You will survive . . . .

[CloudyHead]

This forum was a life saver for me for many years. I was involved with a MM who left his W. We had a six year relationship. I posted about it under "Spinning Head" when I needed some clarity at times.

 

I poured all I had into my relationship with MM. I helped him emotionally, financially, etc. When he cheated on me (with men at one point because he said that wasn't really cheating) I went with him to see a counselor. I tried to help him restore relationships with his children. My efforts were useless. I completely lost my sense of self, my self-esteem and my purpose in life.

 

In November 2015, MM said the most mean, hateful and hurtful things to me and my children. Finally - his attack on my children and seeing their tears and pain at what he said to me and to them did something in me. I told him to leave my house and never return.

 

Yes . . .we continued to talk afterwards. He sent flowers to me. He told me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me. But he also had begun to see a MW. And, I saw him tell her the same things he told me (see my previous posts).

 

I am a strong female. I help people through very difficult times in their lives. My friends and family talk about how strong I am. But, MM absolutely and completely broke me.

 

It has taken me more than a year to get to this point in my life . . .where I am happy. I have rediscovered my old self. And, it has come at a tremendous cost. I have my own business and I literally was in a fog for over a year. My business has taken a beating. My reputation in the business world has taken a beating. I am in a huge financial hole. All because I completely lost myself and could not function due to my relationship with MM and dealing with the aftermath of that relationship. I literally would go to the office and stare at four walls for months on end. I did not return calls. I did not open my mail.

 

MM . . .Two months after leaving me asked his new MW to marry him while she was still with her husband. Even gave her an engagement ring. Four months after leaving me, MM and his new MW bought a house together. He has bought a new vehicle. Initially I was jealous and hurt by his actions. Now? Now, I am grateful. He is her problem. He will do to her what he did to me. What he did to his wife. What he did to the mothers of his children.

 

I called MM last month before Christmas. I wanted to see if I could handle talking to him. Yes, I am a gluten for punishment. That phone conversation did set me back for a week. But it also made me realize how grateful I am that he is out of my life. I am no longer walking on eggshells. I don't have to watch the clock and make sure I call or text him at certain times. I don't have to put my life on the back burner to accommodate his life and his likes and interests. My list can go on and on.

 

I learned that MM was a narcissist and a sociopath. I think many MM/MW are and I strongly encourage any person involved with a married person to educate themselves on these personality disorders.

Edited January 17, 2017 by CloudyHead

[HeCantBreakMe]

I am so very sorry for what you went though but thank you for sharing your story. I hope you stay and post on this board and help others who were in your same shoes. Maybe you will be the wake up call they need.

 

Good for you in taking your life back. I echo your thoughts on these men.

[FoundMyStrength]

I am a strong female. I help people through very difficult times in their lives. My friends and family talk about how strong I am. But, MM absolutely and completely broke me.

 

It has taken me more than a year to get to this point in my life . . .where I am happy.

 

This. A million times over. I too am a strong woman that pretty much raised myself, helped family members with chronic psychological issues, was a caretaker for a dying parent, and now cope with my own chronic illness. And this man totally and completely broke me. Made me non-functional for months. Nearly set back my career. But time really does heal even the most gaping wounds, doesn't it?

[Poppy47]

Most people know my story here.

 

I absolutely lost myself in MM for a really long time.

 

My professional self became less than professional and I let my family and friendships slip.

 

I am 9.5 weeks NC and looking forward to it being 12 months.

 

The best outcome is the gradual return of my real self, a new inner optimism about life and a great enjoyment of other connections.

 

Cloudy, don't go away. Keep posting because there are people here who are in a mess and need your kind of experience.

[freengreen]

Thank you for the post. Some of us need it right now.

 

Sorry for what you have gone thru. Glad that what didnt kill you made you stronger . Takecare.