Has anyone here ever taken back a cheater?

[Donburi]

...and if so, why? What did that person have to do for you to take them back?

How did they earn your trust back? Can love conquer any situation?

 

I cheated on my boyfriend of 3 yrs with his best friend who was also my best friend. Reasons? I went into more detail about everything in my other posts but I will try to make it simple here :

 

1. I felt neglected. My ex is a hardcore gamer and with new games constantly coming out, I felt I could not compete.

 

2. Our best friend claims he had been in love with me ever since I came into this circle of friends. So since I talked to him like a best friend, the subject of me and my problems with my bf naturally came out. After finding out I felt neglected, he started to treat me the way I guess, I expected my bf to. I eventually developed a "highschool" crush, if you will. Very big no no.

 

3. Our friend also admitted after all this that he had not cared about my ex, his "best friend" for a very long time. He had told me things that made me doubt my bf's love for me, saying things like "he was more in love with his ex so'n so" or " he doesn't seem to be serious about you" or " he lied to you about this and that" etc...Why did I fall for it? God only knows why. I am very insecure so it did not help that I wasn't confident about his love for me to begin with. My ex says all he has been doing this whole time while I was friends with him was manipulating me and trying to steal me away. My ex hates his guts. I can't think of any other reason why he would tell me such horrible things, at first I thought he did it because he was being an honest friend but I guess not. It hurts because I really did consider him a best friend.

 

So, almost three months ago is when everything went down. Us three were at my ex's house. My ex and I (we actually weren't dating at the time because I had recently realized I had a crush on the friend, so it didn't feel right to be with him, receiving any affection from him, etc...everyone thinks I asked for that break to decide who I wanted to be with but i honestly don't think I was. I had a crush on him but I never wanted to be with him nor did I lead him on to think that.) Anyways, my ex and I had a nasty agrument about the break, which led him to lock me out of his room. I was very upset and like the idiot I am, went to the other room where the friend was to talk and be comforted. He told me things I wanted to hear and eventually made a move. There was no kissing, no penetration, no sex. His hand was between my legs, and I was clothed, It didn't last any longer than a minute. But, I guess it didn't matter how and how long it happened, it still happened. I feel disgusting. Mostly because there was a part of me that enjoyed it. Part of me was attracted to him and it was exciting to be touched by someone else (my bf was the only one I've been physical with). I don't think I would have let it lead to anything else, I'm pretty sure but again, I never thought I was capable of this so who knows....anyway, as luck would have it, my bf came out of him room to walk in on that.

 

Naturally, he broke up with me. Is it over for good? Who knows. He certainly doesn't. We still talk, mostly on aim everyday, and sometimes we hang out. At first for a first month and a half all he could say was he didn't know what the future would hold, that we may or may not get back together. Recently he has been saying that he would like to mend our relationship, but is not ready to date yet. Says we should start off as friends first.

 

I will do anything that will make him feel more comfortable but I'm afraid that waiting around will destroy me. When he went to Japan for three weeks about three weeks ago, I was going insane. I know I earned and deserve any kind of pain...but how long should I be punished? I don't believe I'm a bad person, I just did a very bad thing. I have many flaws I need to work on. My ex knows I'm a good hearted person and what I did was out of character.

 

So I guess the only thing I can do now is to be his friend...hopefully there are stories out there similar to this with a good ending...

 

Sometimes I wish he had an answer, even a bad one. Not knowing what is going to happen is really a horrible feeling...not as horrible as the feeling of seeing your gf and bestfriend like that I'm sure but...I just wish I knew what to do.

 

Sal Paradise has been a great help to me so I just want to thank him for that. I realized that I should have posted my entry in this section so I guess I was just wondering what other people would think...

[smile95]

I took one back ....made him leave her and move back to my home town(he did) and then a week later I dumped his sorry a**. Never will take one back again. he calls me to this day( 5 yrs later). If you cheat, you never loved that person to begin with....in my opinion....if you are turly happy, the thought never crosses your mind. Also, I would never have trusted him again had I taken him back for good.

[Older and wiser]

I never took one back. I'm currently considering taking my ex back who I later found out had left me for his ex.... but our situation was very different - we were both in emotional limbo throughout our 'relationship' if you could call it taht but thats a very long and unexciting story.

 

As for your story, I dont even consider you to be a cheater. I think that the so-called friend here is the real bad guy. If you want your man back, I would lay it all out there... tell him exactly waht happened and why you think it happened just as you have here. Open that door of communication and apologize for your only mistake which was trusting that dirtbag. If you guys really love each other you're going to have to learn to tell each other what you are needing even if it is uncomfortable telling that person where they are failing you.... and if its real love, taht person will try and meet those needs for you.

 

For now, starting back as friends and giving him time to get close to you again is a good idea. I think you'll be find - he probably just needs time.