So 8 months later she shows up at my door fml

[Pumpingiron34]

Its by far the most difficult thing ive ever done. I remember thinking at the end of the relationship how bad can it really be? breaking up. Now i am like holy ****, bad. It just feels like some times that time has not really moved at all and feels like she was just here with me not to long ago but, in reality time has gone by 9 months so much has changed which hurts even more. The friends ive lost because of this, people who went behind my back trying to get with her kills me. So many fake people. I guess people move on easily the same way she did, Partying and rebounding. Yeah, i know her rebound aint going to last its clearly evident the relationship is a giant red flag to begin with but, who cares? what good does that even do me? If anything it makes me more nervous knowing she probably thinks im taking her back when it fails but, im not. Thanks for the kind words i hope some day i can just not think about it any more.

[GeorgeWP93]

Its by far the most difficult thing ive ever done. I remember thinking at the end of the relationship how bad can it really be? breaking up. Now i am like holy ****, bad. It just feels like some times that time has not really moved at all and feels like she was just here with me not to long ago but, in reality time has gone by 9 months so much has changed which hurts even more. The friends ive lost because of this, people who went behind my back trying to get with her kills me. So many fake people. I guess people move on easily the same way she did, Partying and rebounding. Yeah, i know her rebound aint going to last its clearly evident the relationship is a giant red flag to begin with but, who cares? what good does that even do me? If anything it makes me more nervous knowing she probably thinks im taking her back when it fails but, im not. Thanks for the kind words i hope some day i can just not think about it any more.

 

It's about you now my friend, she doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what goes on in her life, it doesn't matter what she thinks of you, when you think of her just consciously push her out. People deal with things in different ways but **** em, she's only making you miserable now.

[divegrl]

The first cut is the deepest my friend. It will get easier......

[Pumpingiron34]

The first cut is the deepest my friend. It will get easier......

 

Yea, i guess it really is. I swear when i end up with another girl down the road, i see a red flag and im going to Chris angel outta there.

[Chris516]

OP, Back in Nov.'02 I was engaged to be married to a woman I thought I knew. Being a very loving person, I looked past the fact that she had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder years earlier. Because I am of the thinking that everyone deserves to be loved.

 

But here comes the 'similarity' to your situation. While I have physical health problems. My ex who is not a clinician or physician. Felt that her degree in psychology gave her the right to 'diagnose' me.

 

She said I had:

 

ADD

ADHD

Bipolar Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Diabetes

Hypoglycemia

Multiple Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

OCD

OCPD

PTSD

Social Anxiety Disorder

Tourettes

 

For four years I put up with her 'diagnosing' me.

 

I am not saying that to be critical of you. But the first part of how I was fighting a losing battle against her mental illness.

 

More times than I can count, she verbally and physically attacked me in public.

 

I was sacrificing the need to be loved by a woman not related to me. To make sure she was loved.

 

She made constant demands of me that I couldn't fulfill. She said she 'needed' fresh flowers, daily. That in and of itself is expensive.

 

She also accused me of 'controlling' her.

 

One time she was about to put a metal fork in a plugged-in toaster. In order to retrieve a piece of toast that was stuck. I saw her just before she was about to put the fork in the toaster, and yelled at the top of my lungs. Not out of anger. But out of fear and love.

 

She just asserted that I was being 'controlling'. Never mind that I just saved her life.

 

She thought I was being 'controlling' because the cable account was in my name. Even saying she wanted to get her own cable account in the apartment. When there was only one cable connection in the apartment.

 

While the cell phone account was in her name. I never complained about the cell phone account. Because I considered it fair, that we were sharing in the financial responsibilities.

 

Sadly, I am just another guy she tried to financially take to the cleaners. Since then(2007) she has tried to do the same thing to at least ten other guys she was involved with. Including one guy she legally married. That guy filed for divorce from her a year ago. She also has a penchant for cheating on guys.

 

So, My ex sounds a lot like yours.

[Pumpingiron34]

OP, Back in Nov.'02 I was engaged to be married to a woman I thought I knew. Being a very loving person, I looked past the fact that she had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder years earlier. Because I am of the thinking that everyone deserves to be loved.

 

But here comes the 'similarity' to your situation. While I have physical health problems. My ex who is not a clinician or physician. Felt that her degree in psychology gave her the right to 'diagnose' me.

 

She said I had:

 

ADD

ADHD

Bipolar Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Diabetes

Hypoglycemia

Multiple Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

OCD

OCPD

PTSD

Social Anxiety Disorder

Tourettes

 

For four years I put up with her 'diagnosing' me.

 

I am not saying that to be critical of you. But the first part of how I was fighting a losing battle against her mental illness.

 

More times than I can count, she verbally and physically attacked me in public.

 

I was sacrificing the need to be loved by a woman not related to me. To make sure she was loved.

 

She made constant demands of me that I couldn't fulfill. She said she 'needed' fresh flowers, daily. That in and of itself is expensive.

 

She also accused me of 'controlling' her.

 

One time she was about to put a metal fork in a plugged-in toaster. In order to retrieve a piece of toast that was stuck. I saw her just before she was about to put the fork in the toaster, and yelled at the top of my lungs. Not out of anger. But out of fear and love.

 

She just asserted that I was being 'controlling'. Never mind that I just saved her life.

 

She thought I was being 'controlling' because the cable account was in my name. Even saying she wanted to get her own cable account in the apartment. When there was only one cable connection in the apartment.

 

While the cell phone account was in her name. I never complained about the cell phone account. Because I considered it fair, that we were sharing in the financial responsibilities.

 

Sadly, I am just another guy she tried to financially take to the cleaners. Since then(2007) she has tried to do the same thing to at least ten other guys she was involved with. Including one guy she legally married. That guy filed for divorce from her a year ago. She also has a penchant for cheating on guys.

 

So, My ex sounds a lot like yours.

Funny, i feel like mine manipulated every one around us to believe i was crazy with pretty much those disorders also. Whats really funny is how were not together anymore and its clearly evident who the crazy one actually was. Her demands became so crazy and i would try to make them happen. If i did it just resulted with a snarky thanks or how come i have to tell you to do things like this. You cant change the spots on a leopard. For awhile i thought wow maybe shes going to be nice to the new rebound but, no its only a matter of time before her true character comes to life. Its like shes stuck on repeat. The same things she did to me, she did to her ex boyfriend before me.

[bluefeather]

Pumpingiron, you seemed to have been doing alright until this set-back of allowing contact from this person again. It is natural, then, to feel this way all over again. It is like opening a wound that hadn't finished healing.

 

For four years I put up with her 'diagnosing' me.

 

That kind of accusation from someone (psychologically "diagnosing" someone, directly) can really damage a person's mind. Sorry you had to go through that, and, unfortunately, I can relate

Whether something is true or not, if it is repeated enough times, it can start to feel true. That reminds me of gas-lighting.

[Pumpingiron34]

Mine did pretty much the same thing, had me painted as the psycho. No matter what i did or why i reacted a certain way it was because of this or that. Only thing is, since were no longer together its apparent who actually was the problem. I agree bluefeather, it set me back big time. I knew going outside to talk to her was a very very bad idea, but i got caught off guard. Have not heard a word since and it just leaves me wondering why come here why!

[bluefeather]

it just leaves me wondering why come here why!

 

If I had to guess, I would say it was to get a fix of the chemicals produced by the kinds of emotions associated with relationship drama.

[Pumpingiron34]

If I had to guess, I would say it was to get a fix of the chemicals produced by the kinds of emotions associated with relationship drama.

 

After i thought about it long enough thats sorta what i came up with. At first im like wow i got played. Which i did but, after replaying it my head 52 billion times i feel like she was seeking my idk how to explain it my gratification/emotional support or something or just my voice in general. It seems to me that her and the rebound are ok on the physical side of things but, shes lacking the emotional support i use to give her. I know the rebound from years ago and we are two opposite ends of the spectrum of life. My communication skills are light years ahead, him not being anywhere near as social as me. I feel like no matter what i went outside said would not have changed anything as long as she heard my voice it gave her enough of that chemical to per say last another 3-4 months with him. Had i not gone outside, she would of been emotionally starved and now i see that. What a shame.

[bluefeather]

There's no use to replay it, but I know it is very hard not to. You need to keep healing yourself so you can learn how to find someone who is not like this person.

[Downtown]

Wow my ex gf has all 18 of those bpd traits dead on and i can think of a situation for each. I always thought she was but, ignored the red flags as just being her personality. Plus after spending 5 years with her i was not sure who was crazy any more me or her. Then when the rls ended it became very clear. It was like she stole my personality mimicked me than moved on in a couple of weeks and has a whole new personality.

Pump, this text is from your post today in the thread started by Arsenalfan77. In referring to my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs, you state that your exGF exhibited all of them very strongly. If you have questions about any of those 18 red flags, I would be glad to try and answer them here in your thread -- or point you to some online resources that can answer your questions.

 

In this thread, you state that "We went 4 years strong id say. Then the start of the 4th year it got very rocky. We started fighting on a constant basis ." That statement seems to suggest that you had 4 great years of dating before your exGF's BPD traits appeared strongly in the fifth year. But then you state that "I always knew she was just a tad bit off but I loved her anyway." This statement seems to suggest that you had been seeing red flags throughout the five years but had chosen to ignore them in the earlier years. Would you please clarify whether you saw these traits at a strong level for many years, or only in the last year.

 

I ask because a strong pattern of BPD warning signs implies there may be a lifetime problem with dysfunctional behavior only when those warning signs are persistent from year to year. An important issue, then, is when your exGF's BPD traits started appearing. If she really is a BPDer (i.e., exhibits strong and persistent warning signs), those traits likely would have started during her early teens and then persisted. Strong BPD traits typically disappear during a BPDer relationship only during the intense infatuation period at the beginning of that relationship.

 

This issue is important because all adults get occasional flareups of their BPD traits -- as occurs during our early teens when the hormones surge. Flareups can occur again for a short period when there is sustained drug abuse, a very painful breakup, or a hormone change during pregnancy, postpartum, or perimenopause.

 

Significantly, such a large share of teenagers exhibit strong BPD traits that psychologists usually refuse to diagnose it until the person is at least 18 years of age. Hence, if you want to discuss your exGF's BPD traits, the relevant period of discussion would be after that age. I mention this because you started dating her when she was only 16.

 

Finally, I caution that learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your exGF's issues. Only a professional can determine whether her BPD traits are so severe and persistent as to constitute full-blown BPD. This does not imply, however, that you cannot spot strong BPD traits when they occur. There is nothing subtle about behaviors such as strong verbal abuse, lack of impulse control, and temper tantrums. Moreover, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking your exGF back and avoid running into the arms of another woman just like her. Take care, Pump.

[Sweetfish]

Pump, this text is from your post today in the thread started by Arsenalfan77. In referring to my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs, you state that your exGF exhibited all of them very strongly. If you have questions about any of those 18 red flags, I would be glad to try and answer them here in your thread -- or point you to some online resources that can answer your questions.

 

Downtown your post are bitter and sweet.

 

The person finally can have some resolve of what has happen to the relationship. they can ease off some of the guilt.

 

But now the O.P. has to relive thru every occurrence thru the relationship and feel the pain twice putting two and two together.

[Pumpingiron34]

Well honestly the signs were always there. She had an extremely controlling family and I feel like it affected her greatly. Yes, the first 4 years were good but that doesn't mean there were no red flags, for example early in the relationship in high school she would use Facebook to control me. Every time we fought she would change her relationship status to single and change her profile pic just to get me crazy. After enough fighting we finally deleted our face books. Another thing that stood out to me early early on was her inability to apologize. When I say I swear in five years she said sorry one time I mean it. I even tryed getting her to fake say sorry and she couldn't do it either. Yet I still loved her and hung on as tight as I could. Next every one could tell you that when she started date ing me she transformed, for the better. I thought o cool yea she did because she must love me. It was not until we broke up that I realized she really did switch personalities it was like she almost faked who she was being with me and went right back to a completely different version. A night and day difference. She would constantly switch tempers as if she went volcanic. Like me being not ready to walk out side when she pulled up in her car. Dropping me off on the side of the roads far away telling me to have my family pick me up. As is be begging her to just drive me home and you go home chill abit were not getting along. She would refuse park the car and make me get out. Saying and doing mean things then denying there existence. Constantly convincing her self that people were against her. Right off the bat of meeting some one. This was all the time. She was in a two year relationship before me he cheated. Then we started date ing a week later. Our relationship ends she is now in another not even a month later. Things in her life were scheduled so hardcore I knew if something went wrong she'd flip her lid. I stopped wanting to go in her house because her parents and her constantly screamed at each other. God the list goes on but, what's funny is that whole time she never did anything wrong I was a physco angry boyfriend. Which yes there were time where I over reacted but she would be pulling my strings to get me to flip. She was a master at it. So I guess I started to believe I was the crazy one. When the relationship ended I realized how demonic she really was. Going out hooking up with dudes left and right rubbing it in my face . Then 8 months later,(recently) she shows up at my door after I ducked 19 calls of her. Guess what? It's still my fault the relationship ended and she had sex with my friends BC I caused her to do it because of how I treated her. Crazy, thinking back to it what a wild ride. I now told her she comes near me and I'm calling the cops.

[Downtown]

Downtown your post are bitter and sweet.

Nice observation, Sweet. By learning "what has happened to the relationship," the abused partner is able to "ease off some of the guilt." It is that guilt -- and the sense of obligation that goes with it -- that keeps abused partners trapped in toxic relationships for many years (15 in my case). Moreover, that toxicity harms the BPDer as well as the abused partner.

 

Hence, although "the O.P. has to relive thru every occurrence thru the relationship and feel the pain twice putting two and two together," that is a small price to pay for freeing up the rest of one's own life. Once the OP understands that his enabling behavior is harming his BPDer partner -- by sheltering her from the logical consequences of her own bad choices -- he is able to break free from the guilt and enmeshment that has kept him trapped. This, at least, is my understanding and my personal experience, Sweet.

[Downtown]

Well honestly the signs were always there....

Pump, thanks for clarifying that.

 

Constantly convincing her self that people were against her. Right off the bat of meeting some one. This was all the time.

As I discussed in Arsenal's thread, this black-white view of other people who come close is one of the hallmarks of BPDer behavior. It occurs because a BPDer is so emotionally immature that -- like a young child -- she is unable to tolerate experiencing strong conflicting feelings (e.g., love and hate) simultaneously.

 

You will see this same behavior in a very young child who loves Daddy when he brings out the toys but who will instantly flip to hating Daddy when he takes one toy away. Because BPDers are like this, they typically will categorize everyone close to them as "all good" ("with me") or "all bad" ("against me") so as to avoid dealing with ambiguities, uncertainties, conflicting feelings, and the other gray areas of interpersonal relationships.

 

Moreover, a week or a month later, a BPDer may recategorize someone from one polar extreme to the other -- in less than a minute -- based solely on a minor remark or action (real or imagined). This all-or-nothing view of other peoples' intentions and motivations is called "black-white thinking."

[Maldives]

Thx for sharing pumping iron and I feel ur pain. I'm in a similar situation accept were a lot older in our 40's. Let me share my story hopefully it helps wth the healing. I've broken up a few times in my life and one thing that is crystal clear NC is the way to go absolutly. I remember my ex wife left after 10 yrs came back was hot n cold wat I've learnt along the way sometimes it's another party and ther hedging there bets. Woman are complicated if ur not meeting there needs alot of the time superficial if u ask me they will leave. From wat i read u haven't dome anything wrong and u shouldn't hav to change its too tiring. Her needs are realy in this case superficial. Anyway after chasing my ex wife on and off over 6 mths it cam3 to nothing and all it did was wen I finally did start moving on and wen she decided she wanted to work on things I had started seeing a new girl and it sabotaged that relationship in the long run. I was fine till she contacted me and then that's wen she started going hot n cold. Anyway yrs later I found out there was always a lot her guy in the background. Waste of time. The current one I've learnt all my lessons yes I made mistakes she has changed similar to ures even given up her kids long story. As hard as its been I kno better and I kno contacting them does absolutly nothing even if u were wrong. The other thing like ures there too much that has happenned dates wth guys too much pain now caused to me in the time we broke up a cpl mths that even if she did com bac my trust and the pain caused I probably couldn't. It is getting easier but sometimes my weakness is following her on social media but that's part of the process of letting go ur gonna do it anyway it's like abstaining from master baking it just gets harder lol. Anyway a break up is like a storm going thru ur body and ur doing well u kno why? Because ur grieving the loss that is the best thing u can do and believe it or not helps the healing a lot faster. I wouldn't bother wth her she isdefinatly gonna regret it wen she gets over the phase she's going thru aND truth is u probably may hav moved on. I believe there is a small window to work it out but usually the partner that's dumped causes us so much pain that we grieve and then heal and wen they com back its almost like they know we hav really let go. The other thing u hav to think about just like my 3x wifew they broke up wth u once and it's probably highly likely there gonna do it again. This is my 5th heart ache the pain is the sam3 but I kno wat to and wat not to do this time as in i dont 2nd guess my self especially wth if only I had done this etc. The break up is a storm feel the pain like u r we will heal a lot faster. To be honest I am really scared to get into another relationship. As Yoda says 'attachment leads to jealousy which leads to the dark side'. His got a point attachem3nt no matter who u r always comes wth jealousy im not sure I want that again well not for a long time. Good luck friend and please NC u haven't done anything that is really that bad she's wat u call fickle minded like most woman they go wth how they feel at the time.

[Pumpingiron34]

Pump, thanks for clarifying that.

 

As I discussed in Arsenal's thread, this black-white view of other people who come close is one of the hallmarks of BPDer behavior. It occurs because a BPDer is so emotionally immature that -- like a young child -- she is unable to tolerate experiencing strong conflicting feelings (e.g., love and hate) simultaneously.

 

You will see this same behavior in a very young child who loves Daddy when he brings out the toys but who will instantly flip to hating Daddy when he takes one toy away. Because BPDers are like this, they typically will categorize everyone close to them as "all good" ("with me") or "all bad" ("against me") so as to avoid dealing with ambiguities, uncertainties, conflicting feelings, and the other gray areas of interpersonal relationships.

 

Moreover, a week or a month later, a BPDer may recategorize someone from one polar extreme to the other -- in less than a minute -- based solely on a minor remark or action (real or imagined). This all-or-nothing view of other peoples' intentions and motivations is called "black-white thinking."

 

I think I got stuck with the idea that she would get better one day and snap to her senses but, it never happend it just got worse. I forgot about the impulsive behaviors too. Like suddenly wanting a tattoo out of no where and doing it right away. Then would regret getting it and some how id be involved in the fault of it. Her spontaneous boob job the week we broke up. Out of no where she wanted implants. I said its your body do what you want and well she did as fast as she could. I remember this as being the moment I truly seen her for what she was. It was like she couldn't believe she went through with the surgery, as if she dident even process that she made the decision. That was the end, that week. She just kept using the surgery to yell at me if i was not catering to her enough. Then she ghosted me. Honestly, some times i look back and regret things that i could of done better but, as time has gone on and i look back I really dont think it matters what i did. She just was not internally happy with her self and i couldn't fix it. Shes even done a pretty good job at convincing me its all my fault but, its really not. At least i can recognize where i may of made mistakes. Im not kidding when i say i doubt she thinks anything was her fault at all.

[Been]

Wow. My ex was just like yours! One minute they want a certain thing then in the very next second completely change and go another direction.

But in the end I figured it out-mine like yours was all about THEM.

Isn't it amazing now that you have some distance from your ex that you see all of these faults more clearly?

[PLT]

The thing I find incredibly frustrating about my strong BPD trait ex is that she fully admitted that a) she thinks in black / white terms, b) feels no empathy and c) is like a bull in a china shop (ie temper tantrums). BUT she will not even consider the possibility that the problem lies with her, rather than everyone else in the world.

 

It annoys the bejesus put of me that having admitted to all those things, she blames me entirely for the relationship breaking down.

 

We are all better off out of it, painful though that is.

[Pumpingiron34]

Yea, we are way better off with out them. I still have strong moments where I miss her idk why but, it won't be the last time I see her I know for sure. She's mega jealous/ territorally the minute I do find some one else, I will guarente she will come back in full force. So I'll try and take every minute with out her as a blessing even though it's rough.

[Been]

That's the weird thing. For some reason they always attempt to contact you. Even when they cheat or leave on bad terms they act like your going to forget it or like it never happened.

I don't know of I was madder at my ex or more mad at myself for allowing or tolerating my ex's behaviour.

It wasnt like the red flags weren't right in my face but for some reason I just ignored them. Only after I replayed things in my mind I was like what the hell was I thinking??!?!

[Downtown]

That's the weird thing. For some reason they always attempt to contact you. Even when they cheat or leave on bad terms they act like your going to forget it or like it never happened.

Been, that's the way young children and BPDers behave. Indeed, it is such a hallmark for BPDers that the #2 best-selling BPD book is titled, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me. This flipping back and forth between loving you and hating you occurs when a person is too emotionally immature to handle being conscious of two strong conflicting feelings at the same time. Hence, like young children, BPDers split off the conflicting feeling, putting it far out of reach of their conscious minds.

 

I recall thinking about this when I was only 7 or 8 years old. I noticed that kids my age would have fights and refuse to speak to each other for days. Then we would be back to being best friends for awhile -- only to later get mad at each other again and stop talking for a while. I noticed that the adults, in contrast, would get offended by another adult and stop being friends permanently. I was puzzled as to why adults would hold grudges forever and be unable to rekindle friendships a few days later like us kids were able to do. I mistakenly concluded that we kids must have greater ability to forgive and forget, making us far more flexible with friendships.

 

Of course, I now realize that my flip-flopping between liking and not liking my classmates was the result of black-white thinking, not some superior ability that kids have for avoiding "grudges." My BPDer exW exhibits that same childish ability to avoid grudges. She could get mad at me over some minor infraction and throw a temper tantrum for five hours -- at the end of which she instantly flipped back to loving me. Indeed, she oftentimes was wanting to have sex immediately after one of her tantrums.

 

In contrast, I had absolutely no desire to have sex with her for several days following such a tantrum. It took me days to heal from the outpouring of ugliness and verbal abuse I had witnessed. My inability to recover in a few minutes was not due to my "holding grudges" -- as my exW often claimed -- but, rather, was due to my ability to avoid black-white thinking. Being emotionally mature, I was fully in touch with all the conflicting feelings in my mind.

[Pumpingiron34]

 

In contrast, I had absolutely no desire to have sex with her for several days following such a tantrum. It took me days to heal from the outpouring of ugliness and verbal abuse I had witnessed. My inability to recover in a few minutes was not due to my "holding grudges" -- as my exW often claimed -- but, rather, was due to my ability to avoid black-white thinking. Being emotionally mature, I was fully in touch with all the conflicting feelings in my mind.

 

Wow, something i forgot about and totally do not miss. She only wanted to have sex after she went nuts just to like cover it up. I to, had no desire.

[Sweetfish]

Been, that's the way young children and BPDers behave. Indeed, it is such a hallmark for BPDers that the #2 best-selling BPD book is titled, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me. This flipping back and forth between loving you and hating you occurs when a person is too emotionally immature to handle being conscious of two strong conflicting feelings at the same time. Hence, like young children, BPDers split off the conflicting feeling, putting it far out of reach of their conscious minds.

 

I recall thinking about this when I was only 7 or 8 years old. I noticed that kids my age would have fights and refuse to speak to each other for days. Then we would be back to being best friends for awhile -- only to later get mad at each other again and stop talking for a while. I noticed that the adults, in contrast, would get offended by another adult and stop being friends permanently. I was puzzled as to why adults would hold grudges forever and be unable to rekindle friendships a few days later like us kids were able to do. I mistakenly concluded that we kids must have greater ability to forgive and forget, making us far more flexible with friendships.

 

Of course, I now realize that my flip-flopping between liking and not liking my classmates was the result of black-white thinking, not some superior ability that kids have for avoiding "grudges." My BPDer exW exhibits that same childish ability to avoid grudges. She could get mad at me over some minor infraction and throw a temper tantrum for five hours -- at the end of which she instantly flipped back to loving me. Indeed, she oftentimes was wanting to have sex immediately after one of her tantrums.

 

In contrast, I had absolutely no desire to have sex with her for several days following such a tantrum. It took me days to heal from the outpouring of ugliness and verbal abuse I had witnessed. My inability to recover in a few minutes was not due to my "holding grudges" -- as my exW often claimed -- but, rather, was due to my ability to avoid black-white thinking. Being emotionally mature, I was fully in touch with all the conflicting feelings in my mind.

 

 

Kids are still in that state were they don't understand that people have feelings or their perspective. They only believe they have feelings. As we transition to adults we modulate with parental guidance the idea that other people have feelings and it requires the development of a certain part of the brain to modulate these feelings from automatic (black or white)to self regulating.

 

BPDers like Downtown usually states, the person your with, the brain can switch to a 6 year old on the drop of a dime.. but only under certain circumstances... so even your close friends can have BPD for years and you will never see this 6 year old. But family or their S.O. will its just have to be certain conditions meet to trigger it.

 

crazy stuff..