Will xMM try to talk to me after I exposed the affair to his BW?

[Capabletoheal]

I recently exposed my affair to xMM to his wife as i had gotten tired of the affair and broken it off earlier. He broke up with me and still wanted to remain friends asking for us to still keep communicating and seeing each other.

 

He claims he broke it off cos he wanted to do the right thing. But is keeping me in his life the right thing if he really wants to work on his marriage or he wanted me to be there for selfish reasons and his ego?

 

Anyways, i told his wife as a way to stop him so he can truly work on his marriage. Frankly speaking so tired of that dead miserable life we have in an affair and i know the woman wont leave him. Shes got 4 kids.

 

Our relationship was really intimate and we were almost inseperable with him being very undecisive and i suffered heavily for that.

 

Will he ever contact me again ever even if its 1 or 2 years down the line? Just wondering.....cos if he does i might be tempted to call his wife again even though i miss him terribly.. i want to move on with my life......This affair has taken its toll on me and i need to be happy again

[MidnightBlue1980]

I recently exposed my affair to xMM to his wife as i had gotten tired of the affair and broken it off earlier. He broke up with me and still wanted to remain friends asking for us to still keep communicating and seeing each other.

 

He claims he broke it off cos he wanted to do the right thing. But is keeping me in his life the right thing if he really wants to work on his marriage or he wanted me to be there for selfish reasons and his ego?

 

Anyways, i told his wife as a way to stop him so he can truly work on his marriage. Frankly speaking so tired of that dead miserable life we have in an affair and i know the woman wont leave him. Shes got 4 kids.

 

Our relationship was really intimate and we were almost inseperable with him being very undecisive and i suffered heavily for that.

 

Will he ever contact me again ever even if its 1 or 2 years down the line? Just wondering.....cos if he does i might be tempted to call his wife again even though i miss him terribly.. i want to move on with my life......This affair has taken its toll on me and i need to be happy again

 

Welcome to LS.

 

Here's the cold truth. Since he had already broken up with you before you told his wife is means he was basically done with the fun part of the affair, but wanted to keep you around in case he wanted some easy sex. He was not indecisive, that was woman spin on it, he never wanted anything more than fun, easy sex, it was probably you with the relationship desires and he just placated you to keep the fun times rolling. In other words, he lied and pretended. When it got too heavy, he ended it. He does not need two wives.

 

You probably told his wife for revenge since he was already gone, he ended it so how were you stopping him - from what? and it probably did not help you to move on as you did not get the release you wanted. This is because the release you need comes from within.

 

To answer your question, he probably will not go backwards, he was already done and now he really is done, you probably pissed him off and made his life very inconvenient. He is probably now on probation. You never know though, it is always easier to pick up with an xOW than groom a new one, so he may return for one last roll in the hay.

 

It probably sounds like I am being really mean. I'm truly not. I say, you know what, good for you for telling the wife. She deserves to know who she is married to. You deserve better than this guy. I've been where you are more or less. Closure is like vomit, it comes from within.

 

Again, welcome.

[Capabletoheal]

Believe me, no revenge intended... I was tired of him being hypocritical and thinking he could continue deceiving me, himself and even his wife! For me it was a snap to reality!

 

I was done with the lie i was living. If he really was serious about making it right with his wife. He would have cut off all contact with me and he absolutely believed he needed to be friends with me so i dont make mistakes with other relationships(who is he to think he is the one to monitor/coach and determine that?). i had already made a mistake by being in this one already. Bad relatonship choice. I could tell you for sure he had a big ego going on.

 

I faced my truth and i was not strong enough for me to reject him wholy the previous tmes and i take responsibility for that. He also should face his truth and stop keeping wandering eyes at least not for me anymore. This time i decided i will not be dragged into that mad cycle anymore, so i faced my truth and the hurt i have caused hs family

 

If he decides to have an affair after this then at least it will not be me and it will be clear he is an unrepentant cheater! As for me i hope not to find myself in such again and work on the reason why i agreed to be n this in the first place

[road]

You, being the affair was done, should of tried to scare the OM away

with that if he ever broke NC again you would tell his BW.

[stillafool]

Believe me, no revenge intended... I was tired of him being hypocritical and thinking he could continue deceiving me, himself and even his wife! For me it was a snap to reality!

 

I was done with the lie i was living. If he really was serious about making it right with his wife. He would have cut off all contact with me and he absolutely believed he needed to be friends with me so i dont make mistakes with other relationships(who is he to think he is the one to monitor/coach and determine that?). i had already made a mistake by being in this one already. Bad relatonship choice. I could tell you for sure he had a big ego going on.

 

I faced my truth and i was not strong enough for me to reject him wholy the previous tmes and i take responsibility for that. He also should face his truth and stop keeping wandering eyes at least not for me anymore. This time i decided i will not be dragged into that mad cycle anymore, so i faced my truth and the hurt i have caused hs family

 

If he decides to have an affair after this then at least it will not be me and it will be clear he is an unrepentant cheater! As for me i hope not to find myself in such again and work on the reason why i agreed to be n this in the first place

 

If you are really done with him why are you wondering if he will call again?

Edited January 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Capabletoheal]

@stillafool, beats me as well. May be its the part of me that misses what i thought was right for me/the part that misses him.

[Capabletoheal]

You, being the affair was done, should of tried to scare the OM away

with that if he ever broke NC again you would tell his BW.

@road, i know he wouldnt have... i had broken it so many times and he kept coming back. This was my final straw.

 

Do i still love him?- Yes

 

Do i miss him?- So bad it kills me to let him go and not consider being friends with him

 

Was this a good relationship for me- No

 

Is being friends with him/deceiving myself with no contact appropriate- No

 

Did i do the proper thing by telling his wife- Maybe not to some as everyone sees it as the forbidden act in an affair but to me it was the only way i saw as my way out. it was my closure even for me not to fall back into his arms again

 

Will his marriage work out?- Im sure it will and i hope it does. I am not responsible for his choice to cheat on his spouse.

 

Was i guilty of Indulging him?- Yes, i take responsibility

 

Everybody wants to act like the bigger person but when someone repeatedly hurts yu with no regard of how much they have put your life in turmoil. Its time for you to stand up for yourself and face your truth.

 

The moment i told his wife i felt relieved cos i know i had hurt her as well....It was my closure.

 

Definitely, i feel hurt just like everyone here and im going through the same process

[Capabletoheal]

 

 

 

 

If you are really done with him why are you wondering if he will call again?

to add to that this wasnt his first time of breaking up with me either. It was a never ending cycle which affects one in every aspect as regards the healthiness of life

Edited January 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[HeartbrokenDec29]

I recently exposed my affair to xMM to his wife as i had gotten tired of the affair and broken it off earlier. He broke up with me and still wanted to remain friends asking for us to still keep communicating and seeing each other.

 

He claims he broke it off cos he wanted to do the right thing. But is keeping me in his life the right thing if he really wants to work on his marriage or he wanted me to be there for selfish reasons and his ego?

 

Anyways, i told his wife as a way to stop him so he can truly work on his marriage. Frankly speaking so tired of that dead miserable life we have in an affair and i know the woman wont leave him. Shes got 4 kids.

 

Our relationship was really intimate and we were almost inseperable with him being very undecisive and i suffered heavily for that.

 

Will he ever contact me again ever even if its 1 or 2 years down the line? Just wondering.....cos if he does i might be tempted to call his wife again even though i miss him terribly.. i want to move on with my life......This affair has taken its toll on me and i need to be happy again

Wow, this is exactly what happened to me.....only that my xMM claimed he was born again.

 

I got tired too of all the ups and downs and the cycle. Quite, frankly even when we were dating, i didnt see myself getting married to him cos of specific things.

 

Is it wrong or right to tell his wife, this is really dependent on your motive.

 

But the important thing now is that you focus on yourself and forget him.

[sandylee1]

Believe me, no revenge intended... I was tired of him being hypocritical and thinking he could continue deceiving me, himself and even his wife! For me it was a snap to reality!

 

 

You weren't concerned about his wife for a single minute.

 

He would have cut off all contact with me and he absolutely believed he needed to be friends with me

 

 

It doesn't matter what he believed, it's what you want.

Why wasn't blocking him from contacting you wasn't an option?

Or telling him you don't want to be friends and to leave you alone?

 

 

so i dont make mistakes with other relationships

 

 

Well the mistake was him being married.

 

 

I could tell you for sure he had a big ego going on.

 

 

Of course he did. He got single (attractive) woman to have sex with him, knowing he was married with 4 kids. I'm not surprised he had a big ego going on. ecause in his mind, if you had lots of offers, why would you even consider seeing a married man, which meant you were a secret.

 

He also should face his truth and stop keeping wandering eyes at least not for me anymore.

 

 

AAhh. That's the reason. Of course.

 

 

This time i decided i will not be dragged into that mad cycle anymore, so i faced my truth and the hurt i have caused hs family

 

 

But you still wonder if he'll call you?

 

If he decides to have an affair after this then at least it will not be me and it will be clear he is an unrepentant cheater! As for me i hope not to find myself in such again and work on the reason why i agreed to be n this in the first place

 

I hope the experience of being the OW has put you off enough, not to go back there. Just work on the principle of married, means not available and you stand half a chance of a good relationship.

 

 

If a man has to hide you, don't got there.

[Capabletoheal]

I hope the experience of being the OW has put you off enough, not to go back there. Just work on the principle of married, means not available and you stand half a chance of a good relationship.

 

 

If a man has to hide you, don't got there.

Im sorry you are this bitter!

 

If a woman has hurt you for being your husband's other woman. It aint my fault.

 

Bye!!!

[sandylee1]

Im sorry you are this bitter!

 

If a woman has hurt you for being your husband's other woman. It aint my fault.

 

Bye!!!

 

I'm not bitter and no other woman has hurt me, but I'm highlighting valid points for you to learn from and stop being in denial. The truth can be difficult to hear unfortunately.

 

You act like a helpless victim and it's clear you haven't learnt that you should stay away from married men.

 

You still want him and would still have been with him, if he never cut out the physical side and just wanted friendship with you.

[Lady2163]

There's always a chance he will try to contact you at some point down the road. Several people have posted that just about the time they have truly gotten over it and moved on, the AP pops up again. Oftentimes at holidays, birthdays or any special days you might have.

 

Most of the time on here people encourage telling the BS (I'm in the minority and not a fan). The idea is you have now given this woman all the information she needs to make decisions about her true life and not the life she thinks she has.

 

It sounds like you have reached a really good place in the process. I know your emotions are all over the place, but at the end of the day, you did the right thing.

 

Good luck.

[Capabletoheal]

I'm not bitter and no other woman has hurt me, but I'm highlighting valid points for you to learn from and stop being in denial. The truth can be difficult to hear unfortunately.

 

You act like a helpless victim and it's clear you haven't learnt that you should stay away from married men.

 

You still want him and would still have been with him, if he never cut out the physical side and just wanted friendship with you.

I really don't know what your problem is but I thank you for all your truth telling in your perception. I guess you choose to skip certain posts in the thread above. Quite unfortunate, ure such a judgemental person cos u don't know me enough to say I haven't learnt.

 

I am human and have feelings and the fact that I had to bring an affair to light doesn't mean I'm a bad person. We were both responsible for the affair and it doesn't mean All emotions will dissipate all of a sudden for something that happened so recently.

 

But anyway thank you for your perspectives

[cocorico]

Many, many fMM contact their fOW later - sometimes decades later. It's always possible. Prepare yourself for that eventuality, so that it doesn't catch you by surprise. If you are truly over him, it will be only a minor irritation. But if there is any unfinished business, you might find yourself dealing with unresolved feelings or issues you'd suppressed. Best address any of those now, so that if he does pop up in your future, you're prepared.

[stillafool]

 

 

The moment i told his wife i felt relieved cos i know i had hurt her as well....It was my closure.

 

How do you get closure by hurting the wife? Wasn't she hurt enough by you having sex with her husband?

[Capabletoheal]

How do you get closure by hurting the wife? Wasn't she hurt enough by you having sex with her husband?

I get closure by admitting to my guilt and taking responsibility for my hurt to someone else who I didn't know and apologizing, no matter the consequence to me.

 

I'm sorry you can't understand this but it was her husband who did the first hurting and was not willing to discontinue it.

 

In your own view, I hurt his wife. In my view, I gave him a reason not to come back to me and possibly rethink cheating next time.

 

You can keep to your high horse and think there is a particular way of doing things in particular scenario but u will find that in life different people will choose different paths of handling situations and for some bad experiences and choices is a start for self-improvement!

[Friskyone4u]

Capa,

 

In response to your original question, the answer to whether or not he will contact you again probably depends in some part on his wife. Right now he is most likely, with four kids and a hefty child support payment if he divorces, is in cover his ass mode. If his wife easily rugsweeps this, forgives him with no major consequences, that makes it more likely that when he gets that little "horny" feeling that he WILL break NC and contact you. Most men will not try to hold on to an affair once they actually believe there is no more sex to be had, but as long as you give him any hope he still has those fun times in his memory. The fact that you have apparently tried to end this before also does not bode well for him not to come sniffing around and putting out "feelers" in the future.

 

If his wife plays hardball, and he actually believes that his life is going to take a miserable turn if he screws up again, then he may not try to contact you again.

Only time will tell on that one but in reality he can do whatever he wants but unless you react positively there will be no resumption of anything here. Seems like you have learned your lesson.

 

As far as your motivation for telling his wife, the important thing is that you did it, and she now has the right to choose with the truth how she lives her life. And her being told probably does make it harder for him to try to lure you back so the net result was it was good what you did.

[freengreen]

If he is at risk , he will not come back. If he is a serial cheater, he wont ( will find someone else). If he feels guilty, he wont.

 

If he is a narcissist , he will, they cant see people move on happily. Or ( this is totally a fat fat FAT chance).. if he is truly in love, he will. But isnt closing one box a fair play before opening another?. That actually makes him a coward rather than a romeo.

[HeCantBreakMe]

I do hope for your benefit he does not come back.

 

The end of these from the OW standpoint are always painful and those of us on here who have been through the same situation understand the pain. The comments for your are not meant to be judgemental but really a chance to provide you with the cold hard truth which most people need to help them 'wake up' from the fog.

 

Viewing the affair for what it truly was and your part it in it is a necessary step in the healing process. Also, how you view the xMM is also a necessary step for moving on. Good for you in taking responsibility for your actions but never diminish someone elses pain regardless of the part you played in the whole thing. Yes, it was his fault he cheated on his marriage but really feeling the pain caused to their family will help you in your own process.

 

Wishing you nothing but good vibes in moving forward and healing from all of this.

[stillafool]

I get closure by admitting to my guilt and taking responsibility for my hurt to someone else who I didn't know and apologizing, no matter the consequence to me.

 

I'm sorry you can't understand this but it was her husband who did the first hurting and was not willing to discontinue it.

 

In your own view, I hurt his wife. In my view, I gave him a reason not to come back to me and possibly rethink cheating next time.

 

You can keep to your high horse and think there is a particular way of doing things in particular scenario but u will find that in life different people will choose different paths of handling situations and for some bad experiences and choices is a start for self-improvement!

 

I don't know your story, nor am I on a high horse (wish I was, about now) I was only asking a damn question! Geesh! I don't care what you do with your MM.

[Capabletoheal]

I do hope for your benefit he does not come back.

 

The end of these from the OW standpoint are always painful and those of us on here who have been through the same situation understand the pain. The comments for your are not meant to be judgemental but really a chance to provide you with the cold hard truth which most people need to help them 'wake up' from the fog.

 

Viewing the affair for what it truly was and your part it in it is a necessary step in the healing process. Also, how you view the xMM is also a necessary step for moving on. Good for you in taking responsibility for your actions but never diminish someone elses pain regardless of the part you played in the whole thing. Yes, it was his fault he cheated on his marriage but really feeling the pain caused to their family will help you in your own process.

 

Wishing you nothing but good vibes in moving forward and healing from all of this.

Thank you. I appreciate your encouragement and taken to heart my lessons

[Capabletoheal]

Capa,

 

In response to your original question, the answer to whether or not he will contact you again probably depends in some part on his wife. Right now he is most likely, with four kids and a hefty child support payment if he divorces, is in cover his ass mode. If his wife easily rugsweeps this, forgives him with no major consequences, that makes it more likely that when he gets that little "horny" feeling that he WILL break NC and contact you. Most men will not try to hold on to an affair once they actually believe there is no more sex to be had, but as long as you give him any hope he still has those fun times in his memory. The fact that you have apparently tried to end this before also does not bode well for him not to come sniffing around and putting out "feelers" in the future.

 

If his wife plays hardball, and he actually believes that his life is going to take a miserable turn if he screws up again, then he may not try to contact you again.

Only time will tell on that one but in reality he can do whatever he wants but unless you react positively there will be no resumption of anything here. Seems like you have learned your lesson.

 

As far as your motivation for telling his wife, the important thing is that you did it, and she now has the right to choose with the truth how she lives her life. And her being told probably does make it harder for him to try to lure you back so the net result was it was good what you did.

Thank you. I appreciate your encouragement and wl keep that door closed.

[Capabletoheal]

There's always a chance he will try to contact you at some point down the road. Several people have posted that just about the time they have truly gotten over it and moved on, the AP pops up again. Oftentimes at holidays, birthdays or any special days you might have.

 

Most of the time on here people encourage telling the BS (I'm in the minority and not a fan). The idea is you have now given this woman all the information she needs to make decisions about her true life and not the life she thinks she has.

 

It sounds like you have reached a really good place in the process. I know your emotions are all over the place, but at the end of the day, you did the right thing.

 

Good luck.

Thank you........

[Ahurtgirl]

Since you told his wife, it is highly unlikely he will make contact again. She is now making his life a living hell and monitoring the phone bill for calls and texts, has full access to his emails and is reading any communication he has. She may have put a VAR device in his car as well as keeping his gps locations monitored. She will belittle him on social network blogs and become his worst nightmate. This is pretty normal after a husband's affair is revealed. The wife becomes a control freak which she has to in order to try to regain some trust with him.

You are smart to move on and know that his wife is doing all she can to make sure he never contacts you again.