lovedoesnotexist000 Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 Hi Long story cut short.. I got married whom i loved a lot in 2009. During our courtship period, there came out some things which were dicey. Her aggression, impatient behavior etc. It ended in a divorce in 2013 which shattered my confidence in any relationship. My loved ones convinced me to look for a nice girl and I found one in 2015 who is my wife now. When we were dating for four months in 2015, i told her everything about me and my past. She too had her past but never discussed it too much. Though I asked her to tell me if there was anything I should know but the answer was always "no". I thought that she wasnt comfortable with it. I asked her never to break my trust and she totally understood me and the pains i had. Right after the marriage in Dec, I read an old facebook message from aomeone who was trying to convince her to get back in her life and he wanted to feel her the same. I was hurt. Badly hurt. I discussed this with her but she said he was someone who "used to like her but she never dated him". This issue was was ended as it was her past and I loved her and disnt want to drag things for no reason then. Two months later she was getting a call of her "old friend" about whom I heard only as "a gentleman supportive and very caring guy". She didnt pick his call in front of me. It made me a little suspicious but still I didnt try to spoil our then present. After a few days, I connected her phone on my laptop and I found some recorded phone calls which she deleted but somehow were found in some folder. These recordings were of the same "gentleman" who was calling her that day. I heard those recordings. He was her ex. A father of two daugthers who was cheating on his wife. I had a terrible argument with my wife and she admitted it. Now I dont trust my wife. As I have spent over a year with her now I know her better. She is very male friendly woman. I never used to be a guy who would dislike a male friendly woman but now i have turned out to be one. Many a times I have discussed with her about the time when I requested her never to break my trust and she is always sorry. Few days back I checked her facebook again and she keeps sneaking in her ex's facebook page. She complains I dont show her my love the way I used to be! I really cannot trust her!! Thanks for reading. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 13, 2017 Share Posted January 13, 2017 When we were dating for four months in 2015 If this was the length of your courtship, simply not long enough to get to know somebody. Any commitment, marriage included, would be rushed and ill-considered under this timeline. He was her ex. A father of two daugthers who was cheating on his wife. If she had a full-blown affair with him and hid the recent contact from you, a reasonable man would assume she's getting ready to do the same thing again. Sorry but none of this looks good... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovedoesnotexist000 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 (edited) They were physical for sometime. She realized that was wrong. They became good friends after that and used to be together always. One day before our marriage they talked (wife had call recorder installed and i managed to hear the full conversation in which they are behaving more than "friends"). She keeps blaming I dont show concern/care now! I am not someone who drags things for long but this is something which keeps me off focused always. I always hated such activities and I kept telling her before marriage. She promised me several times never to betray me. The best part is: I see myself sad, a different individual who has no desires now. She still behaves very normal, parties hard, and expects me to do the same. I really cant! Am i over reacting?? Edited January 15, 2017 by lovedoesnotexist000 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 Affair partners cannot become good friends. If they quit having sex then it's still an emotional affair. Ask her if his wife is okay with her husband being good friends with his affair partner. I don't think you are overreacting. Affairs tend to be very addictive and obsessive. I suspect that your wife tried to end the affair by dating you and eventually marrying you. She used you to get over her married man but it didn't work and now she is back in her affair addiction. She wasn't honest with you from the very beginning and you have only been married a short time. I think you should just call it a loss and get a divorce, possibly an annulment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovedoesnotexist000 Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 (edited) Thats what I believe in. That "gentleman friend" does not talk to his wife but lives with her because of their children. He keeps telling everyone how bad his wife is. I was very attached to my first wife but somehow that relationship didnt work. I could never be friends with her. It doesnt work like this ever! With me at least never! There are sentiments attached always. I might get over with her past. Its just that in every discussion she tries to show me I am someone who thinks a lot and builds a wrong perception. I have turned into a man who does not like if she does too much of makeup, if she gets comfy with her male friends, if she loves to stay out late for nights. My being argumentative is what i dislike in me and she does not like it at all if i talk less.. ! Edited January 15, 2017 by lovedoesnotexist000 Link to post Share on other sites
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