Reasons why reconciliations are hard to come by?

[Aly101]

I have been searching around for a long while about this, and I have recieved pretty good info. I think there are a few major factors why couples that split don't come back. Here arre my thoughts, comment yours below.

1. The reason for the break up were from very "extreme" reasons , such as cheating, any form of abuse, and lying. Some cases people do come back together if these happen, but it's very rare.

2. The timing is too off. I've seen this SO MUCH! I think GIGS cases are more common for this, but can occur in any relationship. The dumper breaks up since they lose attraction, too much fighting...stc. Then thedumpee moves on, months later the dumper finds whatever attraction in their mind and their want for them grows. An attempt to connect is made, but the dumper has very little trust, or has moved on so they continue no contact. I know all of the variables. All relationships are different so.

3. The dumpee drives them away with too much begging. Not much to explain here.

4. One of both parties never make the changes and improvements needed. The dumper and dumpee can sniff this out easily, even with little contact.

5. The dumpee blocked the dumper out of their life completely, so reconciliation would be very difficult. The dumper will get the message and give up and move on.

Of course everyone is different. Some people believe in chances, some don't. It also has to depend on how they view things like this, some people swear they will never give another chance, even if they are the dumpee. Some people are more open to the idea. Me personally, all of my exes came back and asked to meet up to catch up, watch a movie, etc. AFTER I moved on. If I accepted, it wouldn't be 'going back' it would be starting a new relationship. I declined because I saw they didn't really change. If they did change, I would consider. I have dumped once in my past, I was very relieved after I dumped him, but after about 6 months, and after I healed, I started to think if we could possibly come back together. I only did this because I knew we had a lot of issues outside of the relationship, and things that could be resolved with time. He was over me by then, but I was ok with his choice. Even one of the most (possibly the most) knowledgable people out there about break ups. He has years of education and experience. If you need advice, watch his videos (His name is Craig Kenneth.) he knows what he is talking about. One quote of his thay I know will start arguements are "In most cases, the dumper will visit the idea of reconciliation." (Not exact quote, but close). The reasons it never happens could be from the ones I listed. I expect a lot of different options, can't wait.

[aurelius99]

You've made great points. The commonality to almost all your reasons is that either party never changes. People rarely change as a rule. It usually takes massive suffering, crisis, or hitting rock bottom for a legitimate change to occur.

 

My ex wife would physically assault and lash out at me, to the point of injuring me on a few different occasions. I never got an apology. That's how I know she hasn't changed.

[Mr. Lucky]

Reasons why reconciliations are hard to come by?

 

I'm assuming you mean successful reconciliations.

 

I think many people fail to do the hard work needed to make necessary changes. Introspective thought and self-examination are challenging concepts for many people so it becomes easier to play the blame game and allow resentment to build.

 

All reconciliation does under these circumstances is give one a chance to remember first-hand how bad the relationship was. Absent better communication or healthier strategies, the outcome is usually the same. Especially since, having split once before, walking away is seen as an option...

 

Mr. Lucky