Mysterio Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 I have friends that are married/oommon-law. What do you think is the best for the kids. Having parents that are common -law to each other. Or married to each other. 2 couples lest call A/B. A are common-law but the woman is separated from her ex, not divorced. Couple B are common-law, but neither has previous marriage. Couple B the man has said to me the only reason he has not married is because the woman does not want to take his last name. She wants to be independent. I could be getting the story mixed up, but thats what I recall. Couple A the man says he would love to get married, but the woman in Couple A. Her ex is slowing down the process and not signing paper work etc. I don't know why. I feel like Children belong in a relationship with couple that is married. The Common law thing works when there is not kids. I feel like if the Common Law's have any problems. They will throw in the towels before the Married couple. All my married couple friends, who are close to me. They seem really stable. Couple B in the common-law seems stable as well. Its Couple A-Common-Law that seems unstable. From what I have seen with friends and family around me and my age group. If I meet a woman. Get her pregnant under yr 2 of being together. Don't get married. I will be broken up with her. As opposed to going out for 2 yrs. Don't get pregnant. Have a baby in yr 4. I will be more solid. So what is it about Marriage that defeats common-law. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 The thing which is best for children is commitment by the parents. Both marriage and common law can equally be undermined by lack of commitment. And let's face it, marriage is very easy to end in most countries these days. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysterio Posted January 15, 2017 Author Share Posted January 15, 2017 A commitment to the kids is the first thing. I have friends that have kids in common law and marriage. Seems to me like in the Marriage couple. The kids have more to their lives. One Common Law couple is on the right path. The other Common Law couple have the ex in the background preventing them from being married, because he does not want to sign certain papers. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 A commitment to the kids is the first thing. I have friends that have kids in common law and marriage. Ah yes, commitment to the kids is important too. We may be 25 years defacto, but our commitment to providing our kids with a solid family unit is absolute. To be honest, the commitment we've made to be there together for our kids is stronger than the commitment I made (and walked away from) in a previous marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 2 couples lest call A/B. A are common-law but the woman is separated from her ex, not divorced. People really need to understand Common Law marriages better. Common Law marriages are LEGAL marriages. If the law where the couple live allows Common Law marriage and the couple meets the requirements, they are married under the law. If the woman in your above example is legally married to another man, she CANNOT be Common Law married to anyone else. In other words, they're just living together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 What's best for the kids, is growing up in a stable home with two parents who love them. I don't think as far as the kids are concerned, being married or common law makes a difference. As long as the couple themselves are happy with not being married, it's fine. Quite often the problem is that one may want marriage and the other doesn't. It's usually the woman who wants marriage and in some cases when she finds out that no proposal is forthcoming, she leaves to start over. So now, the children end up being between 2 homes. Where a couple stay together long term with children, there's no difference than where the couple was married. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 It depends on if the two parents are both happy being common law compared to being married. If one person isn't okay with the arrangement then their unhappiness will flow through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 (edited) Common Law Marriage Fact Sheet ? Unmarried Equality Being married or not is mainly a financial issue. If both partner are financially well off, there probably isnt much difference. If not, being married helps to protect the kids should something happen to either parent. Edited January 15, 2017 by Whodatdog 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Married...duh. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 My dear Mysterio, you could always use a condom while you're having sex with your girlfriend until you prescribed time limit has elapsed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 The thing which is best for children is commitment by the parents. Both marriage and common law can equally be undermined by lack of commitment. And let's face it, marriage is very easy to end in most countries these days. Certainly agree, in a historical context, divorce is easier to obtain today. But that doesn't stop me from feeling marriage often acts as the last line of defense, the last little bit of glue holding a couple together when times get really tough. There's something about knowing you can't just throw your stuff in the back of your truck and leave, there's a legal process you'd have to surmount. And for whatever small extra increment of stability marriage provides the kids involved, it should be insisted on by the partners. I understand not everyone feels this way... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mysterio Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 I guess one would have to track stats to see what the difference between the two with regards to reasonable stability with kids in terms of behaviour. Marriage is a lot more of a stabalizing factor than people think. I have yet to see the Common law couple plan surprise B-days and really act very loving towards each other. I look at my friends. Male/Female in Cohab/Marriage couplings. The Marrieds always come off as calm and chill. The Cohabs, except for one couple always feel like they are going to go off the rails. I go with what is the best situation. I think this way. Meet/Date go out for at least 2 yrs. Always have protection when having sex. Maybe one year of cohabing and getting engaged in yr 3. Marry in yr 4. Thats the way it is in my mind for a stable romantic relationship. Always have affection and at least have date night 2 times a week, to keep the spark alive. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 You're planning too much. May I suggest the organic way of living life? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Committed parents is first. After that, it depends on your local laws. Don't think this is a one-size-fits-all situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 I guess one would have to track stats to see what the difference between the two with regards to reasonable stability with kids in terms of behaviour. Marriage is a lot more of a stabalizing factor than people think. I have yet to see the Common law couple plan surprise B-days and really act very loving towards each other. I look at my friends. Male/Female in Cohab/Marriage couplings. The Marrieds always come off as calm and chill. The Cohabs, except for one couple always feel like they are going to go off the rails. I go with what is the best situation. I think this way. Meet/Date go out for at least 2 yrs. Always have protection when having sex. Maybe one year of cohabing and getting engaged in yr 3. Marry in yr 4. Thats the way it is in my mind for a stable romantic relationship. Always have affection and at least have date night 2 times a week, to keep the spark alive. Anecdotal evidence is not compelling. I could easily select couples from my experience where the situation is the reverse. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Marriage is a lot more of a stabalizing factor than people think. I have yet to see the Common law couple plan surprise B-days and really act very loving towards each other. Eh, I haven't observed this among the couples I know, and for myself. My husband (yes, now husband!) and I have been together for over 15 years. We moved in together and cohabited funds after 6 months, engaged after 3 years..... and never really got around to getting married. We do not have kids, didn't really want a wedding, just put it off. Until last year we were in Vegas one weekend and said LETS DO IT! And did. The surprise birthday thing popped out at me, because about 3 years ago he put on the most amazing surprise party for me. Got all of my friends together, from near and far, including friends from college that I had not seen in years. Got my favorite sushi chef to make us a custom spread. I was in awe. My best friend has been with her husband for 17 years - they didn't get married till after 10 years (and did the same as I, ran away and eloped). But we both DID get married - so I guess that says something. In the end, I think parents should be married. If you can't commit your life with someone, don't breed with them - a kid is a way bigger commitment than a marriage. Married and no kids? You can divorce and go your separate ways. Kid? That other parent is going to be a part of your life for at least 18 years. Also, while common law is "legal" its recognized by only 10 states. And there are often requirements - like declaring you intend to marry. For medical directives, insurance, taxes, and other legal reasons it makes sense to be legally married. Link to post Share on other sites
MrInternational Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 It's best to be married to one person for life, with a real commitment, a real marriage, with a wedding performed in an honorable way, and to stay faithful. If someone dies, marry someone else if you want. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 What's best for the kids is their parents not fighting. So whatever makes the two of you calmest is what's good for the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 It depends where you live and the law in your country. In my culture only 50% of couples are married, the other half lives together with no type of contract. In my country the children born out of wedlock are 100% protected as if the parents were married. In my family I am the only child out of 4 that married. All my siblings have been in long term relationships with children for 10-15-25 years and certainly are as devoted to their children and relationship as any married couples. If I were American, with everything I know of your laws and culture, I would not have children out of wedlock but here it's perfectly fine. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 So what is it about Marriage that defeats common-law. Not every living together situation rises to the level of common law. The majority of US jurisdictions do not even recognize it & even if yours does, what a p.i.t.a. to get it recognized by the next place if you move. There are specific requirements to get to common law: usually living together for some lengthy period of time (more than 7 years); telling people you are H&W; having joint bank accounts etc. Where it is recognized whether you are married via common law or through an officiant (by a wedding) you are still married. Try it this way: 2+2 = 4 but so does 3 +1. Your Q asks which 4 is better. They are the same. If you are married you are married. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts