2 years of No Contact - Now Back to Square One!

[KillerJess]

I went out with a guy from work for about a year. I thought he was the love of my life. Well it turns out he was cheating on me pretty much the entire time. My first broken heart and it was hideous. We broke up and I moved interstate for 2 years. I enforced no contact for that entire 2 years, even though he attempted to contact me on a monthly basis for almost the entire time. I don't this was because of any great love he had for me - he just needs the approval of those around him and can't stand thinking that anyone dislikes him.

 

Anyway, I got promoted at my job and moved back to the office where he works (there was no way around this). I thought I would be fine and after a few awkward conversations we were back to how it was before - he makes me laugh like no one else. Sometimes after a coffee with him before work I feel like I spent that entire 2 years not laughing at all. He makes me so happy. But I have also never been more miserable. He is living with the woman he cheated on me with. He claims that the relationship is dead bla bla bla but it is all just BS. I've told him I'll never ever go back with him but I can't deny the sexual chemistry. I have never met a guy before or since him who I click so perfectly with. If only he wasn't such a lying, cheating, manipultaive bastard!!!

 

I feel like I can't move on. I go on dates regularly and the guys bore me to death, I am always comparing them with him. When I see him at work I feel elated. Then I get smashed back down to earth when I return to my apartment alone. I can't leave my job because I worked too hard to get to this position. Is there any way I can force myself to get out there and stop pining for a relationship that will never be (and that really never existed)??

[notmakingsense]

My situation isn't exactly the same as yours, but what is similar is that I seem to be constantly pining for a woman whom I'm starting to think isn't right for me. She didn't cheat, but she has major commitment issues, withdraws, and dates other men. This has happened 4 times in the 1.5 years we have been off-and-on.

 

Most normal people would have had enough by now, but not me. I feel so wonderful when I'm with her -- and the chemistry is just so perfect, that I find myself continually pining for her.

 

At least for me, all of this seems to point to some really low self-worth/esteem -- and the gut-wrenching feeling that I won't be able to find someone as good as her.

 

As with you, the relationship never really materialized into something long-term or stable. Why do I keep pining for something that I can't logically figure out how to make work?

 

I haven't figured out how to get out of the spiral -- except we are now in another time-apart -- this time triggered by me. I still feel horrible, and I can't stand that empty feeling when I am home alone.