Faith vs Relationship

[bplondscz]

I really need to talk to somebody else other than my own church, and I don't know who else I should turn to.

 

I got baptized a while ago, but I haven't been really practicing, as I don't really agree with my church and have been too busy to explore other church, too.

 

My church is against marriage of Christian to non-Christian. A close friend of mine at the church, who is 40 years old and has been seriously seeking marriage partner, finally met right person for her and getting married soon. The church is boycotting her wedding altogether, they even avoid talking about it, just because her fiance is not Christian. They have all the explanations, all of which sound not enough for me to boycott her wedding and practically ignoring it. My friend, after lots of crying, struggling, etc, told me that she decided to choose her partner over her faith.

 

This really upset me because, right now I am in a very good relationship with non-Chrisitan guy. He is very supportive of me going to the church. I have dated with Christian guy before, but I was very miserable; he was violent, abusive, lies, cheats, etc. My current boyfriend is very nice person and matured, and we get along very well. I am very happy to find him. I always felt that God prepared this person for me.

 

But my friend at the church are clearly against my relationship. Who knows, may be they are praying against my relationship. I am getting paranoid, and I am very upset as the church was a place which always give me peace of mind and I really can't live without having faith. I don't want to think that my relationship is not God's will -- it's been going very well and we really care for each other. I think it is a silly dilenma to think that I have to choose between God and my boyfriend.

 

I am sorry it is a very long posting. But I would very much appreciate it if you could give me some guidance.

 

Thanks

[GorillaTheater]

I imagine that most denominations disapprove of Christians having romantic relationships with non-Christians (the whole "unequally yoked" thing). That disapproval may vary from barely there to something more radical like in the case of your church.

 

 

But I don't think it's a matter of choosing either your faith or your boyfriend; you've already said that you don't see eye-to-eye with your church, and it seems to me that given the fact that you're struggling over this, it makes sense to find a church that more aligns with your views. Maybe a church that won't shun you or paint you with a scarlet letter simply because you want to date a non-Christian.

[Ronni_W]

My friend, after lots of crying, struggling, etc, told me that she decided to choose her partner over her faith.

Every true religion is about love, equality and inclusiveness. Your friend is not choosing her partner over her faith - she is choosing true faith over the falsified teachings and doctrines that have infected most all major religions.

[No_Go]

I experienced similar with my now ex-bf and his church hidden but nagging constant disapproval of me as 'new to Christianity/non-Christian in disguise' ... I truly believe this talks in private with the pastor of the church were the beginning of the end of our relationship.

 

Maybe if you truly love your guy move towards more accepting community?

[Simple Logic]

Why does the position of this church shock you? It is not uncommon for churches to not support some christian to christian marriges, ie catholic/protestant, as well as christian athiest marriages.

 

There a church on about every corner.

[umirano]

I have an idea: Ditch religion all together.

 

There are about 30.000 flavors of Christianity, about 5 other major religions, each again divided into hundreds of sects and thousands of fringe beliefs. None of those have a shred of evidence for them. All of them are mutually exclusive. Most of them condone, sometimes command violence against followers of other or no beliefs. Especially the religions originating in the near east have been detrimental to a peaceful human society.

 

As your personal experience shows beautifully, religion makes dating even harder than it already is. Religion erects artificial fences in our heads and hearts. No one wins.

 

Religion is a bad idea. Leave any and all of them and instantaneously improve your life quality.

[umirano]

What makes you think the creator of the universe takes a personal interest in your relationship, one way or another?

 

While it's always wise to keep your "friends" close, as malice and jealousy by false friends have ruined many relationships, I would suggest that god has bigger fish to fry than who exactly you are seeing right now. Even if you believe in the power of prayer, that's not what I'd worry about when it comes to friends who've taken a dislike in your boyfriend/date.

 

I think this is a great opportunity to change friends and possibly your worldview.

[coolheadal]

Very simple go and get married by the cvil-court-clerk you don't have to worry about the church. It's your life and happiness not the church shouldn't tell you what to do in your life. God gave each an everyone of us a choice to decide our faith an our outcome in life. To much drama from the church like they're making up their own rules. They need to contact God forgiveness in this matter.

[Michelle ma Belle]

This is simple in my eyes; if your religion teaches you to hate or shun someone because they don't see eye to eye with you, then you need a new religion.

 

Amen.

 

Besides, you've experienced it yourself; just because one calls themselves "christian" guarantees absolutely nothing.

Edited January 27, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle

[Gr8fuln2020]

I really need to talk to somebody else other than my own church, and I don't know who else I should turn to.

 

I got baptized a while ago, but I haven't been really practicing, as I don't really agree with my church and have been too busy to explore other church, too.

 

My church is against marriage of Christian to non-Christian. A close friend of mine at the church, who is 40 years old and has been seriously seeking marriage partner, finally met right person for her and getting married soon. The church is boycotting her wedding altogether, they even avoid talking about it, just because her fiance is not Christian. They have all the explanations, all of which sound not enough for me to boycott her wedding and practically ignoring it. My friend, after lots of crying, struggling, etc, told me that she decided to choose her partner over her faith.

 

This really upset me because, right now I am in a very good relationship with non-Chrisitan guy. He is very supportive of me going to the church. I have dated with Christian guy before, but I was very miserable; he was violent, abusive, lies, cheats, etc. My current boyfriend is very nice person and matured, and we get along very well. I am very happy to find him. I always felt that God prepared this person for me.

 

But my friend at the church are clearly against my relationship. Who knows, may be they are praying against my relationship. I am getting paranoid, and I am very upset as the church was a place which always give me peace of mind and I really can't live without having faith. I don't want to think that my relationship is not God's will -- it's been going very well and we really care for each other. I think it is a silly dilenma to think that I have to choose between God and my boyfriend.

 

I am sorry it is a very long posting. But I would very much appreciate it if you could give me some guidance.

 

Thanks

 

bplondscz,

 

Here is my take on this situation. Your church is right in not supporting one of its members from dating/marrying someone who doesn't believe. Whether you are religious or not, the discouragement of a believer to be involved with a non-believer is based on common sense. INCOMPATIBILITY. There's a Patty Smythe songe entitled 'Sometimes love just ain't enough' that brings some clarity to this type of situation. Relationships are about compatibility and this is further complicated when people of differing faiths marry. If one is serious and the other is not, what do you suppose occurs with the social, familial, etc. perspectives that are often influenced by one's religion or lack there of? It can be messy.

 

Now, it is from personal experience that their lack of support may have nothing to do with looking out for your friend and more to do with their own self-righteous, judgmental demonization of the non-believing bf. As you should well be aware, church people are among the most judgmental people on the planet and typically pick and choose which scriptures to apply to their own lives.

 

I would suggest that you do what you planned. Support your friend, but be there for support during her relationship and marriage. Hopefully you have the same for yourself. I would imagine that the two have had serious conversations regarding child-rearing, etc., so issues that arise, and they will if she continues to remain in her faith with any vigor, won't be a total surprise. If her faith is lukewarm or cooler, it shouldn't pose a problem.

 

The institutional church is governed by those seeking affirmation of their own point of view. Thus the hundred of different christian sects alone.

[d0nnivain]

I agree that this is about incompatibility but I'd ditch the Church not the guy. Find a sect that is more open & kind to people. Anybody who calls themselves religious but preaches hate is a hypocrite in my opinion.

[umirano]

Anybody who calls themselves religious but preaches hate is a hypocrite in my opinion.

 

Are they really? Religion intrinsically is designed to create an in-group and an out-group. In fact, most religions encourage their followers to actively isolate, shun and discriminate against members of the out group.

 

I worry that simply switching to another cult does not fundamentally solve the problem, which is that at core all religious fractions necessarily see all other beliefs as incorrect and thus unworthy of interaction. Obviously, and luckily, many believers have have a more liberal view on this issue than their respective religious doctrine. However, the more dogmatic you are, the closer you adhere to any particular religious teaching, the less likely you are to bond with and accept outsiders.

[Ronni_W]

Religion intrinsically is designed to create an in-group and an out-group. In fact, most religions encourage their followers to actively isolate, shun and discriminate against members of the out group.

This is, indeed, how the false leaders and the false teachers are running their organizations. But, they are in fact operating against the pure, true spirit and intent upon which every religion and spiritual movement was meant to be founded -- which is love, inclusiveness, compassion, forgiveness, etc.

[umirano]

This is, indeed, how the false leaders and the false teachers are running their organizations. But, they are in fact operating against the pure, true spirit and intent upon which every religion and spiritual movement was meant to be founded -- which is love, inclusiveness, compassion, forgiveness, etc.

 

Sounds like the True Scotsman Fallacy. It depends on who you ask. All of these "false" leaders see themselves as true leaders, and so do their followers. They would very likely claim that you have it the wrong way.

 

Who decides what

every religion and spiritual movement was meant to be founded

on?

 

My position is that - once you make claims about the supernatural, which you can't back up with anything, and strangely no one expects you to actually back up - anything goes. This is why religions get away with their divisiveness and outright disregard for anyone and anything outside.

[Ronni_W]

All of these "false" leaders see themselves as true leaders, and so do their followers. They would very likely claim that you have it the wrong way.

Yes - that is exactly right. And...yes - they do claim that I have it the wrong way around or am misunderstanding or misinterpreting (because, don't you know and wouldn't you just believe, THEY are the only ones with proper understanding and wisdom and higher authority on Earth, and whatever else they can think to say, to mislead and deceive...and control ).

 

Just to be clear, umirano, I am agreeing with you.

My position is that - once you make claims about the supernatural, which you can't back up with anything, and strangely no one expects you to actually back up - anything goes. This is why religions get away with their divisiveness and outright disregard for anyone and anything outside.

Well, yes - that is true for the type of spiritually blind/ignorant faith being practiced by so many millions of people who claim to be 'religious'. "The blind followers of the blind and arrogant leaders."

 

There are spiritual movements, however, that call for experimentation and reason rather than superstition and priestcraft. ('Science of Mind' and 'Science of Religion' are a couple that come to mind.)

Of course, a great problem here is that people who are already anti-religion or anti-God cannot come around to opening up themselves long enough to actually read/study some of the anti-establishment or non-traditional sources for Spiritual Teachings. They just keep putting forth their same un-researched arguments - which are often unreasoned/illogical in themselves, and also not based on experimentation - so it's impossible to have a real conversation with them.

 

In so far as the sameness of the spirit and intent of all true, pure Teachings on which religions on Earth were meant to be founded - all people who so desire can read any of the 'bibles' or sacred texts of any faith tradition, and decide for themselves.

 

In Light and Love.

Ronni

Edited January 29, 2017 by Ronni_W
clarification

[Lifeisgood1]

I totally understand where the church is coming from. However, you are in charge of your life and your friend is in charge of hers. The only thing I would mention is that if you are really serious about your christianity, there is a true "incompatibility", meaning, your faith will always be a stumbling block. That is a something you need to be aware of. Even if your boyfriend is supportive, a day will come when that might change. This is something you need to be aware of. Other then that, you need to make a decision for yourself. No matter what your decision is, the church is supposed to show love towards you and your decisions.

[todreaminblue]

I have struggled with this in the past and i struggle again with it now.....my church that i now belong to i wanted to join when i was in a relationship with my ex who would never convert.....he is not a fan of celibacy till marriage....not really into marriage either he does believe in god though and we have three girls together......i chose my relationship over my faith ......he ended up leaving when he had an affair.....i came to realize one thing ......my faith wasnt my first priority i put my relationship as first priority and him above god......his will his desires his wishes.......over gods will for me and gods commandments.....which if you believe in god...should never be done.....and i learned some lessons the hard way.....

 

i feel you have to decide what is more important in your life .......for me.....i made that mistake before to repeat it would be retarded but yet...i contemplated going down that track again.....relationships unfortunately ....end.......gods love or concern for you ...never will end......if you dont feel your church supports you and you are following gods commandments christian or non christian.....then find a faith that allows you that freedom of agency we were given...but...if you whole-heartedly believe in the church doctrines and take it as gospel....you have to decide what is more important for you to hold on to ...and what you might have to let go of.....deb

[Justanaverageguy]

One of those sad irony's. "Religion" was supposed to represent a higher power. Acting and behaving in accordance with it. EG: Being a good person, treating people well, love, tolerance, forgiveness etc. The mark of a christian and the ability to call your self one was shown simply by the way you behaved. As Christ did.

 

For some unfortunately religion has been reduced down to simply being on the right team. My god is the real god - there for I will be saved. If you don't support our god you won't be and should be excluded. The thing emphasized most is simply joining the right club and remaining a member.

 

Base your faith and your personal relationships on the exact same thing. The patterns of behavior they support and encourage. It sounds like in this instance the church you are attending is the one that needs to be replaced not your boyfriend.

Edited February 14, 2017 by Justanaverageguy