Can I make him love me too?

[artwithoutlimit]

Hello. I have a question regarding finding love. And here's the brief story.

 

No matter what, I always end up falling in love with some guy, and they always never love me back. I've wondered for long what it is I'm doing wrong, because it's been 8 years!! I'm not "shooting for the stars" here. I usually fall in love with someone with a great heart, who's kind and loving and yeah - usually - they're nerds like me. So that mean they aren't necessarily that good looking. But you know how love works... The looks don't matter there.

 

anyway, recently I fell for one of my friends that I’ve known and also flirted on/off with for a year or so. He’s lovely, kind and has a big heart. He’s like most men I fall for, not in the “good looking” kind of group, he’s a big nerd like me and a lovely person. My friend, who also happen to know him, told me he definitely seemed to like me too because of the flirting back and forth – I’ve been very hesitant, but she convinced me to tell him how I felt. I told him – and like I should have known – he didn’t feel the same way I did. He feels terrible though, and is sorry for it – although it’s not his fault at all – but it devestated me completely.

 

He said that most of the reason was likely that he couldn't be in a long distance relationship. Which is fair.. but makes me think if I can "convince" him though? Can I make him fall in love with me too?

 

The first step for me is to obviously try get over it. But I would love to know if there's a way I can make my friend fall for me too?

 

We have insanely good chemistry, we have a lot in common, both have the same type of ideals and ideas for the future.

 

I'm not bad looking myself. I have a bit of extra padding, but I still care about my looks and work out 3 times a week. Just to make it clear that it's not like I don't give a s*** about how I look. I try.

 

Any advice? Has someone made their friend fall in love with them too? After he said he didn't like you?

 

I really hope I can find some help and suggestions in here.

 

Regards,

The unloveable me

[basil67]

I'm sorry. No, you can't make someone love you. And even if you could, it would be foolish to tempt someone into a LDR when they've been clear that it wouldn't work for them.

 

Now, you say that you're unlovable. Does this mean that no men have shown any interest in you for the 8 years you have described? Or is the problem that the men you want haven't shown interest?

 

I would also suggest you think about the "love" you're experiencing. Do you think it's truly love that you are feeling for these different men? Or is it more about infatuation? If what you are feeling is heady and exciting, gives you butterflies and you can't stop thinking about them....it's infatuation.

[Sweetfish]

Hello. I have a question regarding finding love. And here's the brief story.

 

No matter what, I always end up falling in love with some guy, and they always never love me back. I've wondered for long what it is I'm doing wrong, because it's been 8 years!! I'm not "shooting for the stars" here. I usually fall in love with someone with a great heart, who's kind and loving and yeah - usually - they're nerds like me. So that mean they aren't necessarily that good looking. But you know how love works... The looks don't matter there.

 

anyway, recently I fell for one of my friends that I’ve known and also flirted on/off with for a year or so. He’s lovely, kind and has a big heart. He’s like most men I fall for, not in the “good looking” kind of group, he’s a big nerd like me and a lovely person. My friend, who also happen to know him, told me he definitely seemed to like me too because of the flirting back and forth – I’ve been very hesitant, but she convinced me to tell him how I felt. I told him – and like I should have known – he didn’t feel the same way I did. He feels terrible though, and is sorry for it – although it’s not his fault at all – but it devestated me completely.

 

He said that most of the reason was likely that he couldn't be in a long distance relationship. Which is fair.. but makes me think if I can "convince" him though? Can I make him fall in love with me too?

 

The first step for me is to obviously try get over it. But I would love to know if there's a way I can make my friend fall for me too?

 

We have insanely good chemistry, we have a lot in common, both have the same type of ideals and ideas for the future.

 

I'm not bad looking myself. I have a bit of extra padding, but I still care about my looks and work out 3 times a week. Just to make it clear that it's not like I don't give a s*** about how I look. I try.

 

Any advice? Has someone made their friend fall in love with them too? After he said he didn't like you?

 

I really hope I can find some help and suggestions in here.

 

Regards,

The unloveable me

 

Not trying to be mean here... but i would suggest you stop looking for ugly guys.. ugly guys are still attracted to fit good looking women. If you want to step-up the game... i suggest losing weight and working out. No its not about just losing weight... it will build your confidence and mind. If you are just walking on the treadmill i suggest some weight lifting in your workout plan and cut sugars and drinks. This will give you access to more men.

 

Think about your career and better your life...

 

Question how old are you?

[artwithoutlimit]

Not trying to be mean here... but i would suggest you stop looking for ugly guys.. ugly guys are still attracted to fit good looking women. If you want to step-up the game... i suggest losing weight and working out. No its not about just losing weight... it will build your confidence and mind. If you are just walking on the treadmill i suggest some weight lifting in your workout plan and cut sugars and drinks. This will give you access to more men.

 

Think about your career and better your life...

 

Question how old are you?

 

 

I am not deliberately looking for either ugly or pretty guys. I just don't have a preference so I don't control who I fall for. I also have a pretty solid carreer already, I make good money, I work out, I don't eat sugar. I'm pretty alright controling these sort of things in my life..

 

I know I need to learn to love myself more, but that's what I'm still working on.

 

I'm 27.

[artwithoutlimit]

I'm sorry. No, you can't make someone love you. And even if you could, it would be foolish to tempt someone into a LDR when they've been clear that it wouldn't work for them.

 

Now, you say that you're unlovable. Does this mean that no men have shown any interest in you for the 8 years you have described? Or is the problem that the men you want haven't shown interest?

 

I would also suggest you think about the "love" you're experiencing. Do you think it's truly love that you are feeling for these different men? Or is it more about infatuation? If what you are feeling is heady and exciting, gives you butterflies and you can't stop thinking about them....it's infatuation.

 

I was fairly certain that would be the answer. I'm also not going to MAKE anyone or persuade them into it. Just yeah.. a general wondering if I needed to go about things a little differently.

 

By unlovable, I mean that literally ANY man that I've either been dating or anything has never shown any interest. We're talking people whom I wasn't interested in either.

 

Situations like this I would definitely consider it love. I have been infatuated by some men, so the difference is quite striking. With him, I think it's because I've known him for quite a while, we have an incredible bond (as friends) and I have that strong, amazing feeling that's really hard to describe.. it's like.. It's sort of like the same feeling I have toward my very best friend - and then a little infatuation on top of that too. Obviously I feel a little infatuated too, I think generally that's very common when you first "fall in love".

 

I've been giddish and giggly with other men before, who had turned me down too. Which hurts, but it doesn't quite hurt as bad as this.

[artwithoutlimit]

I am not deliberately looking for either ugly or pretty guys. I just don't have a preference so I don't control who I fall for. I also have a pretty solid carreer already, I make good money, I work out, I don't eat sugar. I'm pretty alright controling these sort of things in my life..

 

I know I need to learn to love myself more, but that's what I'm still working on.

 

I'm 27.

 

Not sure if I remembered to mention it but I do work out 3 times a week, and stick to my meal plan - which is something I HAVE to do, not just to be healthy and loose weight, but because my medication can make me gain weight. I'm also not SUPER over weight, I'm talking about 5-8 kilos over my regular weight. I think the MAIN problem is definitely a smaller lack of self esteem, but I'm pretty good at hiding that though.

[maritakarpec]

WTF?? If he doesn't feel it you can't do anything just go on and find someone who will love you for the first time.!!

[artwithoutlimit]

WTF?? If he doesn't feel it you can't do anything just go on and find someone who will love you for the first time.!!

 

There is no need to be mean about it. It's a fairly innocent question here.. I'm not out to MAKE or persuade someone, I was just wondering if it was possible if he could.

 

Also if it had been so easy for me to just 'go out and find love' I wouldn't be posting in the first place.

[thefooloftheyear]

Many women fight this, but the reality is practically ALL men, from the geeky 135 lb nerd, to the studly 240 lb powerhouse, are primarily driven by how a woman looks...I know it sucks, because it's a hard thing to constantly have to uphold, but it is what it is...*shrug*

 

And it's not always about looking like a supermodel...Even women that are heavy and not conventionally good looking, can be sexy and appealing, its how they choose to carry themselves and what they do with what they have...

 

You sound like a good person, I can't tell you if its your appearance or how you carry yourself, because its impossible to determine by what you gave us...About all we know is that you are overweight...Perhaps take an objective view of yourself and figure out what makes them go cold on you...

 

From what I have seen among younger women(esp Millennials), not only are they overweight, they are pretty sloppy, wear unfeminine clothes, sweats, hoodies, etc...They were never trained of never realized the importance of having a "look" to them...Not saying this is the case for you, but just im just seeing what I see, and if I were looking for a mate, that would be an enormous turnoff..

 

TFY

[artwithoutlimit]

Many women fight this, but the reality is practically ALL men, from the geeky 135 lb nerd, to the studly 240 lb powerhouse, are primarily driven by how a woman looks...I know it sucks, because it's a hard thing to constantly have to uphold, but it is what it is...*shrug*

 

And it's not always about looking like a supermodel...Even women that are heavy and not conventionally good looking, can be sexy and appealing, its how they choose to carry themselves and what they do with what they have...

 

You sound like a good person, I can't tell you if its your appearance or how you carry yourself, because its impossible to determine by what you gave us...About all we know is that you are overweight...Perhaps take an objective view of yourself and figure out what makes them go cold on you...

 

From what I have seen among younger women(esp Millennials), not only are they overweight, they are pretty sloppy, wear unfeminine clothes, sweats, hoodies, etc...They were never trained of never realized the importance of having a "look" to them...Not saying this is the case for you, but just im just seeing what I see, and if I were looking for a mate, that would be an enormous turnoff..

 

TFY

 

Thank you, I should maybe have readdressed this. I don't think my looks is the issue here. I'm a 'little' overweight and by that it's not actually a lot. 5-8 kilos maybe. I would consider myself to be quite attractive - to some of course not all people. I work out 3 times a week, and especially love fashion and makes the most out of me. I make sure to make myself presentable in a way. Idon't know if I can post a picture here or not. But I don't really think, or I hope not, that the looks are the ones in play here.

 

But I'm somewhat certain that maybe it has something to do with the way I carry myself?? I don't know. I don't have an awful lot of confidence. I try, and I keep trying to better it, but it's not a lot I have.

 

Now I know not everyone are attracted to women with red hair, and my looks generally. but I do make an effort to look good.

 

But could it be the attitude then, I wonder. Like.. how I carry myself as you mentioned? Thanks for the reply.

Edited January 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mightycpa]

There is no need to be mean about it. It's a fairly innocent question here.. I'm not out to MAKE or persuade someone, I was just wondering if it was possible if he could.

 

Also if it had been so easy for me to just 'go out and find love' I wouldn't be posting in the first place.

It's possible, but he'd have to at least be willing to play the game. If you really want this, you'd have to take away the obstacle. You'd have to move to take a chance.

 

By the way, love rarely comes along when you're looking for it. It sneaks up on you when you're not. I don't know why, but that seems to be the way it works.

[stillafool]

I think you're pretty. Some guys don't like a lot of make up. Most guys fall for women who have wholesome looks. Those are the ones who mostly end up getting married.

[VeveCakes]

I think you're pretty. Some guys don't like a lot of make up. Most guys fall for women who have wholesome looks. Those are the ones who mostly end up getting married.

 

LOl I love these random stats - "most guys". Ugh no most guys do not fall for women with wholesome looks. "Most guys" fall for someone they are attracted to. I see plenty of women with caked on make up who are getting married. Not that OP has caked on make up. Lots of guys marrying girls who look like barbie dolls too.

 

It's like tattoos. Not for everyone and I accepted that when I got all mine. OP will find a man who enjoys her make up, which is lovely.

 

OP- It's not working so either change the type you are going for, or it is possible you have to work on something yourself. What are you like when you are dating?

[mikeylo]

Wider your pool. Try fishing outside your comfort zone.

[jennifernyc84]

Speaking from experience here.

 

I don't think you should waste time and youth chasing down a man who said he wasn't interested.

 

I wasted many good years holding a torch for a man who I believed to be my best friend, who turned me down over and over again.

 

You're young, beautiful, and have everything going for you. Don't get hung up on a guy that turned you down.

 

Find someone that doesn't need to be "convinced" into loving you. Find a guy that is willing to close that long distance to be closer to you.

 

I'm telling you, I'm speaking from experience.

[artwithoutlimit]

LOl I love these random stats - "most guys". Ugh no most guys do not fall for women with wholesome looks. "Most guys" fall for someone they are attracted to. I see plenty of women with caked on make up who are getting married. Not that OP has caked on make up. Lots of guys marrying girls who look like barbie dolls too.

 

It's like tattoos. Not for everyone and I accepted that when I got all mine. OP will find a man who enjoys her make up, which is lovely.

 

OP- It's not working so either change the type you are going for, or it is possible you have to work on something yourself. What are you like when you are dating?

 

Thank you - See the problem is that I don't know what type I'm going for, since it has been anything from tall to short (by short I mean shorter than me), men who have worked out and kept in good shape, and those who don't. So it's very varied the types I have dated before.

 

Maybe you're right, maybe I need to work on something myself. Usually I'm just very laid back when I date. I don't have a lot of expectations, usually ask a lot about them too, what they like ect. And just generally try to see if there's chemistry. All the super personal stuff I always keep for later, and when the time is right. I do however, usually, get around to say that I have a heart deficiency - usually on the first date - but that's just who I am. and that I can't change. The subject just comes up if it's right. I don't force it.

 

Maybe it's because I need to work on my self esteem?

[artwithoutlimit]

Speaking from experience here.

 

I don't think you should waste time and youth chasing down a man who said he wasn't interested.

 

I wasted many good years holding a torch for a man who I believed to be my best friend, who turned me down over and over again.

 

You're young, beautiful, and have everything going for you. Don't get hung up on a guy that turned you down.

 

Find someone that doesn't need to be "convinced" into loving you. Find a guy that is willing to close that long distance to be closer to you.

 

I'm telling you, I'm speaking from experience.

 

Thank you, this actually helps a lot. It's nice to know from someone who has experience with this. Thank you very much!

 

I have sort of concluded that it would be the best to move on. For sure. And perhaps, it's definitely something about me that I need to change in that regard.

[artwithoutlimit]

I think you're pretty. Some guys don't like a lot of make up. Most guys fall for women who have wholesome looks. Those are the ones who mostly end up getting married.

 

That's very true! though I don't usually wear a lot of makeup. Also in the picture I'm only wearing lipstick, eyeliner and mascara. I'm lucky I have pretty neat skin. Luckily.

[preraph]

I think a good exercise for you right now would be for you to stop pursuing guys you pick and see if you are interested in the ones who keep trying to be around you and are doing the footwork. Pay attention to what guys ever talk to you in person and don't be gazing instead at the one you're fixated on across the room. Pay attention! And if you don't get much attention, then that can usually be fixed by simply looking very approachable -- and all that takes if for you to laugh and smile a lot and look lively when around others.

[thefooloftheyear]

Thank you - See the problem is that I don't know what type I'm going for, since it has been anything from tall to short (by short I mean shorter than me), men who have worked out and kept in good shape, and those who don't. So it's very varied the types I have dated before.

 

Maybe you're right, maybe I need to work on something myself. Usually I'm just very laid back when I date. I don't have a lot of expectations, usually ask a lot about them too, what they like ect. And just generally try to see if there's chemistry. All the super personal stuff I always keep for later, and when the time is right. I do however, usually, get around to say that I have a heart deficiency - usually on the first date - but that's just who I am. and that I can't change. The subject just comes up if it's right. I don't force it.

Maybe it's because I need to work on my self esteem?

 

There was a song by this title, but its before your time, so you prob never heard it......

 

"you can't get what you want......til you know what you want"....

 

Its as simple as that...

 

TFY

Edited January 18, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[isolatedgothic]

I read your posts and looked at your pictures. You are truly lovely! It isn't your looks. It has to be the pool of men you're fishing from. It just has to be, because you are pretty and you are very intelligent. I can tell from the way you express yourself.

 

What about your female friends? Do you have any that you trust who know you well and can give you pointers on what might work better than what you are currently doing? Do you maybe focus too intently on one person at a time, and maybe cause them to withdraw a bit? Maybe if you are involved in things that you enjoy - classes, dancing, charity organizations, etc - the right guys would see you, feel your passion for life, and find themselves very much taken with you.

 

I do not think your situation is hopeless. I see a very attractive lady who just hasn't found her groove yet. There is a cheesy movie that I watched once, "Babycakes" with Rikki Lake. She tried and she tried to get a man's attention, and when she finally found value in herself and began finding her own groove, she became irresistible to the man of her dreams. I think that by finding your passion in life, and becoming self confident and self assured and truly happy inside, you'll draw the right guy to you. Maybe you won't have to confess your feelings for him. Maybe he'll do it first.

 

Best wishes. I have confidence in you!

[Dark Horse]

When people are saying overweight girls arne't attractive, yet people say being a scrawny guy isn't attractive either. I just think it's funny how the ideal body type is opposite for men and women.

 

For men, being big and tall is attractive. It's being 6 ft tall, having muscles but also being athletic. Being short and skinny in men isn't an attractive trait. Yet for women, being small and petite is a turn on.

 

My 5 ft 3 105 pound frame would have been perfect if I were born a woman, but since i'm a guy it just lowers my chance of finding someone. Not saying it's impossible but it will be harder.

 

Funny how that stuff goes.

Edited January 18, 2017 by Dark Horse

[preraph]

Dark Horse, I don't know any women who have ever been my friends who didn't like thin guys and I only know one who went with a guy a little beefier with muscles. It's MEN who think women like muscles and all that over anything else and that's because they are focused on women's bodies more than anything else, but women are not often like that. Height, yes. But most women I know find even too skinny guys attractive enough, though better is slim rather than skinny and emaciated looking.