Author MilitaryMan Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 Hello all, It’s been a year since I posted. I should have listened to everyone on this post. I tried to work it out for 2 years from a unremorseful wife. I found out for sure she had an affair as I intercepted a text to the other man with her stating “I will not let my affair with you define me”. I am moving out after Xmas and I retained a lawyer for 2,000. I don’t understand how all this time she lied to me. She never came clean about the affair even when I presented her with evidence, she still lied and covered it up. For all you guys still trying to work out your marriages, if she doesn’t give you true remorse and actually make and effort to communicate the truth, END IT! I learned the hard way when everyone told me...I didn’t listen and wasted 2 years. It’s tough throwing away 10 years but it’s better than living with a liar and a cheater who shows no remorse. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 It was frustrating. Like watching a car wreck you know is going to happen. You were the only one wanting to R. It takes two. In reality you played yourself. Life is way to short to waste. Move forward with all possible speed and don't waste another second on her. Sorry you're here. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Hello all, It’s been a year since I posted. I should have listened to everyone on this post. I tried to work it out for 2 years from a unremorseful wife. I found out for sure she had an affair as I intercepted a text to the other man with her stating “I will not let my affair with you define me”. I am moving out after Xmas and I retained a lawyer for 2,000. I don’t understand how all this time she lied to me. She never came clean about the affair even when I presented her with evidence, she still lied and covered it up. For all you guys still trying to work out your marriages, if she doesn’t give you true remorse and actually make and effort to communicate the truth, END IT! I learned the hard way when everyone told me...I didn’t listen and wasted 2 years. It’s tough throwing away 10 years but it’s better than living with a liar and a cheater who shows no remorse. Stay strong! A good lesson. Cheaters always lie a lot. It's their mantra. She wasn't the biggest problem. You knew but were more comfortable living in denial. I suspect you projected your feelings onto her. I love her so she must love me thing. You really need to get some IC so you don't fall into the same trap again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MilitaryMan Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 Marc, I tried to make it work for our children’s sake and plus I still had feelings for her. Once I saw that with my own eyes, it was a reality check and game changer. I kinda knew all along but I wanted closure to the situation, and the honest truth so we could have Atleast coparebted for our children’s sake. Now I want nothing to do with her in any aspect. I was used as a doormat cause I was weak and I will admit that. I’m in a totally different frame of mind now and I deserve better than that. Moving out next week and retained my lawyer already. Just ready to move on to the next chapter. I appreciate the tough love and sometimes you have to experience things on your own to gather the true meaning behind it All. BTW, the affair partner mover away with another girl and had a baby with that other girl. I feel sorry for her cause she doesn’t know what a piece of crap he is. So my “wife” can have him! Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 I said this befor but it deserves a repeat. Just because you have children together doesn't mean you have to have contact. Keep it to text or email kids only. Ignore everything else. I know three who use this "grey rock" method. May seem awkward at first but will normalize. It is your best path forward out of this. You can still be a great father just focus on your time with the kids. Keep everything separate. Birthdays, holidays, etc. you have your time, she has hers. If you have evidence of adultery this will move a lot faster plus no alimony but you may have screwed that up if you were ever intimate with her after. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MilitaryMan Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 My biggest thing is my pension. We been married 10 years. As far as alimony, I’m not worried about that. She is a Nurse so she makes good money. I can see myself getting stuck with child support. I have text messages so we will see if it will hold up in court. I just want to get this done as peacefully and painless as possible. Have to get use to the new normal but I know I will be ok once I move out. We had sex but sparingly. It’s been about 4 months. It’s crazy how people change from an affair. He whole attitude and persona changed. She is a sociopath narcissist who feels she didn’t do nothing wrong but in that text she sent the AP, she stated “guilt consumes me daily no matter how much I pray”. She is a idiot because this guy played the s**t out of her and she’s still reaching out. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 My biggest thing is my pension. We been married 10 years. As far as alimony, I’m not worried about that. She is a Nurse so she makes good money. I can see myself getting stuck with child support. I have text messages so we will see if it will hold up in court. I just want to get this done as peacefully and painless as possible. Have to get use to the new normal but I know I will be ok once I move out. We had sex but sparingly. It’s been about 4 months. It’s crazy how people change from an affair. He whole attitude and persona changed. She is a sociopath narcissist who feels she didn’t do nothing wrong but in that text she sent the AP, she stated “guilt consumes me daily no matter how much I pray”. She is a idiot because this guy played the s**t out of her and she’s still reaching out. The OM maybe a player but your wife is the main culprit here. IMO she didn't just turn into this all of a sudden. You just never saw it before. It was alway there. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 (edited) Wow just got done reading this nightmare OP man did you learn the hard way.! By the way you live in North Carolina that’s a fault state if you can prove her infidelity she gets No Alimony.! but child-support she’s entitled to... Need to keep this thread available for newcomers, how many times we heard “you guys were right”. “I should’ve listened to you” by the way thank you for your service. Edited December 26, 2018 by Sparta Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 Don't think of it as wasted time. You were honoring your vows and trying to make your marriage work. I am sorry you ended up where you are, but I give you credit for not giving up so easily. Take everything you've learned and make a new life for yourself. I do feel your pain about the pension. My ex-husband gets 50% of mine by law - so frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Hi Mil Man, do keep in touch with the forum for your post divorce settlement and how you have been able to handle things. You will do well never doubt that. Wish you all the very best in the New Year. Link to post Share on other sites
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