Chris516 Posted February 19, 2017 Share Posted February 19, 2017 (edited) Funny, i feel like mine manipulated every one around us to believe i was crazy with pretty much those disorders also. Whats really funny is how were not together anymore and its clearly evident who the crazy one actually was. Her demands became so crazy and i would try to make them happen. If i did it just resulted with a snarky thanks or how come i have to tell you to do things like this. You cant change the spots on a leopard. For awhile i thought wow maybe shes going to be nice to the new rebound but, no its only a matter of time before her true character comes to life. Its like shes stuck on repeat. The same things she did to me, she did to her ex boyfriend before me. I felt the EXACT SAME WAY!!!!! My (ex)fiance's female mental health worker was like a female Devil. At one point she made a home visit to see my (ex)fiance. Then they went somewhere. I just stared at the worker thinking how easily she was being duped. The same goes with my (ex)fiance's psychiatrist and therapist. After a meager suicide attempt. I was given legal permission to talk with all her doctors' and social worker. I asked each one, since I had legal permission to talk to them at that point. What negative stuff she had been telling them. I found out she had been lying to them for quite some time. My (ex)fiance has praised, then demonized, man after man since(and probably before) our relationship. I still have a rape allegation floating around in her head. Her (ex)husband told me, that she said I had raped her. That kind of accusation from someone (psychologically "diagnosing" someone, directly) can really damage a person's mind. Sorry you had to go through that, and, unfortunately, I can relate Whether something is true or not, if it is repeated enough times, it can start to feel true. That reminds me of gas-lighting. It made me even more mad. Prior to her gas-lighting of me. I went through the same experience with my (ex)wife. She got her parents', and my parents' believing that everything was my fault. Also a rape allegation from (ex)wife. So much for 'innocent until proven guilty'. Edited February 19, 2017 by Chris516 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pumpingiron34 Posted February 19, 2017 Author Share Posted February 19, 2017 I felt the EXACT SAME WAY!!!!! My (ex)fiance's female mental health worker was like a female Devil. At one point she made a home visit to see my (ex)fiance. Then they went somewhere. I just stared at the worker thinking how easily she was being duped. The same goes with my (ex)fiance's psychiatrist and therapist. After a meager suicide attempt. I was given legal permission to talk with all her doctors' and social worker. I asked each one, since I had legal permission to talk to them at that point. What negative stuff she had been telling them. I found out she had been lying to them for quite some time. My (ex)fiance has praised, then demonized, man after man since(and probably before) our relationship. I still have a rape allegation floating around in her head. Her (ex)husband told me, that she said I had raped her. It made me even more mad. Prior to her gas-lighting of me. I went through the same experience with my (ex)wife. She got her parents', and my parents' believing that everything was my fault. Also a rape allegation from (ex)wife. So much for 'innocent until proven guilty'. By the end of my relationship I was on medication for anxiety and a bunch of other things. Like my brother told me, you never needed any of that **** before you met her. He was right. But, i needed it to be sane with her. The mind games that were done to me still haunt me. Its been nearly 10 months and some days are still so rough. My communication skills with females has suffered horribly. I still miss what we had i guess because i have nothing to compare it to. I still fear not finding some one else. Its just so hard to connect with some one on emotional level rather than physical. Which makes my head turn how she found some one so quick. I miss the fake image of her alot, i wish we coulda worked. Maybe if she came to terms that she was part of the problem we could of but, all that is me wishing she was some one else. God, why the hell do i still miss this demon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pumpingiron34 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Dam some one slap some sence into me. Woke up from a nap dreamed I was with her. Flooded me with feelings of missing her the urge to contact is strong. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 dam some one slap some sence into me. Woke up from a nap dreamed i was with her. Flooded me with feelings of missing her the urge to contact is strong. slap slap slap 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Dam some one slap some sence into me. Woke up from a nap dreamed I was with her. Flooded me with feelings of missing her the urge to contact is strong. Wow, can you cry any louder? Stop being such a puss! Sorry man, I can't physically slap you, so I figured that was the next best thing. A billion people out there, bro. You can do better than that. Don't call that mean person a demon, though. Stop hating on her. She has issues and I think you realized that. Forgive her for hurting you and let go so you can continue your process of moving forward, and find a beautiful woman with a healthy mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pumpingiron34 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Wow, can you cry any louder? Stop being such a puss! Sorry man, I can't physically slap you, so I figured that was the next best thing. A billion people out there, bro. You can do better than that. Don't call that mean person a demon, though. Stop hating on her. She has issues and I think you realized that. Forgive her for hurting you and let go so you can continue your process of moving forward, and find a beautiful woman with a healthy mind. Ugh, thats part of the issue. Feel like i cant find one anywhere, yet there is a billion in the world. Where the hell are they? Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Ugh, thats part of the issue. Feel like i cant find one anywhere, yet there is a billion in the world. Where the hell are they? My observation is that the problem is more with you than with them. How do you expect to find love if you still feel like this? Seriously look at what you just wrote in your last few posts. You still aren't healed, so no girl is going to find that attractive! You are not being attractive, in the literal definition (I'm talking about magnetism, not sex appeal). You can't find them because your attitude does not attract them into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 My observation is that the problem is more with you than with them. How do you expect to find love if you still feel like this? Seriously look at what you just wrote in your last few posts. You still aren't healed, so no girl is going to find that attractive! You are not being attractive, in the literal definition (I'm talking about magnetism, not sex appeal). You can't find them because your attitude does not attract them into your life. Not true, I've started up with another girl and we were talking only a few months after my BU. She knew exactly what had happened my end and we really just acted more like friends due to the circumstances. That went on for a year at least. Well in a few weeks I am flying to her country to meet her. She's exited to see me despite knowing about my negative past. What I have actually found is that girls often go for guys that have recently experienced a heartbreak. At one point I had 3 interested and they all knew my situation. It's good for them because they can see how you deal with a tough situation before you even start a relationship. And as you get stronger and slowly heal, their attraction for you grows. Girls mainly want you to not be scared of showing the real you. Even if that means showing your experiencing some heartbreak. Showing the real you (even if your not at your best) shows confidence and a lack of fear. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 marky00, I think you can make a decent counter-point, but you ruined it by starting with: Not true I was giving my observation to him, not stating a fact. Because you think so rigidly, I would have to use a lot of words to explain. Not gonna go there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pumpingiron34 Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 My observation is that the problem is more with you than with them. How do you expect to find love if you still feel like this? Seriously look at what you just wrote in your last few posts. You still aren't healed, so no girl is going to find that attractive! You are not being attractive, in the literal definition (I'm talking about magnetism, not sex appeal). You can't find them because your attitude does not attract them into your life. Dude honestly that's spot on. I'm honestly trying hard as hell to heal but, our bond was so close at one point. I went through so many life events with her. It's just like i have trouble accepting that it's really over. I have some days where I'm completely fine and than some I'm not at all and miss the **** outta her. Idk how to fix my attitude, or my attraction. I know right before I started dateing her I had a bunch of girls after me. Now it just feels desolate. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I was giving my observation to him, not stating a fact. Because you think so rigidly, I would have to use a lot of words to explain. Not gonna go there. Hmmm, I made that statement based on my own experience. I didn't say it was gospel. It is just I see your line of thinking a lot on LS and although I acknowledge there are general principles that are linked to attractiveness, it just so complicated and it's definitely not as simple as suggesting that being healthy, strong, confident and alpha are the only things that are going to draw in a woman. I have definitely attracted women myself when I wasn't in that frame of mind. Case in point, many people go into rebounds and what not after heartbreak. They usually end up breaking the heart of the person they are rebounding with. And usually, since these people are only partially healed, they definitely are not exhibiting the characteristics you were mentioning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pumpingiron34 Posted May 7, 2017 Author Share Posted May 7, 2017 Just thought id post a quick update on here since its been awhile. Nothing really that new, my ex is still with her rebound 9 months later. Id just like to say that for anyone wondering how long it took to recover from a 5 year relationship, im at about a year and month broken up and i think i can say im finally over it. I can finally be alone 6 out of 7 days of the week with out obsessing or thinking about it and it causing any sort of pain. Only 6 out of 7 because once in awhile you tend to think about it. Before anyone says well your not over it than, well at this point i consider being over it as being <70%. but ****, good luck to anyone going through it because it was insanely the hardest thing i ever delt with. Aside from her coming back like 5 months ago haven't heard a thing since and i dont care lol. I dont want her to come back because i honestly just dont want her anymore. Meeting and talking to other girls is most definitely the best remedy for anyone out there. I would like to meet somebody new though not gunna lie. To the future i go and if anything ever happens again ill be sure to update! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 Pump, thanks so much for returning to give us an update on your situation. Congratulations! Am very happy for you that you have managed to break away -- and stay away -- from that toxic relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 I was actually wondering how you were doing a while back. Thanks for the update dude. I wish you continued wellness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pumpingiron34 Posted May 10, 2017 Author Share Posted May 10, 2017 I was actually wondering how you were doing a while back. Thanks for the update dude. I wish you continued wellness. Pump, thanks so much for returning to give us an update on your situation. Congratulations! Am very happy for you that you have managed to break away -- and stay away -- from that toxic relationship. No problem guys! I figured i might as well because to be honest I would have never made it with out this web-sight. No contact really is the only way in my type of situation, thankful i learned this because boy is she dangerous. Nothing more dangerous than beauty and manipulation. Still boggles my mind that there are humans out there capable of such low low behavior but, what ever it is what it is. Im sure i was not perfect but, id still not be able to pull what she did even at my worst. Hell i feel bad turning down a girl. Though, did have a funny story come to mind nothing major. My friend(even though i dident ask for this info nor do i care) hangs out with her boyfriend and he told my friend that she asked him recently if she could come to my house and get her bike. He of course said no, which i am thankful for. Because let me tell you something... she would not have came with just intentions to get her 100 dollar walmart bike from ages ago(which i dont have anymore anyway lol). She wanted to come here and prolly reinstall her power over me(but now she cant just show up here because i told her bf last time lol). She most likely cant handle that i dont contact her because she is such a controlling person it prolly drives her insane. Like my brother said if she really just wanted the bike she can contact him. Just thought id share that funny story because i have a feeling that wont be the last reason she finds to try and come here. But **** THAT i learned my lesson lmao. I have 0 reason to talk to some one who screwed my friend and a bunch of other dudes while i spent every day bleeding out of my heart. ill call the cops! thank you guys so much for the support through everything that has helped me reached this point! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 Stay strong, keep up the NC and continue to move on. You will find better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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