing she's attractive; I went through the same what if phase myself.)

 

She isn't a goddess or someone whose words or views have more weight or validity then yours and forget what her darn hen party tells you. They were probably jealous she had a relationship with someone and enjoyed the drama as things fell apart. They probably gave her the selfish "you deserve to be happy" but not responsible to your committed relationship crap.

 

Stop doing this stuff to yourself. Man up, offer the cheating STBXW a friendly and resolute goodbye wave (maybe with a parting finger), and walk on.

Edited January 12, 2017 by fireflywy

[Foreverever421]

Thanks for your feedback. I am better emotionally now. This bad energy or bull**** has to end, this is where it does. Have a great year, people!

[Space Ritual]

Hi all,

 

It has been a while since my last post and i have had plenty of time to clear my head. A brief summary about my situation:

 

So my wife decided to file for divorce last March. And there has been minimal contact since then. The events that led up to her decision were as follows.... A high school friend told a mutual friend of theirs that he thought he had a shot with my STBXW, she told him off but remained besties with him, then came the anonymous Valentine's day message for her in the local paper, gifts and daily texts.

 

I wasn't comfortable with it and asked her to stop replying him. She wouldn't hear anything of it. I even tried to hack into her FB to see what their exchanges were about, no such luck though. Despite of all her reassurances, i still couldn't shake off my suspicious and jealousy. Things just spiralled downhill from then on.

 

I have been reading a lot during our separation on psychology and relationships. I learned that jealousy can actually create psychosis, and that my behavior, trying to hack into her FB and find out if there was anything going on between them is considered emotionally abusive.

 

Anyway, i just got word the a-hole is leaving town. So i really made a fool out of myself a year ago. She's still going ahead with the divorce. So here i am, blaming myself for this disaster, though not as harshly now. A few friends have suggested that i move on, i'm not so sure how that can be done. I still have feelings for her, not as intense, but i know they are there regardless. She has made it very clear that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore and that she hates me. So i guess i better learn to get on with my life.

 

To those who have given your input months ago, thank you for your time. I appreciate it. I guess i better learn to work on my trust issues.

 

To those in committed relationships, stay within boundaries. A lot of pain and heartache could be avoided that way.

 

Sorry, Dude, but you still don't get it.

 

 

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

Your situation is no different than the thousands of people who blame themselves for the poor choices of a soon to be former spouse.

And no , before you say "I don't know your situation, etc"...pal listen up.

 

You may be half responsible fr your marriage, your wife is 100 percent responsible for the affair that led to your pending divorce.

 

Your wife took vows to you...she broke them, plain

 

You did nothing wrong.

 

if I were you; I'd be laughing at your STBX...she had happen to her what many of these fools have happen to them once they found their "soulmate"...they got dumped by their soulmate. lol

 

That's called consequences...you did nothing wrong. Stop accepting blame for something you are blameless in.

[Redhead14]

Hi all,

 

It has been a while since my last post and i have had plenty of time to clear my head. A brief summary about my situation:

 

So my wife decided to file for divorce last March. And there has been minimal contact since then. The events that led up to her decision were as follows.... A high school friend told a mutual friend of theirs that he thought he had a shot with my STBXW, she told him off but remained besties with him, then came the anonymous Valentine's day message for her in the local paper, gifts and daily texts.

 

I wasn't comfortable with it and asked her to stop replying him. She wouldn't hear anything of it. I even tried to hack into her FB to see what their exchanges were about, no such luck though. Despite of all her reassurances, i still couldn't shake off my suspicious and jealousy. Things just spiralled downhill from then on.

 

I have been reading a lot during our separation on psychology and relationships. I learned that jealousy can actually create psychosis, and that my behavior, trying to hack into her FB and find out if there was anything going on between them is considered emotionally abusive.

 

Anyway, i just got word the a-hole is leaving town. So i really made a fool out of myself a year ago. She's still going ahead with the divorce. So here i am, blaming myself for this disaster, though not as harshly now. A few friends have suggested that i move on, i'm not so sure how that can be done. I still have feelings for her, not as intense, but i know they are there regardless. She has made it very clear that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore and that she hates me. So i guess i better learn to get on with my life.

 

To those who have given your input months ago, thank you for your time. I appreciate it. I guess i better learn to work on my trust issues.

 

To those in committed relationships, stay within boundaries. A lot of pain and heartache could be avoided that way.

 

Jealousy does not create psychosis. Psychosis manifests itself in lots of ways, which may or may not include jealousy, but it exists First.

 

Jealousy that stems from internalized beliefs, can cause someone to behave irrationally, because the jealousy itself is irrational.

 

You had valid, empirical reasons for your jealousy. That, however, does not give you an excuse to become abusive or stalkerish or threatening, etc. Abd, you may have become irrational but you were not psychotic.

Anyway, i just got word the a-hole is leaving town. So i really made a fool out of myself a year ago. -- Just because he's leaving town, doesn't mean there was no cheating, etc. It simply means he's leaving town and probably just wasn't that into your STBXW or isn't anymore . . .

 

Don't turn all this on yourself. Your wife was cheating on you PERIOD. If not, however, she didn't love you anyway or she would have stopped whatever she was doing to cause you to distrust her. Instead of saying, "Oh, gosh, Honey, you're right, all this looks bad. I don't want to cause any discomfort for you or our relationship. I will handle it immediately".

[umirano]

I can confirm that the discovery of an affair can cause such a strong trauma that a psychosis can develop.

 

Just yesterday I had dinner with a friend of mine who happens to be a psychiatric nurse. She's told me about about one of her patients who found a Viagra pill in her husband's pants. She hired a PI and it turned out her husband was seeing hookers and escorts pretty much on a daily basis. She then attempted an expanded suicide with her youngest child (2y). She's diagnosed with a severe psychosis, but it seems she's getting betrer.

[bachdude]

I read your original thread.

 

 

Such a personal gift as a dress, regular daily texting, an anonymous valentine message in a newspaper (who else would it be from?), all from a guy who ADMITTED he thought he had a shot at your ex wife, while she refused to put up the most basic of boundaries, is enough to completely piss off virtually every red blooded man.

 

 

I am just thinking of some of the macho guys I see living in the country, who drive massive pickups. I can only imagine what they would have done when the dress arrived in the mail! Probably pay a visit to the dude's house who sent it where he'd find it shoved up his a$%.

[Foreverever421]

 

You had valid, empirical reasons for your jealousy. That, however, does not give you an excuse to become abusive or stalkerish or threatening, etc. Abd, you may have become irrational but you were not psychotic.

 

She claimed that i was emotionally abusive. I didn't raise my voice at her. I did, however, question her relentlessly. Do you want to be with him? Can you please stop replying him? Have you caught feelings for him? What's happening? I even teased her and said perhaps i should start calling him your bf. She replied jokingly, 'I don't mind. I'm not as petty as you.'

 

Psychotic in the sense that i didn't know what was happening and i couldn't tell the difference between reality and imagination, her actions were not matching her reassurances, and knowing that if her behavior continued, i would have no choice but to get myself out of the pain and confusion, and face the new reality of being a divorcee. Sort of like i was trapped between the end and the beginning, if that makes sense. Only threat was, 'I have to go if this doesn't stop.'

 

 

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

She didn't really. Only thing was that she didn't show me their text conversation.

 

Speaking of regular texts. I now have a new female friend who texts me almost everyday. I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

 

She then attempted an expanded suicide with her youngest child (2y). She's diagnosed with a severe psychosis, but it seems she's getting betrer.

 

Hope she will recover fully soon. The kid is innocent, remind her of that.

 

I'm not suicidal anymore. I have had psychotherapy, feeling more at peace now. Still have a lot of things to accomplish. Like take up martial arts and break his face if i happen to run into him! Can't forget about my kiddos and my parents either.

 

I will be fine eventually. I'm not returning to this marriage without some intense marriage counselling. Meanwhile, let's see how the future reveals itself and i'ma focus on the things i once enjoyed doing.

[umirano]

I am not personally involved in that case. The woman in question was charged with attempted murder and acquitted, before she spent a few months in a psychiatric clinic. She lives at home now, with her children.

 

The story just shows how traumatic the loss of trust can be to some people. It's something that wayward partners should keep in mind.

[umirano]

I will be fine eventually. I'm not returning to this marriage without some intense marriage counselling. Meanwhile, let's see how the future reveals itself and i'ma focus on the things i once enjoyed doing.

 

You're considering trying to repair the marriage which you're just about to come out of?

[RatherNotSay]

psychosis.. I think this is the word that I've been looking for, since quite some time now.

 

But again, she should've not given you any reason to doubt her, even if there wasn't anything, she should've been more understanding, not hide things.

 

But, also jealousy is a green monster that eats off of your relationship, and the more you feed it, the stronger it becomes. And your partner was helping in the "Diet" for this green monster.

 

Yeah, better to move on.

Psychosis, one of the many things I'm going through right now.

[Foreverever421]

You're considering trying to repair the marriage which you're just about to come out of?

 

Only if she is open to counselling. If this s*** happens again, i'm not sure if i can take it. I want my kids to grow up to have a stable family of their own. The world doesn't need any brokenness.

 

 

 

But again, she should've not given you any reason to doubt her, even if there wasn't anything, she should've been more understanding, not hide things

 

You get better soon, too. Don't know what triggered you, but you will get out of it.

 

If she had shown me all their texts, i probably would have felt less threatened. Perhaps the break up with my first had something to do with how i felt when those texts were flying back and forth. My first ran off with another guy, so i probably carried some emotional baggage into this marriage. It felt like some deja vu s***. History just keeps repeating itself.

[Space Ritual]

 

She didn't really. Only thing was that she didn't show me their text conversation.

 

Thanks for proving my point.

 

You are totally like a deer in headlights. You might as well move on.

[umirano]

Only if she is open to counselling. If this s*** happens again, i'm not sure if i can take it. I want my kids to grow up to have a stable family of their own. The world doesn't need any brokenness.

 

You should not try that. It's better to have a working non-romantic relationship than a dysfunctional romantic relationship.

[Darren Steez]

Males openly disrespected by their women and other men so much so they blame themselves when things fall apart because they asked for transparency?

 

The fact he's even dreaming of the option of reconcilliaton not even on the table speaks volumes.

 

Wish you luck man, you're going to need it.

[amaysngrace]

I'm not really sure if your wife deserves a second chance but I'm glad you've gotten past your trust issues anyway.

 

It's your trust. Share it wisely.

[Foreverever421]

You should not try that. It's better to have a working non-romantic relationship than a dysfunctional romantic relationship.

 

At this stage, i don't even wanna think about a new relationship. But thanks for the suggestion.

 

Males openly disrespected by their women and other men so much so they blame themselves when things fall apart because they asked for transparency?

 

The fact he's even dreaming of the option of reconcilliaton not even on the table speaks volumes.

 

Wish you luck man, you're going to need it.

 

Dude, i am just trying to make things better for my kids. I am well aware that a relationship only works if both parties are committed and stay within boundaries. But yeah, i'm gon need some luck for either this or the next relationship.

 

A psychiatrist i talked to told me faulted me for the demise of my marriage. She asked if they are together now. I told her I didn't know. Probably not. She then proceeded to say then it was my problem. So tempted to tell her, 'Tell me how you feel about it when another woman starts texting your husband everyday.'

 

I'm not really sure if your wife deserves a second chance but I'm glad you've gotten past your trust issues anyway.

 

It's your trust. Share it wisely.

 

Past my depression, not past my trust issues. Prior to our marriage, she said if there was some woman that she didn't like and if i still chose to hang out with her, she would be pissed. Double standard there if i ever see one.