kgcolonel Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 BTW Military Man, thank you for your service and sacrifice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MilitaryMan Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 Appreciate it. It’s easy to judge from the outside looking in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Italiangurl808 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Why, is it such a bad thing to actually believe in the vows you took at marriage??? I know it was numb, rough whatever u call it, but I believed in the good times and bad, til death do us part ... ect. I said every word, meaning I would stay with it .. its not till i wanna find something happier, its about finding happiness with the person you married, isnt it... i cant imagine how to move on , especially with this baby... and I know if rather work it out with all that i am... why don't people stick it out any more Link to post Share on other sites
Author MilitaryMan Posted November 13, 2017 Author Share Posted November 13, 2017 For my situation, I stuck it out for year and a half. She still goes out and gets drunk, still hangs around that man she had an emotional affair with. Some people just don’t want to change. I did try, anybody on this board would tell you that I was stupid for staying as long as I did. But I did my part, try to get support and everything else but look where I ended up at. She is like a completely different person That I knew from the last eight years. I left and then she started having an affair and she still talking to that guy with no remorse. There just comes a time where you going to have respect for yourself and just move forward. Trust me, I would’ve been the last person to say that because I’m all about my marriage and my vows as well, but there’s only so much disrespect a person could take 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Marc has been telling you and I have been telling you and many others for MONTHS what was actually going on with your wife. And you have refused to see and believe it. And, I get it, it does take a while to process this stuff. But, you know and you have to realize that you have been obtuse about all of this. YOU WIFE HAS BEEN SCREWING THIS GUY AND PROBABLY OTHERS FOR A LONG TIME. SHE HAS BEEN USING YOU FOR A LONG TIME. SHE DOES NOT AND PROBABLY NEVER DID LOVE YOU. Do you understand now????? How do you handle a recruit that has the ability but some how just does not get it? And yes, MM, Marc and others like me have been through it. We have been deeply hurt by women that we loved and yes we have been stupid just like you have been. What we try to do, especially for men like you in your particular type of situation, is wake other men and woman up who are dealing with what we have dealt with. We try to get them to see, we try to save them as much pain as we can. And, yes, we are overly blunt and harsh sometimes. You have finally started to wake up, and I am saying started, to wake up. And I am saying starting, because a a part of you still is having trouble admitting to yourself what has actually been going on. Your wife NEVER has an emotional affair. She started sleeping with him the first time she could. Try to just chalk this one up to experience, and move on with your life. I will say this, when you get past this, and you have grown a little, if you find the proper type of woman that actually loves you for you... I have to say that there is nothing better in life. A woman you can trust, a woman that looks at you and you just know how much she loves you. That is where you want to get in your life, as soon as you get rid of this woman... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WorstFeelingEver Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 MM, I am going through something similar. Been with my STBX for 22 years. She has been hanging out with a married man at work, which started in Sept '16 and I believe it has grown to an emotional affair, as she asked me for a divorce in March '17. Today, she too, is a totally different woman, from all the years we were together & I knew her well. She dresses differently, acts differently, bought her own cell phone & changed cell plan in her name only. Her phone is always on her where ever she goes, walks around in house, to the bathroom, etc... and I believe she still hangs out with him after work, B4 our kids come home from school, b/c kids have mentioned to me, when they come home after school, mom is not there at home. (She is off work 2 hours B4 kids come home from school). When we were together, she used to come home 15 minutes after work, to start dinner, clean up house, laundry, etc... We started out as friends, starting dating, became best friends, marriage, 2 kids, home, etc.... We used to talk about everything, share everything, in this life. When she starting taking her "friendship" with MM outside of work, it all changed. Now, we are not even communicating with each other as she has taken on another life with this married man. And I know, MM is a snake, does things behind his wife's back, does not tell his wife everything or the truth on what he does, because at first, my WW told me (when we communicated) things in July/August '16 about things he does and does not tell his wife. I noticed a change in WW in December '16 and started being distant to me. Even her parents noticed her change. IDK if it is a mid-life crisis, or she is getting attention that she likes, but she is destroying our family, my life, our wedding vows, my kids are taking it hard, but WW doesn't care, as long as she is happy. Today, we are all living in same martial home, separate bedrooms, separate lives, even starting co-parenting time with kids by ourselves. She works, goes out after work. Then she plans some weekends going out, (doesn't tell me what/who she is out with) and I watch/spend time with my kids. So, I agree with you, if it wasn't for the OM, she would still be here & we would still be a happy family. I went through the same emotions, fighting to keep your family together, trying to work on marriage, etc..., but the fact is, she wants nothing to do with me or this marriage anymore & I lost her. I know its hard to forget your WW since you have a history together and you still love and care for her. Some posters on here are per-swaying us to kick her out, to end things, to delete all our memories, but words are easier to say then the actions we do, because of the history we have with our wife, having a family, and keeping our wedding vows. I know it takes time to process what you are going through, as I am still going through it. But it sounds like your WW has made up her mind and you need to get an attorney to protect yourself. I am in this boat now. Best of luck to you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 I would be VERY careful of the meds. Its a road that is filled with disaster. You need to be upfront with your 1st. shirt. Thats their job. Get the help you need and stay with the "unit". You will find that you are NOT alone. Get yourself sequestered away from her and into a safe place. Revoke her permission to be on base. You can get the kids at the front gate. Like I said, this is NOT new to the military. I am sooo sorry you are having to go through this. THANK YOU for your service and sacrifice. I too am a vet, and watched countless buddies go through this and it just breaks my heart. I do know that as you do square yourself away, you will have more encounters with your ex and the life you are leaving behind. The peeps here are great for insight and have been through it. I know you said you are having anxiety, but there are ways to mitigate it without doping yourself up. Honestly. These actually have a better track record for effectiveness anyways. Best of luck, and God bless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 We are 10 pages in and all that has happened is you've dug the hole you were in deeper. I understand your wanting to save your marriage but friend, from what I have read, there is no marriage because your the only one working on it. She is still keeping you as her meal ticket while she dates her boyfriend. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to see the reality of your situation, she is not the woman you married, she doesn't even try to act married. Time to lawyer up and get yourself out of this hole. I feel the weight you are carrying on your shoulders, it's about time you got rid of at least 150 lbs of it, let your lawyer deal with her. Read up on the "180" and implement it, you need to get some distance from her toxicity. Talk to a lawyer and listen to him. Find out how you can remove her from your home. I suggest you start carrying a VAR on you at all times, who knows what she and her boyfriend are planning against you. Protect your children but that doesn't mean you have to stay married to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 I agree with blues and alive. They got the ticket. I also see how it boils the blood of many who were dishonored and betrayed. But like Blues said, there is nothing really to be done now that it is over. Think of it to paying the taxman to be rid of this cancer in your life. They end up destroying themselves in the process anyhow. Focus on yourself and your well being. Hoorah?! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 (edited) []She is gone, she has used him from day one, believe me ... I know the type. MM needs to nut up, take the hit and file for divorce... Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MilitaryMan Posted November 17, 2017 Author Share Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) []I am taking the necessary steps now to get a legal separation as we have to be separated a year in the state of NC before you can file. It just seems like there is a lot of disgruntled people who are always like “Just ditch her” ect. It might be easy for you guys justbto throw away a decade but it’s not for me, especially just coming back from a 9month deployment to my life being changed at the snap of a finger. [] Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) [] What they see is a man that has given a 100 percent to his vows and his children. They see a man who should look in the mirror and be satisfied that he has done all he could to save his marriage. You have been fighting this battle alone, with one hand tied behind your back, and you may be out of ammo. What everyone is saying is, you have done your duty and maybe it is time to look in the mirror, straighten out your creases and discharge your wife.... for treason. Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MilitaryMan Posted November 17, 2017 Author Share Posted November 17, 2017 Did people even read my post from a week ago that stated I’m getting a legal separation, I already seen a lawyer. Another love shack success story 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 Did people even read my post from a week ago that stated I’m getting a legal separation, I already seen a lawyer. Another love shack success story Hang in there MM....we know you're going through a really hard time....most of us here are wanting and looking for ways to help. Let us know what you need and feel free to vent here....stay strong!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 Hi Folks, after reading through this thread I have been thinking to myself that MM needed a wife like the lady in the C & W song by Ray Charles and Willie Nelson. It is titled " Seven Spanish Angels" and to my mind embodies the true spirit of empathetic womanhood. The same would hold true if the roles of the man and woman were interchanged in a different situation. Sadly, both men and women have become much more selfish and self centered in this modern era which has led to the rise of infidelity and a number of other discordant behaviours on the part of both the genders. I think overall, MM has done remarkably well and I applaud him for his doggedness obviously a result of his military experience, in trying to recover his marriage. While those who have been urging him to drop his wife like a hot potato for some time now have obviously felt uncomfortable with his taking his time to decide on that because of their own bitter experiences, I think MM taking his time to decide on his course of action has much to do with the kind of person he is and how his experience in the military has shaped him. I think insulting his intelligence was completely uncalled for as this is his thread and he came here for help. I guess all of us at some time or other in the past, including myself have been guilty of overstepping our bounds but then I guess we are all human and prone to our fallibilities. Warm wishes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) []I am taking the necessary steps now to get a legal separation as we have to be separated a year in the state of NC before you can file. It just seems like there is a lot of disgruntled people who are always like “Just ditch her” ect. It might be easy for you guys justbto throw away a decade but it’s not for me, especially just coming back from a 9month deployment to my life being changed at the snap of a finger. Have some damn consideration and passion for people. You can still make your point without being a prick. We come here for support not to be beat down even more. We are all sympathetic to everything that you are going through. None of us meant to be too hard on you. We knew after your first post, what 10 months ago, what was going on with your wife. We knew it because we have lived it. We knew that in your case she was not an honorable woman. You should not feel bad about what you have done to try and work it out. Most of us have BEEN THERE DONE THAT. But we also told you the truth from the beginning that she was gone. Did you do the right thing trying to hand on, maybe, maybe not. I do know this for sure, the longer that we take to realize what is actually going on, even as hard as it is to take, the longer it takes to heal. Example from my life, when I figured out after 26 years of marriage, her drug use, her affairs and every thing else, that my wife never loved me... That is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. I had been in love with a woman that saw me as good breeding stock and a meal ticket. At this point, I knew I had nothing to save and after a grief period, I moved as fast as I could to get her away from me and out of my life. You think I did not feel like a fool???? MM, just hang in there. I know that it does not seem like it, but when she is gone, and you have had time to heal, life will get so much better. Hang tough... Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit quote and topical content 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WorstFeelingEver Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) [] It will take time to move on, can not just forget the love, promises, memories of all that you shared/created. You are at the denial stage still. You will go through other stages after denial. I am at the acceptance stage, sometimes going back to the anger/depression stage, but it will take time__how long, IDK. Hang in there. WFE. Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) [] Then there is all of the stuff you will realize if you look as you heal. You are a good guy, in high demand in the dating scene, and life rolls on. I promise both you guys that it will get better... Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MilitaryMan Posted November 17, 2017 Author Share Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) Did you have Kids involved in the divorce? My kids are 9/8. It makes it a little tougher. I’m not in denial. I was when I first came home because I didn’t have all the details but now I do. As I already mentioned, I’m in the process of legal separation. She had the audacity to ask me if she could stay with me Till she finishes nursing school in May. I told her to go move in with her “Friends”. The problem is I can’t kick her out of Base Housing without a court order unless there is physical abuse to which there is none. So I’m buckling up for a long and exspensive journey which will make me even more broke Edited November 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Accentuate updated status 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 Well part of the hell that she put me through... Was that I raised 3 kids alone for the most part. Plus, when I thought she was "Sick", I took care of her for years and years. Plus I was the sole breadwinner the entire marriage. I still have one at home. And I know that it will suck going through this. But in the end, you will get better. I realize that it does not seem that way, but you will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 OK, let's move the discussion back to the specifics of the topic the thread starter brought to the forum and conclude the current iteration of LoveShack.org 'tough love'. Moderation edited the thread without sanction, now twice, and hence any further excursions by members into prohibited posting will result in immediate loss of posting privileges. At the risk of repeating myself for the thousandth time, no member of this forum who starts a topic is required or even encouraged by the owner to read, accept or follow any advice or opinion voluntarily offered here. All discussion is completely voluntary and shall proceed in accordance with our guidelines of discussion. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 There are a lot of guys waiting for your post MM Write when you are ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MilitaryMan Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 Waiting as far as? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 You can get through this. Many have. Your best option is to cut off as much contact as possible. You may not be perfect but you never caused her to do this. Accept who she is because only then will you be able to deal effectively with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Military Man....how are you doing? Just checking in on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts