h57zf Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 (edited) OK, I know this might not be the best place to do it, but I feel guilty and need to come clean, even if it's anonymously on a forum. Short version: was in a compromising situation and ended up cheating with a woman who was married. We're expats and co-workers and our company pays for our accommodation, so we live in the same building. She's there alone because her husband is not in our country. One day we decided to go on a grocery run on the way back so that we could share a cab on the way back. Anyways, we do our shopping and after we return, I help her take her groceries up as a friendly gesture. She invited me in for coffee and I declined, and said that I had work to do, and left. Next Monday, our boss pulls me in and says that someone saw us together at the grocery store. I explained the situation and said that we only shared a cab and there was nothing going on between us. We didn't really speak for the next week or two. Then one day she says that she needs to go to the next town for paperwork, and needs someone who speaks the local language for help. I'm one of the few who is bilingual, so I agreed. We and get the stuff done, then she says that she'd like to treat me to dinner for helping her. Since we were already in town and it was time to eat, and since we had bus tickets for the trip back, I decided to go along with it, but suggested that we go dutch because I didn't want her paying for me. We returned to our building and she invited me up again, and I don't know what I was thinking, but I went along with it this time. Anyways, after a few glasses of wine, I'm about to leave but she says "Stay a bit longer... We never get to talk down at the office..." then starts telling me she can't stand the other guys at the office because they're slobs, then asking me a lot of personal questions, and things went out of control from there. Anyways, don't know what to think.... Is it normal to feel a bit guilty over this, or am I over-reacting? Have kind of been avoiding this woman and don't know what to say to her next time I see her. It wouldn't have mattered if she wasn't married, but I do feel bad about it for some reason. Edited January 18, 2017 by h57zf Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Anyways, after a few glasses of wine, I'm about to leave but she says "Stay a bit longer... We never get to talk down at the office..." then starts telling me she can't stand the other guys at the office because they're slobs, then asking me a lot of personal questions, and things went out of control from there. You had me hooked until you wrote the above paragraph. I thought maybe I would see a morsel of remorse, but nope, Nothing but the usual. No one put a gun to your head. Wine had nothing to do with it. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. If I had a dime for every time somebody came here and blamed alcohol and then everything that came afterward was beyond anyone's control, I'd be as rich as a Rockefeller. You "feel bad about it for some reason". Man, what the hell does that even mean? Some reason? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Cheating with a woman who was married. Who's to blame in these cases ? The OP or the woman? Expats, co-workers. Enough red flags, you have been on this forum for a while. You should know better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Its strange someone ratted you out...what you arent allowed to be friends outside of work? Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 So YOU are not married, just her. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Cheating is wrong, and having sex with a married woman, thus facilitating cheating, is likely also wrong. I wouldn't say the OP has no remorse though. He does feel bad even though he cannot put it in exact words. That's something we should all appreciate, no? OP, did you know she was married? Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Not defending you or her, but this is rather common with people who are married and travel extensively for business. Link to post Share on other sites
Mumbles Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I've been in this situation, when I was a single man, many many times. Married women, for some reason, seemed to find me sexually interesting. It actually pissed me off for a long time - why are these women, or women in general, happy to sex me up, but don't want a real relationship with me? Its an unanswerable question but probably had a lot more to do with me than with them ... I wasn't presenting to the female world as 'relationship' material and that was simply that. Got to say though, for right or for wrong, I never harboured any feeling that I'd done wrong. I didn't pursue the women I knew to be married, they pursued me, and with significant vigour and intent. One of the girls even went so far as to outright tell me: this was her decision, I needn't feel ambivalent about it. If I 'wanted' her, sexually, she was available to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author h57zf Posted January 19, 2017 Author Share Posted January 19, 2017 OP, did you know she was married? Didn't know until after the fact. She is younger than I am by about 4 years, so it wasn't the first thing that crossed my mind that she would have been married. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I suspect, and I think you should look into it...some companies or workplaces have a policy that does not allow employees to date/have relations with other staff members. You could very well be look at you two being dismissed if this gets out. All it takes is a confession to the wrong person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author h57zf Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 I suspect, and I think you should look into it...some companies or workplaces have a policy that does not allow employees to date/have relations with other staff members. You could very well be look at you two being dismissed if this gets out. All it takes is a confession to the wrong person. There are several couples in our office, some of whom met while they were working here. But given that 3/4 of them are interracial couples, our boss is very politically correct and basically scared ****less of saying anything. Nobody has been fired, but given that my country for all intents and purposes is "at-will" it could well fall under that part of the contract which says "anything which could potentially harm the public reputation of the company, its affiliates, its administrators, or employees" is grounds for termination. Link to post Share on other sites
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