she is pregnant by my husband

[Pecan]

Hello Every, I need some serious help. I found out about 7 months ago my husband had a affair got the woman pregnant. Baby is now here a DNA was taken and it is his. I have a 2 year by my husband and my husband is doing everything in his power so I do not leave him. However, part of me want to leave because I no longer trust him and the other part me want to stay because he is a grrrrrrrrrrreat provider for me & child.

 

Now, that this baby is here and get this the baby was born on my birthday which makes it more difficult to stay with him. The woman now is asking for child support which is now going to take away from my home( By the way this woman is someone who he went to school with over 16 year ago and they bumped into each other at some type of conference) we do not live in the same city she stay about 4 hours away from us.

 

According to him we were on bad terms and he did not want the marriage anymore so he decide to have dinner tell his side of the story to her and one thing lead to another and they ended up bed (without protect) THIS IS SOMEONE HE DID NOT SEE IN 16 + YEARS and did not use protection. I was pissed and still is.

 

I talk with the woman and she told me that he did not wanted her to have this baby and she told him that she is going to have it because she have been trying to get pregnant for the longest she have been on a donor list for sometime and now it finally happen. I asked her has she been involve with my husband before she told me no just that one night. I did not attack her because I wanted to get all the information I need from her which worked.

 

Another thing that pissed me off is that she gave the baby my husband last name. I'm like why would someone name their child after a married man who did not want to have a baby with you and also being that it was a one night thing. After I was nice to her while talking with her I really regret it. I we have been to marriage counselling and it not working for me because Its killing me inside that my husband has another child and its not with me.

 

Another reason why part me want to stay like I said early his is a great provider I do not have to ask for anything he take me places (Alaska, Germany, Mexico, Japan, Italy, and many more place) I enjoy the way he treats me and my child I don't want to let that go. But right now I am very confused because I'm so hurt I ask myself do I love him ENOUGHT to stay with him and I really don't know at this time (Yes, I loved him with all my heart before I found out about this one night stand I know our we had our good days and bad days) I did not go have an affair.

 

I asked my husband why do he want to stay in this marriage now when the night he sleep with this other person he was ready to give it up but now he want to save it (I DON'T GET IT). I do not know what to believe If he want to stay because he really want it to work or if he is protecting his assets.

 

According to him he made a big mistake that he can not take back and he regrets every minute of it and he wants to continue to rise OUR child together. But that is going to be hard for me because (my husband LOVE KIDS) and I know there will be a time when he may want to go( see/bring )that other child into our home and I don't think I can deal with that. This is just a bad situation. He tells me all the time that this will not change our way of living. But way I view it is that mistake he has made has created another bill that he could have did without that extra money that could have been used for my child education.

 

A lot of stuff I may be saying is because I'm very anger, upset and pissed with him and will be for awhile. I do not know how to get over it. Although, my husband is trying so hard it like every thing he do piss me off because he is trying to hard when he should have trying to work out our problems before he stuck his ---k between her legs.

 

Also, we had plan to have another child (this was before this outside baby) however, right now I do not want to have another child because I know I would not carry full term. He upset because I will not get pregnant and told me If I don't

we will not make it. I told him he have some nerve to tell me that after he has gotten another woman pregnant. Oh, he also to me if I was the one who had gotten pregnant by another man he would have left me. And I'm saying to myself why in the hell I'm I still with him. I said to him well I guess I better leave because if it was me you just said you would not stick around. Then he wanted to change the story and say ( I don't know what I'll do) But I really wanted to have another child with him before this other child came into the picture but know plans has change and he does not seem to understand.

 

 

P.S. Please forgive me if none of this make sense but I'm just typing how I feel.

[RecordProducer]

This is an old thread where we put our comments already. Why is it posted today again?

[LucreziaBorgia]

This child will be his financial (and likely emotional) obligation for the rest of your lives together. There is no way to undo this, unless OW decides on a whim to give up her child for adoption and your H signs away his parental rights. If OW wants to keep the child, then OW/OC are going to be a part of your life with your H in some way or other until the kid is at least 18 - and even then, the kid will probably continue to be a part of your and your H's life when he/she marries, has kids and wants "grandad" in his/her own children's lives.

 

There is no way you can undo this. None. You can try to force your H to be a strictly "check in the mail" type father, but I don't see that working too well if he decides he wants to be a part of his child's life. I don't know if you can understand this: but that child is his child - regardless of who the mother is, that is his son or daughter and he has a right to want to be a part of that child's life. If he chooses to be more than a "check in the mail" type father, you will have to accept that.

 

So, your choices are: adapt to the situation as it evolves, or leave it.

[Pecan]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

This is an old thread where we put our comments already. Why is it posted today again?

 

I repost in error..

[Northwoods]

Which is more important... how he can provide for you (with this new 'bill') or that he has a child with another woman (and will likely have a relationship with that child)?

 

I agree with what's said above - you will need to adapt (maybe learn to forgive so that you can have a healthy relationship) or leave. Your decision is not an easy one, but only you can answer it.