Will xMM try to talk to me after I exposed the affair to his BW?

[Joie]

Since you told his wife, it is highly unlikely he will make contact again. She is now making his life a living hell and monitoring the phone bill for calls and texts, has full access to his emails and is reading any communication he has. She may have put a VAR device in his car as well as keeping his gps locations monitored. She will belittle him on social network blogs and become his worst nightmate. This is pretty normal after a husband's affair is revealed. The wife becomes a control freak which she has to in order to try to regain some trust with him.

You are smart to move on and know that his wife is doing all she can to make sure he never contacts you again.

 

 

I know I should let this go but I can't help myself. This is NOT standard BS behavior. For those of us trying to repair our marriage making your spouse's life a living hell isn't really conductive to reconciling. (I know that some BS do this but not all).

 

To the OP since he broke up with before you told his wife he probably won't contact you. Either he will come clean with his wife and work on his marriage or he will find someone else to be his affair partner.

[seren]

I know I should let this go but I can't help myself. This is NOT standard BS behavior. For those of us trying to repair our marriage making your spouse's life a living hell isn't really conductive to reconciling. (I know that some BS do this but not all).

 

To the OP since he broke up with before you told his wife he probably won't contact you. Either he will come clean with his wife and work on his marriage or he will find someone else to be his affair partner.

 

I too read this a lot on here and other sites and think it is quite rare for a BS to do these things. Maybe people need to think the BS is stopping the WS from contacting the AP, the OW in our marriage certainly thought so, nothing was further from the truth. TBH, after D Day the OW isn't a topic of conversation after the initial who, what, why and the focus is all on the you, me and us.

 

Of course some get back in touch, some don't, like marriages and any relationship, it depends on the affair and it also depends on the reconciling. Either way, he has made his decision, whether you are prepared for him to contact you and start it all again is really on you. If he did contact you again, it might be because he realises he wants to be in an A with you or it might be because his BS has told him to leave, who knows, that he ended it then told his wife suggests he was done before D Day, I think that suggests he is done and that it is unlikely he will return. I hope he doesn't, I hope you find someone who doesn't expect you to share, love doesn't look like that.

[ice3784]

Hi...i am also facing the same situation, im sick and tired of this relationship, what hurt me the most is, after being together for 3 years, he sneak behind me and try to reconcile with his wife..he plan a holiday with them and booked a hotel room with them...i was so hurt, he should have told me what he was planning instead of letting me found out in the social media. He and his wife was separated for almost 2 years and we were living together under same roof, with his siblings and all that. i felt like my life has been ripped of ! i wish to tell the wife too, becos she was fooled by him, she didnt know that we are together, so from the light i was being kept in the dark again, and her, has been hurt once when she found out about me, are now being told another lie that i was no longer with him. So she was back with him. I confronted him and he said he lied to her for the sake of the children. I told him you are only hurting more and more people with your action and if she found out what you are doing you are just hurting her twice.

[Poppy47]

Hi...i am also facing the same situation, im sick and tired of this relationship, what hurt me the most is, after being together for 3 years, he sneak behind me and try to reconcile with his wife..he plan a holiday with them and booked a hotel room with them...i was so hurt, he should have told me what he was planning instead of letting me found out in the social media. He and his wife was separated for almost 2 years and we were living together under same roof, with his siblings and all that. i felt like my life has been ripped of ! i wish to tell the wife too, becos she was fooled by him, she didnt know that we are together, so from the light i was being kept in the dark again, and her, has been hurt once when she found out about me, are now being told another lie that i was no longer with him. So she was back with him. I confronted him and he said he lied to her for the sake of the children. I told him you are only hurting more and more people with your action and if she found out what you are doing you are just hurting her twice.

 

In your case, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her.

Poppy

[Cymbeline]

I know I should let this go but I can't help myself. This is NOT standard BS behavior. For those of us trying to repair our marriage making your spouse's life a living hell isn't really conductive to reconciling. (I know that some BS do this but not all).

 

To the OP since he broke up with before you told his wife he probably won't contact you. Either he will come clean with his wife and work on his marriage or he will find someone else to be his affair partner.

 

I agree with this. Over reaction comes from thehurt usually, not and overbearing personality.

 

It is actually impossible to supervise everything. Impossible. You can be contacted multiple times a day, while his wife is metres away, should he be determined.

 

As I said to my WH, Nothing says 'I love you' like an impassioned email, sentbwhile 'multitasking' in the toilet.

 

One of my friends is a divorce lawyer for high net worth people. Even when they are rich, and the perks seem valuable, the whole thing is always tedious and banal in reality.

[Midwestmissy]

The bs isn't in destroy mode - the damage has already been done by the affair. I don't know why that's hard to understand - the affair is the damage, not the knowledge of the affair. I told my wh to leave. I didn't want to be married to someone who had a side piece, I'm worth more than that, all spouses are. The door was open, as it always had been, for him to do as he pleased, and me as well. He sleeps in hotels 2/3 times a week for work, always has. Impossible to monitor, and frankly not my job. He's the one who fell on the floor begging to stay, etc. I had thrown his clothes on the front lawn. He never once blamed me or the ow for the affair, but when I suggested that now he could tell the world about her, he was mortified. He wasn't proud or relieved at all. And when it all came out and he realized that they hadn't been that discreet, he became the butt of a lot of jokes. The only thing I did was let the obs know about The affair. If actions could keep someone from cheating, wouldn't those be implemented after you've walked down the aisle? You can't blame the bs when he/she wasn't part of the decision from the start. The bs is forced to react to protect him/herself. It's an unfair and very scary position to be in. After months of thinking he was in control of the affair and any outcome, my wh was totally blindsided at what he had caused.

 

I think a lot of affairs are the result of adults acting like children and not wNting to face adult situations - stresses, disappointments, failures - head on. The affair is just the equivalent of putting ones fingers in ones ears and ignoring. It's short sighted, immature thinking. But rarely are both parties on the same page - the ow wanted more in our case, suggested she'd leave her spouse, liked propositioning after the affair ended, let's get a condo or she'd move into my house when I I was away for the summer, whatever - so the horrible damage was done by them, not the bs/me. The aftermath isn't revenge or justice, just plain old fashioned consequences. Wh said that because he was so convinced that I'd never find out and never looked at potential fallout, the consequences never occurred to him and were shocking. Our kids reamed him and he will have to work on those relationships forever. Also, when you claim the bs is wreaking horrible revenge, keep in mind that her spouse sometimes claims the affair is revenge for lack of sex or attention on the part of the unknowing spouse. So the nasty war and exacting of revenge started long before the bs even knew what was happening. My wh decided that I didn't care about him so he set out to show me he cared even less. All he had to do was talk to me.

 

I think folks who think through the ramifications and possible outcomes are the ones who avoid affairs. My wh thought he could control her, me, everything, and therefore had nothing to worry about. But everyone suspected and he lost the respect of his company and his family. It was a train wreck from the outset. Absolutely nothing good came of this fling. The ow was the breadwinner with 4 kids and lost her job. And she's right back going after married men, and still married to her obs. The affair wasn't love, it was a series of transactions.

[ShatteredLady]

Come on... the wicked witch wife is complete fiction & I think most women know that...just as they know that the home-wrecker tramp is nonsense.

 

All this computer key-logger & VAR stuff comes from one of those 'The Rules' sites. They advise using all that 'stuff' when a wife is expected of cheating. It's DIY private eye stuff. I've never known a woman who can stay calm & collected, saying nothing, while she secretly 'gathers evidence' against her (suspected) cheating husband. REALLY?!?!? The typical woman reacts with her heart & demands answers.

 

Reconciliation looks VERY different. It's usually a grovelling WH desperately trying to console his shattered, devastated wife. That's why false reconciliation is so very cruel. OP I completely agree with telling the bs the truth.

[S2B]

He will talk to you when the coast is clear and he gets horny.

 

How long do YOU plan to wait? It's best to know what your boundary is.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Come on... the wicked witch wife is complete fiction & I think most women know that...just as they know that the home-wrecker tramp is nonsense.

 

All this computer key-logger & VAR stuff comes from one of those 'The Rules' sites. They advise using all that 'stuff' when a wife is expected of cheating. It's DIY private eye stuff. I've never known a woman who can stay calm & collected, saying nothing, while she secretly 'gathers evidence' against her (suspected) cheating husband. REALLY?!?!? The typical woman reacts with her heart & demands answers.

 

Reconciliation looks VERY different. It's usually a grovelling WH desperately trying to console his shattered, devastated wife. That's why false reconciliation is so very cruel. OP I completely agree with telling the bs the truth.

 

Well we may not be doing R right because as far as I know that stuff hasn't happened with us either and i was the WS.

 

You know what there is (from our standpoint) - a lot of tears, a lot of communication, sex, more communication and tears, marriage counseling, honest conversation, discussion of how terrible the AP is , heated arguments, then more tears and conversation, and so on..

 

IF R goes right they reconcile and you don't hear from him again if the MM is a serial cheater who doesn't try to change then you will hear from him - and I am sure he is a real catch!