[I Want] Her Back

[MichaelBrown66]

Hello. My names Michael Brown. I'm new to this site and break ups so just bear with me. Let me get started.

 

Here's a background on us. I'm 23 my girlfriend is 21 and I've known this girl for 12 years now. We've been close for a bit after the first time I we met . When I first saw her I knew she was the one. For about 9 years I was friend zoned LOL. Yes, it took me 9 years to get the love of my life. Three years ago, I finally stole her heart and we finally started to date. It was the happiest day of my life that I finally got her after nine years of trying. As you guys probably did the math, we dated for 3 years and 2 months.. here's the problem

 

The relationship was going great. I was into it, she was in to it. it was great. but I can't lie, about two years down i was not really into it as I was before. So this caused me to try not as much or treat her right, or appreciate her as I should. But I still loved her I was just to dumb to notice that I'm hurting her. We argued more and more each day and I'd always blame it on her.. which I shouldn't have. Things got better but then one day we got in an argument (Year 3) and she just couldn't take it anymore and she dumped me. I get it, it's my fault. but I really did still love her and didn't want things to end. After the break up we still talked and stuff and she sort of gave me another chance to fight for her back. but I didn't take it because I was just not mentally ready to fight for her back like I thought that she was to good for me. So a week later, we Got in another argument and at the end of it, she told me to "piss off" so I did. Next day she told me she was sorry and how harsh she was and stuff. but then I told her that I didn't wanna talk to her anymore because I just needed time to think and I just didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me before. I told her that Id talk to her again later on probably the new year because I just needed time to think, we both agreed. But then when I did talk to her this year, she just told me how she's over me and how she's moved on. That she doesn't want to be with me anymore ect ect. I know I shouldn't have pushed her away but I just neeeded time to improve myself so I can be a better bf to her when I do decide to talk to her again and get her back. I tried explain this to her but all she is doing is ignoring me or telling me off. I know I got to give her space but I'm just scared that she won't ever come back or she'll find another guy. This is a girl I've known for 12 years. I don't want this to ruin everything we've been through. Like I would do anything to have her back right now. I know I messed up. For me, this is basically a "Never saw what you have until it's gone" situation, but what do u guys think I should do?. I still love her with all my heart. But it looks like she's doing better and she's much happier now. we haven't spoke in a while but I swear if she was supposed to come back to me, I would treat her so much better. I know I can fix my mistakes only if she'd give me a chance.

[Jimmyjackson]

She's told you she's over you and she's moved on, remember that when you ask yourself what you should do. Realise there is nothing you can do, she's made it very clear she's not interested and you said she is ignoring you. You can only move on.

 

I know you have all the history and what not but it's all irrelevant at the moment, at the end of the day she has made it clear she's no longer interested and she's also not communicating with you. Focus on that rather than the details.

Edited January 16, 2017 by Jimmyjackson

[Jj66]

Stop harassing her. She's done.

 

Have no contact and move on. If it's meant to be she will look you up later when you are happy with someone else and you can ignore her or tell her off or get back with her. By then you probably won't want to.

[Steve_H]

The telling thing to me is that you didn't mention a single reason why you liked this girl or why you wanted her back.

Who is she? What does she do? WHY do you like her?

What are her best qualities? What are her least best?

What were the best features of your relationship?

All you said was "Me, me, me".

 

Loving a specific person for themself is a constant interaction that can at first seem like a battle of egos; it requires maturity, self-awareness and most importantly; the knowledge that you are only half of the experience in any issue. And a lot of practice...

Are you sure you're ready?

 

Your experience was that you were in a relationship and felt complacent. You got dumped and want to feel complacent again.

You need to be able to distinguish between the comfort of being in a relationship to the specific feeling of love for a single individual. This can take time and not a few interactions to work out and some people never do.

You haven't demonstrated that you know the difference yet.

 

My advice - back off; take time to examine your feelings and desires, approach relationships with only the best of your desires.

As someone who did many years of trying to make one-night-stands into relationships or starting a relationship with the first women who liked me I know you need to know what you want before you take a single step.

Best

Steve

Edited January 17, 2017 by Steve_H

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm afraid that it really sounds like she's done.

 

You've said your piece. She doesn't care to hear it anymore. When someone has reached that point, there's not much more you can do. Continuing to try to persuade her or get her to talk to you isn't going to help, and the truth is that she might indeed find someone else. But all that means is that you two weren't the right match.

 

As a woman, I can assure you that if we are truly in love with a man and think there might be another chance with him, we will hear you out. She's not in that place right now. And she might not return to it. But you don't want her coming back because you pestered her into it. You'd only want her to come back on her own volition.

 

So, give her space. You really have no other choice, anyway.

[springy]

But it looks like she's doing better and she's much happier now.

 

I don't think you have a real shot here. It'd be kind of nuts to go back to a relationship that made you miserable when you are doing better without it. Besides that, you really haven't changed in just a couple-few weeks. You'd be back to neglecting her and arguing in no time. You had a couple opportunities but your attitude got in the way and now it's too late. Keep working on yourself but move on from this one.

Edited January 17, 2017 by springy

[JohnnyStreet]

The point is that the woman you still love (and the woman that once loved you) is gone. She is not there anymore. You lost her, it doesn't matter how you lost her, or if it’s your fault or not. She is gone.

 

And that is part of living, losing people you love is part of life. But you can’t stay in the past, you got to move on. There is just pain and misery in the past at the moment (later you will remember her with a different point of view, but not now), you can’t keep thinking about her as the woman she was, because now she is a different person.

 

 

You don’t want to be living in the past any more, you want something better for you, I’m sure of that. And the best way to get that its moving on, no matter how hard it looks now, lot of people have done that in the past, you can too!

[whatdeww18]

I think a lot of people have touched upon the fact that she does not want to talk anymore. It's best and just give her the gift of silence. Also, like others have stated, it would be nice to hear how the relationship was and why you still believe she is amazing. Sometimes, the rose colored glasses can stand in the way when you get dumped.

 

I think the posters above have the right mindset in believing your ex is done with you. This will help you move on, heal, and continue no contact. Just work on you and next time, learn to communicate effectively. This is a generalization that seems to happen quite often. As guys, we like to take some time out to cool our heads and get perspective for an argument. Girls, like to hash it out and get emotions out right then. Of course, not all the time. But it's not the most effective form of communicating and it can cause a rift and some pain. You both got to be at wits ends. Take this time to just reflect on yourself.

 

3 years is still a large enough of a relationship that love can be developed. It's best to think that your ex won't be coming back so that you don't delay your healing. You will be hurt for a while but use that hurt to motivate yourself to become a better partner. Use this time all for yourself! You will appreciate it! It's going to be a tough road and not contacting anymore will be rough but the want and tendency does die down, for the most part haha. She may realize that you both just need some time to cool down, mature, and take this as some much needed time apart for perspective. If you take this time to improve yourself, you'll be that much more ready if she decides to come back. If she doesn't, you will have healed that much that you will see that there will be someone who will stick through mud and fire to be with you.

 

Just remember to give her the gift of silence, it's what she would like. And remember to give yourself the gift of giving all your time, energy, and effort in working on yourself! She may or may not come back, but only working on yourself will allow you to see with the correct mindset what should be done in the months to come.

 

Wishing you the best!

 

-WhatDEWWWWW