Why is there such a lack of transparency regarding weight and body type with OD?

[Weezy1973]

I practically never encountered this problem. Women I met were almost always exactly as their pictures presented them to be. And I too was as advertised. That being said, I only selected from women that selected slim or fit as their body type. And I'd take "fit" with a grain of salt, as you can be both fit and overweight at the same time, and I've never been attracted to somebody overweight. The few times I was "fooled" it was when women selected fit as a body type, and they may have been fit, but they were still heavy.

[winny]

Never had this issue with OLD.

[Dis]

LOL. There is something hawt about a woman who can take your bloodwork and not have it hurt one little bit....

 

Anyway, I have noticed that males are becoming more feminized. As in, instead of just taking action and being more direct, they instead try to read into every little thing she does and analyse it every which way. To the point where it seems like the guys are actually expecting the woman to lead. We see it all the time on here w the threads on here that guys are writing. And they do not approach women because ONE girl--maybe their sister or something like that--said she didn't like being cold-approached, and so these guys aren't willing to risk hearing no from some stranger they'll never see again anyway, to potentially meet the love of their lives. But I digress.

 

Haha, I'm very skilled with my hands

 

I totally agree! I have heard some of my gfs say they hate it when guys approach them but I, personally, would love it! I dont know why guys are so easily knocked down and intimidated just because of one or two negative experiences. I like old fashioned guys (its sad that I have to say old fashioned) that arent afraid to say hi to a women, but I cant remember the last time I've experienced that. Confident guys are a dying breed. Its really too bad. Tbh, I'm much more likely to give a guy a chance if I meet him in real life than if I met him on OLD. Its so much easier to read people face to face

[basil67]

I totally agree! I have heard some of my gfs say they hate it when guys approach them but I, personally, would love it! I dont know why guys are so easily knocked down and intimidated just because of one or two negative experiences.

 

I would imagine that approaching women cold would yield far more than one or two negative experiences.

[Dis]

I would imagine that approaching women cold would yield far more than one or two negative experiences.

 

Both OLD and cold approachs require thick skin

 

I've been hurt too

[losangelena]

And? .......

 

OP, what exactly is your point, beyond just complaining.

[bachdude]

It's kind of funny because I never even considered cold approaching a woman out in public, like at the grocery store or gas station. I'm just trying to get my errands done. Haha

 

 

So all of my relationships happened around those that I saw on a regular basis, not from complete strangers out on the streets.

 

 

But to each their own.

[Mrlonelyone]

2/3 of Americans are overweight or obese. Hence 2/3 of online daters will be overweight or obese. https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-statistics/Pages/overweight-obesity-statistics.aspx

 

Obese BMI or body fat percentage over 30

 

Overweight BMI or body fat percentage over 25.

 

People don't really "look fat" until they are over about 27 in BMI. (Leaving out people with lots of muscle which throws those cut offs out the window. In which case it's a matter of body fat percentages).

 

OLD reflects reality. Supposedly some sites match the hottest of the hot up with other hot people. Eeven then there are only so many such people.

 

OLD is a numbers game. OLD is not about being thunderstruck with a cute meeting moment. OLD is like applying for jobs or going to auditions. You fill out a lot of applications trying to find a reasonable fit. Then you get to work and make it work out.

 

Example of the numbers game.

I am bisexual so that helps but if I want someone who is a BMI under 27 40% of the people. College educated 33% of the people. Of an age that I can mate with being generous 33%. Those three simple cut offs leave me with just 4.4% of the people. IF I were strictly heterosexual or homosexual that would leave me with 2.2% of people that meet three pretty reasonable standards.

 

My actual situation is worse. I factor in the number that could be attracted to and get in a relationship with a trans/gender bisexual don't give a darn about labels type like me.. about 0.2% of people are left for me.

 

So I just keep sifting through the OLD profiles, sites and apps. I try to keep my eyes open and never let a bridge burn without leaving another path.

 

TL;DR: OLD is a numbers game if you are college educated, not noticeably overweight, and of mating age and want someone who is all three of those things... that's just about 2.2% of the opposite sex (or same sex if you like). You have to be patient and keep on sifting a lot of dirt to find a little gold.

[Imported]

If you are not slender or fit and in shape, don't list yourself as such. Failing that, don't post pictures that don't represent what you CURRENTLY look like. Or myspace angle pictures. A picture of just your eye with eyebrows plucked and blue eye liner......you must be fat.

 

I don't online date anyway, so whatever. I "warm" approach and I know what I am approaching.

 

At one time, I considered online dating and how I would handle a girl that misrepresented herself to me......LIED to me and I was thinking I'd be nice and just try to have a nice evening with her and waste my $$$$ and let her down easy, but ...**** that. It is a total waste of my time and $$$ and more so, it was dishonest of them. I will just turn around without another word and go do something else. I will not feel guilty about leaving you there.

 

2/3, 1/3...whatever. Don't lie. Show CURRENT pictures that tells all. Be honest.

Edited January 18, 2017 by Imported

[smackie9]

Ladies, the secret to having guys approach you is to be "approachable". How do you do this? Smile, look friendly, casual eye contact. It works like flies to honey.

 

For those who are addicted to their phone....put it back in your purse, have a look at the real world. That is the biggest complaint I get from guys. How do you make eye contact with anyone when you are looking down........?

[Lady2163]

I'm one of those obese ones. And I'm around 50.

 

I don't need someone drop dead handsome, but I usually do like men who are better looking men than I am a woman.

 

I'd say my looks are average, my body appearance, below average. So, nice face but too much junk in my truck and a belly.

 

But, you know what? I've got a bit of money. I've got next to no drama in my life. I don't have kids. I don't have high maintenance friends. I'm not a workaholic. I can drop everything and road trip at the last minute without having to worry about work, money or anything else.

 

Bill Gates isn't going to call me for financial tips, but I'm solvent.

 

My pictures are accurate, but they are mid torso/waist up. I even refer to myself as heavyset in my profile.

 

The last guy I met from OLD was 7 years younger than I am and better looking. Yet, he didn't have 50 cents in his account to buy his own beer.

 

So, you're a 40 something man who can't afford a beer on payday, before your paycheck hits your account? Have you ever heard of credit cards? If you don't have a credit card, that's a HUGE warning sign to me.

 

The last time I couldn't put a beer or coffee charge on my credit card.....was when I was 16 and didn't have a credit card. (My first one was a joint card with my parents). Don't get me wrong, I've been poor and SHOULDN'T use credit card - but there's no way in Hell I'd admit that on a first date Imcant afford one beer.

 

So, I am honest. I probably average one first meeting a week. Most want second dates, but the ones that are interested in me, I'm not feeling it and the ones I'm interested in, they aren't feeling it. I find it very difficult to make a connection, a real connection from OLD.

 

I think there's too much stock put in the "commodity" of appearance. I'd date a man who was heavyset (it is more appealing to me if he has hair and a nice smile), but I'm not going to be interested in a good looking guy who can't afford his own coffee.

[Mrlonelyone]

I'm one of those obese ones. And I'm around 50.

......

 

 

So, I am honest. I probably average one first meeting a week. Most want second dates, but the ones that are interested in me, I'm not feeling it and the ones I'm interested in, they aren't feeling it. I find it very difficult to make a connection, a real connection from OLD.

 

I think there's too much stock put in the "commodity" of appearance. .....

 

The bolded is the bigger problem with OLD for me.

 

At 50 I'd view obesity differently.

 

For people 18-35 these should be the healthiest fittest years of our lives. IF someone is 30 and 5'0" at 200 lbs... that's a big red flashing warning sign for their long term health.

 

At 45 and over some clinical obesity depending on how the weight is carried might not be so bad. In fact when I see someone of that age who's just Toooo Thin... I wonder if they have been ill.

 

Keep at it. You'll find someone great.

 

 

Working out the numbers for myself That 0.2% of people that would be open to a mutual connection with me. If I consider that half are married and half are in some kind of relationship/emotionally unavailable its more like 0.05%. Mathematically I should expect to meet someone new that I could feel a real connection with once every 480 days.

[Lady2163]

The bolded is the bigger problem with OLD for me.

 

At 50 I'd view obesity differently.

 

For people 18-35 these should be the healthiest fittest years of our lives. IF someone is 30 and 5'0" at 200 lbs... that's a big red flashing warning sign for their long term health.

 

At 45 and over some clinical obesity depending on how the weight is carried might not be so bad. In fact when I see someone of that age who's just Toooo Thin... I wonder if they have been ill.

 

Keep at it. You'll find someone great.

 

 

Working out the numbers for myself That 0.2% of people that would be open to a mutual connection with me. If I consider that half are married and half are in some kind of relationship/emotionally unavailable its more like 0.05%. Mathematically I should expect to meet someone new that I could feel a real connection with once every 480 days.

 

 

I meant to come back to your post. You and I are probably soul mates and just don't know it. :-)

 

I was living in a small town of 10,000 people. I used the 2010 census to determine with standard deviation and a couple of statistical facts, that for the population of single, straight men in this little town there were approximately 15 men in my age range, sexual orientation and religious persuasion (Christian) who would be date able material.

 

Since I couldn't find those men, I moved to a bigger city.

 

From what I've been able to determine, most people don't do that kind of math.

 

I'd say one of the biggest problems with OLD is that men can look like HOMER SIMPSON, but they still want Barbie. Women can be working a part time minimum wage job and still want a man who makes six figures.

 

Both of those thought processes are convoluted.

 

Money can buy a woman and looks can snare a man.

[thefooloftheyear]

I meant to come back to your post. You and I are probably soul mates and just don't know it. :-)

 

I was living in a small town of 10,000 people. I used the 2010 census to determine with standard deviation and a couple of statistical facts, that for the population of single, straight men in this little town there were approximately 15 men in my age range, sexual orientation and religious persuasion (Christian) who would be date able material.

 

Since I couldn't find those men, I moved to a bigger city.

 

From what I've been able to determine, most people don't do that kind of math.

 

I'd say one of the biggest problems with OLD is that men can look like HOMER SIMPSON, but they still want Barbie. Women can be working a part time minimum wage job and still want a man who makes six figures.

 

Both of those thought processes are convoluted.

 

Money can buy a woman and looks can snare a man.

 

 

Wait, didn't you say you want handsome, above average looking men, while you say you don't have much to offer in the looks/body dept??

 

Not being critical, just pointing out the hypocrisy..

 

TFY

[GunslingerRoland]

Working out the numbers for myself That 0.2% of people that would be open to a mutual connection with me. If I consider that half are married and half are in some kind of relationship/emotionally unavailable its more like 0.05%. Mathematically I should expect to meet someone new that I could feel a real connection with once every 480 days.

 

And this is why I don't agree with checklist dating, if everyone puts down exactly what they want in a relationship and try to find it no one will ever find anyone.

[Lady2163]

Wait, didn't you say you want handsome, above average looking men, while you say you don't have much to offer in the looks/body dept??

 

Not being critical, just pointing out the hypocrisy..

 

TFY

 

I said I *usually* like men who are better looking men than I am a woman. My face is average, maybe even a touch better than average. My body is heavyset. I'm rarely interested in....whatever the male equivalent would be of Barbie at 40/50 something.

[Lady2163]

Wait, didn't you say you want handsome, above average looking men, while you say you don't have much to offer in the looks/body dept??

 

Not being critical, just pointing out the hypocrisy..

 

TFY

 

And probably something else I should have mentioned, I was in the military and I've been single a long time. The military gave me the muscles, being on my own and doing my own yard work and basic house projects helped maintain them. I'm the one neighbors come to ask to help move heavy stuff. I'm the one friends ask to help move. I may not be able to play a game of basketball for five minutes, but I can ride a bicycle in the country, 20 miles a day.

 

I wear a men's XL t-shirt. In women's sizes, I'm a 2XL - I can't wear those cute, little cap sleeve things at any size. I wear men's Large sweatpants. I just had to by a women's pair of pants that were 2xl.

[VeveCakes]

Because the beautiful people who have great bodies and outgoing personalities don't really need OLD. Those that have some trouble are just normal, and in our marketing-driven society, everybody feels that they have to put their best foot forward, and hide their club feet.

 

This is so not true!!!!!!

[VeveCakes]

Ladies, the secret to having guys approach you is to be "approachable". How do you do this? Smile, look friendly, casual eye contact. It works like flies to honey.

 

For those who are addicted to their phone....put it back in your purse, have a look at the real world. That is the biggest complaint I get from guys. How do you make eye contact with anyone when you are looking down........?

 

Some people can try their hardest to be approachable, and still men will not approach them.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Because the beautiful people who have great bodies and outgoing personalities don't really need OLD. Those that have some trouble are just normal, and in our marketing-driven society, everybody feels that they have to put their best foot forward, and hide their club feet.

 

Ack. So over-simplified and just not the reality as a whole!

 

I have dated plenty of very attractive women with great personalities online dating. I've met very attractive ladies with seemed great personalities w/o OLD and guess what?! Some a little bonkers in both worlds. Also, once you meet (OLD), you're no different from 'real' dating. Meeting someone face to face for the first time is NO guarantee you won't be hurt, manipulated, ghosted, etc. as if using OLD. None.

[SevenCity]

It would be AWESOME if guys would take your initiative! But honestly its almost like they're scared. Maybe I should start wearing my scrubs to the grocery store. Nurses are nice!

 

I'll do the cold approach when I'm getting a vibe but if I get no signal of interest I won't waste my time. Problem now is I don't run into any women in my daily life I find attractive. Hence, I've gone the OLD route.

 

And yes, most guys are scared of rejection. But before you condemn them, how many guys have you approached?

 

Don't judge a man until you've walked in his shoes. VERY few women have the balls to approach a man

[Dis]

I'll do the cold approach when I'm getting a vibe but if I get no signal of interest I won't waste my time. Problem now is I don't run into any women in my daily life I find attractive. Hence, I've gone the OLD route.

 

And yes, most guys are scared of rejection. But before you condemn them, how many guys have you approached?

 

Don't judge a man until you've walked in his shoes. VERY few women have the balls to approach a man

 

I'm not even going to pretend I have the guts to cold approach a guy so this is a good point

 

I just feel like its the guys job to do that. Maybe thats me being too old fashioned, or naive, or lazy. I dont know

 

I really wish I had the nerve to do it though.....because they sure arent going to approach me lol

[SevenCity]

I'm not even going to pretend I have the guts to cold approach a guy so this is a good point

 

I just feel like its the guys job to do that. Maybe thats me being too old fashioned, or naive, or lazy. I dont know

 

I really wish I had the nerve to do it though.....because they sure arent going to approach me lol

 

As long as you don't mind cooking and cleaning I'll agree with you 100%

[Mrlonelyone]

And this is why I don't agree with checklist dating, if everyone puts down exactly what they want in a relationship and try to find it no one will ever find anyone.

It's not "checklist dating".

 

Not in the sense of too short not enough income. I am talking about some basic demographics and compatibility. Wanting someone who goes to the gym once a week and so has a BMI under 27, valued education and desired to go to college, ...these are some reasonable standards.

 

I do agree though they eliminate most of the people.

[Lady2163]

Life is short. Do a cold approach. If your worst answer is "no" it,isn't the end of the world.