Pregnancy & Proposal

[clemens]

My girlfriend (of 6-7 months) told me just hours ago that she's pregnant (four weeks).

 

As yet she lives in another city, but we were planning for her to move into my flat by April. I love her dearly and had in mind to propose in a March seaside holiday (long before the news). I thought this would be a suitably romantic setting.

 

Part of me questioned whether I should wait until my studies were over this summer.

 

Already prior to the positive test she had told me that she wants kids with me and wants to grow old together. We're very well matched. In terms of faith, maturity, values, life goals, interests, life style.

 

We were planning on kids next year. It will be a real challenge at this juncture. But then, having a child is always a challenge. I have to say I'm relaxed and happy. Though all too aware that I'll have to step up my "game". But I have faith that God does not give us tasks beyond our capabilities. This is the ultimate opportunity for growth.

 

Anyway, I shall be visiting her this weekend. Should I move things up and propose this Sunday rather than waiting for the holiday in light of what has changed?

 

She's happy about being pregnant despite our plan being another. But it's a lot to take in and on the phone she was quite emotional.

 

My feeling is that being engaged might help her in the weeks to come. We were originally of a mind to take things more slowly. Not rush things. Allow me to concentrate on my exams and her settle in after her move (including into a new job). Giving us time to adjust to everyday life together.

 

We both work in early education. Being pregnant precludes her from working in such an infection-prone environment. So searching for a new job in this city is off.

 

Anyway, do you think my instincts are on the mark in regards to proposing right this weekend?

 

Time until the weekend is short. I don't think I should launch myself into the quest for the perfect ring. I don't know her ring size and not sure what sort of ring she'd like.

 

My idea for a provisional ring: Child labour. Let em kids in Kindergarten make her a ring with wooden beads. They'd be overjoyed making a ring for such a special occasion.

 

In terms of symbolism such a provisional ring seems fitting. It relates to our professional background, and now a child may well be coming into our lives. Wooden beads represent a down-to-earth quality. We're utterly non-materialist and can make do with very little. Yet the different-coloured beads suggest the many joyous facets of our relationship.

 

For the real ring I have in mind a goldsmith-workshop. One where couples can create their own rings.

 

Let me ask you: What do you think makes for the best timing? What about my provisional ring idea?

Edited January 18, 2017 by clemens

[Ronni_W]

Let me ask you: What do you think makes for the best timing? What about my provisional ring idea?

Given that you had already - in your mind and heart - made this a lifetime commitment, I think - YES!!! - propose as soon as you're together .

You could also mention that you had already made your heart-commitment, and this is not only because she is pregnant...let her know that you really, truly, genuinely have been loving her before her pregnancy was confirmed.

 

Personally, I'm not so crazy about your idea to "Let em kids in Kindergarten make her a ring with wooden beads."

 

A different option is to just tell her that, with the short notice, you haven't had time to acquire a ring and does she have any thoughts, feelings and desires about it.

 

Congrats, and best of luck.

[Simple Logic]

I think you ring idea will communicate that you are not really serious. Take her ring shopping.

[Mr. Lucky]

Let me ask you: What do you think makes for the best timing?

 

Your child deserves the best chance for a stable, happy home. In general terms, this means committed parents legally bound by marriage. Kudos for taking the step, doubt the ring format will make much difference to her.

 

Congratulations all around...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BettyDraper]

Why not take her ring shopping first?

[clemens]

I think you ring idea will communicate that you are not really serious. Take her ring shopping.

 

Well, how about I make her the provisional ring myself out of beads (glas, plastic, wood?) and then go ring-shopping with her on Monday (i.e. the day after the proposal?). Or other arts & crafts material.

 

I really like the idea of making oneself the rings. But you have to book a workshop for that at a goldsmith. And it'd probably take weeks for us to get round to that. So I guess it's more a think for later wedding rings?

 

My brother-in-law proposed on Fiji and made a provisional ring out of beach-material. My sister loved it!

 

I think my girlfriend would welcome something similar. Going ring-shopping prior to the proposal is totally lame, imo. Anticlimactic.

 

Context: My girlfriend is pretty alternative in style (though I'm not). A fair share of her clothes are second-hand. We're non-materialistic and frankly poor (not that we mind, hereabouts healthcare is guaranteed, the rent is low).

[clemens]

Kudos for taking the step, doubt the ring format will make much difference to her.

 

She won't care one bit about how expensive the final ring is. That's just not her.

 

She appreciates the care, creativity, time and thought I put into little gifts. A card, a painting, a christmas decoration item I made, an album and such.

 

Often enough these gifts don't cost a dime, basically.

 

As said, we'll get proper rings. Just not for the proposal.

[clemens]

I think you ring idea will communicate that you are not really serious. Take her ring shopping.

 

I just don't see that. As said, we will get "proper" rings after the proposal.

[Ronni_W]

Well, how about I make her the provisional ring myself out of beads (glas, plastic, wood?)

Yes...designing and creating it yourself is more romantic than if it's made by anyone else (even the Kindergarten children).

 

When my husband proposed, it was on the spur of the moment so he didn't have a ring, either. The ring isn't really the important part - but, if your mind is set on having a 'provisional' ring, then, yes, do it yourself (with whatever materials speak to you at the time).

 

Again, congrats - and have a happy 'proposal weekend' and celebration

[NTV]

I would advise caution that you are clear with her in that the marriage is not due to the pregnancy.

[kmpisces]

I would propose sooner than expected but not officially yet. I would tell her how excited you are to raise a child together and build a life. I would then ask if she would like to start looking for a ring. If she says yes, I would start looking. Plan your proposal for shortly after.

[GorillaTheater]

Congratulations! And now some advice from a guy who married young:

 

 

I'm assuming the two of you are pretty young from some of your posts. And in the grand scheme of things, you haven't been dating her too long. Take it from someone who essentially grew up together with his wife but without the immediate stress of a child: get some good pre-marital counseling. A lot of it should be about healthy arguing. Have some long talks about how you two want to handle money, raising kids, and lifestyle choices and make sure you're either on the same page or can reach compromises that will work for each of you. You're in for the ride of your life, and it can be a great ride or not depending on how much you prepare for the trip.

[understand50]

clemens

 

In an word propose, and then marry. Put a ring on that finger, even if it is a "promise" ring. Tell her, you love her and want to marry before the baby comes. Myself, I married when I was 19, my wife is older. We have been together for over 40 years. Having kids early, can be great, as you start your family early, have grand kids early, and will live to see your great grand kids. Marriage and kids are not the huge issue many make it out to be. People have been doing this FOREVER. You two are not the first and will not be the last.

 

Life is good, you have the woman you love, a child on the way, you are on your way.

 

Best wishes going forward......

 

P.S. When time get tough, just remember, how much you were in love right now. keep this always.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Congratulations on the baby!

 

I say go for it and propose next time you see her.

 

Personally, I love your idea of having the kindergarten kids make placeholder ring. Of course, you know her best and would have a better idea whether she would be into this.