Libragal2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Not sure how to make this story short but I'll try.... Ok me and ex BF broke up in late March 16. We had a 2 weeks break to where we didn't contact each other. So we see each other on a dating site, but leave each other alone. He deletes his dating profile but I don't. He contacts me 2-3 days later asking me to go to a work function with him. I initially tell him "no" then he accuses me of sleeping with the guys I was talking with on the dating site. So he apologizes, to me, and silly me I go with him to his work function( yeah I know, I'm foolish). So early to mid april, he and I are working SOMETHING out. Not sure what that is as we are hesitant on trying again. But he decides to tell me how much I hurt him by expressing it through tattoos on his body. Anyway. We are in contact. He wanted us to spend the weekend on Derby weekend( May, first weekend in May), so we did. We had a great time. Fast Forward to Memorial Day weekend.... wanted to go out of town and have a weekend together so we plan to go to Missouri. He picks me up but wants to address a few things he felt I was lying to him about while on the road trip. I didn't want to start off the trip like that and told him that if he wanted to do this then to drop me off at home. So he did. He tells me he doesn't want to be with me if I don't answer any questions. SO he just kept ignoring me throughout the day. I get on my dating site ( reactivate it , yes silly me but I am single). I guess he sees me on there , then contacts me and asks me why I am like the way I am. But still wants to spend time together. So we do. So after all that, he gets distant on me. Fast Forward to June, We are barely in contact. I ask how he's been, he says he's been busy with his kids and just trying to stay busy. Anyway, fast forward to July-August.... I get a flat tire and ask him for help, he plans to leave work to help me but tells me the he left his personal cell phone at work and it was dead and how he went to see "suicide squad". I immediately thought he had a date. He tells me "it wasn't a date". I asked how long they've been talking, he said "2 days". I said well why didn't you tell me? Because see, while he was going on dates with her, he was taking me out to lunch and trying to kiss on me and telling me how much he loves me and doing all of this stuff to me on lunch, and asking for me to move back in with him and start over. He never admitted to seeing anyone at all and if he were, it wasn't serious for him. FF to September, he asks me to go to a co workers surprise party. So I go. He drops me off at home and goes home. I wanted him to stay the night but he said he needed to go home,feed the dogs and chickens and blah blah blah... Anyway, I find out he had a girl coming over. I give space. He contacts me and wants to eat lunch. He told me that he and the girl aren't much of anything. So I believe him due to the fact the way he was treating me. He tells me all the time that he "loves me" and that he hates we didn't work out. He also attempts to go through my phone ( like he always did when we were together) to see who I'm texting, emailing, phone logs, everything. So I'm just going to fast forward to Late December because this is getting way too long. I find out on facebook that he goes to this escape room ( he did tell me about it) and there was a girl next to him who seemed really cozy with him. I tell him " your girlfriend is cute, treat her right. I don't understand why you just couldn't be honest with me." So I later find out she lives with him and they are very serious and he's been seeing her since Mid April 2016... this entire time. I feel like I don't have a right to be upset but I am. I felt deceived. So a mutual friend of me and his gf, felt the need to tell her what he was doing behind her back. She tells mutual friend that without proof she'll just think I"m lying. So I give her proof via facebook. Sounds like she believes me but he's staying with her. He's denied our involvment together. He only admitted to seeing me Since May. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I'm confused...you break up & are on a dating site yourself but are posting here like he's cheating on you...advice Move on & start a mature relationship. You couldn't hack a trip together for the weekend, so why bother giving anymore effort? You're both behaving like teenage kids, you don't like it, don't continue it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Couple things. He's got kids while all of this is going on. And he puts on Tats when he gets mad. Real mature there (sarcasm). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragal2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 I'm confused...you break up & are on a dating site yourself but are posting here like he's cheating on you...advice Move on & start a mature relationship. You couldn't hack a trip together for the weekend, so why bother giving anymore effort? You're both behaving like teenage kids, you don't like it, don't continue it. No I don't think he cheated on ME but he cheated on her. And yes I was on dating sites because I was single at the time. I am working on moving on. I guess I am upset with myself, him, the situation and everything. I just don't understand why he just couldn't be honest with me from the beginning or let alone, not contact me after our break up in march when he was making things official with that girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 No I don't think he cheated on ME but he cheated on her. And yes I was on dating sites because I was single at the time. I am working on moving on. I guess I am upset with myself, him, the situation and everything. I just don't understand why he just couldn't be honest with me from the beginning or let alone, not contact me after our break up in march when he was making things official with that girlfriend. I understand being upset bc you waisted your time but don't waste anymore! He's an immature jerk that likes to play games...consider this as you dodge a bullet & he's her problem. You could have been her...you won by him no longer being your problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragal2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 I understand being upset bc you waisted your time but don't waste anymore! He's an immature jerk that likes to play games...consider this as you dodge a bullet & he's her problem. You could have been her...you won by him no longer being your problem. you are right. and thank you. I'm really trying. I guess I am still going through the process. I just hate myself for letting him suck me in. there was a big part of me that just wanted us to work things out. So I thought that we would. But you know what? If he had told me he was seeing someone and he thought they were serious, I would have let him go. You are also right in the fact that he is HER problem now. When I chatted with her, she and I didn't argue at all. She was hurt and upset but is choosing to stay and hoping for the best. She told me she thought we were both blindsided by all of this.... and she's right. I don't know if he'll cheat on her at all but I told her and him that I am done. I'm going through the stages of TRYING to get over things. I had this all bottled up inside that I needed to talk it out.... even if it were to strangers on a forum, but i needed to talk it out. She gave me her number and asked me that if he contacts me again, to let her know and send her the proof. I don't know if he will but I have to wonder even if he does, do I want to be sucked into their situation? I think the fact that I exposed most of his wrongdoings to her, he wouldn't be so silly enough to contact me as he knows i'd tell her. But i will say that I am glad I am not her. Whether she believes me or not, I'm glad I am not her. I do want a more mature and healthier relationship with someone. Being with him was a hot mess. Yes he has 4 kids but 2 are grown and the other 2 are 14 years old. He's going around getting tattoos to express his hurt from "our" relationship. Talking about why we didn't work out, still. Telling me he loves me and dont want to think about me being with another man as I don't tell him that sort of thing. He would go and snoop , try and go through MY phone, while having a girlfriend at home. SMH. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 It's always hard getting over a serious relationship. I do feel for you but I think you're doing the right thing staying away from that guy. He's got issues!! You don't need a man who's so suspicious that he's going through your private things with no provocation. I believe that you did the right thing talking to his gf. If he does contact you again just forward it to her & that should keep him gone! Best wishes. I hope you find a good man. Never put-up with that kind of nonsense, life's too short! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Obviously he was lying to someone - YOU! Sorry this happened, but block him, delete everything that can give him access to you and move on with your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragal2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 It's always hard getting over a serious relationship. I do feel for you but I think you're doing the right thing staying away from that guy. He's got issues!! You don't need a man who's so suspicious that he's going through your private things with no provocation. I believe that you did the right thing talking to his gf. If he does contact you again just forward it to her & that should keep him gone! Best wishes. I hope you find a good man. Never put-up with that kind of nonsense, life's too short! Thank you so much! I wrestled with wondering if I did the right thing in talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Wait, he has grown kids and acts like this? Ouch. Talk about a looser. From what you describe, you still check up on him (social media?). You need to go no contact. He's not your problem. And yes, he'll get a hold of you when he's looking for tail. Also, ask yourself why you were attracted to him? He has "bad boy" written all over him. That's cute, when you're 20. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragal2017 Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Wait, he has grown kids and acts like this? Ouch. Talk about a looser. From what you describe, you still check up on him (social media?). You need to go no contact. He's not your problem. And yes, he'll get a hold of you when he's looking for tail. Also, ask yourself why you were attracted to him? He has "bad boy" written all over him. That's cute, when you're 20. Oh no I don't check up on him at all. What I did was I was on FB and searched for someone completely none related to him and I saw his ex wifes page. She posted a picture of them at the escape room. Their son wanted to do that for his birthday and my ex had him and his girlfriend there. That's how I saw. I know it seems i as checking up but no I just looked at the picture to see it. Then saw her. HE checks up on ME. He checks to see if I have a dating profile up, he looks at who I friend on facebook, And comes by my apartment. That's him all the while having a woman at home . Yes I agree, and am glad he's not my problem. I have acknowledge that fact. I was attracted to him in the fact that he wanted a family structure and seem to want something real with me. But of course, as time progresses, you see a different side tom someone. that's what I saw. Did I hope for the best? Of course. I ignored the signs like ALOT of us may have done with someone before. I cared deeply for him. But I know our relationship was toxic and not healthy. see, I know what the situation is. I'm not in here to ask what it was, was he cheating on me or her. I know already. I wanted to share my situation.... let everyone know that I though I wasn't intending to be the other woman, I was. I ended it , told the gf, and am working towards moving on. Is this thread an indicator of me moving on? Probably not but I want to talk my feelings out because they've been bottled up inside. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I understand being upset bc you waisted your time but don't waste anymore! He's an immature jerk that likes to play games...consider this as you dodge a bullet & he's her problem. You could have been her...you won by him no longer being your problem. I guess we could tell him the same things were he posting. Sounds very dysfunctional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragal2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 I am curious about something the GF asked me while we were conversing about things..... She asked me if I loaned my ex money a few months ago? She didn't go any further after I said that I didn't. Not that it matters, I was just curious as what you all think about that? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 No I don't think he cheated on ME but he cheated on her. And yes I was on dating sites because I was single at the time. I am working on moving on. I guess I am upset with myself, him, the situation and everything. I just don't understand why he just couldn't be honest with me from the beginning or let alone, not contact me after our break up in march when he was making things official with that girlfriend. Forget him. He's not worth your tears. The guy was cheating on his live in girlfriend the whole time. And, he invaded YOUR personal space by going through your phone and reading texts/emails to see if you were cheating on him. Delete and block him. Move on and don't look back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragal2017 Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 I guess we could tell him the same things were he posting. Sounds very dysfunctional. Oh that he dodged a bullet with me? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I am curious about something the GF asked me while we were conversing about things..... She asked me if I loaned my ex money a few months ago? She didn't go any further after I said that I didn't. Not that it matters, I was just curious as what you all think about that? He probably used that lie as an excuse to call you. You owe him money and he must collect. This way if she finds out he called you he has an excuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragal2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 (edited) Not sure if it was him but I get a feeling that it was him. My backstory is in the "other man/woman" forum. I don't usually get Private number calls, like, at all. The last Private call I got was after he and I broke up back in ending of march and haven't gotten any since this. After all this drama that had happened a few weeks ago, I received a call around the time he goes on Lunch at his job. It may just be a coincidence but I am not feeling that way right now. I know that he's calling privately because he knows I will probably tell his gf that lives with him smh.... ETA: I know it doesn't matter, and I know NC matters and to keep moving on and not to worry about it lol. Just talking about it that's all. :-) Edited January 21, 2017 by Libragal2017 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Get a grip on yourself. This is beyond desperate. You need to go be social and stay busy and stop focusing on this. It's making you crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 That was me. I was telemarketing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Yeah, most likely a telemarketer. Stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Libragal2017 Posted January 21, 2017 Author Share Posted January 21, 2017 Thank you. Just came back from a group.... so I was social. I'm fine was only thinking lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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