fbaggs Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Strange question here, is it possible to divorce your wife without making any other changes to living or financial setup? My wife had an affair, and I want a divorce after 1 year of trying to resolve things. I want to keep the house so my daughter can finish high school but I cant afford to pay for the house and a different place for myself and my wife does not work. Id prefer to just leave things as they are, cohabitate as you would call it, but I am not interested in just staying married for 3 years. I have gotten past the problems and realize we will never be anything but friends in a sense. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 It may be possible depending on your jurisdiction. If you want to do this then I would certainly consider whether it's a good idea or not. Things can become very awkward especially when one of you meets someone new. Don't say it's not going to happen because you just don't know what will happen in 6 months or 1 year or 5 years. People change. There's also financial issues to resolve. Who owns the house? Who will own it after the divorce? What legal right of habitation will the other have to live there after divorce? What happens if one of you wants to move at a later date, but the other doesn't? It could become extremely difficult. Much more difficult than sorting it all out now, and separating properly. I'd really advise against it but if you're determined then the other thing to consider is the legal aspect. Some jurisdictions have strict proof that the marriage has broken down when you're still cohabiting. You may need to cook, do your washing, shopping, eat dinner etc, separately. You should consult a local lawyer who will be able to advise you what the legal requirements are to divorce while cohabiting in your jurisdiction. It's often not so simple as saying "right we're separated" whilst carrying everything else on just as before, and a divorce petition relying on that could very well be rejected. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 If you can't pay for the house then how are you living there now and how are you going to keep in the future? I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Your wife should get a job and you both should give up the house since neither can afford it. She cheated so she needs to get a job and start taking care of herself. You have to pay child support or she will depending on who keeps the child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I actually did attempt to share the house when I got legally separated. Seemed reasonable to do at the time for financial reasons and I'm very attached to my sons.We didn't sleep together anyway for the most part in the prior 3 yrs. I paid all the bills anyway as she didn't work so why not? The marriage counselor we had been seeing for years didn't think it such a good idea. The arrangement lasted about 2 weeks. One day it just all blew up. I didn't really understand why at the time. She was use to having a strong say in what I did or didn't do. She didn't have that say anymore and it was something she just couldn't deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I don't think cohabitation is a good idea at all when divorcing. It makes it harder to move on. It makes it harder to set boundaries. It would just complicate the whole thing. Maybe its just my situation and what happened to my marriage that makes me feel that way. But in some ways its similar to your situation. She cheated, long story short, she needs to live with the consequences of that decision. She needs to get a job for starters. Even if you decide to stay living together, she needs to help support the situation. What I'm not getting is, if you are the only one bringing in the income, how are you able to afford the house now but wouldn't if you threw her out? You said she isn't working.... Would you be able to live with her and watch her bring her boyfriends home? Would you be able to enter the dating world while living with your ex wife? I know you say you want to live together for the child, but would it be a healthy environment for the child to be in seeing her parents this way? I will say, my kids and I are much happier without the tension of a broken home around us every day. Once I took the steps and threw out my cheating spouse, things became clearer and easier. So instead of living together for the kids sake, think about all that tension and negativity leaving your house and how much of a relief that would be for your child. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 (edited) Strange question here, is it possible to divorce your wife without making any other changes to living or financial setup? My wife had an affair, and I want a divorce after 1 year of trying to resolve things. I want to keep the house so my daughter can finish high school but I cant afford to pay for the house and a different place for myself and my wife does not work. Id prefer to just leave things as they are, cohabitate as you would call it, but I am not interested in just staying married for 3 years. I have gotten past the problems and realize we will never be anything but friends in a sense. Thanks! If I were your wife's attorney, I would advise her not to accept that proposal. I would advise her to demand the sale of the house and use the proceeds and tempoary spousal support to get on with her life. Edited January 16, 2017 by Simple Logic Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I know it's hard but I think some distance is really important for the healing process (think NC or low contact). It's going to be difficult to get through things as co-parents until you both are more neutral. It's much harder to move on being that commingled. One of you will want to at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 If you can't pay for the house then how are you living there now and how are you going to keep in the future? I don't get it. I think he means he can't afford to maintain two residences. The status quo is affordable. Id prefer to just leave things as they are, cohabitate as you would call it, but I am not interested in just staying married for 3 years. I have gotten past the problems and realize we will never be anything but friends in a sense. Does this mean you'd both put your personal, emotional and sexual lives on hold for 3 years? Not a decision you can make unilaterally... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 I'm not sure it's possible as long as there is romantic love and resentment. I'm guessing your wife is still interested in being married, it would be unfair to ask her to divorce and stay. I think it's best she start working so you two can get on with your lives apart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
testmeasure Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 (edited) I have read that there are places where you have to be separated for months or even a year before you can even file for divorce. In the state I'm in, you can file for divorce and then after a certain number of months the divorce can be finalized. I don't recall any requirement about actually being separated. So, I get the sense that the answer for this is different in different places. Besides just knowing the law where you are, there is also the question of what is actually done in practice. The law might require separation but if both parties are in agreement that may not be enforced or may not be enforceable. Another question would be the criteria for common law marriage where you live. I've heard people say that in Canada just living together for a certain number of months qualifies you as being married. From what I understand, in the US, what is important is whether you present yourselves as being married. This is where people claiming to be married (presenting themselves as married) to get on the other person's health insurance results in them actually being considered married. If you actually have been married and you continue living together, I don't know how you stop presenting yourselves as being married because people are just going to assume you're still married. Or, maybe that doesn't matter if you've gone through the formal divorce process. I've heard others claim that paying bills together is the important factor. I somehow doubt that's true. But if it is, then just sharing the housing expense would result in you being considered married. Again, besides the question of law there is the question of practice. You would need to ask an attorney in your local area what a judge is actually likely to do if she files for divorce a 2nd time when you guys do finally separate. Another approach could be a postnup. You could separate the finances now, stay married, and then divorce after the daughter is out of high school. That might functionally achieve what you're aiming for if you can't do it the way you're thinking where you are. . Edited January 16, 2017 by testmeasure Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 OP, I don't think it will be sustainable for long term. Emotionally you will still be stuck in the same place. You need to separate. Link to post Share on other sites
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