Cheating lying husband

[zampire]

:(This is going to be really long so I'm sorry. I dated my husband since 16. He cheated on me while we dated and did some pretty bad things. I forgave him but when I was 19 we called it off. We got back together after about a year in a half. He had changed was going to church we are LDS. We got married when I was 21 and have been for five years. I'm going to try and keep this short. He got sick and was in a wheelchair for some time. So I've had to work and we had a baby girl who is almost going to be five. But since he couldn't work we had to live in my mom's basement. He has a sex and porn addiction that I have tried to help him with. While living at my mom's house he did look at porn and lie a lot about it. He would expose himself to my mom pretending he was unaware it was out. Fast forward two years when my daughter was two we moved in with his family. He created a fake Facebook account and contacted random girls but also my sister and a friend of mine. He sent the random girls pictures of his penis. Not my sister but did sext her. I decided to separate from him. But told him I wanted to fix it. He had to take his fake profile down and never get on it. He ends up cheating on me with a girl they didn't have sex just oral and tried anal. I also tested him which I know is wrong but I did it. And I had a friend text and flirt with him and he took the bate and texted her and sent pictures and asked for pictures back. And asked to even meet up. And all this time he had till gotten on his fake profile messaging girls. So I of course forgive him and tell him this is his last chance. He actually stopped. For a year everything was great. We just had a son in August and got our first house. He messes up again. He went by my mom's to pick up sometimes and exposes himself. He admits to me he has been looking at porn and on his way home he would exit and drive up a canyon to masturbate to it. He also went on Craigslist to message someone and sends pictures. I tell him I'm done if you lie or mess up again. So it's been three months since then. I go in our bedroom and he hurrys to put his phone down. I ask him what he's doing and he lies and I so no really. He lies one more time. And I'm like no what were you doing. He finally admits it. Now fast forward a couple days I'm visiting my mom and she says look at this funny text I got. It was sexual at all but I knew it was my husband messing with her. I confronted him and it took him a bit to admit but said he text my mom and my friend. Says it was only a joke. He used an app that will let you have multiple numbers. So now I feel like I'm at my wit's end and that he is never going to stop. It's obvious I love him or I would have left a long time ago. And I get so mad at myself cause I think k other women would have left long ago so why cant. And I feel so heartbroken cause all the chances and forgivenes I have give him seems like he doesn't care at all. We now have two kids together too and just moved into our first home. I just don't know what to do? Of course I'm thinking divorce but I don't know if I can . Or I think he has been trying hard to change. I should expect some mistakes along the way? I don't know. Help!?

[LilyMila]

He has a serious addiction. Just like drug addiction or alcohol addiction. Can you trust such people when they "promise" to change? Furthermore, anal and oral are sex and capable of transmitting STD.

[VeveCakes]

This is beyond help at this point -unless he wants it and goes into intensive therapy. He will not quit, ever. You need to realize this now. What he is doing is also illegal - the exposing himself. The fact he does it to your mom, friends and family shows how he has no boundaries. If I was going to profile him, I would say he is about 10 years away from becoming a predator or a rapist.

 

Come on OP, how many chances are you going to give this guy? He will most likely end up in jail...then what?

[Zahara]

So now I feel like I'm at my wit's end and that he is never going to stop. It's obvious I love him or I would have left a long time ago. And I get so mad at myself cause I think k other women would have left long ago so why cant. And I feel so heartbroken cause all the chances and forgivenes I have give him seems like he doesn't care at all. We now have two kids together too and just moved into our first home. I just don't know what to do? Of course I'm thinking divorce but I don't know if I can . Or I think he has been trying hard to change. I should expect some mistakes along the way? I don't know. Help!?

 

1. Yes, he is never going to stop.

2. You haven't left because you have poor self-worth. It's not because you love him.

3. It's because when you lack self-love, you will tolerate just about any sort of external validation, even if that external validation comes in the form of your husband.

4. He has an addiction. It will always trump your needs.

5. If you can't divorce, then you have to accept your current situation as your life.

6. There will be no change. There are no repercussions to his behavior because you keep accepting his behavior. There is no incentive to change. Furthermore, change has to come from him -- seeking professional help and investing years in it.

 

You know what you need to do. We can't help you. You need to help yourself and it doesn't seem like you want to or are able to because of how you view yourself.

[Jersey born raised]

You mentioned both of you belong to the church of LDS. Have you contacted the bishop?

 

Your husband has more then a porn habit. He has repeatedly expose himself in various settings. At some point he will be arrested. Your children are not safe around him. I would be very careful allowing the children around his family. The probability that something is amiss is very high. FOO issues (family of origin) issues loom large.

 

Again contact your temple. Share all the details you shared here and push for a cancellation of your sealing.

[Lilyana76]

He will never change. It's best to get out now while you are still halfway sane.

 

My ex hub is a serious sex addict. He cheated on me early on when we were dating. I forgave him, we got married when I was 19. Things were good for awhile, but he started hoarding porn.... it was EVERYWHERE. I would fight with him about the porn laying all over all the time.

 

After ten years of being married he started joining dating apps, flirting and chatting with women. I even caught him on one pretending to be a female talking to men about sex.

 

Then he started branching out into real life. He started cheating with his sisters best friend, and his cousins wife. I threw him out, we separated for a year while going through counseling. I agreed to give him one more shot.

 

A few years later, I found out he was still messing around with his cousin's wife. I screamed at both of them, let his cousin know what was going on. He ignored it and it kept going on. Then I would find random messages from men on craigslist. He was talking to them about meeting up for spankings. Finally, he did it and met up with one.

 

My point is, an addiction escalates without proper treatment. Just like drugs and alcohol it gets worse and worse. You need to stop letting him gaslight you, stop being codependent and trying to fix him. Leave now, trust me, it only gets worse. Leave and find yourself, work on your own self improvement. Because he won't change, you will have to.

[Mr. Lucky]

So I of course forgive him and tell him this is his last chance. He actually stopped. For a year everything was great.

 

Actually, he didn't stop. You just went a year without catching him.

 

Why does it seem to me your Mom isn't as shocked and grossed out by this as she should be?

 

Mr. Lucky

[zampire]

Wow, sounds very similar to my situation! It's just really hard when you love someone and they promise and we have a family together. Tho it's starting not to feel very much like a family.

[mightycpa]

Holy Roller Sh*t!

 

What does your mother think of all this indecent exposure "by mistake"?

 

I guess divorce is pretty frowned upon in LDS? He's going to get in trouble one day, because he's going to expose himself to the wrong person.

 

You don't want to be around when that happens.

[Simple Logic]

How do you tell the difference between a pervert and some one with a porn addiction. A pervert flashes your mom.

[HisDaughter]

I am very sorry about all that has been happening! In my opinion, it is not wrong to forgive others and give them a second chance. Unfortunately, some people struggle a lot with some addiction to pornography/sex and it does not always mean that they don’t care about their loved ones. I cannot relate to the problems your husband has and I have no knowledge about why people have his struggles or why they behave the way they do. But I’ve heard some stories and I know that there are counselors who can be of great help. I also know about a ministry called Celebrate Recovery that is very helpful for many of us who struggle with different types of problems. We all are creatures who need a lot of help from God all our lives. A relationship with God is necessary to spend eternity with God. If we are not saved, we won’t live with God after we die. But here on Earth, a relationship with God is necessary too for our own good. I hope that God provides you guidance about what to do. There are some husbands who have never behaved the way your husband has, but we are all struggling with some consequences of sin being a part of this Earthly life. I believe that your husband needs to stop his inappropriate behaviors. There are many counselors and other professionals who help people a lot. May God give you His guidance about how to do with what you have been facing in your marriage!