When does this so called "affair fog" lift?

[Rorocher]

Or perhaps the better question is how does one successfully lift it once and for all?.

 

 

My story is a long complicated one. Short version, full blown intimate affair of 2 years, every day, ALL DAY contact, travels, dinners, concerts, movies, gifts, met each other's children, promises galore. When it became unsustainable for me, I lost my marbles and exposed the affair to our BSs (both his wife and my ex husband). All hell broke lose and he threw me under the bus, as to be expected. I figured that was it, I betrayed him and our so called love in the most spectacular way and he will never speak to me again.

 

 

Two months after DDay, he made contact, claimed that he forgives me, he and BS were/are working on their marriage. I apologized profusely for losing my **** that way, we said our final goodbyes, got closure and attempted to move on.

 

 

But since then, we haven't really. It's been 9 months since DDay, we haven't succeeded in leaving each other alone. He calls every other week to shoot the **** and I can't make myself not pick up the phone when he calls. We always reiterate during those calls that we are both moving on, and definitely not rekindling the affair. But we also reminisce and express love and admiration during these same calls. We still send subliminal messages to each other on social media (i.e., his social media account is full of pictures and hashtags that relate to us). We have seen each other "by accident" a few times, pretending to run into each other when we both know the other person will be at that location.

 

 

And to cap it all, a few weeks ago, we were intimate, spent 4 days together in a different city and carried on like old times (somewhat co-incidental but not really).This all while his BS is monitoring his every move, GPS tracker and all of that.

 

 

I have no intentions or grand ideas when it comes to us. I have already taken the biggest step to destroy that notion of us and kill any lovey dovey limerance that ever existed. But that did not work. I have attempted NC several times and it never sticks. I go as far as to turn off my phone and hide it on some days just so I am not tempted but that only works for a while.

 

 

I still always feel warm when I think about him, which is constantly. I am still weak when he reaches out.

 

 

Does anyone know how to kill this thing?

[HeCantBreakMe]

It is very difficult because it takes desire on your part but once you have the desire then it becomes easier and easier.

 

First and foremost STOP with the contact. Delete him everywhere, block, change phone number, do everything you can to get him out of your life physically. THEN you have to work on the mental contact.

 

Thinking of him, thinking of the affair in any good way, mentally, still keeps you in the affair and you will never be able to let go. You HAVE to see him for who he is and start moving forward.

 

Once you start doing these three HUGE things there are many other small things you will be able to do that will help but there is no point in my spending time telling you those things until you can 1) cut contact and want to cut contact 2) mentally stop living in the fantasy and 3) see him for who and what he is. I would also add a 4) which is to schedule a counseling appt. Typically you cannot get out of limerence without help from someone trained to help you stop the addiction.

 

Also, you blew up the affair because you wanted something to change. My guess is you didn't care what changed you just NEEDED something to be different. You went through all of that work and then allowed yourself to fall right back into the same place. At what point do you say enough is enough?

[Simple Logic]

Or perhaps the better question is how does one successfully lift it once and for all?.

 

 

My story is a long complicated one. Short version, full blown intimate affair of 2 years, every day, ALL DAY contact, travels, dinners, concerts, movies, gifts, met each other's children, promises galore. When it became unsustainable for me, I lost my marbles and exposed the affair to our BSs (both his wife and my ex husband). All hell broke lose and he threw me under the bus, as to be expected. I figured that was it, I betrayed him and our so called love in the most spectacular way and he will never speak to me again.

 

 

Two months after DDay, he made contact, claimed that he forgives me, he and BS were/are working on their marriage. I apologized profusely for losing my **** that way, we said our final goodbyes, got closure and attempted to move on.

 

 

But since then, we haven't really. It's been 9 months since DDay, we haven't succeeded in leaving each other alone. He calls every other week to shoot the **** and I can't make myself not pick up the phone when he calls. We always reiterate during those calls that we are both moving on, and definitely not rekindling the affair. But we also reminisce and express love and admiration during these same calls. We still send subliminal messages to each other on social media (i.e., his social media account is full of pictures and hashtags that relate to us). We have seen each other "by accident" a few times, pretending to run into each other when we both know the other person will be at that location.

 

 

And to cap it all, a few weeks ago, we were intimate, spent 4 days together in a different city and carried on like old times (somewhat co-incidental but not really).This all while his BS is monitoring his every move, GPS tracker and all of that.

 

 

I have no intentions or grand ideas when it comes to us. I have already taken the biggest step to destroy that notion of us and kill any lovey dovey limerance that ever existed. But that did not work. I have attempted NC several times and it never sticks. I go as far as to turn off my phone and hide it on some days just so I am not tempted but that only works for a while.

 

 

I still always feel warm when I think about him, which is constantly. I am still weak when he reaches out.

 

 

Does anyone know how to kill this thing?

 

Funny how sunshine burns off fog. Tell him if he contacts you again you going to tell his spouse he is calling you.

[mightycpa]

You're a weak individual. That's why this will work:

 

Funny how sunshine burns off fog. Tell him if he contacts you again you going to tell his spouse he is calling you.

You'll be using other peoples' strength where yours fails you.

[minimariah]

Does anyone know how to kill this thing?

 

no... not really.

 

you tried it ALL - nothing worked. so this A won't end... not by your decision anyway. you'll have to wait for another discovery day & his BS leaving him OR him leaving you; there is also the option of the A lasting forever - you know... Katherine Hepburn style. it happens.

 

p.s. you can try exposing the A to his BS AGAIN.

[jah526]

I am still weak when he reaches out.

 

Does anyone know how to kill this thing?

 

Yes, but like HeCantBreakMe said, you have to really want to. Change your phone number. Delete your FB. I was weak too, and I think at least part of that stemmed from not wanting to be mean or rude. These guys know they can exploit that part of you too. I changed my phone number a little over a week ago, and am thinking about deleting my FB too even though we were never friends on there. He posts things publicly and I don't even want to be tempted to look.

 

I can't tell you what the week of silence has been like for me. I feel like I am finally getting my life back. You need it to let the fog clear.

 

Good luck.

[Rorocher]

It is very difficult because it takes desire on your part but once you have the desire then it becomes easier and easier.

 

First and foremost STOP with the contact. Delete him everywhere, block, change phone number, do everything you can to get him out of your life physically. THEN you have to work on the mental contact.

 

Thinking of him, thinking of the affair in any good way, mentally, still keeps you in the affair and you will never be able to let go. You HAVE to see him for who he is and start moving forward.

 

Once you start doing these three HUGE things there are many other small things you will be able to do that will help but there is no point in my spending time telling you those things until you can 1) cut contact and want to cut contact 2) mentally stop living in the fantasy and 3) see him for who and what he is. I would also add a 4) which is to schedule a counseling appt. Typically you cannot get out of limerence without help from someone trained to help you stop the addiction.

 

Also, you blew up the affair because you wanted something to change. My guess is you didn't care what changed you just NEEDED something to be different. You went through all of that work and then allowed yourself to fall right back into the same place. At what point do you say enough is enough?

 

Thank you for your thoughts. I have done the above a few times, then I relapse. Went to counseling too for a while to deal with the aftermath of not only the affair but the eventual break up of my marriage.

 

 

My divorce is somewhat amicable (my marriage was long broken before the affair). I have since carved out and continue to carve a new life for myself, going out, new hobbies, working out rigorously 3-4 days a week, new friends, new activities, even the occasional date etc. So I'm not sitting down idle twiddling my thumbs pining for him.

 

 

My head is so clear about the affair, it was just an affair like many others. But my heart doesn't budge. So I guess it's the mental contact part that I need help with.

 

Even during these past 9 months, we have fought, we have called each other out to stop the madness and f**k off a couple of times but again, relapse.

[BTDT2012]

Thank you for your thoughts. I have done the above a few times, then I relapse. Went to counseling too for a while to deal with the aftermath of not only the affair but the eventual break up of my marriage.

 

 

My divorce is somewhat amicable (my marriage was long broken before the affair). I have since carved out and continue to carve a new life for myself, going out, new hobbies, working out rigorously 3-4 days a week, new friends, new activities, even the occasional date etc. So I'm not sitting down idle twiddling my thumbs pining for him.

 

 

My head is so clear about the affair, it was just an affair like many others. But my heart doesn't budge. So I guess it's the mental contact part that I need help with.

 

Even during these past 9 months, we have fought, we have called each other out to stop the madness and f**k off a couple of times but again, relapse.

Ask yourself why you settle for this? Don't you think you are worth more than being his dirty little secret?

[HeCantBreakMe]

Thank you for your thoughts. I have done the above a few times, then I relapse. Went to counseling too for a while to deal with the aftermath of not only the affair but the eventual break up of my marriage.

 

 

My divorce is somewhat amicable (my marriage was long broken before the affair). I have since carved out and continue to carve a new life for myself, going out, new hobbies, working out rigorously 3-4 days a week, new friends, new activities, even the occasional date etc. So I'm not sitting down idle twiddling my thumbs pining for him.

 

 

My head is so clear about the affair, it was just an affair like many others. But my heart doesn't budge. So I guess it's the mental contact part that I need help with.

 

Even during these past 9 months, we have fought, we have called each other out to stop the madness and f**k off a couple of times but again, relapse.

 

The fighting and the exposure can actually intensify limerence.

 

Your head is not clear about the affair or you wouldn't still pine for him and you wouldn't be so susceptible to relapse.

 

I would suggest more counseling.

 

This is a mental thing - you have to be mentally tough enough to stop the pattern of push/pull and this often times requires things only professionals can help with... just like anyone addicted to drugs or alcohol.

[minimariah]

My head is so clear about the affair, it was just an affair like many others.

 

no... no, it wasn't. MOST APs do not meet each other's children. your MM is ready to be divorced... he just doesn't want to be the one who'll pull the trigger - he doesn't want to feel the guilt of being the father who left, doesn't want to go through lengthy custody battles... the list goes on.

 

Even during these past 9 months, we have fought, we have called each other out to stop the madness and f**k off a couple of times but again, relapse.

 

that's common - just like it's common for a MM to come back after the discovery day. i assume you didn't tell the BS much about the A...? there is a reason the passion in the affairs almost never dies out DURING the affairs. if you can't leave the A - then don't. you can't force yourself to do anything, at the end of the day.

 

although... there is one thing you can do...

 

call his BS & tell her this:

 

...concerts, movies, gifts, met each other's children...

 

she'll put 2 & 2 together (because i assume she KNOWS someone was around her kids, unless we're talking newborns & babies who aren't able to speak yet) and file for a divorce - trust me on this. nothing makes a person so scared & terrified as being erased in their children's lives does... their spouse alienating them from their children and brining around the other person in the role of a new mommy/daddy. she'll be at the lawyer's office that very same day.

Edited January 17, 2017 by minimariah

[Chica80]

Personally I think "affair fog" is bull****.

 

The affair will stop when you want it to stop. Until then it will continue.

 

Your AP will not stop. He's had no consequences this far for his actions and he still has you .As long as he doesn't have to make a choice or face any real consequences he will stay where he is.

 

Are you in IC?

[Rorocher]

no... no, it wasn't. MOST APs do not meet each other's children. your MM is ready to be divorced... he just doesn't want to be the one who'll pull the trigger - he doesn't want to feel the guilt of being the father who left, doesn't want to go through lengthy custody battles... the list goes on.

 

 

 

that's common - just like it's common for a MM to come back after the discovery day. i assume you didn't tell the BS much about the A...? there is a reason the passion in the affairs almost never dies out DURING the affairs. if you can't leave the A - then don't. you can't force yourself to do anything, at the end of the day.

 

although... there is one thing you could do...

 

call his BS & tell her this:

 

 

 

she'll put 2 & 2 together (because i assume she KNOWS someone was around her kids, unless we're talking newborns & babies who aren't able to speak yet) and file for a divorce - trust me on this. nothing makes a person so scared & terrified as being erased in their children's lives does... their spouse alienating them from their children and brining around the other person in the role of a new mommy/daddy. she'll be at the lawyer's office that very same day.

You are right minimariah, I did not tell the BS (his or mine) the full details of just how involved we were. I was cowardly...well I AM cowardly and was scared to death of what the dirty details would unleash. I would admit that more than the shame of participating in an affair, telling his BS is my one biggest regret because it wasn't my place to do that. And no, it wasn't my place to cheat with her husband either, I know, but it was crazy for me to tell her, even both of the Therapists I have seen agree with me on that.

 

 

Which is why I can't go back and tell her more. As far as she's concerned, I'm dead and gone. I changed my number, de-activated my known social media accounts and disappeared. We are not acquaintances, neighbors or anything in real life so there is no chance of any kind of contact. As despicable as my actions are, the pain that I caused her is not lost on me.

 

 

I just want to kill the feelings completely and I am trying, really trying, looking for additional tips on the steps that I have not already taken. I will have to look into more counseling.

[aileD]

You will never be lifted as long as there is still contact with him.

 

Cut him out of your life completely. No seeing no talking no stalking social media. Absolutely nothing

 

You haven't tried everything until you've tried that.

[minimariah]

...telling his BS is my one biggest regret because it wasn't my place to do that.

 

from my point of view --- your biggest regret should be exposing the children to the A, spending time with her children behind her back... all of that. THAT is the most disturbing detail about your story -- and even though i'm notoriously in the "DO NOT TELL EVER!" club... you've crossed the line so MANY times and you've gone so far... that telling her about the A is one of the LEAST damaging things you've done --- no matter how ridiculous that sounds.

 

also... i don't know about you but as a mother - i would definitely want to know WHO is my husband bringing around the kids, especially if he's subtly trying to manipulate them & alienate me from their lives. might sound a bit over the top but... i've seen it happen!

 

I just want to kill the feelings completely...

 

you can't. you know it, i know it, EVERYONE knows it.

 

I will have to look into more counseling.

 

friendly advice from someone who is in those waters - counselors work for money. if counseling isn't getting you anywhere... either find a new counselor OR stop with it all together; be careful!

[Cali408]

The only thing that will work is to ghost him. You're addicted and need to quit cold turkey.

 

1. Delete everything and get off all social media. No online presence

2. Change your number and block him.

3. Understand things that causes triggers. Do not contact, it will pass.

4. Get him off the pedestal. He's not a gentleman

 

I feel bad for his wife, he's not being fair to her and she's in hopeless denial.

 

Don't tell her, you're only going to hurt her more. Just vanish.

 

If he contacts you, tell him it's over, don't ever contact unless he is single, and then, why would you want him? He can't be trusted.

[Birdies]

BLOCK. HIM. Done and done.

 

Until you block him in every form possible, you don't actually want this to end.

[ladydesigner]

Does anyone know how to kill this thing?

 

No Contact period! Eventually it will die I promise

 

You have to want the ending though for you!

[Confused48]

I thought this was very helpful with respect to the fog:

Then I would turn to my BF and remember all the amazing things about him and why I ever started dating him in the first place, and I would think to myself/promise myself that I would forget about and get over the OM and be perfectly happy. Then the withdrawal would set in. Those chemicals started dwindling, I started missing the OM, thinking about him all the time, obsessing over him, and because I didn't understand the anatomy and physiology of an affair at the time, I convinced myself that this must mean I loved the OM more than my BF. Of course, when I was away from my BF, I wasn't going into withdrawal because the nature of our relationship was not that of an affair, it was not a drug addiction. This further convinced me that if I didn't miss my BF as much as I missed the OM, then surely I felt more strongly about the OM. So then, next time the OM would contact me, I would jump in like a junkie. I would misconstrue his contact as proof that he actually cared, when really, he was probably going through the same withdrawal and needed his own fix too. This cycle would repeat hundreds of times throughout the affair. The battle between the affair fog/need for the fix, and the logical part of my brain which told me that my BF was the better man, the better choice, the time-tested better fit for me, raged on constantly in my mind throughout the affair. The under-the-influence part of me felt I needed the OM and would do anything to be with him, but on some level, I also knew that if I could just cut the OM out of my life and survive the withdrawal, I would be able to get back to that former loving, fulfilling relationship that I once had with my BF and that I once thought was everything I ever wanted

 

At the time of D-day, I had already been in IC for about 7 months, and I was coming to terms with this realization more and more each day. This, with the help of my therapist, is what led to me writing and sending the NC letter 3 weeks before D-day. When I wrote it, I thought that if only I could cut the OM out of my life completely, I could move on and get back to that happy place with my BF again. Of course, in the 3 weeks following the day I sent the letter, I went through terrible withdrawal, I relapsed and contacted the OM, and when he began saying things like how much he cared for me, how part of him wanted to run away with me, all those chemicals came rushing back, and it felt so good. I got my fix, and I begged him not to cut my supply short, i.e. to be with me for good. When he refused, of course I was upset, I was devastated. Of course I was angry. He had given me so much hope, built up those chemicals so much, and then tore it all away from me. I was so sick of the back and forth, the up and down, the emotional roller coaster. It was mental anguish, emotional torture, and I was inflicting it on myself like a masochist. I knew that I had chosen this, that I was actively participating, and I decided once and for all to stop subjecting myself to it. I knew that the only way to do so was to cut all contact, to go through the withdrawal, and to come out on the other side. I knew the only thing that would prevent me from relapsing was to confess to my BF and to get it all out in the open. Because as long as it was still a secret, I would always hold onto hope that it could work out, that I could have a little taste of my drug when I needed it, and then go back to being normal. Of course that's impossible for any addict.

 

Of course, I know that now that I have made the decision to cheat and have been through the affair, I will always be a cheater and an addict. An alcoholic who is not drinking is still an alcoholic, and should not be around alcohol. It was eye-opening for me to learn that I have such an addictive/obsessive personality, and that I lack impulse control, but now that I recognize it, I can take the steps necessary to avoid going down that slippery slope in the future, including maintaining NC with the OM for as long as I live. I think my guilt and shame will be tremendous tools in helping me to stay clean, and although I want to move on from this stage in my life, I hope I never forget how terrible, how awfully low and abysmal this affair made me feel so that I can always remember to avoid going down the same path in the future.

 

By Paenitentiae

[HeCantBreakMe]

I thought this was very helpful with respect to the fog:

Then I would turn to my BF and remember all the amazing things about him and why I ever started dating him in the first place, and I would think to myself/promise myself that I would forget about and get over the OM and be perfectly happy. Then the withdrawal would set in. Those chemicals started dwindling, I started missing the OM, thinking about him all the time, obsessing over him, and because I didn't understand the anatomy and physiology of an affair at the time, I convinced myself that this must mean I loved the OM more than my BF. Of course, when I was away from my BF, I wasn't going into withdrawal because the nature of our relationship was not that of an affair, it was not a drug addiction. This further convinced me that if I didn't miss my BF as much as I missed the OM, then surely I felt more strongly about the OM. So then, next time the OM would contact me, I would jump in like a junkie. I would misconstrue his contact as proof that he actually cared, when really, he was probably going through the same withdrawal and needed his own fix too. This cycle would repeat hundreds of times throughout the affair. The battle between the affair fog/need for the fix, and the logical part of my brain which told me that my BF was the better man, the better choice, the time-tested better fit for me, raged on constantly in my mind throughout the affair. The under-the-influence part of me felt I needed the OM and would do anything to be with him, but on some level, I also knew that if I could just cut the OM out of my life and survive the withdrawal, I would be able to get back to that former loving, fulfilling relationship that I once had with my BF and that I once thought was everything I ever wanted

 

At the time of D-day, I had already been in IC for about 7 months, and I was coming to terms with this realization more and more each day. This, with the help of my therapist, is what led to me writing and sending the NC letter 3 weeks before D-day. When I wrote it, I thought that if only I could cut the OM out of my life completely, I could move on and get back to that happy place with my BF again. Of course, in the 3 weeks following the day I sent the letter, I went through terrible withdrawal, I relapsed and contacted the OM, and when he began saying things like how much he cared for me, how part of him wanted to run away with me, all those chemicals came rushing back, and it felt so good. I got my fix, and I begged him not to cut my supply short, i.e. to be with me for good. When he refused, of course I was upset, I was devastated. Of course I was angry. He had given me so much hope, built up those chemicals so much, and then tore it all away from me. I was so sick of the back and forth, the up and down, the emotional roller coaster. It was mental anguish, emotional torture, and I was inflicting it on myself like a masochist. I knew that I had chosen this, that I was actively participating, and I decided once and for all to stop subjecting myself to it. I knew that the only way to do so was to cut all contact, to go through the withdrawal, and to come out on the other side. I knew the only thing that would prevent me from relapsing was to confess to my BF and to get it all out in the open. Because as long as it was still a secret, I would always hold onto hope that it could work out, that I could have a little taste of my drug when I needed it, and then go back to being normal. Of course that's impossible for any addict.

 

Of course, I know that now that I have made the decision to cheat and have been through the affair, I will always be a cheater and an addict. An alcoholic who is not drinking is still an alcoholic, and should not be around alcohol. It was eye-opening for me to learn that I have such an addictive/obsessive personality, and that I lack impulse control, but now that I recognize it, I can take the steps necessary to avoid going down that slippery slope in the future, including maintaining NC with the OM for as long as I live. I think my guilt and shame will be tremendous tools in helping me to stay clean, and although I want to move on from this stage in my life, I hope I never forget how terrible, how awfully low and abysmal this affair made me feel so that I can always remember to avoid going down the same path in the future.

 

By Paenitentiae

 

^^^^^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^^ I honestly feel as if she pulled this from my own life and wrote about it. It hurts so bad to read the addict I was in my affair but this is it.

 

NC - the starvation method it is the only way to survive the withdrawal.

[freengreen]

I am here to read posts from people who made it out, to know that it IS possible. Although I am in NC, and I am telling myself 'dont take him back if he comes back'... at this point of time, cant trust myself.

 

I think continuous fighting over your fantasy will make it happen. Reality check over and over again, atleast thatbis what I am doing.

[Poppy47]

I am here to read posts from people who made it out, to know that it IS possible. Although I am in NC, and I am telling myself 'dont take him back if he comes back'... at this point of time, cant trust myself.

 

I think continuous fighting over your fantasy will make it happen. Reality check over and over again, atleast thatbis what I am doing.

 

I found a lovely pendant that xMM gave me today. It gave me the fantasy of the day we had together when he bought it. Then I remembered the rest of the day and it ended up in a huge argument.

 

The reality of what happened is often very different to the fanatasy we have. Look at the huge picture. A moment of fantasy is not enough.

 

Poppy.

[freengreen]

I found a lovely pendant that xMM gave me today. It gave me the fantasy of the day we had together when he bought it. Then I remembered the rest of the day and it ended up in a huge argument.

 

The reality of what happened is often very different to the fanatasy we have. Look at the huge picture. A moment of fantasy is not enough.

 

Poppy.

Thank you Poppy .

 

I started off with imagining him with a cape and his underpants on top of his pants. Well, I eventually took off the cape and hopefully really soon he will wear his pants on top and soon he is just another man ( if not with serious flaws).

[gettingstronger]

You are both addicted to the drama- the contact, even the fights amp that up-

 

He was exposed and made his choice, but are still willing to engage with him- does not give him much incentive to do anything difference-

 

I do not think you will move on with contact, etc... He is a crutch for you during your divorce, but that crutch will later become a burden as you try to truly navigate a new life-

 

How to cut contact- you just cut contact-simple and difficult all at the same time-

[heartwhole]

I think it would be helpful to change your perspective on your responsibility for the choices you're making. Your post reads very passive, as though answering a phone call or spending 4 days with him was just something that happened to you. You are in charge of your life.

 

If you want to be in an affair, then admit that to yourself and own it. Just don't pretend that you're not making active choices to be in one.

[ShatteredLady]

I think you are a little off on his reasons for choosing reconciliation & not you. I've been a bs & I know several adulterers & bs in real life. I've spoken to a LOT. until you've been there you can't imagine a blind-side d-day.

 

There are a few things that a human being can experience (psychologists have even ranked them) which are the most devastating things a human mind can try to process.

 

My only sibling, my big brother killed himself. I lived that & I shared loosing a child with my parents. I had to sit on a 10 hour plane flight in total shock & agony surrounded by 'normal' people doing normal things...there aren't words.

 

I had a friend who had lost her brother. I've always considered myself an empathic person. I believed I 'got-it'. You simply can't. We imagine things in a rational way. We try to put words to it. It's not like that.

 

Something breaks inside. Your very core shatters & burns. There's so much pain inside you feel like...you wish you could 'burst', explode, implode, anything, something because you're utterly broken & it's beyond any agony you could imagine & your brain just can't 'put it' anywhere.

 

Adultery discovery is in that same scale. To witness someone going through that insanity MUST change you. My heart would break watching my worst enemy shattering like that. As I said, it's not something you can put words to, "She shouted & screamed!", "she was silent, cried & threw-up", that's the kind of thing we hear. "I can't loose my kids, my money" etc. is a justification after the fact. On d-day most WH stay because they can't be the monster who did that to the person they love.

 

False reconciliation is HORRIFIC! Can you imagine? You are with a man who can do that!!

 

You want to solve your problems in a passive way? Tell her again! Kill her heart & soul. He is crying & grovelling to her. He is telling lies & she is fighting for that. Send her the messages from him. Break her & she will throw him out. Tell her that you have been with HER CHILDREN. Be honest. SHOW HER that she is married to a MONSTER & you will win him or loose him. It will be over one way or another for BOTH YOU & HER. You will BOTH be free of this nightmare of utter betrayal.

 

I'm a bs & in your situation I am begging you to do the right thing. The right thing is the truth. Every single day that this continues makes it WORSE! Every single day is a nail in the coffin.

 

Do you or he find the added deception of getting away with it right under her nose exciting? Be honest. She is the wicked wife monitoring him & yet you still evade her. How does that feel?

 

I think your answer is somewhere in here.

Edited January 18, 2017 by ShatteredLady